Engl317 project1 slidedoc1_technical_prosestyle_edited_2

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Technical and

Scientific Prose Style

© Karen Thompson ● Department of English ● University of Idaho

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Table of Contents

Be Concise • To be concise means using

only the words necessary

to meet audience needs

and your purpose for

writing to them.

• You may write thousands

of words concisely, so it’s

not about writing fewer

words.

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Yes, but we only eat it,

we NEVER write it.

We love lard.

Padding your prose with words that do not

contribute to meaning is writing lard. Lard

comes in several forms: unnecessary

repetition, dead phrases, near-death phrases, and unnecessary modifiers. It can

also have to do with the level of specifics

and detail you use.

In this part of the lecture, you will learn how

to spot lard and stop writing it.

What Causes Lard? • The most common reason

students develop the habit

of writing lard is trying to

reach word or page

counts.

• Most teachers (myself

included) do not insist that

you meet a specific page

number or else.

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About word counts and page length guidelines in this course.

• I give these guidelines to

help students think about

the level of development

their writing will need.

• Writing words that do not

contribute to meaning is

adding lard.

• If you cannot develop your

writing, then it’s time to ask

for help.

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Now, let’s take a look at the various types of lard.

Unnecessary Repetition

• Unnecessary repetition, or redundancy, refers to words that say more or less the same thing. Consider the phrase “already existing.” If something exists, it must exist already, so you can remove that word and just say “existing.” The following slide contains several more examples of unnecessary repetition.

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Cut unnecessary repetition and redundant words or phrases and use only the word you need.

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already existing

alternative choices

at the present time presently

basic fundamentals

currently at this time

completely eliminate

continue to remain

had done previously

introduced a new

mix together

never before

none at all

now at this time

private industry

separate entities

the reason being

because

silver in color

start out

still persists

whether or not

first began

period of time

empty space

Bury dead phrases.

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it is my intent to showas a matter of factas is well knownas stated earlierit is noteworthythe presence of it goes without saying

A dead phrase is not

saying anything

necessary. You might call

these clichés.

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at the present time now

at that point in time then

has the ability to can

has the potential to will

in the event that if

in the vicinity of near

owing to the fact that because

the reason being that because

the question as to whether whether

there is no doubt but that no doubt

for the purpose of to

Some phrases may only be near

death; revive with another word.

Yes! They

have a

heartbeat

now.

Check if modifiers are

unnecessary

Modifiers change the

meaning of the word that

follows them.

They may be taking up

space without contributing

much to meaning.

See if you need them. If not,

eliminate.

• Such as:

• Actually

• Really

• Basically

• Very

• Definitely

• Somewhat

• Kind of

• Probably

• Extremely

• Practically

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Check the level of specifics and detail.

• Using an unnecessary level

of specifics and detail isn’t

lard because in some

contexts, these would be

needed.

• Lard is never necessary

except in pies.

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To determine if specifics

and detail are at the right

level, you need to think

about audience and your

purpose for writing.

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• Example:

A mailing address is specific and

contains the details necessary for

someone to send you mail or a

package.

The specifics and details of a

mailing address, however, would

not be enough to identify

property in a mortgage contract.

• Different audiences --- Different

purposes ---- Different needs.

Think about what you want readers to understand, think about,

or do after reading what you write. Are you writing the level of

specifics and details they need?

After recognizing some problems with the solar mirrors, we took subsequent corrective measures.

What problems?

Should I be worried?

What corrective measures?

Why are you telling me this?

What do you want me to do?

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• We recently discovered that ten solar mirrors stored

horizontally had cracked. The cause was traced to

large amounts of snow accumulating on their

surface. In the future, we will be stowing all mirrors

vertically.

I see, you are telling me about a

problem you solved.

I’m relieved to know this.

Thanks for updating me about the solar

mirrors.

• When analyzing your prior writing for the level of

specifics and detail, you may not quite remember

what you were trying to accomplish, so you may

have trouble figuring out what the audience

needed.

