CLASS 11EWRT 1B

AGENDA

0Surface Revision: Essay #2 0Discussion: QHQ SBB 0In-class writing: SBB

SURFACE REVISION

EDITING YOUR REVISED ESSAY

WordinessA sentence is not concise simply because it is short; a concise sentence contains

only the number of words necessary to achieve its effect or to make its point.

Deadwood

0Wordy: There were many factors that influenced his decision to become a teacher.

0Concise: Many factors influenced his decision to become a teacher.

Unnecessary phrases that take up space and add nothing to meaning.

Examples

Hint: omit the filler phrases "it is," "there is," and "there are" at the beginning of sentences; these often delay the sentence's true subject and verb.

0 Wordy: They played a softball game that was exhausting.

0Concise: They played an exhausting softball game.

0Wordy: It is expensive to upgrade computer systems.

0Concise: Upgrading computer systems is expensive.

Some familiar expressions that are Deadwood

0There is/There are0I feel0I think0It seems to me0All things considered0Without a doubt0It is important to note0In my opinion0The reason why0In conclusion

Examples of Utility Words to Eliminate or Replace

Vague Nouns Adverbs denoting degree0Thing (something,

anything, everything)0Situation0Kind0Type0Aspect0Sort 0Area

0Basically0Very0Definitely0Quite

Omit "which" or "that” when possible.

0Wordy: Because the fluid, which was brown and poisonous, was dumped into the river, the company that was negligent had to shut down.

0Concise: Because the brown, poisonous fluid was dumped into the river, the negligent company had to shut down.

PunctuationUsing commas and semi-colons

Checking the Details

Drag picture to placeholder or click icon to add

Miscellaneous Questions0Does the paper follow MLA guidelines?0 Is the page length within assigned limits?0 Is the font type and size within the assigned guidelines?0Does the Header follow the assignment guidelines?0 Is the professor's name spelled correctly? Kim Palmore0 Is your name spelled correctly?0Does the paper have a title? Is it a good title? Is the title in

the appropriate location?0Have you italicized book and movie titles and put stories,

articles, and poems in quotation marks.

Writing Tips0Write about literature in present tense0Avoid using “thing,” “something,” “everything,” and

“anything.”0Avoid writing in second person.0Avoid using contractions. 0Cut Wordy Sentences0Fix run-on sentences0Check for misused words0Put commas and periods inside quotation marks

The Works Cited Page

A Work in an Anthology, Reference, or Collection

0 Works may include an essay in an edited collection or anthology, or a chapter of a book. The basic form is for this sort of citation is as follows:

0 Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. Ed. Editor's Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.

0 Example:0 Harris, Muriel. "Talk to Me: Engaging Reluctant Writers." A

Tutor's Guide: Helping Writers One to One. Ed. Ben Rafoth. Portsmouth: Heinemann, 2000. 24-34. Print.

Last name, First name. "Title of Essay." Title of Collection. (Date of original publication if applicable). Ed. Editor’s Name(s). City of Publication: Publisher, Year. Page range of entry. Medium of Publication.

A Work in a Collection or Anthology

Toni Morrison“Recitatif”Source: Confirmation: An Anthology of African American WomenPublisher: MorrowEdition: 1983Editors: Imamu Amiri Baraka & Amina BarakaPlace Published: New YorkPages 243-260Print

Langston Hughes“Passing”The Ways of White FolksNew YorkVintage 1990 1934No Editor in this casePages 51-55Print

Recorded Films or Movies

List films by their title. Include the name of the director, the distributor, and the release year. If relevant, list performer names after the director’s name. Use the abbreviation perf. to head the list. End the entry with the appropriate medium of publication (e.g. DVD, VHS, Laser disc).

Ed Wood. Dir. Tim Burton. Perf. Johnny Depp, Martin Landau, Sarah Jessica Parker, Patricia Arquette. Touchstone, 1994. DVD.

The Human StainDirected by Robert BentonPerformers: Anthony Hopkins, Nicole Kidman, Ed Harris, and Gary Sinise. Distributor: MiramaxRelease Year: 2003Medium: DVD

An Article in a Scholarly Journal

0Always provide issue numbers, when available.0Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal

Volume. Issue (Year): pages. Medium of publication.

0Example: Bagchi, Alaknanda. "Conflicting Nationalisms: The

Voice of the Subaltern in Mahasweta Devi's Bashai Tudu." Tulsa Studies in Women's Literature 15.1 (1996): 41-50. Print.

Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in PrintCite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.

Wheelis, Mark. "Investigating Disease Outbreaks Under a Protocol to the Biological and Toxin Weapons Convention." Emerging Infectious Diseases 6.6 (2000): 595-600. Web. 8 Feb. 2009.

Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication): pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.

Randall Kennedy“Racial Passing”Ohio State Law JournalVolume 62Issue 114520011-28Web8 Feb. 2013

William Pickens“Racial Segregation”Opportunity: Journal of Negro LifeDecember, 1927364-367Web.8 Feb. 2013

Hughes, Langston.Passing (the poem)Phylon Vol. 11Issue 1(1950)15Web

Article in an Online Scholarly Journal That Also Appears in PrintCite articles in online scholarly journals that also appear in print as you would a scholarly journal in print, including the page range of the article. Provide the medium of publication that you used (in this case, Web) and the date of access.

Author(s). "Title of Article." Title of Journal. Volume. Issue (Year of publication): pages. Medium of publication. Date retrieved.

Discussion

QHQStone Butch Blues

“ I didn’t want to be different. I longed to be everything grownups wanted, so they would love me. I followed all their rules, tried my best

to please. But there was something about me that made them knit their eyebrows and frown. No one ever offered a name for what was wrong with me. That’s what made me afraid it was really bad. I only came to recognize its melody through this constant refrain: “Is that a boy or a

girl?”” (Feinberg 13)

0 As Jess was growing up, she knew she was different but she was not willing to accept it because she did not want to be judged. She tried her best to fit in like everyone else, but it was difficult. She wants to be what society wants her to be so she can feel accepted, but she knows there is something unusual about her, but she is not able to find out what and that is what makes her scared of who she is.This stood out to me because it was about Jess trying to fit in no matter how different she was, but the question always lingered her – “Is that a boy or a girl?” – and that made her both angry and curious.

“The sky was crayon blue. I pretended I was lying on the white cotton clouds. The earth was damp against my back.

The sun was hot, the breeze was cool. I felt happy. Nature held me close and seemed to find no fault with me.” (17)

Jess was so lonely in the world because of her difference. Growing up in the ignorance of parents, Jess desired love and care like any child would need from its family. This quotes show readers Jess’ innocent view and feeling for her surroundings, especially nature and those animals that accepted her unconditionally. It made me wonder why Jess could not have a normal life like other children when she did not have a right to choose her own gender. Would it make any different if Jess was loved and taken care by her parents? Would her life be less tragic in the warmth of a family?

“For a moment in that mirror I saw the woman I was growing up to be staring back at me. She looked scared and sad. I wondered if I was brave

enough to grow up and be her.” (21)

0 Jess is home alone after her parents left for works. Jess tries on her father’s suit and tie. Unexpectedly, her parents come home early and find out Jess is in male clothing. Afterward, they send Jess to a mental hospital. This sentence stands out for me because I think for the very first time, Jess knows who she really is. Growing up with teases makes it difficult for Jess. Because from the earliest memories, Jess tells us that she is painfully different from other girls. She hates wearing dress, and she is happy wearing her Roy Rogers outfit. Jess feels angry but more curious about her identity when she faces the question, “Is that a boy or a girl?” When Jess understands that her identity may make people to disregard, she feels scared and sad. Moreover, it makes her wondering about how she is going to grow up.

This quote stuck out to me a lot because Jess always knew she was different. She knew everyone else knew she was different. I think that because of how society was, thinking that if you were part of the lgbt community, you were basically wrong and don’t belong. I think because of the way of thinking back then, it made Jess feel bad for who she was and people should never feel bad for who they are. I think this is the point where Jess started feeling ashamed of herself.

“Whatever the world thought was wrong with me, I finally begun to agree they were right. Guilt burned like vomit in my throat.” (Feinberg 23)

“I dropped my gaze and walked back to my seat. Mrs. Noble squeezed my arm…there was no criticism of me in her eyes.”

(Feinberg 25)

0 This stood out to me because it was hard for me to integrate into the American society as i was brought up with Chinese customs. I had a third grade teacher (my first white teacher) for the first time in elementary. When i presented about my life at home, i didn’t quite expect my teacher to understand what i went through as i did my first and second grade teachers (one was Japanese and the other Indian). The teacher actually hugged me after my presentation and told me i was going to be OK. This was the first time I ever felt the warmth of a teacher caring for my life. She didn’t judge me, she embraced my life and felt for me.

