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The Vent Magazine is a division of The Vent. The Vent is an organization devoted to enriching Corpus Christi through Print, Television, Film, Comedy and Music.

Publisher / Creative Director: Ruth Henneberger Writers: William Henneberger, Michael Henneberger, Zombie Art by: Russell Tippit

Send all article submissions, comments, and letters to: ventnation@yahoo.com The Vent: 361-549-6213

Wake Up & Wake Up It’s 10:36 a.m. on deadline day. Deadline is in…six hours, and the only part of The Vent that is finished is the music section that the best (and best looking) music writer in town, Michael Henneberger, has provided for you. No layout, No fake news. But as always, it will get done. But for now I—your precious editor—am asleep. But I have an excuse: It’s Corpus Christi 7 Day Film Project time. As the Captain/Writer/Director/Editor of The Vent’s team, I don’t get the luxury of sleep. Deadline for the 44 CC7D teams to turn in their films is in…eight and a half hours. I am only taking a o n e - h o u r nap—the only hour of sleep I’ve had in close to 48 hours, and the only one I’ll get for at least another 10. Now, in regards to my horrible, earth quaking snoring that can be heard even when a certain surrogate writer has earbuds in, and his iTunes turned up all the way, well there’s no excuse for that. But, have no fear Vent lovers, my surrogate is just as intelligent, clever, and funny. He’s a brilliant writer, and a hilarious comedian. And he’s so dedicated to waking Corpus Christi up, that I have not only entrusted him with the important task of taking over The Vent this week, but also the task of waking me up in…oooh…15 minutes. Not to mention that he has an irresistible charm, killer eyes, a great beard, and ladies, I hear he’ll show you things in the sack that you’ve only read about in those paperback novels you pick up in the check out line at H.E.B. So, enjoy this weeks issue, I’m sure it’ll be as great as the guy writing most of it. And if it’s not great, well don’t blame my surrogate, he’s still the coolest guy I know, and I love him like a brother.

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Dear Ed,Dude, wake up. Seriously, man. Look, I know you’ve got your pre-cious little Corpus Christi 7 Day Film Project movie to make, but we have a magazine to put out. Tomor-row!! Now I’ve been listening to metal for the last two days, writing our music section, so I’m pretty close to snapping. I will spill your blood all over this trade center rug on your living room floor. I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep over the last few days either, so I’m not thinking straight here. Not to mention Devil Driver is blaring in my ear as I write this. Oh man, yeah, that’s right, keep snor-ing. No one will hear the gunshots over that thunderous racket. Are you comfy? All stretched out over there on that couch in front of the air con-ditioner? Huh? Nice, and comfort-able over there, all tucked in.? Yeah, getting some nice rest, over there? Running around in dreamland with the lollipop trees, and chocolate riv-ers, and no life around other than Crush Girls? Crush Girls every-where. Yeah, enjoy your dreams, for there is where you will spend eter-nity. While I write.

Mike “Your Brother” HennebergerThe couch four feet away from you.

Dear Ed,How nice of you to wake up. Oh, I see, you have to edit your little movie. Okay. Well you have fun with that. I’ll just sit here writing more nonsense. Resenting you. At least you’re awake and doing some-thing, and not sleeping right in front of me—taunting me with that diesel engine that you call a snore roar-ing out of your face. Maybe now that that’s silenced I’ll hear the sub-liminal messages coming from the metal. I’m glad I didn’t smother you with a pillow. That would’ve been

too good for you. Speak to me dark spirits of metal. Teach me a new way to deliver that evil soul inside of his body by using a Mac monitor. Let me use what he loves the most to take his life. Your end is near, Ed. Your demise is inevitable.

