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Fantasy and the Ordinary:Problems Encountered in Translating Urban Fantasy

Ashley van der Kuijp3863867Thesis18 July 2014

4316 WordsWords Footnotes: 1182

First reader: Jan-Jaap SpiesSecond reader: Cees Koster

Ashley van der Kuijp 3863867

Table of Contents

1. Fantasy and the Ordinary: Problems Encountered in Translating Urban Fantasy.…….31.1. Background Information………….……………………….…………………...41.2. Text Analysis…………………………………………………………………..7

1.2.1. Pragmatic Level……………………………………………………………71.2.2. Socio-cultural Level………………………………………………………..71.2.3. Linguistic Level…………………………………………………………..101.2.4. Source Text Specific Level……………………………………………….12

1.3. Conclusion……………………………………………………………………152. Annotated Translation………………………………………………………………..163. Works Cited………………………………………………………………………….304. Appendix…………………………………………………………………………..…32

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1. Fantasy and the Ordinary:Problems Encountered in Translating Urban Fantasy

Atticus O’Sullivan, a witty 21 centuries old Irish druid who fights against evil and can

communicate with his dog. That is the premise of the Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin

Hearne; a book series currently consisting of seven novels, with two more due for publication

in 2015. The focus of this thesis is on the translation of the first chapter of Hexed, the second

instalment in the fairly popular urban fantasy series. Before translating the text, a text analysis

will be made regarding the problems encountered in this text. The Iron Druid Chronicles is

different from other urban fantasy fiction, because the main character is a druid and not a

vampire or a werewolf. The protagonist is male, whereas urban fantasy frequently has a

female protagonist. Other interesting aspects of the series include mythology, references to

popular culture and humour: all interesting aspects in translating a text. Moreover, another

layer of difficulty is added due to urban fantasy being in between fantasy and contemporary

fiction which has to be maintained as accurately as possible in the translation. The question

that arises from this is what aspects have to be taken into consideration when translating urban

fantasy, because the genre encompasses elements from both fantasy and contemporary fiction.

To find the answer to this question, first some general information about urban fantasy, the

Iron Druid Chronicles, Hexed and the author will be given, followed by the reason why this

book series deserves to be translated. Secondly, the problems that occurred during the

translation will be linked to Nord’s four categories of text analysis and possible solutions will

be provided. Finally, there is the annotated translation, where certain choices made in the

translation that have not be discussed in the text, will be explained.

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1.1. Background Information

Before starting the text-analysis of the translation, information regarding the literary genre,

the book series in general, the chapter that will be translated, the author and the reason this

particular work of fiction deserves to be translated have to be given in order for the problems

found in the source text to be understandable, which in turn will show the problems that occur

in urban fantasy that can be linked to fantasy and contemporary fiction.

The literary genre of urban fantasy has gained much popularity over the last years. In

contrast to high fantasy, urban fantasy is a subgenre of low fantasy and is not set in a fantasy

world, but rather in a city; the urban aspect. Another important prerequisite of urban fantasy is

that it needs to include supernatural creatures and occurrences, the link to fantasy fiction.

Most of the time humans and supernatural creatures exist alongside each other with or without

people knowing of their existence and usually the protagonist is either a supernatural creature

or comes in contact with the supernatural (“Urban”). Moreover, urban fantasy does not

heavily feature romance; an aspect reserved for the closely related genre of paranormal

romance. The previous information can help the translator of urban fantasy to determine the

way in which to translated these texts and shows the aspects of both fantasy and contemporary

fiction that are included in urban fantasy.

The chapter that is translated is the first chapter from Hexed, the second novel in the

Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne. The book series is about a 21 centuries old Irish

druid named Atticus O’Sullivan who acts and appears to be a regular 21-year-old American,

but has knowledge way beyond this. He owns an Irish wolfhound named Oberon, with whom

he can communicate through the magical connection they share via their minds. Oberon is

often very happy and funny, and he is obsessed with French poodles, sausages and bacon. In

every novel there is a supernatural occurrence which Atticus tries to solve, for example, in

Hexed Atticus is going after some witches who picked a fight with him. Furthermore, in the

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first chapter of Hexed, Atticus is talking to the Icelandic vampire Leif Helgarson, his friend

and attorney who asks him to kill Thor, the Norse god of thunder. In addition, Atticus is

trying to teach him how to fit into modern society. These features are important to keep in

mind while translating the text.

The Iron Druid Chronicles is written by Kevin Hearne, an Arizona native and English

teacher. Hearne’s own background and personal experience are evident in his writing. First of

all, the series is set for the most part in Tempe, Arizona; the same state Hearne has been living

in for his whole life. Furthermore, because of his degree in English, Hearne likes to play with

language in his writing and he sometimes offers very elaborate explanations and descriptions

of places and occurrences in the novels. In addition, he mentions that he loves puns and

popular culture, which turn out to be the largest reoccurring elements throughout the novels

(“About”). Overall Hearne’s writing style is fairly easy and adheres to the regular writing

rules of English; the references to popular culture, puns and language specific elements are

what make it more difficult for the translator. These last aspects can be linked to the

contemporary part of urban fantasy.

Furthermore, the book series provides many different translation problems the

translator has to work with of which some are not included in this chapter but are present in

the rest of the book series. While some problems are universal to all texts, others are more

specific to urban fantasy making the book series very interesting to translate. The series

includes very typical English grammatical structures that do not exist in Dutch, along with

some other very specific words and phrases, including puns. There is much humour, often dry

or witty, which is not always appreciated by everyone but it has to be maintained in the

translation. Moreover, mythology from all over the world is used: mostly Celtic and Norse

mythology, but others can be found as well. Next, there are many references to popular

culture of a somewhat geeky nature, such as Doctor Who, Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar

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Galactica and there is even a Shakespearean quote duel. Moreover, multiple characters speak

with an accent or a dialect, for example an old Irish widow speaking an Irish English dialect

and a Russian thunder god who has an accent when speaking English. All this taken together

illustrates the many elements that have to be taken into consideration when translating the

Iron Druid Chronicles.

To date there has not been a Dutch translation of the Iron Druid Chronicles. However,

the series has been translated into multiple other languages (“Books”), which indicate their

popularity outside the United States. Furthermore, the series has had favourable reviews

stating that the novels are funny, fast-paced and the mythology is interesting (“Reviews”),

which shows that the novels are popular enough to be translated. One possible reason the

novels have not been translated may be because many people prefer to read fantasy and urban

fantasy in English, because it gives a more authentic feel to the story that people may not

experience when reading the novels in Dutch. Additionally, the puns and other language

specific jokes will not be the same in translation. Therefore, there might not be such a great

market for a Dutch translation. However, the many features do make the text interesting to

translate for a thesis and the chapter shows the different problems that are present in urban

fantasy, some of which originate from contemporary fiction while others come from fantasy

fiction.

When looking at the aspects found in the source text, the supernatural elements, the

humour and the references to popular culture are amongst the most important ones. These

features have to be maintained in the translation and show how urban fantasy incorporates

elements from both fantasy and contemporary fiction into the stories and how this adds

another to the text regarding the translation.

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1.2. Text Analysis

By using Christiane Nord’s analysis of translation problems, the problems that occur in the

translation will be placed into four different categories of translation problems: pragmatic,

socio-cultural, linguistic and source text problems (147). After doing so, other theories will be

used in order to provide solutions to these problems, including Chesterman and Grit.

1.2.1. Pragmatic Level

The problems that occur on the pragmatic level have to do with differences between time and

place in the source and target culture and the difference in knowledge between the source and

target audience (Nord 147). However, the pragmatic aspects are irrelevant to this translation,

because the book series is set in the present and because Dutch and American cultures are

fairly close to each other. The Dutch audience can be assumed to have enough knowledge

about American culture to understand references to the culture in translation. Therefore, the

decision was made to not include the pragmatic level of the text analysis in this thesis.

1.2.2. Socio-Cultural Level

Nord’s socio-cultural level includes translations problems that are specific to two cultures and

consists of differences in norms and conventions between the source and target culture (147).

The translation problems encountered in the source text regarding the socio-cultural level are

related to culture specific elements, and includes place names, intertextuality, mythology and

the supernatural. Before translating urban fantasy, it is important that the translator is at least

somewhat acquainted with both fantasy and contemporary aspects of translation. It is useful if

the translator knows about the mythology in both the source and the target language and in

case of the Iron Druid Chronicles it is also important for the translator to be familiar with the

popular culture in the source and target language. There are different ways to solve the

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aforementioned problems, but the solution depends on what the target audience can be

assumed to be familiar with.

