Hope For Troubled Marriages

Once Upon A Time ….

There was a girl who longed for true love

So when she finally

met a cute guy

Who said he loved her…

…she hopped into his car, waved gaily to her loved

ones…

…and drove off into the sunset with him…

…planning to live happily ever after.

It was not too long before our would-be heroine

Realized that

her life was …

not exactly the enchanted dream she had imagined

Conversations turned ugly…… over the smallest thing & matters from

finances to sex

Humilityand

CHARITY

Many couples don’t recognize serious difficulties until both parties simply want out-and end up with a broken marriage

Basic Stages in Troubled Marriages

1. CRITICISM

•

Every husband & wife complains about each other

2. CONTEMPT

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Hostile humor, mockery, name calling & other contemptuous behavior

3. DEFENSIVENESS

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Takes every comment as an accusation & counter by lashing out

4. STONEWALLING

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Staying away from each other

•

No longer have the energy or the inclination for confrontation

-

Dr. Gregory Popcak

Genesis

Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother

and clings to his wife, and they become

one flesh.

2: 24

Marriage is not for the FAINTHEARTED

•

Sound marriages go through

cycles of developmentcycles of development–

From

RomanceRomance

to

disillusionmendisillusionment

to

mature lovemature love

Tough Issues

Finances

sex

chores

In-laws

Gender roles

Cultural differences

Health issues

loneliness

Tough Issues

religion

tragedies

infidelity

secrecy

violence

Domesticneglect

family

Domestic Violence

•

Every 1 in 4 women experiences domestic violence during her lifetime

–

Forms:

•

Emotional

•

Economic

•

Sexual

•

Physical abuse

•

Men can be victims as well

Domestic Violence P A T T E R N

•

The Longer you stay

in an abusive relationship, the more harm done

to your mental health, especially your self-esteem.

•

Leaving an abuser

without any planning can be dangerous

•

Seek professional help

•

It can be hard to recognize and admit that you’re in an abusive relationship –

but

help is available.

Remember:

NO ONE DESERVES TO BE NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSEDABUSED

FORTUNATELY most marriages ….

Hosea

I will take you for my wife in righteousness and

in justice,

in steadfast love and

in mercy.

I will take you for my wife

in faithfulness

2 :19-20

Successful Marriages don’t work on auto-pilot.

To become lifelong partnersTo become lifelong partners

•

Negotiating the stages of marriage &

the bumps requires:

Attention &

Hard work

•

Opinions &

interests must be:

balanced

1. Communicate

••

Poor Communication Poor Communication is the number 1 reason for failed marriages

••

Good Communication Good Communication –

means listening as well as talking

–

Must be open, honest and frequent

–

Should not only talk daily but also

••

laugh & crylaugh & cry

••

share family joysshare family joys

••

accomplishmentsaccomplishments

••

struggles struggles

••

tragediestragedies

2. Fight Fair

••

Don’t Don’t try to “WIN” arguments

•

Allow your spouse to maintain

SelfSelf--respectrespect

••

Don’tDon’t

complain, state the issues

honestlyhonestly

•

GRANT

Equal TimeEqual Time

••

understand understand the other person’s point of view

3. Forgive••

stop stop holding grudges

•

Forgiveness is a challenge challenge &&

can lead to:can lead to:––

PeacePeace

––

HopeHope

––

GratitudeGratitude

––

joyjoy

•

It can lower your ––

Blood pressureBlood pressure

––

Risk of alcohol Risk of alcohol

––

Risk of substance abuseRisk of substance abuse

4. Rebuild Trust

••

Trust takes years to build Trust takes years to build but can be damaged in an instant

•

Be honest honest

••

Keep Keep promises

••

RespectRespect

while supporting one another’s goals

5. Decide Together

•

Make

Joint Decisions Joint Decisions about

••

FinancesFinances

••

Disciplining childrenDisciplining children

••

ChoresChores

••

VacationsVacations

••

Other important family mattersOther important family matters

6. Work on Building Intimacy

•

schedule

regular dates regular dates and

romantic getawaysromantic getaways

••

Remember Remember Birthdays and Anniversaries

7. Don’t Try to Change your Mate

••

Appreciate Appreciate &

respect respect your spouse’s ••

PersonalityPersonality

••

Likes Likes &&

DislikesDislikes

••

Personal HistoryPersonal History

Ephesians

Put away from you

all bitterness and wrath and

anger and wrangling

and slander,

together with malice,

and be kind to one another,

tenderhearted,

forgiving one another,

as god in Christ

has forgiven you.

4: 31-32

•

Fr. Larry Tan, SDB

Inspirational Series