Mike “Your Brother” HennebergerThe couch in the living room/knock-ing on the gates of hell

Dear Ed,Your time has come. Oh, what? You finished your movie? Ah, well, good for you. No, I’m not done with the magazine. The magazine I’ve been working on all by myself? Yeah, no, it’s not finished. That’s nice that the last thing you did in life was make a short film. Oh, you’ll see what I mean. Who could that be at the door? I wonder if it’s Satan com-ing to collect that demon of a soul inside of you. Behold the destroyer, by the hand of man, death be deliv-ered. Like Devil Driver says “One foot in Hell, up on the highway. Now I’m back with a vengeance, no matter what I’ve said. The vendet-ta’s not dead, I’m back with a ven-geance. Bruised tattered and torn, if it’s punishing. Overtimes even the score.” What? You’re sorry? (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK) Hold on, Satan! Yes, that’s really Satan. What do you mean “what is he do-ing here?” He’s here for your soul. I’m supposed to kill you. Ah, crap. If I kill you, who’s going to layout the magazine. Dude, we gotta do some-thing. Where’s that little Mexican kid who was selling candy apples? Yeah, he’ll do. Welcome back Ed. Now lay this sh*t out so we can get our magazine out.

Mike “still your brother” Hen-nebergerStill on the same damn couch I sat on 11 hours ago

Letters to the Editor: send letters to ventnation@yahoo.com

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Last week, gay Austrian fash-ion reporter, Bruno, got Americans to gang up, and pack in theaters until they filled his back pocket to the tune of over $30 million. Now that’s not necessarily huge, but it’s big enough to satisfy Bruno, and put him on top at the box office last weekend. This week, another movie about a homosexual European – “Harry Pot-ter and the Something, Whatever, Who Cares,” will have Americans watching a gay wizard boy straddling a broom-

stick and taking a ride while swinging a r o u n d his magic w a n d . T h u s , m a k i n g it two weeks in a row that

Eurmosexuals rule the American box office—something that is normally controlled by American Jews. “This isn’t the first time gay Europeans take our money and our art from us,” said one film studio exec, who I’m assuming is Jew-ish, because, well, come on: Film. Studio. Exec. “We’ll get it back. We’re calling in the big guns.” The big guns he’s refer-ring to are the people in the team behind the upcoming film “Funny People” – Jew-ish writer/director Judd Apatow, Jew-ish comedian/actor Adam Sandler, and other Jewish people who are in mov-ies: Seth Rogen, Jason Schwartzman, and Jonah Hill. “’Funny People’ is like the Jew A-team. Or the J-Team. Except there’s no B.A. Baracus, because, well, you

know,” said Saul Lieberschwartzen-berg, a 28-year-old jew who considers himself fairly educated in all things

media related. “Because Jews don’t get that strong. Not even the black Jew.” Jewish writer/director Judd Apatow is known for being good with box office money, and usually has something to do with summer box office lead-ers. This year should be no different with “Funny People.” “With Schwartzman

and Sandler, we got all the nose you can handle, and with the other actors, I mean the other guys who are in mov-ies, I’m pretty sure we exceeded the JAG (Jewish Actors Guild) quota for jew-fro on screen. Hopefully, if all those “actors” are as funny as they can be, this movie will have the equivalent of two Adam Sandlers, and that’s box

office gold,” said a source close to the production. “I mean Seth Rogen’s char-acter is even named Ira!! What’s more jewey than that?!” Nothing. Nothing is more jewey than that. “Funny People” opens July 31st, the day we start laughing at Jews again, and stop letting the gay terror-ists win.

Gay Europeans Rule American Box Office by Mike HennebergJews: “Don’t worry, we’ll get back what is rightfully ours.”

“I’m on a Boat” by The Lonely Island “I’m on a Boat” died a long time ago, but was continually beaten over and over. Authorities suspect that it is the work of the serial killing cult, known as People Who Aren’t Funny. It still isn’t clear whether the song and video died of natural joke old age, or if it was actually beaten to death. Some experts on joke life expectancy say that “I’m on a boat” should’ve lived a long life, but that it’s death was defi-nitely accelerated. No single suspect has been named in the murder “because so many people have been seen beating the joke to a bloody unfunny pulp, that it’s hard to know who was actually the one who killed it,” says Detective Fart Poop, the officer in charge of the investigation. “I mean, there’s millions of unfunny people out there who have to use the brilliance of funny people in order to make themselves feel better,” he explained. “And, unfortunately, when that happens, a funny joke usually has to die.” Other previous victims of the People Who Aren’t Funny cult include: world-renowned pet detective, Ace Ventura, inter-national man of mystery, Austin Powers, San Diego Anchor-man, Ron Burgundy, and using the term “jew-ish” to describe someone who is kind of like a jew. “All these things were once funny, and then, bam!! Just like that, they’re dead,” said Det. Poop. “We know the deaths are related though because, every single one of them was beaten over and over after death.”