• If you can’t remember audience and purpose, it’s

okay to speculate a bit (e.g. say something like, “If

I was trying to reach an audience with this level of

knowledge and if this was my purpose, then I

needed to ….).

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Be Precise • To be precise means to

use technical

terminology (jargon)

appropriate to the

audience’s knowledge.

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• Jargon is specific and

precise terminology used

within a particular

profession or field of study.

• Jargon helps specialized

audiences communicate

efficiently.

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Examples of Jargon

• Impedance buffer

•Unity-gain amplifier

•Binary fission

•Chemical kinetics

•Facultative anaerobe

• Ionic bone

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• Don’t use jargon when your

audience would neither

understand it nor need it.

• Instead, translate difficult

concepts for non-specialized

audiences by writing (and

speaking) in plain English.

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Precise terminology and definitions

• Agglomerate: small particles bonded into an integrated mass

• Aggregate:

coarse particles such as sand or gravel

• Hydraulic cement: cement that bonds by a reaction with water

• Precise terminology conveys specific definitions as

used in a given field or profession without a writer

needing to define the term.

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Use precise terminology correctlywhen writing to specialized audiences.

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Our research presents a new technique for studying the complex phenomena associated with the development of sparks and other gas discharges.

• Specialized audiences in this field would know

that sparks and gas discharges are precisely

defined as different from one another.

• In the sentence above, the phrase “and other”

conflates them as being similar.

Be Direct • A direct prose style is

straightforward and to

write in a direct style,

you need to use:

• Strong nouns

• Strong verbs

• Mostly active voicebut know when passive is a

better choice.

• Topic position

• Stress position

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Use Strong Nouns • Strong nouns refer to a

specific person, place

or thing.

• Use them to help

readers easily visualize

and connect with what

you are saying.

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Strong nouns are concrete.

• They convey one or more of the five senses:

1. Sight

2. Smell

3. Sound

4. Taste

5. Touch

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In technical and scientific prose, the most common

concrete nouns convey sight: a visual image.

• Weak nouns:

The existing nature of Mount St. Helens’ volcanic ash spewage was handled through the applied use of computer modeling capabilities.

Some of these nouns are really verbs that have been structured to be nouns (not a good idea).

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• We modeled how much volcanic ash spewedfrom Mt. St. Helen’s using Cray computers.

Cray Computers

Volcanic Ash

Mt. St. Helen’s

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Revised using strong nouns (bolded).

Notice how using

strong nouns leads to

better verbs

(underlined).

Use Strong Verbs •Strong verbs convey

action. They are

specific and

descriptive.

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Weak:

This study shows . . .

The proposed research involves…

Strong:

This study demonstrates . . .

The proposed research compares . . .

Using “To Be” Verbs • “To be” verbs are passive because they cannot convey action, only a state of being: is, are, was, were, etc.

• They are fine to use when defining something.

• A positron is a positively charged electron.

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When not defining something, use strong verbs.

• A new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from diesel exhaust engines is presented. Flow tube experiments to test this process are discussed. The percentage decrease in nitrogen oxide emissions is revealed.

Using strong verbs improves clarity.

This paper presents a new process for eliminating nitrogen oxides from the exhaust of diesel engines. To test this process, we performedexperiments in flow tubes. These experiments revealed a 99 percent decrease in nitrogen oxide emissions.

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Use Mostly

Active Voice

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but know when

Passive Voiceis the better choice.

Why in the hell would you

ever use passive voice?

Because sometimes it is a

better rhetorical choice.

• Active voice means the subject of a sentence is doing the action.

• John washed the car. The focus is on who is doing the action.

• Passive voice means the object being acted upon is the subject and who is doing the action is implied (or added with a “by” phrase).

• The car was washed.Or The car was washed by John. The focus is on the action.

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Why this stuff is confusing.

• Grammar checkers will count the number of passive verbs (is, are, were, was, etc.).

• A passive verb is not the same as passive voice.

• So, let’s use zombies instead of the grammar checker.

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Why is

this so

hard???

Let’s see if I

can make

it easier.

