ORANGEPEEL

BELIEVER

LUKE RATHBORNEART BY: ANDREW GUENTHER

I.

I stood by the phone for hours trying to see what you were saying

you said that the copswere trying to release mefrom what I had done

I didn’t believein anything that she saidhow can you be sure?

were you far awayto have really forgottenjust what had happened?

once ten years agoI had to tell you somethingyou’d never take back

that the road was gonego behind the sliding doorsand you could see it

a swiss army knifeat the bottom of the poolwas still sitting there

then you didn’t speakuntil you heard me speakingto him on the phone

why did you say it?is it what you really mean“never coming back”?

“some roads are too long,”he said through the speaker phonebeside us there’s rain

the cord on my armshe had to interrupt me,“please let me talk too”

I shut the screen doorand walked out onto the yardlook it’s not the same

I’m the guilty manit happens over againexcept now I’m sad

I swore I was freethat you were half-lying toothat ten years was wrong

just because time fliesdoesn’t mean that I’m crazyI am barely here

I switched off the lightand went back into dreamingwhere no one saw me

is that a fair place?can it hide without controleverything from me?

take this place I’ve goneis it anything to you?you who’s been adored

lying on my bedI take out my cigarette,“I don’t want to change.”

can’t people just stay the same?I guessed it’s still possible“I’m not sure,” she said to me

I looked at your faceyou seemed like you weren’t lyingalmost above it

holy in a wayI handled you carefullywhen you were still mine

I wish that you caredall about softly leavingbut there have been none

I can’t keep thinkingabout when we were just kidsget back to your work

stop calling me hereI’m going to leavewhen you are sleeping tonight

still I rememberhow you used to call my namethe moment I left

II.

people called me moonthat was what I didn’t likewhy won’t they get off?

I didn’t like itto be stuck all of the timebut life was just glue

I’m not scared of itleaving those kids in the poolten years ago now

but you think I’m softyou are wrong on each leveltrying to predict

I admit I hidinside the parking garageI probably died

but I still came backthat’s saying more than for yousitting in your car

it will take awhilefor you to rebuild this placewatching your T.V.

I’ve got no reasonliving in this cheap motelto believe again

that you would come downfrom outside of space somewhereand turn on the light

nothing really comesto me when I’m waiting herejust another girl

there’s been enough timeto try forgetting what’s thereI’m just pretending

I yelled on the phone“I’m gonna turn myself in!”you were just laughing

lying in the fieldI thought about only youa sweet piece of gold

What a quiet thingto be alone in the nightand looking at the stars

I knew they’d take methat I can never be freebut still it felt good

riding in my carand then lying there alonemet by seas of light

tinker by the sinkkick off sleep for a day hereand go back to dreams

III.

I have stood by youyou who has always had timeto burn the moon down

I didn’t kill themI just got lost underwaternow I’m behind bars

I got your lettertoday your Orange Peels camethey still smell so sweet

back in FloridaI couldn’t tell what was rightit’s real nice here, though

when I see Ms. PriceI’ll tell her I’m sorryit wasn’t me there

I guess I don’t wantlike the meanness of the worldfor a kid like that

But I felt okayI just wish my Dad was thereto tell me to go

he’s up in heavensince the Seventh gradestill wish I’d gone straight

but I ain’t no goodwent and told the judge myselfsaid, “I’m a lost cause.”

I wish I was Huckfloating in that big riverup into Heaven

heard some holleringthat I can’t be forgivensaid my soul was doomed

but me and the Lordwe got an understandingsince I was a kid

so I’m on the chairlooking straight at Ms. Mill’s faceholding orange peels

feeling awful sorrylike I deserved what was comingand ready to go

I felt Pop’s in therecalming and cooling me downlooking through the window

they told me some stuffthat I could have some last wordsI thought long and hard

“Jesus isn’t here”“I can’t bring back what’s been doneby devil’s mistake”

then the lights gone upelectric shot straight through melike a tesla coil

I saw my mommasaw what I can’t reckon sayand Lord, the colors!

Miss Price she was pleasedthe professionalismwas the finest seen

but can you believe?them Orange peels was still thereshut tight in my hands

it took two grown menboth trying their damn hardestjust to get them out

when they took me downand they laid me down to restbeside my Daddy

Uncle Hank was theresaid he’d smelled sweetness miles ‘roundfloatin’ through the air

he’d swore to the Lordthat a plane flew overheadthe same Daddy flew

was a fit serviceeven Aunt Lemay said sothe most fit she’d seen

and there on my graveit read a line he’d once readsomewhere off a book

“A boy’s will’s the wind thoughts of youth is long, long thoughts”he liked that line best

me I’m in heavencause I didn’t mean what’s doneand just like God said

them Angels said too,“ain’t one body as good as two,two’s no good neither”

but I’m doing finemaybe be seein’ you soonwhen that day comes ‘round