Survivors of “I’m on A Boat” wished to remain anon-ymous, for fear that they too will be sought out, killed and beaten by the murderous cult, People Who Aren’t Funny.

Joose (Dec. 2008 – July 2009) Joose, the best alcoholic beverage on the market, is now dead to me. With 9.0-9.9% Alco-hol content, it was only a matter of time before Joose killed. It was kill or be killed. Joose was known for the good times it brought wherever it went. With some flavors, like blue and red tasting almost like kool-aid, Joose allowed one to drink without hesitation—without feeling like you were drinking alcohol. Joose was responsible for near-homosexual activity between heterosexuals, spending money irresponsibly, hook-ing up with uglier chicks than beer would allow, missing work, and just all around normal alcoholic behavior but multiplied exponentially by 9.9. “Joose wasn’t all bad,” said Me, a close friend of Joose. “I mean, yeah, I got in the shower with another dude, but we needed to have a conversation and we needed to have it at that moment. I’m supposed to let location affect that? If I recall correctly, that same night I slept with a girl who was way out of my league. Thanks to Joose.” So, Joose may not have been too bad of a guy, but for now, on this Wednesday, you’re dead to me.

Dead To Me Obits By Michael Henneberger mikehenneberger@yahoo.com

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Fri. 7/17 DJ Mike Mo -RevolutionCruiserweight, Sideshow Tragedy, Microphonic -House Of RockRockn’ Blues Engine -Clicks BilliardsThe Groove -Executive Surf ClubLittle Crow -TexanAnother Level -Brewster StreetSound Channel -The Mug RoomDJ JP of Ritmo Caribe -21 Spirits

Sat. 7/18Silent Cries, Chamber of Pain, All the Previously Mentioned, Fatal Mind, Awaiting Oblivion -House Of RockFarre -The Havana ClubCruise Control -Clicks BilliardsJohn Cortez Band -Exec Surf ClubLabeling Theory -TexanJarrod Birmingham w/ Granger Smith -Brewster StreetBlissful Noise -The Mug RoomARTASTIC! -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea RoomWine & Alchemy: Celtic & Gypsy Music & Dance -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea Room All level Yoga Class taught by Megan Grime RYT200 -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea RoomBigSexy -21 Spirits

Sun. 7/19HoR Songwriters Show hosted by Ty Dietz w/ Rodney Hayden -House Of RockElectrotypes -Dr. Rockit’s

Mon. 7/20Metal Monday Leviathan, Unsuture, Eternal Damnation, Bloody Pit of Horror -House Of RockArsonist get all the Girls , See you Next Tuesday , Attila , Knives Exchanging Hands , Terra Firma -CompoundLet’s Talk about it... religion, politics, environment, health...Book Club -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea Room

Tues. 7/21 Acoustic Tuesday w/ Clarissa Serna -RevolutionScarecrow People -Executive Surf ClubReno & The Groove Getters -Dr. Rockit’s

Wed. 7/22DJ Dus -RevolutionEmily Rugburn’s 2nd “Sex Cookies & Rock n Roll” Photography Show Neal Edwards, Ty Dietz -House Of RockJohnny Love and the Dankadelics -Dr. Rockit’sBeginning Belly Dancing Class hosted by Blyth of Texas Gypsy’s at Abba -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea Room

Thur. 7/23Latin Night DJ Dus -RevolutionChocolate & Beer Pairing Happy Hour Party at The Venue -House Of RockMercury Descends -House Of RockPound For Pound -CompoundKyle Park -Executive Surf ClubRoger Creager’s Birthday Bash w/ Joey Green Band -Brewster StreetAmigos -The Mug RoomStarlite & The Moon Beams -Dr. Rockit’s

