Loss Grief and Growth Education Resource

Loss Grief and Growth Education Resource

Workshop for teachers

Developed with sponsorship from:

“Death neither obeys the school

timetable nor appears on it... it

enters the classroom without

knocking.” www.winstonswish.org

The story...

Yves Berthiaume – story of his father dying when he was 12 and the teachers who supported and mentored him

“We need to address the needs of kids” Yves Berthiume

Developed tours of the funeral homes

“The most frequent question from teachers…”

“How do I support grieving

students?”

Written by teachers

for teachers

Loss Grief and Growth honors the relationship between students and teachers.

Teachers are connected with students:

• before, during and after the loss occurs.• when some have forgotten the needs of a

grieving child.

Loss Grief and Growth honors teachers as:

• mentors,• creators of a safe

environment,• communicators

inviting expression of feelings and fears, and

• creative leaders of teachable moments.

Loss Grief and Growth honors

children

“We are powerless to control the losses and catastrophic events our children may experience, but by honouring their inner wisdom, providing mentorship, and creating safe havens for expression, we can empower them to become more capable, more caring human beings.”

Linda Goldman

Introduction

One of the myths of our society is that it is possible to

insulate children from the traumas of loss, death,

bereavement, and grief.

Loss is a part of life….

• Divorce• Moving• Developmental• And out kids are

exposed to death

Types of losses

Death in the family

• grandparents,• parents,• siblings,• pets, • friends …

Death in the media

• News - global community violent/sudden/tragic/terrorist/war/conflict

• Movies, games– fictional/unreal

Death in the school community People• peers • teachers,• support staff• custodial staff• family members

of peers

and school curriculum.

Death in the community“Not only do we grieve as individuals, we

grieve as communities. Our lives are so intertwined that each of us is affected by a death in our community.” Dr. John Morgan

Grief

• is a normal healthy response to loss.

• is a whole person response.

Drawing grief

Grieving• is the process

of integrating the loss into ones life

• and making meaning of life’s experiences.

Grieving

• is not something to “get over”

• is not something that needs to be “fixed”

• New losses can trigger old losses.

• we regrieve at future levels of growth, development, and future life events.

Grieving

Misconceptions about grieving

• There is a right way to grieve

• There are stages of grief

• Grief is/should be time limited– “It is time to get over this”– “When will she “get over” this?”

Factors which influence grieving

The age and stage of development

Family

Social Support System

Personality traits

Gender

Grieving styles

“Intuitive” grieving style…

• The “typical grief response” e.g. crying, talking.

• Sadness is the primary emotion.

• Grief is processed through feelings.

Recognition

• of the loss• the grief and• the griever

“Disenfranchised grief “

“Instrumental” Grieving Style

• Little talk, lots of action..

• Grief is processed cognitively rather than emotionally.

• If expressed, an emotion is more likely to be anger than sadness.

Type and nature of

death

Cause of death

Cultural and Religious

Beliefs

What you might see…

In Elementary and Middle School:

• Children grieve in “doses”.• Grief may be expressed through play.

Children may temporarily regress to a time of safety and

security.

Children may struggle to pay attention or stay focused.

A child’s quality of work may change for better, or worse.

A child may complain of fatigue and illness more often than usual.-> nightmares may be disrupting their sleep.

School attendance may become sporadic.

What you might see in High School…

• An inability to focus or pay attention.•Changes in academic performance.•Complaints of fatigue and illness.•Sporadic school attendance.

• a greater volatility of emotions.

• there may be an increase in risk taking behaviours in grieving teens.

Grief is not “an excuse”,

it may be the hardest work the student has yet faced in life!

Developing an understanding of death

Through the course of developmental stages and life experiences, children begin to grasp the meaning of death.

Death is permanent

“ When is Grandma coming back ?”

All body functions stop

“When someone dies, her body stops working. The heart stops beating, and breathing stops.The brain doesn’t send or receive messages. She no longer can see, hear, touch, taste , smell, eat, play, feel or think. She cannot move.”When Dinosaurs Die by Brown &Brown

Cause of death

Young children may engage in “Magical Thinking”.

“She died

because I was mad at her”

All living things eventually die

Between the ages of 7 to 12,

most children are beginning to

grasp each of the key components

of death

Responding to students…

Teachers can:

Teachers can help students grow from loss by encouraging their

understanding: • that people

grieve in their own ways.

• that help is available and that it is okay to ask for help.

Teachers can encourage students to grow from loss by helping in the

development of:

• clear language and vocabulary to name their feelings .

• healthy ways to express feelings.

• sensitivity to the needs of others.

Saying and doing the “right thing”

• You do not need to be and you can not be “prepared with the right thing to say”

• There is NO right thing to say.

General Guidelines

Be a good observer • Know the signs of grief for the age and

gender of your students.

Be a good listener

Listen:• for content.• for “in-between the

lines” messages.• and look for non-

verbal clues.

Be flexible

Develop accommodations to address :

• Severe fatigue.• Inattention.• Confusion.• An inability to

focus.

Be available

Above all…be patient• Grief always takes longer than expected.

Be aware of your own feelings

Be honest

• Be a companion, not an expert.

• You don’t have to have all the answers.

Considering the guidelines

Great responses may include:– Silence– “I don’t know”– “How can I be helpful?”– Reflect on the previous slides of general

guidelines

Be willing• To be sad

– Music– Movies

• To be silly– Music– Cards

• To be creative– Stories– Music– Games

• To connect

Be aware of cultural diversityYou might want to explore:• How do people in this cultural community

demonstrate feelings of grief?• What things will people in this community be

doing to support the family now and in the days /weeks/months ahead?

• How do we best offer our support to the family/the student?

• Is it appropriate to: send flowers/letters, visit the home, attend the funeral…

You do not need to be a specialist to offer support

• Grieving students do not usually require services of a specialist.

• There is great value in the social support offered by the school community.

“Critical Incident Response Teams”

• Mentor teachers to support students– “After we responded to a few incidents this

school, the teachers were more confident in addressing the needs of the students themselves – we became a helpful presence rather than doing it all”

Indicators of need for additional support

• Persistent denial of the death • Physically assaulting others • Persistent anger towards everyone • Pervasive depression/isolation • Prolonged feelings of guilt/responsibility

for death • Excessive misbehavior • Persistent lack of interest in any activity • Drug/alcohol use

Activity

• Choose a grade• Read the introduction• Choose one “TASK”• Choose one “Teachable Moment”

Your support of a grieving student will change their life!

Resources

Acknowledgements

…to all educators who provided advice and direction throughout the past decade!

…to the grieving students who allowed us to share their journey…..

…and especially:

www.curriculum.org

Accessing the document

Thank you!

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