Advanced Communication Skills - Mediate.com

Online MediationCommunication Skills

Jim Melamed

Your Theory of Mediation?For me: it is: “Maximizing Mediation” – Why?1. Maximizing each participant’s individual ability to best

take part (resourceful empowerment)2. Maximizing participants’ ability to work together; and3. Maximizing each participant’s substantive satisfaction

Organizing our head around “empowerment,” “competency” and “negotiation power”

Reconciling Maximization with impartiality and neutrality

Rapport● Rapport = Matching, Pacing & Leading - Cross Matching● All aspects are relevant: tone, key words, breathing, dress ● Attempting to take a facilitative lead is a test for rapport ● Bonding Language to use:

Appreciating that . . . Understanding that you feel . . . Acknowledging that . . . Assuming that . . . Respecting that . . . Accepting that . . .

● Distancing Language to avoid: I think . . . You should . . . But . . . However . . .

● Working with beliefs and resistance

Resource States● Resource States are available from people’s work and

avocations● Resource states are what people most like to do and feel

most competent doing ● Resource States offer “journey” metaphoric data-bases

for use in mediation ● Mediation is “just like …”(your most familiar or favorite journey)● Journeys tend to have beginnings, middles and ends,

and pick up momentum along the way

Question Forms

Key Questions

outcome questioning

the evidence question

cumulating outcomes

the conditional close

the reference point process

The Problem-Solving Frame

How can we best . . . ?

and

What is the best way for us to . . . ?

Anticipatory Time Framing

How about we hear from each of you for a couple of minutes as to your biggest concerns . . .

In sum, what are your thoughts regarding . . .

Briefly, what would you say . . .

Getting CurrentAcknowledgment & Venting

“What are all of the things that you want to say to the other to move on?”

(only one rule: no repetition)

Revisit this discussion frame as needed

Easy Points of Agreement

Homework:(helpful technique following any relational venting)

“What are all of the things that youmight possibly easily agree upon?”

De-positioning to Interests & Positive Intentions

De-positionwith the magic word: Imagine

Indirect Techniques

Quotes

Speaking Through Another Voice

Normative Stories

A Theoretic Model• Desired Outcomes, Interests and Positive Intentions

Give Direction to Agreement

• Intrinsic Attraction to Agreement, De-positioning, New Perspectives, Doubt and Dissonance

Create Needed Flexibility

• Principles, Standards, Rationales, RationalizationsProvide a needed Face-Saving Rationalemaking agreeing safe and wise

Sample Contact Page

Sample Mediator Opening• Introductions• Prior Contacts• Define and Describe Process• Impartiality/Neutrality• Logistics• Caucus• Confidentiality & Privacy• Suggested Ground Rules• Answer Questions• Joint Commitment

Resolving Pressing Issues

• Interim• Not precedential• Not admissible• Retroactive application of

eventual resolution (or further consideration)

Problem Solving Agenda1. Identify Desired Information & Documentation2. Share Perspectives3. Identify Easy Points of Agreement & Shared Interests4. Establish Problem Solving Frames5. Discuss and Negotiate

• Interests, Positive Intentions, Goals• Option Identification• Selection Decisions• Package Dealing• Integration

Sharing Perspectives■ Early Notice■ Anticipatory Time Framing■ Presume Disagreement■ Semi-Active Listening■ Gentle Inquiry■ Summarize Golden Nuggets■ Feedback & Refine Summary■ Confirm Heard - Acknowledgement by other

Mediation Strategies• Interest-Based Option Development• Hypothesis Generation and Testing (Guessing)• Doubt and Dissonance (Heat)