Fri. 7/24DJ Mike Mo -RevolutionMeat Candy LA improve comedy group benefiting the Del Mar Drama Scholarships -House Of RockKyoko -CompoundIV Wanted -Clicks BilliardsIndianola Railroad Co -Executive Surf ClubWhich Ways Ocean -TexanScarecrow People -Brewster StreetHilda Lamas -The Mug RoomDJ Eli M -21 Spirits

Sat. 7/25IH5 with Special Guests -RevolutionHotrod Hillbillies -House Of Rock Dalton Eyes w/ Mercuery Descends -Clicks BilliardsCurtis Grimes -Executive Surf ClubJohn Cortez Band -TexanMetal Shop -Brewster StreetMike Guerra & Trisum -The Mug RoomJolly Ranchers -21 Spirits

Sun. 7/26 Songwriters in the Round hosted by Ty Dietz w/ Neal Edwards, Rev Fred, Pete Devlin, Dan Brodhag -House Of RockBus Stop Stallions -Dr. Rockit’sJudas Priest and Whitesnake-Concrete St.

Mon. 7/27Metal Monday Eggdrop, Diseases Never Fail, Eternity Will Fail -House Of RockGreen Chat Environmental discussion group -Yin Yang Fandango And Tango Tea Room

Tues. 7/28Acoustic Tuesday w/ Clarissa Serna -RevolutionScarecrow People -Executive Surf ClubReno & The Groove Getters -Dr. Rockit’s

Wed. 7/29 DJ Dus -RevolutionSigns Of Hope, Risk It All -CompoundMongo Stereo -Dr. Rockit’s

Thur. 7/30 Latin Night DJ Dus -RevolutionAugust Burns Red, Bless the Fall, All Shall Perish,

IWRESTLEDABEARONCE -House Of RockLATE SHOW Memories in Broken Glass -House Of RockFlat Broke -Executive Surf ClubThe Bystanders -TexanRandy Rogers Band w/ Josh Abbott Band -Brewster StreetThe Leo Mariani Group -The Mug RoomStarlite & The Moon Beams -Dr. Rockit’s

Fri. 7/31 DJ Mike Mo -RevolutionThrash & Burn Tour: Devil Driver, Emmure, My Children My Bride, Veil of Maya -House Of RockTrysum -Executive Surf ClubMadrush -TexanRandy Rogers Band w/ Whiskey Myers -Brewster StreetTriad -The Mug RoomDJ JP of Ritmo Caribe -21 Spirits

Send Concert Listings to:ventnation@yahoo.com

Corpus Christi Entertainament Calendar

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I first heard Nightmare of You in 2005 when I was living in Los Angeles. “I Want To Be Buried In Your Backyard,” was getting play on Indie 103 – L.A.’s tastemaking independent radio station. They were an American, updated Smiths. Vocalist Brandon Reilly (former Movie-life guitarist) was a younger, not so serious Morrisey with the same melodic rhythms. It never seemed like he was trying to be Morrisey—his voice and melodies, on top of the crisp guitars and smooth bass just so happened to be that lovely. Their first record was self-titled, and had 11 hits and no misses. Even with a little jazz influence—subtly-distorted gui-tar strumming clear with crisp, reverberat-ing solos, the music wasn’t over-compli-cated. The Smiths influence was obvious from track one, and will always exist with Reilly’s voice, but the record didn’t lack originality. “My Name is Trouble” had a slight techno lean with heavier synths than any other tracks that made it that kind of rock song good DJs will work into a set, and in the perfect ballad, “Marry Me,” steel guitar was worked in, and added a little country feel. The album ended with

“Heaven Runs on Oil,” a jazz/swing in-fluenced track with accordion and upright bass. But no matter how far they took it, they knew the boundaries that kept every track a perfect fit. With organ, keyboards, and saxophone added in on other tracks, Nightmare of You introduced themselves as a group of talented composers. Two years later, Nightmare of You released Bang!— a five-tack EP. It started off harder and faster, almost scar-ing the Nightmare of You fan into think-ing that everything changed. But a few seconds into “I Don’t Want to Dance Any-more,” we get the same band we loved just taking the next step. With “I Was Never a Normal Boy,” that Smiths sound is back, and “You’re Very Dear to Me” has a UK band sound that is a good bridge between the two records. On August 4th, Nightmare of You’s long-awaited full-length follow up, Infomaniac, will be available. Like the EP, it starts off a little misleading with the acoustic ballad “Good Morning, Waster.” It takes a full minute before the acoustic strum with subtle slide-guitar bursts into the full band, with some saxophone and