First of all, the novels of the Iron Druid Chronicles take place in the United States,

more specifically in Arizona. Arizona is important as setting in the novel, because certain

state specific elements are mentioned, such as weather and vegetation characteristics, which

illustrates why the setting has to remain the same in order for the novel to provide that same

feeling. It may not be evident in this chapter, but examples of vegetation characteristics

include “desert scrub” and “teddy bear cholla” (Hammered 96). In addition, Hexed includes

many references to Native Americans and especially the Navajo, since Arizona has the largest

Navajo population in the United States (“Profile”). This reference is another reason that the

setting should not be changed, because racial minorities are part of the culture of the state and

it also demonstrates the importance of the setting in the context of the novel. Examples of

place names used in the novel are “Town Lake”, the state North Carolina and “Valley of the

Sun” which refers to the Phoenix Metropolitan Area in Arizona. Another reference is “Rúla

Búla”: the Irish pub Atticus frequently visits. If these American places were substituted with

Dutch places, the setting would be lost and certain references would make no sense anymore.

According to Diederik Grit culture specific elements can be maintained in the target language

if they are known by the target audience (192), which can be assumed to be the case here,

because the Dutch target audience can be assumed to be familiar with American culture.

These place names will not be translated and therefore the setting of the story will remain the

same.

The second socio-cultural aspect is that of intertextuality, especially in the form of

references to popular culture. This is one of the aspects exclusively found in the urban part of

urban fantasy and is something that would not be included in fantasy fiction. When the

audience is familiar enough with what the popular culture reference means it does not have to

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be translated. There are two major references to other media in the first chapter of Hexed. The

first is the reference to the thunder god Thor having a comic book and a movie made about

him, which is an example of popular culture the target audience can be assumed to be familiar

with since both have also been released in the Netherlands. Therefore, the decision can be

made to not translate it and it would still be understood by a Dutch audience. On the other

hand, there is a reference to popular culture that needs more thought before translating it. The

protagonist Atticus mentions that since his ear has been chewed off, he cannot help himself

but sing “don’t spend your time always searching for those wasted ears”; a pun on the Iron

Maiden song “Wasted Years” where years is substituted by ears. Many Dutch people will at

least be familiar with the band Iron Maiden, however not everyone would recognise the song.

This problem can be solved by changing the song into a Dutch song or another English song.

However, in doing so certain information will be lost: the Iron Maiden reference would make

less sense and an American would not be familiar with a Dutch song. In addition, the pun will

be lost in translation, but by not translating the lyric the pun will only be understood by a

select few. The translation of references to popular culture shows that the choice for whether

or not to translate a reference to popular culture depends on the target audience and what they

can be assumed to be familiar with.

Finally, on account of the Iron Druid Chronicles being an urban fantasy series, the

source text and the whole of the book series includes mythology and supernatural elements

from all over the world, which can be linked to the fantasy aspect of urban fantasy. The most

prominent mythology is Celtic, because Atticus is an Irish druid. Norse mythology is also

important, because there is a whole storyline about killing Thor running through the course of

multiple novels and many Norse gods are mentioned too. However, other mythologies are

included as well, ranging from Slavic and Japanese to the more general Scandinavian and

Germanic. The mythology and references to the supernatural can be regarded as culture

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specific as well, considering that they are part of the cultural heritage from the country they

originated from. One of the problems for the translator regarding mythology in this chapter is

the question whether or not to translate names of mythological creatures such as Thor, Loki,

Brighid and Aenghus Óg, and of the Norse realms Asgard and Midgard. When looking at

books about mythology in both English and Dutch, multiple spelling variations exist in both

languages (Hamilton, MacLeod). However, in fiction names are normally not translated. In

short, the mythology and supernatural elements can remain the same, because they are known

by the target audience albeit with a spelling variation.

Among the problems encountered in the socio-cultural level there are a few that can

easily be solved or even remain the same, such as the names of places and mythological

creatures, while a few others do require some more thought and will probably not easily be

understood by the target audience if they are kept the same in the target text, such as

references to popular culture the target audience is less familiar with. However, the problems

encountered in the socio-cultural level of the source text do not pose to be the biggest

problems in the translation of the first chapter from Hexed.

1.2.3. Linguistic Level

According to Christiane Nord, the linguistic level consists of differences in linguistics

between the target and source language (147). Problems included in this category have to do

with the archaic way in which Leif speaks and the way in which Atticus tries to teach him

modern vernacular, such as mentioning that he should not use “well” when he means “good”

and that he should start using contractions in his speech. Another problem included in the

linguistic level refers to poetic metres. In the translation, these aspects regarding Leif’s speech

have to be changed into Dutch equivalents. However, not everything can be translated

similarly.

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First of all, there is the distinction between “good” and “well” for which no similar

equivalent exists in Dutch. In Dutch “goed” is used to indicate how someone is doing in a

positive way and no other word is frequently used or seen as the better option. One possible

translation here might be to change “well” to a more old-fashioned word in Dutch, rather than

to maintain the distinction between “well” and “good”. However, what will happen then is

that the following sentence about using an adjective as an adverb is unnecessary and has to be

changed to fit the context as well. Another solution is to choose different words that convey

the same idea and use these to achieve a similar distinction as that between “well” and

“good”. The final translation of this problem will be discussed in the footnotes.

The next problem is the sentence where Atticus tells Leif that he should use more

contractions. In Dutch contractions are not used in the same way as they are in English.

However, Dutch people do tend to shorten words, such as “m’n” and “z’n”, and to not

pronounce every ending consonant in a word or to add “ik” to the preceding verb, such as

“kank”, for “kan ik”. A possible solution for this problem could be to have Atticus say that

Leif should stop pronouncing every single word as it is written in order to sound more natural.

Leif could easily be the type of person who pronounces every single consonant and vowel in a

word, which would make him sound very superficial and make it seem as if he is not a native

speaker as he is Icelandic. Similar to the problem above, the decision for this translation can

also be to change it into something completely different, which will then also change the

meaning and this solution is further discussed in the footnotes.

Furthermore, there is one element in the source text regarding linguistics that should

not really pose a problem, which is the reference to the anapaestic and iambic metres,

considering that the sentence can be translated in a way to still have the same metre exist in

Dutch. However, by maintaining the metre the translation might not be the best possible

solution and this will be further discussed in the footnotes.

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In conclusion, the linguistic level includes many different kinds of problems of which

multiple have to do with the archaic way in which Leif speaks. In order to translate these

problems, structures existing in the target language have to be taken into consideration and the

meaning has to be changed.

1.2.4. Source Text Specific Level

Finally, there are the source text specific problems. This category consists of problems that

are specific to the source text and the solutions to these problems are not always

straightforward, because they can differ between texts and depend on the context (Nord 147),

which makes these problems the hardest to translate. Problems found in this category include

slang, expletives, idioms and collocations, words and phrases that are specific to the source

language, and difference in the characters’ speech.

The first source text specific problem is the use of slang and expletives by Atticus in

order to sound more natural and to fit in as an American in his early twenties. When

translating slang and expletives, every aspect has to be looked at individually, because the

translation differs from time to time depending on the context and the meaning the phrase has

in both the source and the target language. Examples of slang in the source text include “I’m

chill”, “how the hell are ya”, “stoked” and “epic”, expletives include “shite”, “shit”, “bastard”

and “freaking”, although these can be regarded to be slang too. The words in the slang

category can be translated into equivalents in Dutch, such as “hoe gaat ‘ie met je” as

translation for “how the hell are ya” or not translating “chill”. The translation of the expletives

depend on what the target audience knows and what expletives exists in the target language.

For example, “shit” can remain the same, but “shite” has to be changed and the choice

whether or not “bastard” is translated as “bastard” or something else, depends on the context.

All these words have to be looked at individually and while some will need to be translated,

others can remain the same because they are known to the target audience.

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Another source text specific problem is the use of collocations and idioms. There is

not one way to translate idioms and collocations, because each one has to be looked at

individually and the translation can vary depending on the use in the target text. Examples of

idioms used in the source text include “small potatoes”, “getting creamed” and “toe-to-toe”.

Their translation depends on the meaning in the context of the source and the existing

collocations and idioms available in the target text.

