Resonant Leadership Notes

Resonant LeadershipRichard Boyatzis and Annie McKee

Book Notes compiled by Jane Sigford

Chapter One: Great Leaders Move Us Leadership has changed. World is more unstable than ever before.

Organizations are more complex. Hierarchies don’t work any more. Therefore, leadership that used to work is no longer effective. And many of our leaders cannot sustain the effort over time because they burn out with because they do not practice renewal.

Great leaders, resonant leaders, are awake, aware and attuned to themselves, to others, and to the world around them. P. 3 They commit to their beliefs, stand strong in their values, and live full passionate lives. They are emotionally intelligent, and mindful. They work in full consciousness of self, others, nature, and society and they face the world with hope.

Resonance or Dissonance: The Leader’s Choice Great leaders of today are resonant leaders p. 2 Description of Resonant Leaders:

o Have emotional intelligence, have empathy, read people and organizations, demonstrate compassion, blend financial, human, intellectual, environmental and social capital into a recipe for effective performance, p. 5 Are emotionally intelligent, Face the world with hope

o Engage all people in organizations Resonant leadership difficult because: must give of self constantly.

Currently, we don’t allow for ways of renewal or that help us face unending challenges. In fact, we over-emphasize those things that lead to burnout—et.al long hours. being hyper connected to cell phone.

In addition, we have additional pressures to create predictable results. Have leaner organizations, therefore, more work to do.

However, if we sacrifice too much for too long—develop Sacrifice Syndrome. Over time we burnout and Dissonance becomes default.

Dissonant leaders create havoc, not accord.

Cycle of Sacrifice and Renewal

Much more stress now—called Power stress. Leaders have always had stress but there seems to be less recovery time now. What can we do? We need to manage syndrome of sacrifice, stress and dissonance—and not be its victims. P. 7

Leaders who can rebound engage in holistic recovery, uniting mind, body, spirit, and heart. P. 8

Must focus attention on developing intellect, understanding, and managing emotions, taking care of their bodies, and attending to the deep beliefs and dreams that feed their spirits. P. 8

Mindfulness, Hope and Compassion: Keys to Renewal

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True renewal comes from 3 key elements: o Mindfulness—living in state of full, conscious awareness of one’s

whole self, other people, and the context in which we live and work—Means being awake, aware, and attending—to ourselves and to world

o 2nd—hope—enables us to believe that the future we envision is possible.

o 3rd—compassion—ability to understand people’s wants and needs and feel motivated to act on our feelings. P. 9

The dynamic relationship among mindfulness, hope and compassion enables us to stay resilient in face of challenges. P. 9 But this doesn’t happen by accident.

Summary: leaders face unprecedented challenges. To counter this we need to engage in conscious process of renewal both on daily basis and over time.To stay in touch with those we lead, most of us need to pay attention to how we manage ourselves and others.

We need to combine mind, body, heart, and spirit, and bring our resonance to people and groups around us. P. 10

Chapter Two: The Leader’s Challenge

Why don’t old strategies of working hard, dynamism, and charging forward work like they used to? Because the workplace is much more complex, [Can read case study of Eduardo PP 13-16 of someone who was effective] Organizations are more democratic, groups may work more informally, relying less on established hierarchies. P. 16

[notes mine: Organizations are taking on the needs and characters of the expectations of Generation Xers and Millenials, instead of Boomers. See Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly Learning Community by Suzette Lovely and Austin G. Buffum and Generations by Willliam Strauss and Neil Howe. See my Appendix A]

Emotional reality of the community is vital. Leader must recognize that Informal meetings and conversations are key means for bridging gaps of understanding between previously opposing sides. Relationships need to be healed and rebuilt before any formal plan can be conceived.

As complexity of situation increases, it is increasingly important to focus o relationships, not outcomes. P. 16

Can get caught up and victimized by Sacrifice Syndrome when it is necessary to rebuild emotional and physical reserves.

Too often we get caught up in “fast track” and get caught up in dealing with sacrifices by oversimplifying tasks, doing minimum required to get job done. Therefore, we miss real goals

The Result=Dissonance --more common than resonance, poor leadership evident more often than good. Dissonance has become default mode.

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No one wants to fail or create dissonance but we need to learn to manage the inherent stress of leadership over time.

Flying High

[Case study of creating Southwest Airlines pp. 19-22 as model of building resonant leadership. Colleen Barrett (voted one of 50 most powerful women)

Recognized that effective teams, and powerful, positive organizational cultures do not happen by accident. Takes time, effort, planning and strategy to create and sustain healthy working relationships and norms that foster effectiveness. P. 30

Research shows that the way people feel about the climate, can account for nearly 30% of business performance. P. 21.

Resonant leaders bring out the best in us. People follow resonant leaders because the leader’s heart is clearly in the work.