piano leading straight in to “Eustacia Vye,” a song that would fit right in on their self-titled record. Nothing on Info-maniac is too unexpected from a group of great musicians that are expected to mature and progress. “I Think I’m Get-ting Older” has a jazzier feel than older tracks, and upstroke breakdowns that make it a good first single that prepares you for what to expect from a more grown up Nightmare of You. “Hey Sweetheart” is one of those older tracks that roamed around the demo world for a while, but appears here complete—driven more by piano than guitar, and maintains that 50’s feel that “…I’m Getting Older” sets you up for. “Experimental Bad,” is almost Reilly singing over a Portishead song—with the smooth thumping bass and sax keeping the beat in the background—until the chorus comes in and it’s all Nightmare of You. “Don’t Answer Me,” is a ballad from the old days that would fit (a little too closely) with “Marry Me” on the first record. “A Pair of Blue Eyes” has a doo-woppy ballad feel backed with sax and a guitar a roaming bluesy guitar solo. The boundaries from the first record have ex-

panded, everything inside is fair game, and while that’s a lot, it’s all Nightmare of You. Every song belongs to this band and belongs in their catalog. Nightmare of You is fresh off a tour with Alkaline Trio and Saves The Day, and will be headlining at Rock Bottom in San Antonio (7/15), and at Emo’s in Aus-tin (7/16). You can catch the first single “I Think I’m Getting Older” on their mys-pace, and you can download it free on spin.com. Infomaniac will be in stores August 4th.

Recurring Nightmare - Nightmare of You – “Infomaniac” (release date Aug. 4)

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I’m giving you plenty of warning here. If you like your neck, or your body in general, start stretching now, because if you come out of House on Rock in one piece on Thursday July 30th’s Au-gust Burns Red, Bless The Fall, All Shall Perish and IWrestledA-BearOnce show then you’ll be one

of the lucky few, the strong, who will have a little left to bang up on Friday, July 31st with DevilDriver, Emmure, Despised Icon, My Children My Bride and a couple other metal bands. Thursday, July 30th 6:00 p.m.August Burns Red, Bless The Fall, All Shall Perish, IWrestled-

ABearOnce August Burns Red is touring to pro-mote their new-est release, Con-stellations (July 14th Solid State Records). Track one, “Thirty and Seven,” sets the bar high. It starts off with the same driv- i n g guitar, and running drums that make you move the way metal is supposed to—in a circle with fly-ing fists. If the show starts like this record, the weak (old guys like me) will be weeded out to the back ear-ly. ABR keeps it pretty consistent throughout the record. Every now and then—like in “Existence”—you’ll get a breakdown, but hardly a break. Take a breather in “Oceans of Apathy” during the 30 seconds of slight jazzy breakdown, and use it to recoup for the rest of the driving jam With guitars slamming with the kick drum, and symbols still crashing, at half-time or not, there’s plenty of noise to cover the screams of those who will still be getting smashed in the pit. “Mari-anas Trench” even starts off with a slight tease – a soft, beautiful intro, with banging toms that only kind of prepare you for what’s coming. So be ready. The song slowly progresses with harmonizing guitar so-los, but then comes at you in full force, like every oth-er song on Constellations immediately, or eventually, achieves. August Burns Red never settles for less than metal that you’ll headbang, mosh, swing your fists, sway, and then mosh some more to, because they ARE A

MET-AL BAND. Not

a screamo band. Not a hardcore band. Metal! Even when the time comes to get a little soft – with a soft-sung background in “Indone-sia,” Tommy Rogers from Between The Buried and Me covers it. “Me-ridian” is a head-bangable instru-mental intermission that is the only break you’ll get. The record picks up for three more tracks that are just as unrelenting. The album ends with “Crusades” the same way it begins. The energy and inventive-ness never stops. With ABR covering the end of the metal spectrum, the support-ing acts on the show will cover the rest of it, and it’s all worth catching. IWrestledABearOnce should en-sure that you will be at the House of Rock when doors open. The female fronted thrashy metal band will set the standard for the night with a fast noise that’s not as heavy, but just as

