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HappilyEVENA,erUsingthePrinciplesofPosi1vePsychologyandPostTrauma1cGrowthresearchtohelphealbrokenhearts.

MaureenTarquiniMaureen@maureentarquini.comApril2016

WHYHappilyEVENA.er….

Ø  DivorceisCOMMON–50%ofallmarriagesendinDivorce.

Ø  DivorceisratedthesecondmoststressfullifeeventandpeopleoMenstruggletohealandmoveon

Ø  TheprinciplesofPosi1vePsychologycanhelp!

Divorceistheoneofthemoststressfullifeeventsthatpeopleface

Goal:Todiscovernewresourcesandapproachestofosterresilienceandinnerstrengthandtransformadversityintoopportuni>es

Lifeevent Lifechangeunits

Deathofaspouse 100

Divorce 73

Maritalsepara1on 65

Imprisonment 63

Deathofaclosefamilymember 63

Personalinjuryorillness 53

Marriage 50

Dismissalfromwork 47

HolmesandRahestressscale

YourBraininLOVE:Research

The earliest pairings of brain research and love research, from around 2005, established what a brain in love looks like. In study led by psychologist Art Aron, neurologist Lucy Brown, and anthropologist Helen Fisher, individuals who were deeply in love viewed images of their beloved and simultaneously had their brains scanned in an MRI machine, which maps neural activity by measuring changes in blood flow in the brain. The MRI’s clearly showed that romantic love activates in the caudate nucleus, via a flood of dopamine.

YourBraininLOVE:AchemicalvolcanoOxytocin, the cuddle hormone, is involved in the processes of human bonding specifically in the establishment and formation of human chemical bonds. Oxytocin floods your body with feelings of contentment and trust. This natural "love drug," produced by the hypothalamus, is responsible for human bonding in both platonic and intimate relationships Decreases Stress

When two people fall in love the body will release a plethora of endorphins, the body's natural morphine (a heroine like substance), and that this accounts for the pleasurable feelings of being in love;

Dopamine, is the "desire molecule" or neurotransmitter levels increase as passion levels increase; elevated levels are associated with romantic love. Is responsible for the pursuit of any pleasure -without it, a person will feel no joy, anticipation, enthusiasm, excitement, or exuberance. It is the common denominator of most addictions.

* And many many other neurotransmitters/brain chemicals are impacted: Norepinephrine, Serotonin, DHEA, PEA, Testosterone, Vasopressin, etc

TheImpactofHeartbreak-withdrawalJust as love at its best is explained by MRI scans, so, too, is love at its worst. In 2010 the team who first used MRI scanning to connect love and the caudate nucleus set out to observe the brain when anger and hurt feelings enter the mix. They gathered a group of individuals who were in the first stages of a breakup

They were still addicted. As they viewed images of their rejecters, regions of the brain were activated that typically fire in individuals craving and addicted to drugs. Again, no different from someone addicted to—and attempting a withdrawal from—nicotine or cocaine.

.

As far as the midbrain reward system is concerned, they were still “in love.” Just because the “reward” is delayed in coming (or, more to the point, not coming at all), that doesn’t mean the neurons that are expecting “reward” shut down. Even though cognitively they knew that their relationships were over, part of each participant’s brain was still in motivation mode

TheImpactsofHeartbreakPhysicalPain

MRIstudiesconfirmthatthebrainexperiencesrejec1onasphysicalpain

hWp://www.pnas.org/content/108/15/6270.full.pdf

TheImpactsofHeartbreakPhysicalPain

Takotsubocardiomyopathyisinformallyknownas'brokenheartsyndrome'becauseitoMenoccursduetoanemo1onalorphysicalshock.

Buryyourfeelingsandgetbusy-orfindanewloveinterestimmediately.

Some of the unhealthy ways we respond to breakups

It’snormaltovisit“CRAZYTOWN”

BUTYouneedtoFEELandprocessthepain

Ruminate(Nurse,Curse,ANDRehearse)

Other unhealthy ways to respond to breakups

It’s normal to visit “CRAZY TOWN” But you don’t want to build a house there!