Is your leader resonant? Ask these questions:o Is the leader inspirational?o Does the leader create an overall positive emotional tone that is

characterized by hope?o Is the leader in touch with others? Does the leader know what is

on others’ hearts and minds? Does the leader experience and demonstrate compassion?

o Is the leader mindful—authentic and in tune with self, others and the environment

. Resonance is Contagious—and so is Dissonance

Research has proven that emotions are contagious. We are literally “wired” to pick up subtle clues from one another—and therefore, we are dependent on one another for our emotions. P. 23 We gauge our response on the feelings we notice in those around us.

Our bodies respond in subtle ways—facial expressions, tone of voice, flushing, paling, and posture.

We are not always conscious of messages we are sending or receiving about emotions. P. 23 We actually catch emotions of people around us even when communication is completely nonverbal. P. 23

Especially true with leaders as we watch them carefully. They have power over us and we want to be able to predict, as best we can, what they want and what we should do. P. 24

If leaders are excited and hopeful, we feel invigorated and motivated. P. 24 People want to be around people like that and join in whatever they are doing.

Research shows that subordinates’ blood pressure went up dramatically when dealing with supervisor whose style was not respectful, fair, or sensitive to others. P. 24

Contagious nature of resonance—It translates into what we call “intangibles.” It’s a way of life, not abstract goal. Common sense and caring prevail and are expected, p. 26. Information flows freely. P. 26

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Dissonance also contagious—If we sense leader’s discomfort, we simply adjust behavior by trying to catch leader’s mood or trying to protect ourselves from whatever is disturbing him or her. P. 26

Emotions indirectly affect people’s judgment about social situations and impact their behavior as well. P 26

If we are confused by someone’s behavior, we avoid them, play their game, collude with their pretense and begin to engage in less-than-authentic behavior ourselves.

Emotional Intelligence: A Good Place to Start Emotional Intelligence—accounts for 85% to 90% of difference

between outstanding leaders and their more average peers. EI—4 domains: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness,

and relationship management. 1st 2 domains—determine how we understand manage ourselves and

our emotions. Last 2—dictate how well we recognize and manage emotions of others

build relationships and work in complex social systems EI important in excellent leadership but intellect is also important. P.

28 Leaders need to be smart to deal with complexities and challenges, to

see patterns, understand strategy, markets, finance, and technology, and be able to communicate with others

Systems thinking and pattern recognition are indicators of intelligence and have strong relationship to leadership effectiveness.

Need to have cognitive abilities to be a leader but the difference of how one functions in the role, depends on how you use knowledge, how you use your EI, more than how you use your cognitive abilities p. 30

EI key more than ever because it allows us to monitor our “hot buttons.” P. 30

Organizational resonance means minimum hierarchy, premium on individuality, [in line with needs of Generation Xers’ and Millenials note mine,] individuality respected and celebrated along with collaboration and teamwork. People know each other as people and for what the can do. Personal relationships encouraged. P. 31

EI not enough to sustain resonance. Must be done by attending to yourself.

To do that, you must pay attention to mood, and feelings, mindful of personal ups and downs and take care of personal emotional needs yet having care and concern for others. P. 33

Chapter Three: Dissonance is the Default [Case study of “Karl” pp.35-38.] Rules changed and what used to work,

no longer did. Ignored cultural messages, just tried to work harder but didn’t relate to people. Everyone reacted negatively to him. —created dissonance

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Karl’s industry had changed and he reacted by the cycle of power stress, sacrifice, dissonance, and more stress. Went to habits that used to work but no longer did.

He was out of touch with how people viewed him. Put career in jeopardy. P. 39

When Stress Becomes Dissonance

We wonder how people can fall and not see what is happening: 3 reasons:

o Sacrifice Syndrome takes over when power stress goes unchecked—when leaders try exercise influence or power with and over others. Stress then becomes chronic.

o Two, to cope many people develop defensive routines—bad habits that keep us in denial about what is really going on. P. 40,

o Three—organizations actually create their own dissonant behaviors

For some, being an effective, independent leader actually contributes to Sacrifice Syndrome. We give too much ultimately becoming ineffective. Over time and unchecked, the physical and emotional toll limits ability to sustain high performance.

Good leaders need a lot of self-control so that “chronic stress doesn’t lead to acute stress.” P. 41.

When leader under stress, amygdala aroused which increases release of hormones of “fight or flight” response.

Stressful work environment mirrored from stressful global environment.

Neither mind nor body was designed to deal with such relentless stress. P. 42 Net effect: Many are fighting stress most of time and it can wear us down physically and psychologically.

Constant stress—elevates blood pressure, which means that brain simultaneously shuts down neural circuits that keep us open, flexible, and creative.

Other hormones are released—which inhibit healthy functioning of body’s immune system and shuts down our ability to learn. Hence we feel more stress, anxiety.

Situations of uncertainty naturally arouse stress. P. 43 We begin to see world as more threatening which contributes to more stress.