STEREO TYPE - Full Metal Racket:Two Days of Metal at House of RockBy Michael Henneberger mikehenneberger@yahoo.com

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fast and tough as ABR. Plus watch-ing vocalist Krysta Cameron scare the shit out of grown men (mean-ing me) with her menacing growl is worth waiting in line to be the first one in the door. All Shall Perish gets a little closer to what ABR brings, but with a second higher scream ac-companying that low metal growl. The music is a little more thrash, and sets them apart enough to put their own stamp on the show. Bless

The Fall will also bring their spin on metal to the House of Rock—just as metal musically, but a little prettier vocally (even prettier vo-cally than the girl on tour). BTF is the softer side of the show, but don’t get me wrong, just because these Taste of Chaos vets sing as much as they scream doesn’t mean you can let your guard down. They’re on a metal tour for a reason.

Thrash and Burn Tour – Friday July 31st 3:00 p.m.Devil Driver, Emmure, My Children My Bride and A LOT MORE…Early show/All Day/10 Band/a whole lot of f’n metal

Now, go home, get some rest, eat a big breakfast, nurse your wounds, and do it all over again. Friday, July 31st, House of Rock stays House of Metal for the second night in a row of Metaaaaaal, when The Thrash and Burn Tour stops by. DevilDriver will headline—only two weeks after the release of their fourth album, Pray For Villains. A metal band doesn’t get to a fourth album by pushing out the same stuff over and over, and a lot of metal bands get soft in their years and slow down. But there’s no slow-ing down DevilDriver. On Pray For Villains the songs may be faster and are definitely more intricate. The record kicks you in the face right away with the title track. Running guitars and almost constant double bass should make it impossible to wait to hear this track live. “Pure Sincerity” keeps the groove going and brings in some of that intri-cacy, especially in the drumming. It’s one of the slower tracks on the record, but like I said, you can’t keep DevilDriver down, and they reward your patience with a little

speed towards the end. But enjoy the downtime and just watch the drummer. “Fate Stepped In” shows how talented this band is— not only as musicians, but also as songwrit-ers. There’s guitar solos forever, a great breakdown, and then out of nowhere…the guitars go clean, and the song just chills. “Back With A Vengence” has one of the more hooky choruses, and, again, shows what great songwriters these guys are. “I’ve Been Sober” has one of the best intros ever, and another kind of catchy chorus. There’s great guitar solos for days throughout this whole record, and groovy riffs, and the rhythm section keeps it pound-ing non-stop. “It’s In The Cards” slows it down a bit but has a chorus that wouldn’t be the same otherwise. These guys are making me love metal (I’m listening as I’m writing). The song has a great breakdown in the middle with an anthemy guitar solo that is begging for an arena. “Bitter Pill” keeps that going with a great opening guitar solo that keeps coming back throughout the song. It’s straight-forward rock but seems impossible that the song only fea-tures the instruments that it does. The guitar work makes you feel like there’s a friggin orchestra be-hind them. “Teach Me To Whisper” has a bit of a different taste, almost (dare I say) poppy – a more melodic verse, musically and vocally, and

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another catchy chorus. Those are just some of the highlights. Spoiler Alert: DevilDriver gives you four bonus tracks on this record, so you get 17 tracks of in your face groove-metal, with a little of this and a little of that thrown in here and there. If they were setting out to prove that they were better songwriters—mission accomplished. And, not just better than before, but also better than a lot of other bands. Now, on night two of this metal ménage a deux, no one gets out alive. It’s that simple. DevilDriver is just the reward of making it through

a long day of face melt-ing rock and roll. The show will also be your chance to hear new ma-terial from Emmure’s upcoming August re-lease, Despised Icon’s September release, and For The Fallen Dreams’ July 21st release, Re-lentless. Myspace.com/ThrashAndBurnTour promises 10 bands at each date. So, be ready for a day of metal. Not a bad way to go out.

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