In addition, the source text includes problems that have to do with specific words and

phrases: some have to be specified, others do not exist in the same way in the target language

or no equivalent exists in Dutch at all. The translation of these words again depends on the

context of the target text. Some phrases have not been specified in English, but have to be

specified in Dutch. For example, when Atticus brakes his bicycle to a stop the translation has

to specify what kind of brakes the bicycle has. Another example is when Oberon is behind the

door, which in English can mean that he is either standing, sitting or even lying down, but

there is no similar equivalent in Dutch and therefore it has to be specified. By choosing one

option the meaning of the sentence changes in regards to when the other option would have

been chosen. Another problem regarding words is that some words used in the source text are

typical for English culture, but they do not exist in the same way in Dutch. Words included

here are “college”, “frat boy”, “sorority girl”, “pub”, “bastard” and “trick or treating”. The

meaning of “college” in English is much broader than can be conveyed in Dutch. While “frat

boy” and “sorority girl” do exist in a way in Dutch, the meaning is not the same. “Trick or

treating” is not used as a verb in Dutch as it is in English. “Pub” is not commonly used as

word in Dutch, but the target audience will be familiar with the meaning. The translation of

these words has to become more general, which can be linked to Chesterman’s hypernym

(162). In addition, there are some language specific words in the source text for which no

clear translation exists in the target language, namely “extraplanar”, “cold iron” and “smoking

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jacket”. “Extraplanar” is a term used to refer to worlds that are out of this world, for example

the nine worlds in Norse mythology. “Cold iron” is an archaic term for iron and is usually

associated with folkloric believes as it is often used to repel, contain or harm ghosts, fairies,

witches and other malevolent supernatural creatures (“Cold”). In the books series, iron is seen

as the antithesis of magic and it helps Atticus in defeating supernatural creatures, especially

witches and fairies. “Cold iron” as a term does not exist in Dutch and is simply called “ijzer”.

Furthermore, a few times a word needs to be added in order for a particular phrase to make

more sense in Dutch. In Dutch hardly anyone says “States” or “Staten” when talking about the

United States. Another example of is “comic” versus “comic book”, because “strip” and

“stripboek” have different connotations in Dutch: the first is usually a small comic found in

the newspaper, while the latter is the comic book. In addition, it is unclear what “old stuff”

and “the Norse” refer to, so the translation either has to make this clear or keep it equally

vague. No fixed way exists in order to solve these problems and in the end the translation

depends on the context of the source text. Some of these problems have already been solved,

while the solution to other problems will be discussed in the footnotes.

Moreover, the chapter contains three different speakers who each have their own

distinctive voice. This has to be taken into consideration when translating the text so that all

characters sound similar to how they sound in English. Atticus’ speech can be compared to

that of many other American males in their early twenties. He uses slang and youth language

which shows Atticus’ ability to fit in and a younger audience will be able to identify with him

more. However, when Atticus talks to Leif or any other person who knows how old he really

is, he speaks more sophisticated. Atticus is also the narrator, but his narrative is more formal

than his regular speech. Furthermore, Leif speaks very archaic and formal, and an important

part of this chapter is Atticus teaching Leif how to fit in and to speak modern vernacular so

people will not notice how old he actually is. Many of the choices regarding the translation of

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his language have to do with the decision which words sound more archaic and thereby more

like something Leif would say, as his vocabulary differs from that of Atticus and Oberon and

this difference has to be evident in the translation. Leif also uses very distinctive archaic

words, such as “jocund”, “jovial” and “poppycock”, which have to be translated in an equally

old-fashioned way in Dutch. Lastly, Oberon’s speech can be regarded as somewhat more

childish, he is however smarter than the average child and simply becomes overly excited

about poodles and sausages. In translating his speech these features have to be taken into

consideration so that his speech remains as happy and lively as it is in the source text. By

taking these differences into consideration while translating the text, it is possible for the

characters to sound the same in the target text as they do in the source text.

As seen in the category of the source text specific problems, solutions to the problems

depend on the context of the text and the knowledge the target audience can be assumed to be

familiar with.

1.3. Conclusion

In conclusion, Christiane Nord’s source text analysis shows that the most difficult categories

in the translation are that of the linguistic level and the source text specific level. There are no

important pragmatic aspects in the source text and the socio-cultural specific problems can

easily be solved. This also coincides with the idea that urban fantasy includes aspects from

both fantasy and contemporary fiction and shows how both genres are important to keep in

mind while translating urban fantasy. Next, the footnotes accompanying the translation will

provide reasons for particular choices made in the translation and the theory of Andrew

Chesterman will be used in order to categorise some of the choices.

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2. Annotated TranslationHet blijkt dat mensen met je willen praten wanneer je een god vermoordt. Paranormale

verzekeringsverkopers met speciale overlijdensrisicoverzekeringen voor “godendoders”.

Charlatans die “godbestendige” harnassen en extraplanaire schuilplaatsen verhuren. Maar het

meest opmerkelijk zijn de andere goden, die je eerst willen feliciteren met je prestatie, daarna

waarschuwen dat je zulke geintjes niet met hen moet uithalen en uiteindelijk stellen ze voor

dat je één van hun rivalen probeert te vermoorden—puur als een geintje, natuurlijk.

Sinds bekend was geworden bij de verscheidene pantheons dat ik niet één, maar twee leden

van de Tuatha Dé Danann had omgebracht en de machtigste van de twee naar de Christelijke

hel had gestuurd, had ik bezoek gehad van verschillende vorsten, boodschappers en

vertegenwoordigers van bijna alle geloofssystemen ter wereld. Ze wilden allemaal dat ik hen

met rust zou laten, maar met een ander ruzie zoek en als ik erin slaagde om de onsterfelijke

etterbuil die ze treiterde te doorboren dan zou mijn beloning mijn stoutste dromen overtreffen,

bla bla kots jak.

Die beloningskwestie was echt gigantisch gelul, om het maar even zo te zeggen1.

1 There are two different translation problems in this sentence: the translations of “shite” and “UK”.

First of all, even though Dutch people generally use English swearing words such as “shit” and “fuck”

and they do not have to be translated, “shite” is not commonly used. One possible solution was to

maintain “shite” in the sentence and translate “UK” as “Verengid Koninkrijk” rather than the less

commonly used “VK”. The translation would become “die beloningskwestie was een gigantische bult

shite, zoals ze dat in het Verenigd Koninkrijk zeggen”. However, because the target audience is not

acquainted enough with the meaning of “shite”, the decision was made to omit both “shite” and the

reference to the UK, because the latter would then be unimportant as well. The reason “gelul” was

chosen is because it is an expletive like “shite” and it shows. This can be linked to Chesterman’s

change of explictiness (163), because “shite” is more explicit than “gelul” and the reference to the UK

is omitted as well.

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Brighid, de Keltische godin van poëzie, vuur en het smeden had beloofd me te belonen als ik

Aenghus Óg vermoordde, maar in de drie weken sinds de Dood hem naar de hel gedragen had

ik niets van haar vernomen. Ik had genoeg gehoord van de goden van de rest van de wereld,

maar van die van mij? Enkel het gesjirp van krekels.

De Japanners wilden dat ik de Chinezen lastigviel en vice versa. De oude Russische goden

wilden dat ik de Hongaren ervan langs gaf. De Grieken wilden dat ik hun Romaanse na-apers

in een bizarre manifestatie van zelfhaat en moorddadige jaloezie uitschakelde. Maar de raarste

waren zeker de mannen van Paaseiland, die wilden dat ik met enkele rottende totempalen in

de omgeving van Seattle knoeide. Maar iedereen, zo leek het tenminste, wilde dat ik Thor

doodde zodra ik ook maar even tijd had. Ik vermoed dat de hele wereld genoeg had van zijn

geintjes.

De opmerkelijkste hiervan was mijn eigen advocaat, Leif Helgarson. Hij was een oude

IJslandse vampier die Thor ooit in het verre verleden vermoedelijk aanbeden had, maar hij

had me nooit verteld waarom hij nu zoveel haat tegen hem koesterde. Leif deed wat juridisch

werk voor me, sparde regelmatig met me om mijn zwaardarm in vorm te houden en dronk af

en toe een bokaal vol met mijn bloed bij wijze van betaling.