Research shows that sooner or later, most of us will burn out or burn up and begin to create dissonance, even when we do not intend to. P. 43.

Once we are caught in spiral of Sacrifice Syndrome, we find our selves caught in seductive negative spiral. P. 44

Defense Routines and Negative Spiral. In negative spiral we revert to create ineffective habits which are

coping mechanisms to protect or distract us from discomfort of current emotional state.

Some people overreact so they can feel powerful. Some become cynical, some find excuses and blame others which puts us in more distress

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When in downward spiral we often end up playing and replaying mental “tapes” that actually accentuate negative emotions

We make the mistake of burying our feelings, avoiding issues and attempting to continue as before.

Many successful leaders bury themselves in work which compounds problem.

Adopting a façade is common tactic for people grappling with Sacrifice Syndrome, p. 46

Successful people fall into trap of believing that their accomplishments are solely their own doing, and failures are result of other’s mistakes or environment. [Opposite of Good to Great by Jim Collins in his description of Level 5 leader. A Level 5 leader takes the blame when things don’t work out the expected way and gives credit to everyone else when things do work. Note mine]

When we do this, we venture into black and white thinking and lose ability to see ourselves and those around us realistically, p. 47

Some people get depressed, and stop feeling We end up using ages old defensive strategy—playing a role, diving

into work, blaming others, and tuning out irritating messages that tell us something is wrong. Takes tremendous psychological and physical toll. P. 47

In the end can’t hide from ourselves.

How Organizations create their own Monsters Organizations actually create dissonance in 2 ways—

o One, overvalue achievement and tolerate dissonance if short-term results seem to be there—until there is big problem.

o Two, often impossible for leaders to get the message that they are creating toxic environments and most change because no one tells them.

Too often managers are rewarded for getting short term results which feeds into the dissonance.

Difficulty—when environments change rapidly and goals are no longer clear.

People do not treat those with power the same as they treat others. So they don’t tell them the truth. P. 50

Slippery Slope When we finally realize something is wrong, we may deny that

anything is wrong. Stress almost always leaks out. Prolonged stress makes it increasingly unlikely that leaders will sustain

resonance in teams and organizations or among family and friends. P. 51

It’s surprising how long it takes for us to recognize the slide into dissonance. P. 52.

Best practice—stop Sacrifice Syndrome before it starts by maintaining health, both physical and emotional as well as intellectual top form.

However, for ineffective leaders who slide into dissonance leaders they should not be in leadership roles and are so mindless they do not even experience the responsibility of their roles. Habitually misuse power,

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single-mindedly pursue personal goals or ineffectively manage their own, and other’s, focus. P. 53

These people are carriers of dissonance—inflict stress on others around them.

Fortunately, organizations are becoming far less tolerant of extremely poor leadership.

Exercise on Sacrifice Syndrome: Where am I

Am I:Working harder with less result?Getting home later or leaving home earlier each day?Feeling tired, even after sleeping?Having trouble falling asleep, or waking up in the middle of the night?Finding less time (or no time at all) for the things that used to be enjoyable?Rarely relaxed, or only really relaxed with alcohol?Drinking more coffee?Have I noticed changes in my relationships, or myself such as:

I can no longer really talk about my problems with my spouse I don’t care what I eat, or whether I eat too much or too little I can’t remember the last time I had a long conversation with a trusted

friend or family member My children have stopped asking me to attend their functions or events I no longer attend my place of worship or find time for quiet

contemplation I don’t exercise as much as I used to I don’t smile or laugh as much as I used to.

Do I:1. Have frequent headaches, backaches, or pain?2. Routinely take over-the-counter antacids or painkillers?3. Feel as If nothing I do seems to matter anymore, or have the impact I

want?4. Feel as if nothing I do seems to matter anymore, or have the impact I

want?5. Feel as if no one can understand what I need to do, or how much work I

have?6. Sometimes feel numb or react to situations with inappropriately strong

emotions?7. Feel too overwhelmed to seek new experiences, ideas, or ways of

doing things?8. Frequently think about ho to “escape” my current situation? P. 54-55

Chapter Four: Waking up to Resonance and Renewal

Case study of Niall Fitzgerald, chairman of Reuters who hasn’t always been a resonant leadership. 57-59 Niall—went into disengagement and denial

An antidote is renewal. We need renewal, not just rest—Renewal— Induces brain pattern and hormones that changes our mood, and returns bodies to healthy state. Releases different hormones than

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stress—experience “sense of well-being.” P. 62 Renewal, a way of life is made up of 3 things—mindfulness, hope, and compassion.

Positive cycles lead to experiencing, hope, compassion, and mindful attention to self and others. We need to remain hopeful.

How to become aware? Can experience wake up calls—can be big life changing events—divorce, birth death, colossal failure at work.

Not always linked with life events—Often traced to cycles, such as 7 year cycle alluded to in Old Testament or discussed in works by Erik Erikson, Dan Levinson, or Gail Sheehy.

