Who We Are The things people say From our...

Our mission: We help children, teens and adults, who are experiencing the pain of loss, to embrace life again.

Spring 2015Issue no. 45

The things people sayFrom our Director

Who We Are

Our Staff

Julie LockhartExecutive Director

Anya NeherProgram Manager

Steve Del ValleOffice Manager

Jamie Barton Youth Program

Paul GibsonTeen Coordinator

Angel DeShaneChildren’s Program

Our Board

Judy HilyardPresident

Chuck RossVice President

Jim TitusTreasurer

Angel DeShaneSecretary

Adam MarxLucinda Moeglein Mark MoegleinJan MurphyCarolyn ShafferShirley South

Our Advisory Council

Jennifer Downs, LPC

Quin Ley, LCSW

Gary McConahay, PhD

Kim Oveson, CADC II

Fern Snogren, LCSW

Glyn Travis, LPC

Lynn Whitaker, LCSW

In a recent TEDx talk, teen Bridget Park shares about the suicide death of her brother, explaining that when people tried to comfort her, most of what they

said didn’t help. Many of us find we don’t know what to say when someone has had a loss. And many of us have been on the receiving end of unhelpful, inappropriate and perhaps even cruel-sounding comments. As a culture, we don’t do well with grief. Too often we just don’t know. I recently spoke with an RCC class about grief. The discussion naturally traveled to the unhelpful things people say. One young woman spoke up to defend those who have said something inappropriate, cruel, or unhelpful; she asked for compassion for people who just didn’t know. Wow, good point! When we’ve had a loss, friendships may shift and change as we navi-gate our new life. In my experience, the friends who drifted away were those who were unsupportive. One friend in particular, “Stacy,” came to visit me after a very traumatic miscarriage and said, “Maybe your body is telling you it’s too old to have a baby.” Ouch! Stacy had been a really good friend, yet her inability to just be there with me in my pain changed our closeness forever. Years passed, I moved away, and yet I still held onto that comment. Last week, I learned that Stacy had died of lung cancer—my age. In my shock and sad-ness, I chided myself for being so petty to still be holding onto that comment as though it defined our relationship. I thought back to the wisdom of the young woman in the RCC class, as I reevaluated the incredibly positive impact Stacy had made on my life during our long friendship. And I can’t go back to fix it. What I can do is help other people understand what’s best to say. Edu-cation is key and something most of us never get. At WinterSpring, we take whatever opportunities we have to help people learn to support each other af-ter a loss. What I can also do is encourage grieving people to find compassion when they can. And for those supporting someone, here’s some help on what to say: •Say,“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.” •Say,“I wish I had something to say to make this better for you.” •Say,“I’m here for you,” and mean it. •Ask,“What would be helpful to you right now?” •Shareapositivememoryaboutthepersonwhodied. Many of us jump to say, “I’m sorry,” but we’re finding that kids (and some adults) don’t get why someone is apologizing. It’s also good to avoid, “I know how you feel,” because we can never know how someone else feels. Being present and simply listening is often the best we can do for our grieving friends. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySeZLAqcnuo1

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Volunteers support us in special ways to help fulfill our mission: facilitation of Children’s Program, Teen Pro-grams in the schools, adult support groups; sudden death support teams in schools; office help; event plan-

ning and set-up; art and music; community outreach, bereavement support training, Memorial Grove committee work, raffle donations, catering and more! We couldn’t do it without you!

THANK YOU VOLUNTEERS!

Volunteers:Rich AdamsAdam AiroldiTressi AlbeeShoshana AlexanderSarah Avery-MeyersLiz AxnessRachel Bachman FieldingAnne BeaufortFayegail BisacciaPaul BoettigerLindy BonserMegan BreedloveJim BronsonAnnie CallawaySue CarrollCarol ClumHelene DeMartinezSally DensmoreAngel DeShaneTom DeShaneJennifer DownsEmma Lockhart Durbin

Joyce EllisDenise ErskineDee EversHolly FergusonSheryl FierroGeralynn FinneganJohn GalbraithPaul GibsonAlan Hamilton (in memory)Debbie HewlettJudy HilyardRichard HoskinsTracy HowardBlaine HowittLance HowittChristine Hunter-RobertsonKris KaufmannCindra KelloggOgden KelloggChi Young KimRuth KlausRosemary LazzariQuin Ley

Regina LinsdayToni LovagliaMeghan MacDonaldDee MarlowKellyn MarshallBetty MartinAdam MarxCharlie McChesneyGary McConahaySally MillerMeg MocabeeLucinda MoegleinMark MoegleinBonnie MorganJan MurphyVickie MurrayKim OvesonAlex PappasMargaret PashkoBeth PierceNicole PilgrimAura RiechartMichael Rhoades

Lisa RobinoMarc RosewoodThomas RussellLois SchlegelMeri SchneiderTeresa SearleSuzanne SevereidCarolyn ShafferAsha SlaterCindy SleightFern SnogrenDavid SpeigelLaura StanislawskiS.J.SwinyardRay ThomsonTaira Torres Glyn TravisMeri WalkerLynn WhitakerRobert WoodhouseSarah Young

Our 25th anniversary celebration brought friends, stories, and memories together in one room!