De avond na Samhain trof ik hem aan op mijn veranda, waar hij op me wachtte. Het was een

frisse avond in Tempe en ik was in een goede bui aangezien ik veel had om dankbaar voor te

zijn. Terwijl de Amerikaanse kinderen zich die avond ervoor vermaakt hadden met het langs

de deuren gaan voor Halloween, had ik in mijn eigen privéceremonies overvloedig aandacht

besteed aan de Morrigan en Brighid en was ik blij dat ik een leerling had om te onderwijzen

en de avond mee door te brengen. Granuaile was op tijd voor Samhain teruggekeerd vanuit

17


Noord-Carolina en ondanks dat we met z’n tweeën niet echt een druïdengrove2 vormden, was

het nog steeds een betere heiligenavond dan ik in eeuwen ervaren had. Ik was de enige

overgebleven echte druïde en het idee om een nieuwe druidengrove te beginnen na het zo’n

lange tijd alleen te hebben gedaan, had me vervuld met hoop. Dus toen Leif me beleefd

begroette vanaf mijn veranda toen ik thuiskwam uit mijn werk, reageerde ik misschien

uitbundiger dan ik had moeten doen.

“Leif, jij enge bastaard3, hoe gaat ‘ie met je?” Ik grijnsde breed terwijl ik op de rem van mijn

fiets trapte. Hij trok zijn wenkbrauwen op, staarde me langs zijn lange Noordse neus aan en ik

realiseerde me dat hij waarschijnlijk niet gewend was aan zo’n nonchalante begroeting.

2 Druid grove is translated here as “druïdengrove”, which is an loan translation according to Andrew

Chesterman (155). The reason for this translation is that the term is used on Dutch sites about druids

(“Vragen”) and has the same meaning as it does in English. Another possible translation was

“druïdenorde”, but after looking up the meaning for both, “druïdengrove” has a more specific meaning

than “druïdenorde” has. A druid grove is a group which meets up regularly and is led by at least two

members who have a Druid Grade (“Frequently”). A Druid Order is more general and encompasses all

off the druids and does not refer to the meetings.

3 The problem here is that “bastard” has two meanings in English, but only one in Dutch. In English

the word refers to an illegitimate child and it is used as an expletive, whereas in Dutch “bastaard” only

has the meaning of illegitimate child. The first two times “bastard” can be translated to the Dutch

“bastaard”, because the meaning is clear: it shows that Leif does not want people to think he is an

illegitimate child and it also illustrates that he is not acquainted with the fact that “bastard” has another

meaning. However, later on “bastard” is used again (“people will start to think you’re a spooky

bastard”), but here the translation is not completely correct because why would people think he is a

bastard when they hear him speak. It is important to maintain the notion of “bastard” in the sense of

illegitimate child alive, because it is that meaning that Leif knows. Another solution could be to only

change the latter “bastard” to something else such as “enge griezel” or “engerd”, which conveys the

meaning here better, but the choice has been made not to change it.

18


“Ik ben geen bastaard,” antwoordde hij schalks. “Maar ik geef toe dat ik eng ben. En hoewel

het goed gaat”, zijn mondhoek krulde een fractie omhoog, “beken ik dat ik niet zo jolig als jij

ben.”

“Jolig?” Ik trok mijn wenkbrauwen op. Leif had me in het verleden gevraagd om hem erop

aan te spreken wanneer het gedrag dat hij vertoonde onthulde hoeveel ouder hij was dan hij

eruit zag.

Blijkbaar wilde hij op dat moment niet verbeterd worden. Hij haalde luidruchtig adem om zijn

ergernis te uiten. Ik vond het grappig dat hij dat deed, aangezien hij geen adem hoefde te

halen.

“Prima,” zei hij. “Niet zo joviaal, dan.”

“Niemand gebruikt die woorden tegenwoordig nog, Leif, behalve dan ouwe lullen zoals wij.”

Ik leunde mijn fiets tegen de veranda aan en beklom de drie treden om vervolgens naast hem

te gaan zitten. “Je moet echt behoorlijk tijd besteden aan het leren hoe je erbij kan passen.

Maak er een project van, aangezien popcultuur tegenwoordig op een veel sneller tempo

verandert. Het is niet zoals in de Middeleeuwen, toen de Kerk en de aristocratie zorgden dat

alles beschaafd en bij het oude bleef.”

“Goed, aangezien jij de taalkunstenaar bent die koorddanst op de tijdgeest, moet je me op de

hoogte brengen. Hoe had ik moeten reageren?”

“Ten eerste, zeg geen ‘goed’ meer. Dat gebruikt niemand meer. Nu zeggen ze altijd, ‘Het gaat

lekker.’” 4

4 One of the biggest problems is the translation is that of the distinction between “good” and “well”

which exist in English, but it does not exist in a similar way in Dutch. One possible way to solve this

is by taking an old-fashioned word meaning “well” or “good” in Dutch and use this every time “well”

19


Leif fronste. “Maar dat is grammaticaal incorrect.”

“Die mensen geven niets om correct. Je kunt ze vertellen dat ze een bijvoeglijk naamwoord

als bijwoord proberen te gebruiken en ze staren je aan alsof je een pad bent.”

“Ik begrijp dat hun onderwijssysteem met ernstige tegenslagen te maken heeft gehad.”

“Vertel mij wat. Dus wat je had moeten zeggen was, ‘Ik ben niet zo opgewekt als jij, Atticus,

maar ‘het gaat chill.’”

“‘Het gaat chill’? Dat betekent dat het goed gaat —of lekker, zoals jij dat zegt?”

“Correct.”

“Maar dat is nonsens!” protesteerde Leif.

“Het is moderne spreektaal.” Ik haalde mijn schouders op. “Je moet het zelf weten als je je

ouderwets wilt blijven gedragen, maar als je een negentiende-eeuwse tongval blijft gebruiken

zullen mensen gaan denken dat je een enge bastaard bent.”

“Dat denken ze toch al.”

“Je bedoelt omdat je alleen ‘s nachts naar buiten komt en van hun drinkt?” zei ik met een

klein, onschuldig stemmetje.

“Precies,” zei Leif, onaangetast door mijn geplaag.

“Nee, Leif.” Ik schudde ernstig mijn hoofd. “Daar komen ze pas veel later achter, als ze er al

achter komen. Die mensen vinden je eng door de manier waarop je praat en de manier waarop

je je gedraagt. Ze hebben door dat je hier niet thuishoort. Geloof me, het komt niet door je

is used in the source text. However, “goed” already exists since the 10th century (Philippa), making it

difficult to find an even more archaic word with the same meaning. The final decision was for Atticus

to teach Leif to use a more modern vernacular and because of this the translation of “well” became

“goed” and “good” was changed to “lekker”. In a way it is similar to English, but here Atticus tells

Leif to use slang in order to fit in better whereas in the source text Atticus tells Leif to stop using the

outdated word for “good”. In a way, the reader could also regard this as Atticus messing with Leif,

because hardly anyone says “het gaat lekker” and Atticus has a tendency to joke around.

20


melkwitte huid. Hier in de Valley of the Sun zijn veel mensen zijn bang voor huidkanker.

Mensen schrikken pas wanneer je begint te praten, omdat ze dan weten dat je oud bent.”

“Maar ik ben oud, Atticus!”

“En ik ben minstens duizend jaar ouder, of ben je dat soms vergeten?”

Hij zuchtte, de vermoeide, oude vampier die geen adem hoefde te halen. “Nee, dat ben ik niet

vergeten.”

“Best. Zeur niet tegen mij over oud zijn. Ik hang rond met studenten en ze hebben geen idee

dat ik niet zoals zij ben. Ze denken dat mijn geld uit een erfenis of een trustfonds komt en ze

willen wat met me drinken.”

“Ik vind studenten verrukkelijk. Ik zou ook graag wat met ze willen drinken.”

“Nee, Leif, jij wilt van ze drinken en dat voelen ze onderbewust aan, omdat je een roofzuchtig

aura uitstraalt.” Hij gedroeg zich niet langer als een held op sokken en hij keek me scherp aan.

“Je zei dat ze mijn aura niet kunnen waarnemen zoals jij dat kan.”

“Nee, ze kunnen het niet bewust waarnemen. Maar ze hebben door dat je anders bent, vooral

omdat je niet reageert zoals van je verwacht wordt en je je anders gedraagt dan je uiterlijk

doet vermoeden.”

“Hoe oud zie ik eruit?”

“Eh,” Ik nam hem in me op, op zoek naar rimpels. “Je lijkt achterin de dertig.”

