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You studied several copywriting books. And read blog post after blog post about writing. But writing your own web copy? It’s a struggle. You know the grammar is fine. But the copy sounds bland. Perhaps even a little too salesy. You read, and re-read your copy. You can’t quite put your finger on it. What’s wrong? How can you improve it? And persuade more people to buy? Today I’ve assembled 17 examples of yucky copy. And I tell you exactly what’s wrong, and how to improve it. Enjoy
Citation preview
Written & illustrated by:
Henneke Duistermaat
As seen on:
Avoid filler phrases like excellent customer service
Avoid filler phrases like excellent customer service.
Yuck:
Our product is supported by excellent customer service.
Yuck:
Our product is supported by excellent customer service.
More persuasive:
Any questions? Call our team on 0123 456 789.
We’ll pick up the phone within 3 rings. That’s a promise.
Avoid superlatives
Avoid superlatives
Bllerrgh:
The best accounting software.
Bllerrgh:
The best accounting software.
More persuasive:
1,790,000 small businesses use our accounting software.
Use sensory words
Use sensory words
Icky:
Our doors are solid.
Icky:
Our doors are solid. More persuasive:
Our doors are kick-proof. Or: Even the hulk can’t break our doors with a sledgehammer.
Focus on benefits
Focus on benefits
I design high-converting websites.
I design high-converting websites.
So you can turn more web visitors into leads.
Mention problems
Mention problems
We minimize server downtime.
We minimize server downtime.
So you avoid frustrations, and keep your team happy.
Overcome objections
Overcome objections
Are your products pricey?
Are your products pricey? Explain the value you provide:
Our floors remain squeak-and- creak-free for longer, because they’re made of solid hardwood.
Focus on your reader
Focus on your reader
Ugh:
I’ll send you my report with copywriting tips.
Ugh:
I’ll send you my report with copywriting tips. More persuasive:
Get your free report. And learn how to write persuasive content.
Don’t use exclamation marks
Don’t use exclamation marks
Ask questions instead
Ask questions instead
Blah:
We listen to what you want.
Blah:
We listen to what you want.
More persuasive:
Would you like a modern wetroom with the latest gadgets? Or an opulent bathroom in Georgian style? We help you create the bathroom of your dreams.
Avoid the passive voice
Waaaaah:
You’re so much loved by me.
Waaaaah:
You’re so much loved by me.
More persuasive:
I love you.
Never address your reader as part of a crowd
Never address your reader as part of a crowd
Ouch:
To those of you who were inconvenienced, I apologize sincerely.
Ouch:
To those of you who were inconvenienced, I apologize sincerely.
More persuasive:
I apologize if our downtime created problems for you.
Avoid gobbledygook
Avoid gobbledygook
Yikes:
Our market-leading products alleviate the stress of payroll management.
Yikes:
Our market-leading products alleviate the stress of payroll management.
More persuasive:
Our services take the pain out of payroll management.
Use specific examples
Use specific examples
Wishy-washy:
We dye your hair in any color.
Wishy-washy:
We dye your hair in any color.
More persuasive:
Lavender purple or shocking pink? We dye your hair in any color you like.
Tell mini-stories
Tell mini-stories
Duh:
We use silky smooth textiles.
Duh:
We use silky smooth textiles.
More persuasive:
We scoured the world to look for the softest textiles. In 1999, we discovered a small mill in Italy producing delicate satin … etc.
Avoid multiple adjectives before nouns
Avoid multiple adjectives before nouns
Eh:
Our beautiful, soft, vibrant linen …
Eh:
Our beautiful, soft, vibrant linen …
More persuasive:
Our vibrant linen …
Don’t publish sugary testimonials
Don’t publish sugary testimonials
Really???
Henneke is the most wonderful copywriter.
Really???
Henneke is the most wonderful copywriter.
More persuasive:
Henneke’s web copy appeals to our ideal customers, and helps us to increase sales.
Make your call-to-action bossy
Make your call-to-action bossy
Tut-tut:
If you’d like to receive our free report, add your email address and click download.
Tut-tut:
If you’d like to receive our free report, add your email address and click download.
More persuasive:
Get our free report now
Looking for more writing tips?
So you can win more clients?
© 2
014
by
Hen
nek
e D
uis
term
aa
t
Get your FREE
Snackable Writing
Course
for Busy People
© 2
014
by
Hen
nek
e D
uis
term
aa
t
Get your FREE
Snackable Writing
Course
for Busy People
© 2
014
by
Hen
nek
e D
uis
term
aa
t
Click here
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