If wake up calls are not drastic, we may not pay attention to small indicators but it’s only when we are burned out that we pay attention, p. 65

There are clues to heed—usually emotional or physical but need to pay attention—

You have to become aware that you are not aware.

First Wake-up Call Usually a failure at work but no one in organization tells leader the

truth.Second Wakeup Call

People, who supported before, stopped calling. Previous friends “disappear”

Then personal life turmoil hits. P. 68Third Wake Up Call

Try to make solutions or compromises at home. As realization dawns, people begin to seek solutions, not Band-Aids

and compromisesFinal Wake-up Call

Can be as dramatic as a life threatening illness or a friend with a life threatening issue that reassesses what life is about and what lessons one has gained

Niall faced with words from friend who was finding peace with his upcoming death. Niall began to wake up. P. 70

Resonance and Renewal through Mindfulness, Hope and Compassion Richard Boyatzis’ research indicates that individual change not always

easy, doesn’t happen by accident, and for real change, one must engage in process over time to capture our dreams and chart a course toward them.

Need to look at selves realistically and identify aspects that we know we must change or enhance, and need to plan an agenda for learning and need support of people around us to change P. 71

Renewal is dynamic process to counter destructive effects of power stress.

For some ability to experience renewal seems natural and effortless. However, it is not a single characteristic but a variety of experiences and processes that any person can learn, engage, and practice. P. 73

First Part of Renewal--Mindfulness

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Mindfulness is living in state of full and conscious awareness of one’s whole self, other people, and the context in which we live and work. Means developing our intellect, taking care of our bodies, using power of emotions, and attending to spirituality.

Mindfulness is being awake, aware, and attending. Mindfulness stops Sacrifice Syndrome before it stops us.

Too often leaders are coached to focus on rational mind and mechanics of business and leave such soft stuff alone. However, that makes us disconnected from colleagues, customers, and ourselves.

Leaders who pay attention to whole self—mind, body, heart, and spirit—can literally be quicker, smarter, happier, and more effective than those who focus to narrowly on short-term success. P. 74

Second part of Renewal--Hope Hope is emotional magnet. P. 75 Binds people together. It’s

contagious Renewal sparked by positive emotions—Hope and compassion actually

cause changes in brains and hormones that allow for renewals of minds, bodies and heart. The experience of hope and compassion are basis for leaders’ creating resonant relationships with those around them.

Third Part of Renewal: Compassion Compassion is contagious. We must also receive, as well as give. P.

77We need to know we are not alone.

Lesson to be learned—whether it is to help you hear a wake-up call or to reaffirm your core values as a basis for entering renewal through mindfulness, hope, and compassion, it is useful to review what your values are from time to time. [Demonstrates the value of being a reflective practitioner note mine]

End, and Beginning of Niall FitzGerald’s Story[continuing case study, pp. 79-80]

Exercise A: Is that a Wake-up Call?Have you experienced any of these in recent past or experiencing them now?

Divorce or separation Move to new home Death in family or support network Promotion Significant medical diagnosis Physical injury Significant loss of physical capacity Anniversary of significant event Car accident Marriage Significant job change Job loss Birth of a child

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Significant financial loss or gain Life cycle changes (children leaving home, et) Significant success or failure in a project Change in amount/type of medication Significantly more time away from home (e.g. travel for work) Significantly less quality time with family or friends Important new relationship (love, friendship, boss) Noticeable gain or loss of weight Sense of boredom or frustration with life or work World events that have impacted me personally (psychologically or

otherwise) Disruption or dissatisfaction with an important relationship (spouse,

child, friend, boss) Completion of major project Change in lifelong habits (e.g. exercise, spiritual practice, hobbies) pp.

80-82

Exercise 2: Your Moral Core: P. 83. List of values, beliefs or desirable personal characteristics.

Identify the 15 or so that are most important, then identify the 5 that are most important and rank each of the five from 1-5.

Exercise 3: Rhythms in my Career P 85: Worksheet for recording personal career history with horizontal

and vertical lines. Examine number of years between major changes. Can you detect a rhythm in cycle of interest and boredom? Where are you now? When might you approach a transition and listen for wake-up call?

Exercise 4: Rhythms in my life Sheet of paper with current year at top of left hand side of page.

Underneath write years in descending order from this year all the way back to when you were born. List important events. Will flow differently than career history. List number of years between major life events. Is there a pattern? Is there a rhythm and a wake-up call to heed?

Chapter Five: Intentional change Meaningful and important changes do happen by chance. We may not

be aware of them for a long time. They may appear discontinuous. With increased mindfulness, process of change seems smooth or even

seamless. Part of challenge of leaders is to recognize, manage, and direct one’s own process of learning and change.

Boyatzis’ research—Intentional Change Model can help engage in personal transformation successfully. P. 87

Research shows that sustainable change occurs as we focus on 5 major discoveries:

o Ideal self-what you want out of lifeo Real self—how you act and are seen by others

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o Your learning agenda—capitalize on strengths and closer to personal vision

o Experimenting with and practicing new habits—reinforce and affirm strengths

o Develop and maintain close, personal relationships— If we don’t move to resonance intentionally, dissonance is the default.

Step 1: Finding your ideal self 1st step is to identify dream for yourself, life, and work [work of book

Dream Manager by Matthew Kelly]

Step 2: Confronting Real Self—Finding Strengths and Weaknesses –next step. Requires deep self-awareness and willingness to be vulnerable. Becoming clear about oneself and how others experience us is difficult and takes courage. P. 92 Our defense mechanism tries to protect our psyche and may lead to delusion of the image of who we are. We often miss clues about who we really are and people don’t always tell us.

Takes courage to change patterns that have always worked well, to let old behaviors and attitudes go away. P. 95. Takes inner strength to look at real self. That is why you need to look at ideal self first. P. 95

May want to collect feedback from others perhaps through 360-degree feedback.

Step 3: Create Learning Agenda[Case study of Ellen pp. 98-100]Challenge is to become mindful of others and work on goals. Major threat to effective goal setting is that we are already busy and cannot add anything else to our lives—However, must say “no” to some current activities.

Good idea to choose only a few key things to work on.

Step 4: Experimentation—and Practice, Practice, Practice After agenda is pointing you in right direction, you have to practice to

get to mastery of new habits. Must find ways to learn more from current or ongoing experiences

Most effective if practice is done is “safe environment” --Good coaching can be very helpful here.

Step 5: Don’t Try this Alone Need to involve others. Connection essential Relationships are essential part of environment and are key to

sustaining personal transformation. Relationships and groups give us sense of identity and guide us as to what is appropriate and good behavior and give us good feedback

Relationships are mediators, moderators, interpreters, sources of feedback and support. P. 104

Resonance within yourself= Resonance with Others Resonant leaders—manage strengths to leverage talent and energy to

inspire passion and create resonance.

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Exercise 1: Taking a Fantasy Job—Imagine fantasy job—What patterns do you seeExercise 2: My legacy—What would you have as your legacy in lifeExercise 3: Developing Personal vision: Choose a year in future (at least 5 years) and imagine what you will be doing at this time. P. 109

Chapter Six: Mindfulness What is mindfulness?—capacity to be fully aware of all that

experiences inside the self body, mind, heart, spirit—and to pay full attention to what is happening around us –people, the natural world, our surroundings and events.

In defining mindfulness—use 2 traditions: cognitive psychology and Buddhist philosophy. Ellen Langer uses word mindfulness to describe healthy state of cognitive openness, curiosity, and awareness. Buddhist traditions—“moment to moment awareness. “

Mindfulness enables us to counter effects of Sacrifice Syndrome and is first step in renewal.

Means we are constantly and consciously in tune with ourselves. Catch problems before they become serious.

It takes effort to train oneself to be mindful—can use meditation, prayer, listening to music, aerobic exercise. Need to spend time alone as well as learning with others.

Blend of ancient wisdom and common sense: deep understanding of ourselves allows us to act in ways that are not only meaningful to us but inspiring to others. P. 114

Must wake up to inner experience and attend consciously to these insights.

Must pay attention to newness and variety, notice what is relevant, and adapt to constantly changing situations. No two situations are the same.

Difficult to stay focused and attentive to your “inner voice” or the wider environment when you have lost a contract or disappoint a client. P. 117. But it is crucial to truly attend to the issue

Being open to learning, especially learning from failures requires courage, and resilience.

Mindfulness is antidote to shutting down (and creating dissonance) and also necessary condition for resonance.

Difficult to be vulnerable and open self to new information and solutions. Some leaders shut down to protect from vulnerability.

Important to have people around you to support you with shared values.

Need more information when vulnerable. Need to stay calm. Following tenets important:

o Build trust through clarity and consistencyo Make sure you never profess beliefs when people are watching,

only to act differently when temperature rises and pressure is on.

o Know that you will feel uncomfortable, even vulnerable in the midst of real change because the rules aren’t clear

Mindfulness starts with self-awareness.

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Understanding your environment and the People around you. For a leader every conversation is an important opportunity to gather

information about people, groups, and cultures while building relationships and resonance. Noting subtle patterns in people’s behavior is very important.

Important to attend to all people in group, not just loudest and most powerful. Note the conversations, how people interact, and subtle signs within group.

To succeed one must scan the environment Subtle emotional and physiological responses are important source of

data. We need to pay attention to infinitesimal changes in facial expression and body language.

Paul Ekman formerly of UC San Francisco concludes that if we attend carefully to others we effectively minimize distortion. We see their feelings more clearly without imposing our own filters.

Leaders who read their world this way can more easily avoid uninformed, bad decisions. P. 123

Outcomes of this kind are at once obvious and subtle because people know that the leader will be hands-on who cares about experiences and day-to-day reality of the business. This type of leader gets a quick sense of the emotional reality of the organization.

When one finds allies in unexpected places, a leader is more likely to avoid cultural and relational landmines that exist in any organization.

Mindfulness gives us an edge but we have to learn it; we are not born with it and we can lose it to become mindless if we don’t pay attention. P. 125

Slipping into Mindlessness

Several ways we slip into mindlessness. o 1—pressures of job are such that sometimes it is easy to get

tunnel vision—we over-focus on some things to the exclusion of others.

o 2. Many find ourselves on path of “should dos” rather than attending to our deepest held beliefs and desires.

o 3. Leaders are vulnerable and facing huge business risks daily, many people choose coping strategies that cause them to shut down.

Tunnel Vision and Multitasking: Gift or Curse? Many execs feel that multitasking is badge of honor—skip vacations,

constantly attached by phone, etc. However, research has shown that the ability to stay intensely focused

declines over time. When we train ourselves to narrow our attention and sustain focus for protracted periods, we are training our minds NOT to notice what is going on around us.

When focused too narrowly, people have little tolerance (or mental space) for unrelated thoughts. We ignore extraneous data. Therefore, we miss a great deal. Miss new opportunities or subtle signs

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Unexamined, intensive focus can cause problems and can lead to mindlessness. Our brains try to order and make sense of things when we live in a more complex, more chaotic world.

Patterns of analysis, when they become routinized and habitual, can be unrelated to real information.

Then we begin to see what we are looking for, and nothing more. Mindful attention helps us make better judgments about what is truth,

what is perception, and what is somewhere in between. If we devote greater mindshare to one aspect of our life or work, we

may leave less room available for others. May miss creative solution, new way of doing things. P. 131

When Shoulds Lead to Compromise When we are caught up in the “shoulds” of our role, and the notion of a

lock-step type of the path to leadership, we begin to lose touch with ourselves and our understanding of what truly matters. We don’t attend to ourselves or live authentically. People hang on to outdated roles and expectations instead of changing.

Fragile Self-Esteem and Imposter Syndrome Some successful people use the common defense of taking a key

strength, such as, self-confidence—and use it as a shield. P. 134 They become brittle and self-protective which takes a lot of energy and depletes one’s reserves. P. 135

When you encounter people who seem to need to prove their worth constantly, we begin to suspect they might be quite insecure and overwhelmed. P. 135

It is often that those who seem most self-confident are the people who are actually the most fragile. P. 135 They are constantly protecting, being fearful of being found to be inadequate.

Fragile high self-esteem can be byproduct of success. People who excel at school and work get tremendous amount of feedback—maybe more than they deserve.

The more mindful one is, the less likely that one will let insecurity drive them to bad behavior. But it requires connection to other people

Shutting down is exactly opposite of what a mindful leader should do. P. 136

Defining your practice: Cultivating Mindfulness Mindfulness is practical application of self=awareness, self-

management, and social awareness; means developing emotional intelligence. P. 137

What can we do to develop mindfulness? Combination of reflection, practice, and supportive relationships.

o Reflection: Finding a way to systematically reflect, whether through meditation, exercise, walking etc. Reflection important because managing stress and power takes a lot of self-control. If you do not have time for yourself, to reflect, to find peace, you will become lost. P. 138

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o Need to find time to stay calm and centered so that this create resonance with others. Need to practice reflection

o Authentic relationships can also provoke mindfulness—Authentic connection to loved ones and friends provides us with safety and an accurate reflection of how others see us and we see them. Need to pay attention to other people and world around you. Very difficult (if not impossible) to do by yourself. Must check things out with others.

However, don’t turn mindfulness into the end goal. No one wants to hear of the continuous personal journey. Mindfulness is not self-centeredness

Look, Listen and AskExercises to practice mindfulness:Exercise 1: name that Feeling: Stop 3 times a day for a week and concentrate on how you are feeling.

Exercise 2: attempt to surface your own almost unconscious “sense making” about others’ thoughts and feelings.

Select 2 or 3 people you see regularly. Note their facial expressions, tone of voice, etc but don’t analyze.

Watch carefully for a week One or twice a day jot notes about what you have seen.

Exercise 3: Check it out: Begin to test your assumption in casual conversation. Ask a question such as “How do you feel right now about that?” Check their answers with your interpretation. P. 146

Chapter Seven: Hope Case study of Mrs. Zikhali’s vision to create a school, p. 147-150 Overall positive emotional tone crafted by resonant leaders is

characterized by sense of hope.What is this thing called hope?

Physiologically, hope has been show to leader to other positive emotions, more positive thoughts, superior coping abilities, and less depression. Positive emotions impact our openness and cognitive flexibility, problem-solving abilities, empathy, willingness to seek variety and persistence.