“Zie ik er zo oud uit? Ik was achterin de twintig toen ik veranderd werd.”

“De tijden waren toen zwaarder.” Ik haalde opnieuw mijn schouders op.

“Dat veronderstel ik. Ik ben gekomen om met je over die tijden te spreken, als je tijd hebt

voor de span van een uur of zo.5”

5 A better translation here would have been: “voor de tijdspanne van een uur”. However, by using that

translationt the anapaestic metre would be lost, because “voor de tijdspanne van een uur” has neither

an anapaestic nor a repeating metre. The decision was made to translate it to “voor de span van een

uur” to maintain the anapaestic metre followed by the iambic metre intact. The choice here is between

21


“Juist,” antwoordde ik en ik rolde met mijn ogen. “Laat me mijn zandloper en mijn verdomde

rookjas pakken. Luister naar jezelf, Leif! Wil je erbij passen of niet? De span van een uur?

Wie zegt die shit tegenwoordig nog?”

“Wat is daar mis mee?”

“Niemand is zo formeel! Je kan gewoon zeggen ‘als je tijd hebt’ en het daarbij laten, al zou

het nog beter zijn geweest om ‘als je niks te doen heb’ te zeggen.”

“Maar ik genoot van de anapestische versvoet van ‘voor de span van een uur’ gevolgd door de

jambische—”

keeping the metre or choosing the better translation, but Atticus comments on it, so the metre was

more important here than the translation. However, another possibility is to completely change the

sentence and still have the same or a similar poetic metre.

22


“Goden der onderwereld6, stel je je zinnen samen in ongerijmde dichtvorm? Geen wonder dat

je nog geen halfuur lang een gesprek kan voeren met een corpsmeisje! Ze zijn gewend om

met corpsjongens te praten, niet met Shakespeareaanse-onderzoekers!”

<Atticus? Ben je thuis?> Het was mijn Ierse wolfshond, Oberon, die rechtstreeks in mijn

gedachten sprak met behulp van de magische verbinding die we delen. Hij stond

waarschijnlijk aan de andere kant van de deur en luisterde naar ons gesprek. Ik vroeg Leif om

een momentje zodat ik met mijn hond kon praten.

Ja, Oberon, ik ben thuis. Leif zit hier op de veranda en gedraagt zich naar zijn leeftijd.

<Ik weet het, ik rook hem eerder al. Het is net Eau de Dood of zo. Maar ik heb niet geblaft,

zoals je vroeg.> Je bent een brave hond. Wil je bij ons komen zitten?

<Natuurlijk!>

Ik moet je waarschuwen, het kan saai worden. Hij wil een tijdje ergens over praten en hij ziet

er nogal beangstigend en Noords uit. Het kan fantastisch worden.

<Dat geeft niet. Je kunt de hele tijd over m’n buik aaien. Ik beloof dat ik stil blijf liggen.>

6 “Gods Below” is an exclamation Atticus uses instead of saying something like “what the fuck”,

“what the hell” or “for God’s sake”. One possible solution is to translate it in a way that is similar to

these aforementioned synonyms. However, there is a reason why Atticus uses “Gods Below” and this

should then also be evident in the translation. The final decision was “goden der onderwereld”,

because it seems to mean something similar: the notion of gods who are below in hell, because all

mythologies have their own word for hell and they all have their own rulers. Another possibility was

“doodsgoden”, but was decided against, because the gods are not necessarily the ones that bring death.

This way of translating can be linked to Chesterman’s loan translation (155), because it is a translation

of the English term into a Dutch equivalent. The point that can be made against “goden der

onderwereld” is that it might not be really clear what it refers to.

23


Bedankt, maatje. Ik beloof dat we gaan hardlopen nadat hij weg is. Ik opende de voordeur en

Oberon kwam naar buiten gesprongen, zich niet bewust van het feit dat zijn kwispelende

staart voortdurend klappen tegen Leifs bovenarm uitdeelde.

<Laten we naar de Town Lake gaan nadat die dooie vertrokken is. En dan naar Rúla Búla.>

Hij noemde de naam van onze favoriete Ierse pub waar ik sinds kort niet meer welkom ben.

Het management van Rúla Búla is nog steeds boos op me, omdat ik Granuaile van ze afgepakt

heb. Ze was hun beste bartender.

<Nog steeds? Maar dat was eeuwen geleden.>

Er zijn pas drie weken voorbij, hielp ik hem herinneren. Honden zijn niet zo goed met tijd. Je

mag straks over de golfbaan rondrennen en alle konijnen die je vangt houden. Ga liggen

zodat ik over je buik kan aaien. Ik moet nu met Leif praten. Oberon gehoorzaamde

onmiddellijk en het hout van de veranda rammelde toen hij zich lomp op z’n rug liet

neerploffen tussen Leif en mij in.

<Dit is het allerbeste! Er is niets beters dan wanneer je over mijn buik aait. Behalve dan

misschien Franse poedels. Weet je Fifi nog? Dat waren nog eens goede tijden.>

“Goed, Leif, hij is nu een tevreden hond,” zei ik terwijl ik Oberon achter zijn ribben krabde.

“Waar wilde je het over hebben?

“Het is tamelijk simpel,” begon hij, “maar zoals met alle simpele dingen, ook enorm

ingewikkeld.”

“Wacht. Je klinkt te intelligent met die bijwoorden. Gebruik erg en heel voor alles,”

adviseerde ik hem.

“Dat doe ik liever niet, als je me wilt vergeven. Mag ik spreken zoals ik wens, aangezien ik

bij jou mijn ware aard niet probeer te verbergen?”

24


“Natuurlijk,” zei ik en ik moest me inhouden om niet te zeggen dat hij niet zulke vormelijke

taal moest gebruiken7. “Het spijt me, Leif, ik probeer je gewoon te helpen, weet je.”

“Ja, en dat waardeer ik. Maar dit is al moeilijk genoeg zonder dat ik mijn woorden door een

filter van laag geletterdheid hoef te halen.” Hij haalde onnodig diep adem en sloot zijn ogen

terwijl hij langzaam uitademde. Het zag eruit alsof hij zichzelf probeerde te centreren en een

chakrapunt probeerde te vinden. “Er zijn vele redenen waarom ik je hulp vraag en vele

redenen waarom je zou moeten instemmen om me te helpen, maar die kunnen wel even

wachten. Hier is de korte versie,” zei hij, hij opende zijn ogen en draaide zijn hoofd om me

aan te kunnen kijken. “Ik wil dat je me helpt om Thor te vermoorden.”

<Ha! Zeg dat hij achteraan in de rij moet gaan staan!> zei Oberon. Hij pufte zoals hij dat

altijd deed wanneer hij iets bijzonder grappig vond. Gelukkig had Leif niet door dat mijn

hond hem aan het uitlachen was.

“Hmm,” zei ik. “Thor wekt zeker moordlustige gedachten op. Je bent niet de eerste persoon

die me in de afgelopen weken dat voorstel doet.” Leif zat er bovenop. “Één van de vele

redenen waarom je moet instemmen om me te helpen. Je zou voldoende bondgenoten hebben

die je alle hulp kunnen bieden die je nodig hebt en mocht je slagen dan heb je volop dankbare

bewonderaars.”

“En rouwers in overvloed mocht ik falen? Als hij zo universeel gehaat wordt, waarom heeft

dan nog niemand anders het klusje geklaard?”

7 This sentence had to be changed completely, because contractions are not used in the same way in

Dutch as they are in English. One possible solution was to change it to refer to Leif speaking very

superficial by speaking the words as they are meant to be said and that he does not leave letter out or

put two words together. Finally, the decision was made to translate it to Atticus saying that Leif should

not speak so formal, but with using “vormelijk” as “formeel” has already been used to refer to Leif’s

speech before. This is more general and it indicates that Leif speaks in a certain way and uses archaic

words that are not regularly used in everyday speech nowadays.

25


“Vanwege Ragnarok,” antwoordde Leif, die de vraag duidelijk al verwachtte. “Door die

voorspelling is iedereen bang voor hem en het heeft hem onverdraaglijk arrogant gemaakt.

Volgens hun redenering kan er nu blijkbaar niets aan gedaan worden als hij bij het einde van

de wereld is. Maar dat is kletskoek.” Ik glimlachte. “Zei je nou net dat Ragnarok kletskoek

is?” Oberon pufte nogmaals.

