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Online MediationCommunication Skills
Jim Melamed
Your Theory of Mediation?For me: it is: “Maximizing Mediation” – Why?1. Maximizing each participant’s individual ability to best
take part (resourceful empowerment)2. Maximizing participants’ ability to work together; and3. Maximizing each participant’s substantive satisfaction
Organizing our head around “empowerment,” “competency” and “negotiation power”
Reconciling Maximization with impartiality and neutrality
Rapport● Rapport = Matching, Pacing & Leading - Cross Matching● All aspects are relevant: tone, key words, breathing, dress ● Attempting to take a facilitative lead is a test for rapport ● Bonding Language to use:
Appreciating that . . . Understanding that you feel . . . Acknowledging that . . . Assuming that . . . Respecting that . . . Accepting that . . .
● Distancing Language to avoid: I think . . . You should . . . But . . . However . . .
● Working with beliefs and resistance
Resource States● Resource States are available from people’s work and
avocations● Resource states are what people most like to do and feel
most competent doing ● Resource States offer “journey” metaphoric data-bases
for use in mediation ● Mediation is “just like …”(your most familiar or favorite journey)● Journeys tend to have beginnings, middles and ends,
and pick up momentum along the way
Question Forms
Key Questions
outcome questioning
the evidence question
cumulating outcomes
the conditional close
the reference point process
The Problem-Solving Frame
How can we best . . . ?
and
What is the best way for us to . . . ?
Anticipatory Time Framing
How about we hear from each of you for a couple of minutes as to your biggest concerns . . .
In sum, what are your thoughts regarding . . .
Briefly, what would you say . . .
Getting CurrentAcknowledgment & Venting
“What are all of the things that you want to say to the other to move on?”
(only one rule: no repetition)
Revisit this discussion frame as needed
Easy Points of Agreement
Homework:(helpful technique following any relational venting)
“What are all of the things that youmight possibly easily agree upon?”
De-positioning to Interests & Positive Intentions
De-positionwith the magic word: Imagine
Indirect Techniques
Quotes
Speaking Through Another Voice
Normative Stories
A Theoretic Model• Desired Outcomes, Interests and Positive Intentions
Give Direction to Agreement
• Intrinsic Attraction to Agreement, De-positioning, New Perspectives, Doubt and Dissonance
Create Needed Flexibility
• Principles, Standards, Rationales, RationalizationsProvide a needed Face-Saving Rationalemaking agreeing safe and wise
Sample Contact Page
Sample Mediator Opening• Introductions• Prior Contacts• Define and Describe Process• Impartiality/Neutrality• Logistics• Caucus• Confidentiality & Privacy• Suggested Ground Rules• Answer Questions• Joint Commitment
Resolving Pressing Issues
• Interim• Not precedential• Not admissible• Retroactive application of
eventual resolution (or further consideration)
Problem Solving Agenda1. Identify Desired Information & Documentation2. Share Perspectives3. Identify Easy Points of Agreement & Shared Interests4. Establish Problem Solving Frames5. Discuss and Negotiate
• Interests, Positive Intentions, Goals• Option Identification• Selection Decisions• Package Dealing• Integration
Sharing Perspectives■ Early Notice■ Anticipatory Time Framing■ Presume Disagreement■ Semi-Active Listening■ Gentle Inquiry■ Summarize Golden Nuggets■ Feedback & Refine Summary■ Confirm Heard - Acknowledgement by other
Mediation Strategies• Interest-Based Option Development• Hypothesis Generation and Testing (Guessing)• Doubt and Dissonance (Heat)