An easy way to determine if you are writing in

passive voice.

• If you can add “by

zombies” after the verb

in a sentence, it’s

passive.

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For example:

- The car was washed by zombies (passive)

- John washed by zombies the car (active)

But, sometimes you

need to use passive

voice.

• In technical and

scientific prose, passive

voice is preferred when

what was done is more

important than who is

doing it.

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In these examples, the

emphasis is on the action

because readers will be

more interested in what

was done than who did

it.

So, passive voice is

needed.

• DNA was extracted . . .

• Test holes were bored . . .

• Samples were taken . . .

• Surveying was done . . .

• ETC.

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Avoid writing needlessly passive voice because it can make your writing unclear.

In that an effort to identify a specific control

circuit responsible for the failure of the gear box

was unsuccessful, it was deemed appropriate to

resurvey the collector field for torque tube

damage.

Because we could not locate the control circuit

responsible for the gear box failure, we resurveyed

the collector field for torque tube damage.

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Got it!

What is this idiot

trying to tell me?

To check if your writing is

needlessly passive, ask

who is doing what.

Then decide if you have

a good reason for writing

in passive voice. If not,

use active voice.

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There is opposition to vaccinating children by parents who believe vaccines contain harmful additives.

Who is doing what?

Answer: Parents oppose.

• Some parents oppose vaccinating their children because they believe vaccines contain harmful additives.

Be careful when using active voice with inanimate

objects. Avoid the Dr. Frankenstein effect.

Reasonable

The oscilloscope displayed the voltage.

The oscilloscope measured the voltage. V

+

-

The oscilloscope calculated the voltage.

V=

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Use Topic Position• The beginning of a

sentence or paragraph sets up the topic, so it is referred

to as the topic position.

• Readers use the topic

position to get a sense of

where the sentence or

paragraph is going to take

them.

• If you don’t write a topic

sentence, readers will get

lost or confused.

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Try reading this:

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Notice how a topic sentence clears up any

confusion about what the paragraph is about.

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Use Stress Position• Readers place greater

emphasis on information that is

at the end of a sentence,

paragraph, or chapter.

• It’s where they look to figure

out the point a writer is making.

This placement is known as the

stress position or stress

emphasis.

• If the ending leaves readers

wondering what the sentence

or paragraph means, it’s like never arriving at a destination.

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• Look at the end of your sentences. Are the words in

the stress position saying what you want to

emphasize? If not, trim the end.

Sociobiologists claim genes control our social

behavior in the way we act in situations we are in

every day.

• Since social behavior means the way we act in

situations, the words at the end are unnecessary

and throw the emphasis off in this sentence.

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• Metadiscourse often takes up the stress position.

Job opportunities in computer programming are

getting scarcer, it must be remembered.

• Metadiscourse draws attention to what is being

said, it often sounds preachy and pompous. Get

rid of it no matter where it shows up in your

writing.

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• Shift new information to the right.

Questions about the ethics of withdrawing

intravenous feeding are more difficult.

The “more difficult” phrase is referring to

something that was stated previously, so it’s old

information. Keep the new information to the

right, like this:

More difficult are questions about the ethics of

withdrawing intravenous feeding.

Use Summative Modifiers

• A summative modifier works by summing up what’s been

said so far in a sentence, and it can help you create the

right emphasis. Notice how the bolded text below does

this:

• Economic changes have reduced Russian

population growth to less than zero, a demographic

event that will have serious implications.

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Strings of prepositions make it hard for readers to find the emphasis you intend.

The condition of the patient was documented inthe patient profile written by the nurse on duty during the after-hours shift.

Eliminate strings of prepositions by being direct.

The after-hours nurse documented the patient’s condition in the patient profile.

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My final advice is to become the reader.

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• If you were the intended reader, would you know what the writer wanted you to think about, understand, and/or do with this information?

If you respond to your

writing like this, your

writing is not effective

If you respond to your

writing like this, your

writing is effective.

What was I trying

to say? My writing is

clear. I am

awesome!