Leif negeerde me en zwoegde door. “Niet alle voorspelde apocalypsen komen uit, net zoals er

maar een scheppingsverhaal waar kan zijn, als er al één waar is. We kunnen ons niet beperken

tot een eeuwenoud verhaal dat verzonnen is in de bevroren hersenen van mijn voorouders. We

kunnen nu een verschil maken.”

“Kijk, Leif, ik weet dat je een saga vol redenen hebt waarom ik dit zou moeten doen, maar

niets daarvan kan me overhalen. Ik denk simpelweg niet dat het mijn taak is om dit te doen.

Aenghus Óg en Bres kwamen allebei naar mij toe en zochten ruzie met me, ik maakte het

alleen maar af. En weet je, het had makkelijk anders kunnen aflopen. Je was er niet bij: ik had

het bijna niet gehaald. Ik neem aan dat je dit gezien hebt?” Ik wees naar mijn verminkte

rechteroor. Een demon die op de mascotte van Iron Maiden leek had hem eraf gebeten en ik

26


was slechts in staat geweest om een verminkte massa kraakbeen te herstellen. (Ik had mezelf

er al op betrapt dat ik “don’t spend your time always searching for those wasted ears”8 aan het

zingen was.)

“Natuurlijk heb ik dat gezien,” antwoordde Leif.

“Ik heb geluk gehad dat ik met zo weinig schade ben weggekomen. Ondanks dat ik geen hoge

prijs heb hoeven te betalen voor het vermoorden van Aenghus, heb ik meerdere onaangename

bezoeken van andere goden gehad als resultaat. En dat is enkel omdat ik nog steeds

onbetekenend ben. Kun je je voorstellen wat de rest van de goden zouden doen als ik het voor

elkaar krijg om iemand zo belangrijk als Thor om te leggen? Ze zouden me gezamenlijk

neerhalen om de dreiging te verwijderen. Ik geloof trouwens niet dat het mogelijk is om hem

te vermoorden.”

“Oh, maar het is mogelijk,” zei Leif, hij tilde een vinger op en schudde hem heen en weer.

“De Noorse goden zijn net als jouw Tuatha Dé Danann. Ze hebben de eeuwige jeugd, maar ze

kunnen vermoord worden.”

“De originelen wel, ja,” stemde ik toe. “Ik heb de oude werken gelezen en ik weet dat je

achter Thor versie 1.0 aanzit. Maar weet je, er bestaan nu meerdere versies van Thor, zoals er

ook meerdere Coyotes en verscheidene versies van Jezus, Boeddha en Elvis zijn. We kunnen

Asgard binnenvallen, Thor 1.0 vermoorden en als het ons dan lukt om niet compleet

ingemaakt te worden door de rest van de Noren, kunnen we terugkeren naar Midgard enkel

8 The final decision here was to keep the song text in the target text. If the lyrics were to be translated

it would end in a very literal translation and become “verdoe je tijd niet aan het zoeken naar die

verspilde oren.” “verspilde oren”, although not the best translation, originates from “wasted years” for

which the best translation would be “verspilde jaren”. Other possibilities were to change it to a Dutch

song, or to choose another song more people would know. However, in doing so the reference to Iron

Maiden would make less sense. People who know the song “Wasted Years” by Iron Maiden will

understand the joke and most people have enough knowledge of English to understand one sentence.

27


zodat de Thor uit het stripboek ons verrot kan slaan, omdat we ondeugende boefjes zijn. Heb

je daar over nagedacht?” Leif keek me volkomen verward aan. “Thor heeft een stripboek?”

“Ja, hoe kon je dat missen. Er is ook een film over hem gemaakt die gebaseerd is op het

stripboek. Hij is een heroïsche vent hier in de Verenigde Staten, helemaal niet zo’n lul als de

echte. Zolang je de aandacht niet naar jezelf toetrekt zal hij je negeren, maar als je Asgard

gaat bestormen zal zijn aandacht waarschijnlijk redelijk snel getrokken zijn.”

“Hmm. Stel dat ik een bondgenootschap van wezens kan samenstellen die bereid zijn om aan

de fysieke aanval op Asgaard deel te nemen en ons terug naar Midgaard te vergezellen. Kan

ik in zo’n scenario op je hulp rekenen?”

Ik schudde langzaam mijn hoofd. “Nee, Leif, het spijt me. Een van de redenen dat ik nog

steeds leef is omdat ik nooit met een dondergod op de vuist ben gegaan. Het is een goede

overlevingsstrategie en ik blijf erbij. Maar als je zoiets gaat doen, raad ik je aan om Loki te

vermijden. Hij zal doen alsof hij aan jouw kant staat, maar zodra hij de kans krijgt verlinkt hij

alles aan Odin en dan komen ze uit dat pantheon met houten staken achter je aan.”

“Dat is op dit moment misschien wel de betere optie dan samen met hem te blijven bestaan. Ik

wil wraak.”

“Wraak voor wat, precies?” Normaal gesproken bemoei ik me niet met vampierpsychologie,

omdat het zo voorspelbaar is: het enige waar ze zich mee bezig neigen te houden zijn hun

macht en hun territorium. Ze genieten er trouwens wel van als je vragen stelt, dan kunnen ze

mysterieus over komen wanneer ze geen antwoord geven.

Leif kreeg de kans niet om te antwoorden, ook al leek hij er een halve minuut klaar voor te

zijn. Toen hij zijn mond opende om te praten, schoten zijn ogen naar mijn borstbeen waar

mijn ijzeren amulet op rustte en op hetzelfde moment voelde ik de ruimte tussen mijn

sleutelbeenderen opwarmen, zelfs branden.

28


“Uh,” zei Leif in wat wellicht zijn meest sprakeloze moment ooit was, “waarom gloeit je

amulet?”

Ik voelde de hitte stijgen als het kwik op een ochtend in augustus, zweet verscheen op mijn

voorhoofd en het misselijkmakende sissende geluid in mijn oren was een klein stukje van

mezelf dat gebakken werd als bacon. En ook al wilde ik instinctief de ketting van mijn nek

aftrekken en op het gazon gooien, vocht ik tegen de drang, omdat de smeulende klomp ijzer—

het tegengestelde van magie—het enige is dat me in leven houdt.

“Dit is een magische aanval!” siste ik met opeengeklemde kaken, mijn knokkels werden wit

doordat ik de armleuning stevig vastgreep en ik concentreerde me op het blokkeren van de

pijn. Dat deed ik niet alleen om mijn schreeuwende zenuwen te stillen, want als ik de pijn zou

toelaten was ik er geweest. Pijn is de snelste manier om het reptielenbrein wakker te schudden

en eenmaal ontwaakt is hij geneigd om de hogere cerebrale functies9 uit te schakelen, wat

iemand verdooft achterlaat waardoor die persoon niet in staat is om te functioneren voorbij de

instinctieve vecht-of-vluchtreactie—en dat zou me niet in staat stellen om duidelijk te

communiceren en de puntjes voor Leif te verbinden voor het geval het kwartje nog steeds niet

gevallen was: “Iemand probeert me te vermoorden!”

9 The problem with the translation of “the higher functions of the cerebral cortex” is that the

translation of “cerebral cortex” in Dutch is “hersenschors” or “cortex cerebri”. By using this in the

translation it would become “de hogere functies van het hersenschors” or “de hogere functies van de

cortex cerebri”, which are both a bit vague and not necessarily clear what part of the brain they refer

to. However, the meaning of “hogere cerebrale functies” is not that obvious either, but it is the phrase

that is used by scholars (Bouman 283). The “hogere cerebrale functies” includes most processes in the

brain, such as creativity, intelligence and memory and this encompasses the idea Atticus is referring

to.

29


3. Works Cited

“About Kevin”. Kevin Hearne. n.d. Web. 14 June 2014.

“Books”. Kevin Hearne. n.d. Web. 14 June 2014.

Bouman, L.N, J.A Bernards, and Hendrikus Wilhelmus Gerardus Maria. Boddeke. "Hogere

Cerebrale Functies." Medische Fysiologie. Houten: Bohn Stafleu Van Loghum, 2008.

283-304. Print.

Chesterman, Andrew. “Vertaalstrategieën: een classificatie.” Denken over vertalen. Eds. Ton

Naaijkens, Cees Koster, Henri Bloemen, and Caroline Meijer. Nijmegen: Vantilt,

2010. 153-172. Print.

Clute, John and John Grant. “Cold Iron”. Encyclopaedia of Fantasy. 1997.

Clute, John and John Grant. “Urban Fantasy”. Encyclopaedia of Fantasy. 1997.

"Frequently Asked Questions." Order of Bards and Druids. OBOD, n.d. Web. 20 May 2014.

Grit, Diederik. “De vertaling van realia.” Denken over vertalen. Eds. Ton Naaijkens, Cees

Koster, Henri Bloemen, and Caroline Meijer. Nijmegen: Vantilt, 2010. 189-196. Print.

Hamilton, Claire, and Steve Eddy. De Kelten, Erfgoed Van Een Eeuwenoude Cultuur. Trans.

Wilma Paalman. Kerkdriel: Libero, 2008. Print.

Hearne, Kevin. Hammered. New York: Del Rey, 2011. Print.

Hearne, Kevin. Hexed. New York: Del Rey, 2011. Print.

MacLeod, Sharon Paice. Celtic Myth and Religion. Jefferson: MacFarland, 2012. Print.

Nord, Christiane. “Tekstanalyse en de moeilijkheidsgraad van een vertaling.” Denken over

vertalen. Eds. Ton Naaijkens, Cees Koster, Henri Bloemen, and Caroline Meijer.

Nijmegen: Vantilt, 2010. 145-152. Print.

Philippa, M. "Goed (deugdelijk, niet slecht)." Etymologiebank. Ed. Nicoline van der Sijs.

Meertens Instituut, 2010. Web. 16 June 2014.

30


"Profile of General Population and Housing Characteristics: 2010." American FactFinder.

United States Census Bureau, 2010. Web. 20 May 2014.

“Review” Kevin Hearne. n.d. 14 June 2014.

"Veelgestelde Vragen over De Orde." OBOD in De Lage Landen, Een Moderne Traditie Van

Druïden. Orde van Barden, Ovaten en Druïden in de Lage Landen, 2011. Web. 20

May 2014.

31


4. Appendix

Hexed – Chapter 1 (1-10)

Turns out that when you kill a god, people want to talk to you. Paranormal insurance

salesmen with special “godslayer” term life policies. Charlatans with “god-proof” armor and

extraplanar safe houses for rent. But, most notably, other gods, who want to first congratulate

you on your achievement, second warn you not to try such shenanigans on them, and finally

suggest that you try to slay one of their rivals—purely as a shenanigan, of course.

Ever since word got around to the various pantheons that I had snuffed not one but two of the

Tuatha Dé Danann—and sent the more powerful of the two to the Christian hell —I had been

visited by various potentates, heralds, and ambassadors from most of the world’s belief

systems. All of them wanted me to leave them alone but pick a fight with someone else, and if

I successfully lanced the immortal boil that vexed them, I’d be rewarded beyond my wildest

dreams, blah blah barf yak.

That reward business was a giant load of shite, as they’d say in the U.K. Brighid, Celtic

goddess of poetry, fire, and the forge, had promised to reward me if I killed Aenghus Óg, but

I hadn’t heard a word from her in the three weeks since Death carried him off to hell. I’d

heard plenty from the rest of the world’s gods, but from my own? Nothing but the chirping of

crickets.

The Japanese wanted me to mess with the Chinese, and vice versa. The old Russian gods

wanted me to stick it to the Hungarians. The Greeks wanted me to knock off their Roman

copycats in a bizarre manifestation of self-loathing and internecine jealousy. The weirdest by

far were those Easter Island guys, who wanted me to mess around with some rotting totem

poles in the Seattle area. But everyone—at least, it sure seemed like everyone—wanted me to

slay Thor as soon as I had a free moment. The whole world was tired of his shenanigans, I

guess.

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Foremost among these was my own attorney, Leif Helgarson. He was an old Icelandic

vampire who had presumably worshipped Thor at some point in ancient history, but he’d

never told me why he now harbored such hatred for him. Leif did some legal work for me,

sparred with me regularly to keep my sword arm sharp, and occasionally drank a goblet full of

my blood by way of payment.

I found him waiting for me on my porch the night after Samhain. It was a cool evening in

Tempe, and I was in a good mood after having much to give thanks for. While the American

children had busied themselves the night before by trick-or-treating on Halloween, I had paid

plenty of attention to the Morrigan and Brighid in my own private ceremonies, and I was

thrilled to have an apprentice to teach and to share the night with. Granuaile had returned

from North Carolina in time for Samhain, and though the two of us were not much of a

Druid’s grove, it was still a better holy night than I had enjoyed in centuries. I was the only

real Druid left, and the idea of starting a new grove after such a long time of going it alone

had filled me with hope. So when Leif greeted me formally from my front porch as I came

home from work, I was perhaps more exuberant in my response than I should have been.

“Leif, you spooky bastard, how the hell are ya?” I grinned widely as I braked my bike to a

stop. He raised his eyebrows and peered at me down his long Nordic nose, and I realized that

he was probably unused to such cavalier address.

“I am not a bastard,” he replied archly. “Spooky I will grant you. And while I am well”—a

corner of his mouth quirked upward a fraction—“I confess not so jocund as yourself.”

“Jocund?” I raised my brows. Leif had asked me in the past to call him on behaviors that

broadcast how much older he was than he looked.

Apparently he didn’t want to be corrected right then. He exhaled noisily to express his

exasperation. I thought it amusing that he employed that, since he had no need to breathe.

“Fine,” he said. “Not so jovial, then.”

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“No one uses those words anymore, Leif, except for old farts like us.” I leaned my bike

against the porch rails and mounted the three steps to take a seat next to him. “You really

should spend some decent time learning how to blend in. Make it a project. Popular culture is

mutating at a much faster rate these days. It’s not like the Middle Ages, when you had the

Church and the aristocracy keeping everything nice and stagnant.”

“Very well , since you are the verbal acrobat who walks the tightrope of the zeitgeist, educate

me. How should I have responded?”

“First, get rid of ‘well.’ Nobody uses that anymore either. Now they always say, ‘I’m good.’”

Leif frowned. “But that is grammatically improper.”

“These people don’t care about proper. You can tell them they’re trying to use an adjective as

an adverb and they’ll just stare at you like you’re a toad.”

“Their educational system has suffered serious setbacks, I see.”

“Tell me about it. So what you should have said was, ‘I’m not stoked like you, Atticus, but

I’m chill’.”

“I’m ‘chill’? That means I am well —or good, as you say?”

“Correct.”

“But that’s nonsense!” Leif protested.

“It’s modern vernacular.” I shrugged. “Date yourself if you want, but if you keep using

nineteenth-century diction, people will start to think you’re a spooky bastard.”

“They already think that.”

“You mean because you only come out at night and you suck their blood?” I said in a tiny,

innocent voice.

“Precisely,” Leif said, unaffected by my teasing.

“No, Leif.” I shook my head in all seriousness. “They don’t figure that out until much later, if

they ever figure it out at all. These people think you’re spooky because of the way you talk

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and the way you behave. They can tell you don’t belong. Believe me, it’s not that you have

skin like two-percent milk. Lots of people are scared of skin cancer out here in the Valley of

the Sun. It’s once you start talking that people get creeped out. They know you’re old then.”

“But I am old, Atticus!”

“And I’ve got at least a thousand years on you, or have you forgotten?”

He sighed, the weary ancient vampire who had no need for respiration. “No, I have not

forgotten.”

“Fine. Don’t complain to me about being old. I hang out with these college kids and they have

no clue that I’m not one of them. They think my money comes from an inheritance or a trust

fund, and they want to have a drink with me.”

“I find the college children delightful. I would like to have a drink with them too.”

“No, Leif, you want to drink of them, and they can sense that subconsciously because you

radiate this predatory aura.” His affectation of a henpecked husband sloughed away and he

looked at me sharply. “You told me they can’t sense my aura as you do.”

“No, they can’t consciously sense it. But they pick up on your otherness, mostly because you

don’t respond like you should or act like a man of your cosmetic age.”

“How old do I look?”

“Ehh,” I appraised him, looking for wrinkles. “You look like you’re in your late thirties.”

“I look that old? I was turned in my late twenties.”

“Times were tougher back then.” I shrugged again.

“I suppose. I have come to talk to you about those times, if you are free for the span of an

hour or so.”

“Right,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Just let me go get my hourglass and my freakin’ smoking

jacket. Listen to yourself, Leif! Do you want to blend in or not? The span of an hour? Who

says shit like that anymore?”

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“What’s wrong with that?”