Relivingtheexperienceandtellingthesamestoryoverandoverandoveragain

Neurons that fire together wire together

Howdoweheal??

BorrowingfromthePrinciplesofPosi>vePsychologyandPost-Trauma>cGrowth

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSDisanextremebiologicalresponsethatthatresultsfromtrauma>ceventsorexperiences,suchasasexualorphysicalassault,theunexpecteddeathofalovedone,anaccident,war,ornaturaldisaster.Thisresponsecancauseintensefear,helplessness,orhorror.

New Thinking: Post Traumatic Growth Ø Richard Tedeschi and Lawrence Calhoun, (researchers at the University of North

Carolina at Charlotte) coined the term Post-Traumatic Growth based on their intensive work with trauma survivors. Again and again, people shared a perplexing insight: While they were not happy about what had happened to them, they felt they had learned valuable lessons from the experience and these lessons eventually changed their lives for the better.

Ø The term PTG gave experts the language to express, and recognize, something that was hiding in plain sight: trauma’s potential to transform us in positive ways.

Ø “Mental health professionals have a long history of looking only at what’s wrong with human functioning,” says psychologist Anna A. Berardi, Ph.D., who directs the Trauma Response Institute at George Fox University in Portland, OR. “But if you ask people, “Have you been through something difficult and come out the other side stronger, wiser and more compassionate?” the majority of us would answer yes. That’s powerful proof that as humans we’re wired to grow as a result of hardship.”

IN FACT, Experiencinggrowtha,ertraumaisfarmorecommonthanPTSD:• Accordingtosta1s1csfromtheDepartmentofVeteranAffairs,morethan50percentofAmericanswillreportatleastonetrauma1ceventduringthecourseofagivenyear.However,onlyafrac1on(es1mated3.6percent)willexperiencePTSD.

• Asmanyasninetypercentofsurvivorsreportatleastoneaspectofposttrauma1cgrowth,suchasarenewedapprecia>onforlifeoradeeperconnec>ontotheirheart’spurpose.

“Asmallpercentageofpeoplecannotreturnto

theirpreviousleveloffunc6oninga7eratrauma6cevent,butmostpeopleemergefromatraumawiser,withadeeperapprecia6onoflife.”-psychologistAnnaA.Berardi,Ph.D.,TraumaResponseIns1tuteatGeorgeFoxUniversity

Thefundamentalques>onisnotwhetherweencountersuffering—becausewealldo.

“ItishowweworkwithsufferingsothatitleadstoawakeningtheheartandgoingbeyondthehabitualviewsandacNonsthatperpetuatesuffering,Howdoweactuallyusesufferingsothatittransformsourbeingandthatofthosewithwhowecomeincontact?HowcanwestoprunningfrompainandreacNngagainstitinwaysthatdestroyusaswellasothers?”

-BuddhistteacherPemaChodron

“BetweensNmulusandresponsethereisaspace.Inthatspaceisourpowertochooseourresponse.Inourresponseliesourgrowthandourfreedom.”“WhenwearenolongerabletochangeasituaNon-wearechallengedtochangeourselves.”

-ViktorFrankl,Man’sSearchForMeaning

TheSuperheroWithinUs

Thewisdomcontainedinthisideaisancient:Thewri1ngsoftheancientshavepromisedthepossibilityoffindingblessingsinbadbreaks.TheAmericanscholarJosephCampbelliden1fiedtheHero’sJourneyasapaWernofnarra1vethatdescribesthetypicaladventureofthearchetypeknownasTheHero,thepersonwhogoesoutandachievesgreatdeedsonbehalfofthegroup,tribe,orciviliza1on.Inallofthesestories,acommonthemeisthenecessityofovercominghardshipsinorderforthemtobecomethesaviortohealthemselvesandtheirpeople:Moseshadtoascendthemountain,Jesussacrificedhimself,theBuddhaleMhispalace.It’sthebasisofoursuperheroes:•  Batman’scapedcrusadeagainstcrimewasinspiredfromthe

witnessingofhisparents’murder.•  Spidermanignoresthechancetostopafleeingthief,andhis

indifferenceironicallycatchesupwithhimwhenthesamecriminallaterrobsandkillshisUncleBen.