I have seen dramatic changes in my child following our eight-week sessions.

~Celina Skidmore

Without WinterSpring, I would’ve never been able to develop one of the most essential aspects of being human—social bonding.~Emma Durbin (age 16)

Angel DeShane, Denise Erskine, Liz Axness Emma Durbin at 25th Celebration

In support of grieving kids

Research shows that 1 in 7 children will lose a parent or sibling before the age of 20. That doesn’t even in-clude losses of grandparents, cousins, friends, or other guardians. Would you have guessed there would be so many grieving kids? Wow, that’s astounding!

Our programs are growing! Here’s a snapshot of what we’ve accomplished in support of grieving kids:

What’s the best way to support grieving kids? v Provide children and teens with a safe place to grieve. v Educate parents, guardians, teachers and staff about childhood grief.

• Children’s Program is full for the first time in several years, with two groups, each meeting every other week in Medford at Kid Time.• Parents of the children are gathering for a facilitated support group where we can provide them with educa-tional materials and let them ask questions about their kids and share their common experiences.• Last Spring and early this past fall, we educated and supported teachers, staff, and parents at Helman School as student Jack Dorr lost his battle with cancer.• We’ve added four new schools for teen groups: Lithia Springs school for adjudicated youth; Hedrick MS, Rogue River Jr and Sr HS, and Central Medford HS. Recurring groups are at Ashland MS, Talent MS, Eagle Point HS, McLoughlin MS, North Medford HS, and South Medford HS.• We provided training to the Medford School District and to Talent Middle School staff.• We provided training to CASA and Community Works.

More and more, we are collaborating with other children and youth organizations to better reach grieving kids. We are excited to be offering a weekend camp in collaboration with the Rogue Valley YMCA in May for grades 6, 7, and 8. Grief camps for youth are offered around the country by similar organizations. These camps help kids get in touch with their grief around the death of a loved one in a safe environment with their peers, while also giving them an opportunity to play, which is a healthy balance for the way children move through grief. Thanks to Patsy Smullin and CareOregon for sponsoring this camp!

Our work is preventative behavioral health, which in turn can keep children and youth out of the social service and healthcare system later. The importance of a supported grief process after such trauma and the harmful effects of unresolved grief are well documented. Unresolved grief contributes to unhealthy and self-destruc-tive coping behaviors including anxiety, depression, substance abuse, violence, promiscuity resulting in teen pregnancy, and suicide.

WinterSpring strives to meet the grief support needs of youth before their grief manifests in unhealthy and self-destructive behaviors. In doing so, we are providing tools for the future that build resiliency and enable kids to overcome life’s changes in healthy ways.

Bless WinterSpring and their amazing purpose. We don’t know what we would have done without them. ~Vickie Murray and her children

THANK YOU TO ALL OF OUR GENEROUS CONTRIBUTORS !

This is a list of donors who contributed to WinterSpring since our last newsletter. We try hard to keep accurate records. If you see any errors or omissions, please let us know so we can provide proper thanks and recognition.

INDIVIDUAL GIFTSJan AcordAnne AinsworthTerry AnsnesJackie ArdreyHugh BaconF. J. & Carolyn BarrettAndy & Annette BatzerElizabeth BranchLeslie BurchCarl Caplan & Ruth SchwadaSusan & Timothy CateByron & Patricia ChatfieldSylvia ChatrouxMike ClarkNancy ClayDana CollordEleanor ComptonJanet Cooley McChesneyArt CoolidgeJoan & Dixon, Rodney CresseCarmen DarlingJody DatzMary Jane DellenbackCarol DelsmanAl & Sally DensmoreTom & Angel DeShaneJudith DolmatchRonald E.& Jean DurkeeChristine EberhardtJohn & Diane EngelhardtRusty ErbesDee EversMarjorie FrankDiane GarciaPaul GibsonJulia GoforthDolores GoldbergRobert Gordon & Kay KendallWilliam & Bette HaberlachAllen HallmarkAlan HamiltonDonna HarloffLinda HarrisR.M. & Jane A. HeverlyJudy HilyardArlene HoagRichard HoskinsTracey HowardDouglas HustonKarol IgouTammy JamiesonBruce & Carolyn JohnsonCharles JossyRamona KearnsCindra & Ogden KelloggRoy & Sheila KimballMichael KoesterRon & Katharine LangLois LangloisDonnis LausmannJulie LockhartPorter & Corrine LombardJeff & Corry LouieToni LovagliaMeghan MacdonaldPam MakdissyBetty MartinJoanne MarxJeanene MatthewsSabrina McNeilSugar MejiaRamona MerryMark & Lucinda Moeglein

Bonnie MorganMichael & Jan MurphyThomas Myers & Lauren SchafferCindy NagelMichele NewbyLarry & Karen NollenbergerDaniel OwensDiane PaceMaria-Cristina PageSarah PaulCilette Swann & Roman MorykitBarbara RonerChuck & Kim RossChuck & Sue RossDeborah RothschildDavid A. & Beverly A. SawyerJack & Sarah SeyboldCarolyn ShafferPat ShannonNancy SheaEileen ShingleLynn & Doris SjolundAnn SloanPatsy SmullinShirley SouthJoan SpearMisty StoneAnn StryckerKathy SwantonAnn TennysonJennifer ThomassonBill & Angela ThorndikeJudy TiceHurst & Philip HickmanJim TitusDon & Elaine TurckeJoel and Robin TurgesenPatricia M VanEveraKenny & Karen VanoverCharles & Becky VersteegDiane WareDiane WerichPaul & Anne WestermanRon & Linda WilsonSheryl WirtsIn Memory Of… Given by…Glen & Don Acord Jan AcordBrett Gehlmann Bernard David & Marjorie BernardAlvin & Loree Boswell Shirley SouthJune Cash Joy OlsonJo Coleman Dee & Robert MarlowWilliam Richard “Dick” Cooley Janet Cooley McChesneyBix Crary Cory RossCarol Crooker Dee EversFrank Desimone Carl Caplan & Ruth Ann Schwada Mark & Gwen SchiveleyVelda Dickey Joy OlsonSharon Domenichelli Dee & Robert MarlowGene Edwards Rusty Erbes

Joy Eidson Kate McKenzieIke Eisenstein Donnis Lausmann Shirley SouthZachary Erskine Geraldine KulpLarry and Anita Evers Dee EversJoseph Glenn Fjarli William & Laura WestermanMadelaine Franzone Diane WerichAlexander Julian “AJ” Freis Bill & Valentine GassMary Freyburger Dee EversLillian Frost Rusty ErbesGlenn Gangnier Cory RossRobert Goldberg Dolores GoldbergJo & Fred Gordon Patricia GordonKelli Grisham Eleanor ComptonAlan Hamilton Jill MackieGenita Hamilton Alan HamiltonLois Hamilton Peter DonisOpie Harrison Scott & Suzann HarrisonRobert J. Haugen Ed & Janey PerryMarilyn Havill Sharon SwinyardJohn Hebert Janet & Duane GleavesMary Hicks (Grandma Mary) Tom & Angel DeShaneLouise Hueners Michael & Jan MurphyLola & Spud (Alfred) Kyser Shirley SouthJerry S. Lausmann Donnis LausmannKathy Lawler Kathy BryonRick Leavitt Blandine LeavittLenore Leines Donnis LausmannIrene Levitt Marla SamuelJack Loessi Karen LoessiBob Lozano Lynn & Doris SjolundGerry Mandell Lance & Fayegail BisacciaMary Marlow Dee & Robert MarlowGrampa/Papa Bill Martin Betty MartinWilliam Martin Cathy SchleiningS.V. Mc Queen Donnis LausmannRebecca Jo Mcilroy McKeever John & Carol Walker

Dylan Robert McNeil Sabrina McNeilWendy Eleanor Miles Janet Cooley McChesneyRalph Monroe Chuck & Kim M. RossMy Mother and Father Susanne McDonoughMargaret Nixon Elizabeth NixonOliver Sylvia ChatrouxSusan Elaine Osborn Stephen OsbornWilliam E. Page Maria-Cristina PageTamera Patterson Kathi PattersonOur Dear Phoebe Eliza & Brad KauderWarren G. Povey M.D. Joel & Robin Turgesen19 of The Prescott Hotshots Eleanor ComptonLeClaire Prince Dee & Robert MarlowPumpkin Jim BrowneDarel Rasmussen James & Janis BronsonGlena Rasmussen Candy MillerMayre Rasmussen James & Janis BronsonAl Reiss Sharon HeiselDonn Rogers Joseph BarkleyJames P. Rogers Larry & Karen NollenbergerKyle Charles Ross Chuck & Kim Ross Chuck & Sue Ross Eug Russell Mark & Gwen SchiveleyEva Russell Mark & Gwen SchiveleyCharles Schiveley Mark & Gwen SchiveleyStacy Allen Schrag Peggy PorterEric Shwartz Juli TeitelbaumElton & Wanda Smith Ron & Linda WilsonCarol Snider Ramona KearnsCarol Hueners Snider Michael & Jan MurphyReneé Snider Suzanna SniderBill Snyder Jr. Diane PaceEric Soares Nancy SoaresAl & Patricia South Stan & Laura Horsey Ken & Sharon Hutchens Shirley SouthJason Erbes Stansberry Rusty Erbes Gov. Mike Stepovich Donnis Lausmann

THANK YOU BUSINESSES & FOUNDATIONS!

In Honor Of… Given by…Merrily Bronson James & Janis BronsonSue Carroll Ron & Jean DurkeeMelinda & Joshua Hufft Duane & Margaret MurrayDee Marlow Tom & Angel DeShaneAdam Marx Natalie AppelJan Murphy Michael & Jan MurphyJay & Patricia Murray Duane & Margaret MurrayMary Nellist Diane PaceJohn Pace Diane PaceShirley South David Friedenberg Stan & Laura Horsey

Grant Supporters:Anna May Family FoundationAutzen FoundationBen B. Cheney FoundationThe Carpenter FoundationCarrico FoundationChaney FoundationCity of AshlandCommunity 101 at Eagle Point High SchoolCow Creek Umpqua Indian FoundationThe Ford Family FoundationGordon Elwood FoundationLausmann FoundationMeyer Memorial TrustOregon Health Authority—Addictions and Mental HealthPacificSourceQualcommSouthern Oregon Friends of HospiceUnited Way of Jackson County

In Memory Of… Given by…Ina Strasser Jennifer DownsRonn, Sylvia, & Al Teitelbaum Juli TeitelbaumEstelle Vanover Kenny & Karen VanoverWilliam Brendan Varble Patricia GordonJohn David Ware Diane WareRich, Randy, & David Bill and Leanne WrayLibby Watson Lynn & Doris SjolundJanet Yamada & Ben Leilani OslerSierra Zanger Tracy Parks Lamblin

Business Donations:AscentronAshland Food CoopAshland Rotary Community Support FoundationAmazon SmileCash and CarryColumbia DistributingDagoba ChocolateDylan McNeil FoundationEuropean Touch Day Spa LLCFred MeyerGypsy SoulJacksonville ChiropracticKing ConcessionsKogapKrogerL. Donovan WinesLitwiller-Simonsen Funeral HomeNimbus Weather Technology LLCPangeaProtectors InsuranceRising Sun FarmsRogue Valley ManorShop N KartSoundpeaceWolfgang KrecklowUber Herbal

Gifts-In KindAugusta AndreaeAngel DeShaneAnna Maria CreeksideRogue Community Health - AshlandDenise HutterAvamereDee MarlowEuropean Touch Day SpaHorton PlazaHelene DeMartinezSmullin Education CenterBill MansfieldBetty MartinKaren NollenbergerJim Titus

Check out our website at www.winterspring.org Sign up for our monthly e-mail newsletter :

on the home page. Like us on facebook:

www.facebook.com/WinteSpring89

The consuming pain is no longer the focus of my life. WinterSpring has my heart-felt thanks for the heavy burden they helped me bear and for the life they helped me find. ~Betty Martin

Terry Dixon, Angel DeShane, Dee Marlow, Pam Makdissy, Shirley South, Karen Nollenberger

Judy Hilyard (Board President) and Sophie

New this year:

Camp WinterSpringMay 15th—17th, 2015

for 6th, 7th, & 8th graders who have experienced a death

Call 541-552-0620Sponsored by

Patsy Smullin and CareOregon

Non-ProfitOrganization

U.S. Postage PaidPermit No. 190Medford, OR

WinterSpring P.O. Box 8169 Medford, OR 97501

Return Service Requested

Wall of Remembrance

A beautiful way to remember your loved one is to have a stone engraved with their name. We have a whole new section of the wall with lots of beautiful stones to choose from. The base price is $250 with $50 added for extra engravings. Please call us by April 15 for this spring’s engravings: 541-552-0621. Join us for this year’s Seasons of the Heart at the Donahue-Frohnmayer Park in Medford on May 23 at 1:00.

Facing Loss, Embracing Life Again ~ Together

from Mary Oliver

“To live in this worldyou must be able to do three things:to love what is mortal;to hold itagainst your bones knowingyour own life depends on it;and, when the time comes to let it go,to let it go.”~ In Blackwater Woods