“No one is so formal! You could just say ‘if you’re free’ and end it there, though it would

have been better to say ‘if you ain’t doin’ nothing.’”

“But I enjoyed the anapestic meter of ‘for the span of an hour’ followed by the iamb—”

“Gods Below, you compose your sentences in blank verse? No wonder you can’t carry on a

half hour’s conversation with a sorority girl! They’re used to talking with frat boys, not

Shakespearean scholars!”

<Atticus? You’re home?> It was my Irish wolfhound, Oberon, speaking directly to my mind

through the connection we share. He was probably on the other side of the door, listening to

us talk. I told Leif to hold on a second as I spoke with him.

Yes, Oberon, I’m home. Leif’s out here on the front porch, acting his age.

<I know, I smelled him earlier. It’s like Eau de Death or something. I didn’t bark, though, like

you said.> You’re a good hound. Want to come hang out with us?

<Sure!>

I have to warn you, it might be boring. He wants to talk about something for a while, and he’s

looking particularly grim and Nordic. It might be epic.

<That’s okay. You can rub my belly the whole time. I promise to be still.>

Thanks, buddy. I promise we’ll go for a run when he leaves. I opened the front door and

Oberon came bounding out, oblivious to the fact that his wagging tail was delivering steady

blows to Leif’s upper arm.

<Let’s go down to Town Lake after the dead guy says good-bye. And then Rúla Búla.> He

named our favorite Irish pub, from which I’d recently been banned.

The management of Rúla Búla is still mad at me for stealing Granuaile away from them. She

was their best bartender.

<Still? But that was ages ago.>

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It’s been only three weeks, I reminded him. Dogs aren’t all that great with time. I’ll let you

run around the golf course and you can keep any rabbits you catch. Flop down for your belly

rub. I have to talk to Leif now. Oberon promptly obeyed, rattling the timbers of the porch as

he thudded heavily onto his back between my seat and Leif’s.

<This is the best! There’s nothing better than belly rubs. Except maybe for French poodles.

Remember Fifi? Good times, good times.>

“Alright, Leif, he’s a happy hound now,” I said as I scratched Oberon’s ribs. “What did you

want to talk about?

“It is fairly simple,” he began, “but as with all simple things, vastly complicated.”

“Wait. You sound too accomplished with adverbs. Use really and very for everything,” I

advised him.

“I would rather not, if you will forgive me. Since I am not trying to disguise my true nature

with you, may I speak as I wish?”

“Of course,” I said, biting back the observation that he should use contractions more often.

“I’m sorry, Leif, I’m just trying to help, you know.”

“Yes, and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words

through a filter of ill literacy.” He took a deep, unnecessary breath and closed his eyes as he

slowly exhaled. He looked like he was trying to center himself and find a chakra point. “There

are many reasons why I require your aid, and many reasons why you should agree to help me,

but those can wait a few moments. Here is the short version,” he said, opening his eyes and

turning to look at me. “I want you to help me kill Thor.”

<Ha! Tell him to get in line!> Oberon said. He chuffed as he always did when he found

something particularly funny. Thankfully, Leif did not recognize that my dog was laughing at

him.

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“Hmm,” I said. “Thor certainly tends to inspire murderous thoughts. You’re not the first

person to suggest that to me these past couple of weeks.” Leif pounced. “One of the many

reasons you should agree to help. You would have ample allies to secure whatever aid you

needed and plenty of grateful admirers should you succeed.”

“And plenty of mourners should I fail? If he’s so universally hated, why hasn’t someone else

done the deed?”

“Because of Ragnarok,” Leif replied, obviously anticipating the question. “That prophecy has

everyone afraid of him, and it has made him insufferably arrogant. Their line of reasoning

says that if he is going to be around for the end of the world, then obviously nothing can be

done about him now. But that is poppycock.” I smiled. “Did you just say Ragnarok is

poppycock?” Oberon chuffed some more.

Leif ignored me and plowed on. “Not all of the prophesied apocalypses can come true, just as

only one of the creations can possibly be true, if any of them are. We cannot be tied down by

some ancient tale dreamed up in the frozen brains of my ancestors. We can change it right

now.”

“Look, Leif, I know you have a saga full of reasons why I should do this, but I really can’t

internalize any of it. I simply don’t think it’s my duty to do this. Aenghus Óg and Bres both

came to me and picked a fight, and all I did was finish it. And, you know, it could have easily

gone the other way. You weren’t there: I nearly didn’t make it. You’ve seen this, I imagine?”

I pointed to my disfigured right ear. A demon that looked like the Iron Maiden mascot had

chewed it off, and I hadn’t been able to regenerate anything except a mangled mass of

cartilage. (I’d already caught myself singing, “Don’t spend your time always searching for

those wasted ears.”)

“Of course I’ve seen it,” Leif replied.

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“I’m lucky I got away with so little damage. Even though I haven’t paid a huge price for

killing Aenghus, I’ve had several unpleasant visits from other gods as a result. And that’s only

because I’m still small potatoes. Can you imagine what the rest of the gods would do if I

managed to knock off someone big like Thor? They’d all take me out collectively just to

remove the threat. Besides, I don’t think it’s possible to kill him.”

“Oh, but it is possible,” Leif said, raising a finger and shaking it at me. “The Norse gods are

like your Tuatha Dé Danann. They have eternal youth, but they can be killed.”

“Originally, yeah,” I agreed. “I’ve read the old stuff, and I know that you’re after Thor

version 1.0. But you know, there’s more than one version of Thor out there now, just like

there are multiple Coyotes and various versions of Jesus and Buddha and Elvis. We can

invade Asgard, kill Thor 1.0, and then, if we manage to avoid getting creamed by the rest of

the Norse, we could come back here to Midgard only to have the comic book Thor smite the

hell out of us like the naughty varlets we are. Did you think about that?” Leif looked utterly

bewildered. “Thor has a comic book?”

“Yeah, how did you miss this? There’s a movie about him based on the comic too. He’s a

heroic kind of guy here in the States, not nearly so much of a dick as the original. He’ll ignore

you unless you draw attention to yourself, and storming Asgard will probably get his attention

pretty fast.”

“Hmm. Say that I can put together a coalition of beings willing to participate in the physical

assault on Asgard and accompany us back to Midgard. Could I count on your aid in such a

scenario?”

I slowly shook my head. “No, Leif, I’m sorry. One reason I’m still alive is that I’ve never

gone toe-to-toe with a thunder god. It’s a good survival strategy, and I’m going to stick with

it. But if you’re going to do something like that, I recommend avoiding Loki. He’ll pretend to

39


be on your side, but he’ll spill his guts to Odin first chance he gets, and then you’ll have that

entire pantheon coming after you with a wooden stake.”

“That might be preferable to me, at this point, than continuing to coexist with him. I want

revenge.”

“Revenge for what, exactly?” Normally I don’t pry into vampiric psychology, because it’s so

predictable: The only things they tend to get exercised about are power and territory. They

enjoy being asked questions, though, so that they can ignore you and appear mysterious when

they don’t answer.

Leif never got the chance to answer me, though he looked ready enough to do so for a half

second. As he opened his mouth to speak, his eyes flicked down to the base of my throat

where my cold iron amulet rested, just as I began to feel the space between my clavicles heat

up—even burn.

“Um,” Leif said in perhaps his most inarticulate moment ever, “why is your amulet glowing?”

I felt the heat surge like mercury on an August morning, sweat popped out on my scalp, and

the sickening sound of sizzling in my ears was a little piece of me frying like bacon. And even

though I instinctively wanted to peel off the necklace and chuck it onto the lawn, I fought

back the urge, because the smoldering lump of cold iron—the antithesis of magic—was the

only thing keeping me alive.

“I’m under magical attack!” I hissed through clenched teeth as I clutched the chair arms,

white-knuckled and concentrating on blocking the pain. I wasn’t working on that only to

silence my screaming nerves; if I let the pain get to me, I was finished. Pain is the fastest way

to stir up the reptilian brain, and once awakened, it tends to shut off the higher functions of

the cerebral cortex, leaving one witless and unable to function beyond the instinctive fight-or-

flight level—and that would have left me unable to communicate coherently and connect the

dots for Leif, in case he was missing out on the salient point: “Someone’s trying to kill me!”

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Web viewZe denken dat mijn geld uit een erfenis of een trustfonds komt en ze willen wat met me ... out with these college kids and ... clavicles heat up—even burn