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Techniques to build rapport fast. Given at Silicon Valley Code Camp, 10/2011
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Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 1
RAPID RAPPORTCreating Influence On Demand
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 2
INCREASE COMMUNICATIONEFFECTIVENESS UP TO 5X
What you get:
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 3
WOULD IT BE OK TO SEE A DEMO?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcTgjR5iV1Y
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 4
Bernie Maloney, PE, CSMProduct Line and Program Managementmatrix management = Influence without Authority
Neuro Linguistic Programming PractitionerSilicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 5
I’VE GOT GOOD NEWS & BAD NEWS
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 6Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 7Silicon Valley Code Camp
OUTLINE
Outcome: Recognize and Practice Verbal Technology to Build Rapport Fast
• Why: Significance and Basis• How: Applications in Technology Teams• What’s Behind This: Get the Abstraction• Summary & Resources
Silicon Valley Code Camp Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 8
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 9
WHY = FIRST IMPRESSIONS MATTERBefore Confirmation Bias
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 10
Does the 1st 60 seconds really matter?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 11
Ever had a telemarketer call?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 12
& you asked to hear more?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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Even socially
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 14
Confirmation Bias
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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HOW: APPLICATIONS IN TECHNOLOGY TEAMS
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 16
Communication Goes (way, way, way) Beyond Wordse.g. Ray Birdwhistle, University of Pennsylvania
Verbal vectors:
Silicon Valley Code Camp
55%38%
7%
PhysiologyTonalityWords
Tone, PitchTempo: Speed & CadenceTimbreVolume
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 17
Translating into (Agile) Practice
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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7%
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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35+%
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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55%
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 21
5X? OR 10X?What if teams increase communication effectiveness by even half this?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 22Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 23
THE TIP? LOWER UNCONSCIOUS BARRIERS
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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The Principle
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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Build Rapport: Offer similar patternsTonality (35+%!)Words (7%): keys to how people represent information – another talkPhysiological (55%!)
Silicon Valley Code Camp
------------------------------------------
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 26
Pair off: Verbal Mirroring & MatchingKeep statements short (get multiple practice exchanges)Person A: Start with a QuestionPerson B: Short response, using similar verbal behaviors > QuestionSwitch roles at signal
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Tone, PitchTempo: Speed & CadenceTimbreVolume
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 27
Insights: Verbal Mirroring & Matching
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 28
WHAT’S BEHIND THIS?Get the Abstraction
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 29
It began in the Santa Cruz Mountains…
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 30
Virginia Satir’s Change Model
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 31
Principle: Success Leaves Footprints
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 32
NLP MODEL OF COMMUNICATIONUnconscious Programming = Barrier: Friend or Foe? Fight or Flight?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
2B bps info
Mind processes~134 bps in groups of7 +/- 2 “chunks”
DeleteDistortGeneralize
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 33
Keep statements short (get multiple practice exchanges)Question || Short Response || Question backKeep movements gentle, and when noticed, offer similar behavior
Pair off: Layer in Physical Mirroring & Matching
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Tone, PitchTempo: Speed & CadenceTimbreVolume
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 34
Insights: Physical Mirroring & Matching
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 35Silicon Valley Code Camp
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Keep statements short (get multiple practice exchanges)Question || Short Response || Question backKeep movements gentle,
once physical rapport noticed, shift a little & observe
Pair off: Pacing & Leading
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 37
Insights: Pacing & Leading
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 38
BONUS (time permitting): Mis-MatchingKeep statements shortPerson A: State an insight from this or another source todayPerson B: Respond using VERY DIFFERENT verbal behaviorsSwitch roles at signal
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Tone, PitchTempo: Speed & CadenceTimbreVolume
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 39
Insights: Verbal Mis-Matching
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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SUMMARY
Silicon Valley Code Camp
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TWO TYPES OF STUDENTS
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 42Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 43Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 44
DECIDE: WHICH TYPE ARE YOU?
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 45
Communication Goes (way, way, way) Beyond Words
Tonality (35+%!)Words (7%): keys to how people represent informationPhysiological (55%!)
Silicon Valley Code Camp
55%38%
7%
PhysiologyTonalityWords
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 46
Building Rapport Lowers Unconscious Barriers
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 47
35+%: Observe & Signal Rapport by Verbal MatchingTone, PitchTempo: Speed & CadenceTimbreVolume
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 48
RESOURCES
Seminal Work:Richard Bandler & John Grinder,Frogs into Princes
For a far easier Introduction:Michael Brooks, Instant Rapport (available in libraries)
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 49
Bernie Maloney, PE, CSMTurning Strategies into Results, from startup to beyond $100M
about.me/berniemaloneySilicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 50
FINUt Prosim. Namaste.
Silicon Valley Code Camp
Slide Deck: © 2011 B. Maloney 51Silicon Valley Code Camp