Hope is an emotional state accompanied by clear thoughts about what the future can e and how to get there. P. 152

Leaders who demonstrate power of hope every day have 3 key lessons:

o Leader needs to have dreams and aspirations but be in touch with those people around him/her

o Leader needs to be optimistic and believe in ability to make change

o Must see desired future as realistic and feasible. P. 152o

Effect of Having a Dream: Positive and Negative Emotional Attractors Negative emotions have negative effect on the body and psychological

impacts. Likewise, positive emotions have constructive effect on

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Resonant Leadership Notes

neurological functioning, psychological well=being, physical health, and personal relationships. Therefore, hope is good for us.

Hope acts as a magnet for other positive emotions and affects our perceptions.

Cynicism and resentment focus energies on things that are wrong. Need to focus on positives, not negative. For example, instead of focusing on losing weight, which is negative, focus on a healthy body.

Focus on negative is common in organizations. To make changes in personal and organizational behavior, need to start with positive emotional attractor to mobilize energy in positive fashion.

Not everything will be positive all the time but if management focuses on positive direction, the organization can maintain a positive focus.

Dr. Ghannoum and his Dream[Case study pp 157-160]

Even Bad News can Spark a Dream Under tough times some leaders leave the “soft stuff” but it is

necessary to spark resonance even in tough times. People need to be excited about being a part of going the right direction.

Dreams at the Collective Level: When “Vision” Isn’t A personal vision important as a guide. However, it is important to

build images of a collective dream. You cannot inspire others about a vision if you yourself cannot articulate it. P. 164.

Believing the Dream: a Primer on Optimism and Efficacy

After inspiring hope, the next step is to believe in your dream. Optimism is a way of looking at life. There are leadership actions associated with optimism, that seek opportunities and eliminating obstacle. Thee actions are key to emotional intelligence.

I Think I Can Link between hope and ability to achieve desired outcome? Self-

efficacy, the belief that we can do, impact, and control is one of most important predictors of what people will actually do and how successful they will be in accomplishing their goals.

Self-efficacy important addition to hope. Also, resonant leaders develop collective efficacy.

Spiritual practices contribute to renewal and resonance p. 168

Can Hope Hurt? Real hope cannot hurt. Those leaders, who create the illusion of hope,

are not resonant leaders. They are manipulative and seeking personal gain, not the gain for the group

Seeing the Dream as Feasible Physical presence of calm and positive leader during a crisis is

reassuring. Often difficult to inspire hope once crisis is over—people often

experience a “crash. What they are looking for is a sense of

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Resonant Leadership Notes

camaraderie. If the leader knows this, s/he can use vision and hope to drive them forward.

Exercise 1: My Hopes and Dreams1. Think about your ideal life 15 years from now and write about it

Exercise 2: What I want to do at some point in the future Number a paper 1-27. List all the things you want to do

Exercise 3: What would I do if? What would you do if you inherited a large sum of money

Exercise 4: Themes: Look for patterns and themes

Chapter 8: Compassion Leaders who are resonant have resonant relationships and are in touch

with the people around them.

Compassion Defined: Empathy in Action Compassion is empathy and caring in action. Enables us to connect

with people, to deal with power stress and sacrifices inherent in leadership. P. 178

Has 3 components:o Understanding and empathy for others’ experiences and feelingso Caring for otherso Willingness to act on those feelings of care and empathy. P. 179

True compassion does not expect reciprocity or equal exchange. Means giving endlessly

Not same as feeling sorry for someone. Compassion is empathy in action. Acts of compassion lead to other acts of compassion. “Pay if forward.”

Compassion in ActionStudy of Morgan Lewis Bockius, pp. 181-184

Business Case for Compassiono Compassion helps body recover from power stress. It’s also good for

business because it decreases stress levels and improves leaders’ overall effectiveness.

o 2nd if a culture is not based on understanding, it usually backfires. Negative techniques or strategies to drive favorable performance results rarely engage leaders or people around them if not based on compassion and hope.

o Compassion sustains one’s effectiveness as leader, manage, or professional, will be restorative, mentally, emotionally, and physiologically, leading to positive emotions.

Cultivating Compassion: Starts with Listeningo Deep listening can lead to mutual understanding, manifestation of

compassion and more effective leadershipo One way leaders can grow a culture of compassion is by personal

example. It creates a focus for people’s attention on caring for, helping, and coaching others.

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Resonant Leadership Notes

o Leaders’ ability to foster compassionate behavior throughout their organizations directly affects bottom-line performance during difficult times. P. 190

o [Case study—Rudy Giuliani, p. 191]o Compassion can spark renewal through coaching which is one of

fastest professions in world. Good coaches provide guidance, support, and counseling on many issues.

o Benefits are for both the coach and the coached. o Leaders who are coached regularly they experience regular renewal

and stem effects of Sacrifice Syndrome.o Coaching is NOT trying to force subordinates to fit into organization’s

culture or serve the needs of the company. o Coaching helps others in their “intentional change” process. P. 194o Coaching also makes leaders more open to others and to information

around them.o To be a good coach, one must have appropriate boundaries. Good

coaching is not collusion—when coach takes on subordinate’s issues and tries to solve them.

o To be a good coach one must also be aware of patterns to make sense of what may appear to be random information.