“Part of the nightmare was that it all seemed so matter of fact. I couldn’t make it stop, I couldn’t escape it, and so I pretended it wasn’t happening.

I looked at the sky, at how pale and placid it was. I imagined it was the ocean and the clouds were white-capped waves.” (Feinberg, 41)

0 This passage is being said while she is being raped by her classmates. I found this passage significant because it is heartbreaking what those guys did to her. Additionally, that passage shows how powerless she is in this incident. I think that a person may have their opinions about others but to do such a degrading act is extremely inhumane. This type of event definitely marks a person for life and many times that person can never fully recover from it. While I was reading this scene, it reminded me of the French movie, Irréversible, I saw a couple of years ago. The film is about two men who want revenge for the rape a girlfriend. It reminded me of this because both talk about this matter. Rape is a very sensible topic that is not discussed in society; so watching and reading about it is very profound.

“They cuffed my hands so tight behind my back I almost cried out. Then the cop unzipped his pants real slow, with a smirk on his face, and

ordered me on my knees. First I thought to myself, I can’t! Then I said out loud to myself and to you and to him, ‘I won’t’ “ (10)

0 Jess describes a night she had with Theresa. They were alone in a strange tuff at that night, waiting for their friends, who never showed up. Then, the cops came in and started targeting at Jess and Theresa for no reason as usual. However, this time is different, Jess was alone, she did not have anyone to back her up, or tell her it’s alright. Suddenly, Jess was so vulnerable and weak, and she knew exactly what was going to happen to her. She did not fight back because she was cuffed and she knew that if she fought back, everyone in the bar would be beaten. The thing that stood out to me the most is Jess’s attitude after the incident. She was not even mad, and something inside her was changed. She accepted the fact and lived with it, “ I learned the difference between what I can’t do and what I refuse to do.” Jess did not tell what happen to her in the cell that night. But we all know that it was so traumatized that there was nothing she could do but to accepted it.

“I called him later that night and he raced over. “Jack set you up, Jess.” […] I had trouble following what Duffy was saying. It wasn’t just that my

mind was hazy with painkillers, I didn’t want to understand.” (92)

This passage stood out to me because nearly all her life, Jess always looks for a place to belong. She began at the Tifkas bar in Niagara, to Abbas in the city, and each time she would have an experience that would shatter that dream of hers to have a place where she could belong [. . .]When she find out Jack allegedly sabotaged the machine she was working on she was in a state of shock, not wanted to believe that after all her effort making it into the union and being accepted as one of them, it was once again not the case. I see Jess’ situation as very tragic, and I think this is the moment that people around her outside of the butches, femmes, and drags begin to see it as well.

“Deep down, my insides seethed. I knew I was stone, too. It was a home alarm system that didn’t seem to have an on-off switch. Once installed, the sirens went off and the gates shut, even if the intruder was loving”

(94)

0 These lines in the book spoke very strongly to me. From them, you realize just how much psychological damage that Jess has taken from the repeated gang rapes and the beatings. Any one of the events that Jess suffered before the age of sixteen would have had a significant effect on her still developing personality. Just one on these events could have caused her to shut down all attempts by others to reach her on a personal level. The fact that Jess, while damaged, still goes on to form personal attachments, and to form romantic relationships is a testament to how strong a person she is inside. Jess also has the examples from the older butches who have suffered through the same exact types of abuse, to draw on. While the other butches rarely talk about the abuse they have suffered, the fact that someone else really does understand what you have been through can be an enormous help in getting through it yourself. I believe that Jess recognizing she has scars is what allows her to continue reaching out to others.

“I went to the window and looked out over the mounds of snow, wishing I could do everything in my life once as

practice and then go back and do it again.”(102)

0 Jess said this after Duffy gave her the present he got for her. This text in the book stood out to me because she felt guilty leaving the plant for a different job after everything she fought for there. She also might have felt proud of the reputation she had established there. Also, I think she senses a reoccurring theme in her life. Every time she makes a mistake she always wishes she could take it back. For example, she didn’t know what to do when Duffy asked her to step aside and give her promotion to Leroy. She said she regretted it later and did it because she thought it was the right thing to do. This specific quotation is indicative that Jess is uncertain of herself despite what she expresses outward. The author depicts Jess a certain way but this quote at the same time reminds us that Jess doesn’t know how to live the life she has been forced into.

“”You know”, Duffy added, “I don’t think I really realized how hard it is for you. I know what jerks the guys at work can be sometimes.”……..”But when I went to the

hospital with you, I saw how they treated you, how they talked about you,” he rubbed his face. When he looked back at me, I saw tears in his eyes. “ I felt so

helpless you know? I kept yelling at them that you were a human being that you mattered, and it was like they weren’t listening to me.”” (Feinberg 93)

0This post really stood out for me. Why? It was sad; it is unbelievable how people are so cruel and selfish. Duffy was right, Jess was a human being like everyone else, but the doctors didn’t help Jess just because of the appearance. And was a butch. I liked how Duffy stood up for Jess, it was brave and a show of friendship towards Jess. Also how he cried while he was saying it was touching. I believe that everyone deserves the right as everyone else; we all should have equal rights. This as many other parts was sad.

“ I drifted in and out of consciousness. I remember Theresa propping me up against a brick wall in the precinct parking lot and assessing the

damage with her eyes. she chewed her lower lip and fingered the bloody places on my shirt. ‘I'll never get these stains out.’ ‘Indirect messages cut

through my fog much more clearly than direct ones.’” (136)

I believe that what Theresa and Jess understood clearly is the damage of that night inside them is something they are not going to forget for the rest of their lives. the small cuts and the blood is going to be cured in a week or two but that night left Jess a big scare inside that is never going to be cured. I like these lines because deep inside us we can not explain everything or talk about everything we have been through sometimes, but still we can have our beloved make us feel better by showing us that they understand us and how we feel without reminding us of what hurts us and without opening our ugly scars.

These lines stood out to me the most since i have never experienced a beating like this. And the beating was caused just because she was a lesbian is shocking. What homosexual men and women went through before people were more accepting is terrible. I am glad that people have wised up to this and now this is punishable under hate crime laws.

“I shrugged. ‘I’m twenty-one today and I feel old’” (140).

0This quote stood out to me beyond all others because of some preconceptions I had. I had assumed more time had passed between her talks of high school and this birthday party. When she moved onto talking about her fights in the union and all the time spent in the bar, I assumed she had skipped forward in her life story a bit and was in her mid-twenties. Being twenty-two myself, the fact that she had undergone all of those beatings and overall stresses of her life before reaching twenty-one puts the earlier part of the story in perspective for me.

“They must have worked it over with a tire iron or a baseball bat. I wondered how they had shredded the thick rubber wheels. I knew it was only a motorcycle, but I felt like a ghost looking down at my own

mutilated body on asphalt.” (pg157)

0 This quote stood out to me because there is more meaning to what really happened. Her safety was on the line. She makes it know for the reader to understand what would have happened to her if she didn’t run away. When she looked at her bike she saw herself on the floor beaten to death. Reading this peace reminds me of how tuff it would have been to be her. The men had so much anger they even tore the wheels to shreds. Just the fact that they did this to a motorcycle lets you how bad discrimination was back then. It shows how much we have moved forward in life.

“This time I didn’t try to hide my excitement. I was passing.” (172)

0 This quote stood out to me because I know this feeling. The feeling of passing is very exciting especially if you are getting away with it. It’s a feeling that kind of sends a thrill down your spine. It’s uplifting and gives you hope. Jess goes in the barber shop, and gets addressed as “Sir,” and gets away with it. The barber treats Jess like any other male that walks in, and with respect. He cuts Jess’ hair, and right when she thinks he’s done, he gets bay rum on his palms and rubs them on her cheeks. That very moment, she realizes that she is passing. If I was in Jess’ situation, I wouldn’t even try to hide my excitement either, and with all the trouble and grief Jess went though, she deserves some kind of happiness. I’m sure she felt some happiness at this moment as well. I really like this quote because it represents a positive turn in her life.

In-Class Writing

0Explore a moment when Jess intentionally passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know?

0Choose one when ze unintentionally passes. Does this affect hir in the same way? How do you know?

HOMEWORK Edit Essay #2: Submit your essay electronically before our next class

(feel free to submit early) by emailing a copy saved in MS Word to palmoreessaysubmission@gmail.com. Please save your essay as your last name and the number 2. Example: Palmore 2

Reading: Stone Butch Blues (196-End). Post #16: Best paragraph from essay #2

Post #17: Jess interacts with medical personnel in various ways throughout the novel. Explore an experience Jess has with a medical professional. Does her gender identity influence the treatment she receives or doesn’t receive? Or explore a moment when Jess passes. How does this experience change who ze is? How do you know? Include a quotation with your discussion.

Studying: Terms