Stargate : SG-1 And the Quest for the Long-Lost Library of TBN*

*To Be NamedBy: Corrina McGill

Starring: Dr. Daniel Jackson Col. Jack O’Neill

(with two ‘L’s)

Master Teal’c of the Jaffa

Major Samantha Carter

Why are we doing this again?

Jack, you were at the briefing. We’re looking for the Long-Lost Library of TBN. There are rumours that it holds books that can answer the Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Why does every alien planet look like the forest in Vancouver?

Tax breaks for film crews?

Indeed.

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Halt! None shall pass!

Wrong story.

What? I am Todd, the Evil Catfish Alien Vampire!

I am the first of the challenges you must face before reaching the Long-Lost Library of TBN! Tremble before me, puny mortals!

I’ve got this.

No! Now I need to pick up all of these grains of rice and count them! Curse you, how did you know my weakness? Oh, what a world!

I read Dracula.Hey, dibs on all

Wizard of Oz jokes.

Halt None shall pass!

Didn’t we do this bit already?

What? I am Vala, the greatest thief ever! I am the second challenge you must face before reaching the Long-Lost Library of TBN! You must give me your greatest treasure.

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I believe there is a large ‘X’ shape over there, which commonly denotes the presence of treasure. Will that do?

Well, I’m a thief not a pirate, but I suppose. Wait, that’s not YOUR treasure.

Does that matter?

Nope. Go ahead, Muscles.

I read Treasure Island.

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Halt, I am the Black Knight. None shall pass!

Hello, we’re peaceful explorers looking for the Long-Lost Library of TBN.

Ok, this time it makes sense.

What? I wasn’t finished. None shall pass until you answer me these riddles three, ere the other side you see.

Who…are you?What…is your quest?

I already answered those two…

What…is the average air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

African or European?

Well, I don’t know.

Ok, how about you get back to us when you figure it out. Monty

Python, Jack?

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A DRAGON! You’re kidding me. Daniel, aren’t there any other libraries we could go to for that book on your meaning of life stuff? What about inter library loans?

STOP!

ROAR!

No, please she’s friendly, aren’t you girl? See? She’s the pet of the children’s department.

Hello, I’m the Doctor. I mean, the Librarian. The Doctor-Librarian. Hello! How can I help you?

Well, the Scarecrow could use some brains, the Lion needs some courage, the Tin Man wants a heart, and as for me…

Jack, wrong story. We’re looking for the Answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything.

Well, you’ve come to the right place. Allons-y!

That’s the library?

It’s bigger on the inside.

Here you go! Was there anything else you wanted?

Well, while we’re here…

How are we going to get all of this home? It won’t fit through the Gate.

Do you know about our eBook collection?

The End