Exercise 1: Who Helped Me?Write down names of people who helped you and ho and what you learnedThen think of people you have tried to help, manage, or coach over last two years. What did they do?Reflect on both and how it affected you.

Exercise 2: Compassion Practice: Imagine Someone Else’s Day—Pick someone you work with or live close to. Imagine them in their day. What is important? Who do they care about? What are their hopes? Stressors What did you notice from this exercise?

Chapter 9: “Be the Change you wish to See in the world” (Mahatma Gandhi)o People who think they can be truly great leaders without personal

transformation are fooling themselves.” P. 201o Personal transformation is not easy. Honesty with you breeds

vulnerability. o The job of being a leader itself actually creates many of the obstacles

to becoming a great leader.” P. 202 We can easily get lost, giving of one’s self too much. Great leadership comes as a result of hard work and a bit of luck. It requires discovering our own noble purpose, living it every day, and being fully aware of ourselves and other people as people. P. 202

o Resonant leaders live their values and truly care about people. P. 202o Are you a resonant leader:

o Am I inspirational ando Do I create an overall positive emotional tone that is

characterized by hope? And o Am I in touch with others? Do I know what is in other’s hearts

and minds? Do I experience and demonstrate compassion? And

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Resonant Leadership Notes

o Am I mindful—authentic and in tune with myself others, and the environment?

o It all starts with you. P. 204

Appendix A: Power Stress, Sacrifice Syndrome, and Renewal Cycle

Demands of leadership trigger pattern of power stress and sacrifice syndrome. In resonant leaders this destructive combination is transformed by engaging certain specific experiences—such as mindfulness, hope, and compassion, that result in renewal. In essence leaders are able to sustain resonance through managing the Cycle of Sacrifice and Renewal

o Leaders can create their own stress. Can create power stress but can also exercise control.

o Leadership requires regular exercise of self-controlo Chronic stress arouses sympathetic nervous system—fight of flight

response causing physiological symptoms such as heightened blood press This chronic stress leads to physical symptoms Therefore, very important that leaders seek renewal. P. 210

o Cycle of renewal—Can come from many sources, hope, compassion, and meditation lead to mindfulness that will counter the effect of chronic stress.

oAppendix B: Additional Exercise

o Following are some additional exercises:Exercise 1: Insight into you Operating PhilosophyExercise 2: Responding to a Wake-up Call: Where can I open to my vulnerabilityExercise 3: Morning Mindfulness Check In (a 20-minute exercise)Exercise 4: Holistic Balance Exercise Exercise 5: Identifying Defensive Routines Exercise 6: Watching the Dance (Observing Relationships_

[My Appendix: Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly Learning Community by Suzette Lovely and Austin G. Buffum.

Training Template: Table 5.3 Meeting the Needs of a Mixed Crowd

Participant Class Setting

Style of Presenter

Substance Worries & Aversions

Veteran Traditional classroomStress freeOpportunity to practice skills privately

Unemotional & logicalCredible experiencesOlder, more matureCoaches in

Large print materialsReader’s Digest facts and summariesActual

Being called on and not knowing answerStories that are too personal

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Resonant Leadership Notes

Adequate breaks

tactful was examplesMinimal techno-bells and whistles

Overly technical informationCoddling younger participantsRudeness

Boomer Organized for group interactionChance to networkOpen-ended discussionsParticipation in setting the agenda

Recognizes them for what they already knowComes across as a friendly equal (never call them ma’am or sirUses personal examples

Easy to scanWell organizedIcebreakers; teambuilding exercisesCase studies

Looking foolish in front of others (role play)Content that doesn’t apply to current assignmentAll the work piling up back at school or office

Generation x

Structured so they can work at their own paceDistance learning and independent studyOn-the-job and just as needed training

Gets right to the pointInformal and fun lovingEarns their respectDoesn’t hover Gives lots of feedback

Bulleted to highlight key pointsHeadlines and listsRole-play (unfazed about looking clumsy)

Reteaching them what they already knowBeating a topic to deathUsing overheadsBoredom

Millennial VersatileCombines teamwork with technologyAbility to get up and move around room when tasks are finished

Positive and upbeatMakes purpose, process, and payoffs clearListens; validates ideasRecognizes life long learning

Retooling what they know to adapt to workplace changesMusic, art, and gamesIdeas for dealing with parents

Moving too slowlyLecturingOut-of-date technologyImplying they can’t do something Criticism

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Resonant Leadership Notes

Lovely, S & Buffum, A (2007) Generations at School: Building an Age-Friendly Learning Community. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.

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