TheReallifeSuperheroesAmongstUsØ WhenChristopherReeve,theactorwhoplayedSuperman,wasleMa

quadriplegicbyanequestrianaccident,hebrieflyconsideredsuicide.Instead,withSuperman-likeresolve,hebecameapowerfuladvocateforpeoplewithspinal-cordinjuries.TheChristopher&DanaReeveFounda1on,whichoutlivedhimandhiswife,hasawardedmorethan$81milliontoresearchersworkingonacureforparalysis.

Ø MothersagainstDrunkDriving(MADD)wasfoundedin1980byCandyLightneraMerher13yearolddaughterwaskilledbyahitandrundriverwhowasarepeatDWIoffender.Sta1s1csfromMADDshowthatdrunkdrivinghasbeencutinhalfsincetheirfounding

Ø  Ina2005StanfordUniversitycommencementaddress,StevenJobsdescribedgesngfiredinapublicandhumilia1ngwayfromthecompanythathehadhelpedfound:“Ididn’tseeitthen,butitturnedoutthatgeHngfiredfromApplewasthebestthingthatcouldeverhavehappenedtome.Theheavinessofbeingsuccessfulwasreplacedbythelightnessofbeingabeginneragain,lesssureabouteverything,itfreedmetoenteroneofthemostcrea6veperiodsofmylife.”

1.   Senseofpersonalstrength2.   Deeperrela>onshipswithothers3.   Newperspec>vesonlifeandarecogni>onofnewpossibili>es4.   Greaterapprecia>onoflifeandachangedsenseofpriori>es5.   Increasedspirituality

Five Main Areas of Post Traumatic Growth*

*RichardTedeschiandLawrenceCalhoun

UsingthePrinciplesofPosi>vePsychology/Post-Trauma>cGrowthtoHeala,eraDivorce1.   ProvideCommunity/Support

2.   Self-Care–nutri>on,exercise,rest

3.   MindfulnessPrac>ce

4.   Acceptance/LeangGo/Forgiveness

5.   Shi,ingPerspec>ve–Gra>tude,Benefitfinding,MeaningandPurpose

6.   Alchemy/Transforma>on-exercisestoprovidefuturefocus.

The past is past

This moment is the only one you

can control

The future is up to you

Post Traumatic Growth

Resources:Books:Ben-Shahar,T.D.BeingHappy:YouDon’tHavetoBePerfecttoLeadaRicher,HappierLife.NewYork:McGraw-Hill,2010.Print.Preface,Introduc1on,Chapters2–4.Ben-Shahar,T.D.“Happier:LearntheSecretstoDailyJoyandLasNngFulfillment.”NewYork:McGraw-Hill,2007.Kabat-Zinn,J.“FullCatastropheLiving:UsingtheWisdomofYourBodyandMindtoFaceStress,Pain,andIllness.”NewYork:DellPub.Group,1991.Print.Introduc1on,Chapters1–16.Calhoun,L.G.,&Tedeschi,R.G.(2013)PosXraumaNcgrowthinclinicalpracNce.NewYork:BrunnerRoutledge.ViktorE.Frankl.Man`sSearchforMeaning.Boston,MA:BeaconPress,1959.PemaChodron.WhenThingsFallApart.ShambhalaPublica1ons,2002.LindaGraham.BouncingBack.RewiringYourBrainforMaximumResilienceandWell-Being.NewWorldLibrary,2013.BruceFisher,RobertAlber1.Rebuilding:WhenYourRelaNonshipEnds,NewYork:ImpactPublishers,2005.KatherineWoodwardThomas.ConsciousUncoupling,5StepstoLivingHappilyEvenA.er,2015,Websites:hWps://ptgi.uncc.edu/-Post-Trauma1cGrowthResearchGroup,DepartmentofPsychology,UNC-CharloXehWp://greatergood.berkeley.edu/ar1cle/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak