PartOne–Bubbles

CMOoyama(June2011)

6/19/11 1

TheWorkofWriCng

6/19/11

Ispeakinbubbles,unabletomaintainacompletethoughtorconcept.SuchcomplexworkrequirescooperaConofthemanywhoarethewethatisme

ThethingaboutwriCngisthatitrequiresallvoicestoactinconcert.ThereisonlyoneCpofthepen,onlyonekeyboardfromwhencethe

wordscanflow.Linearly

ThebrainnolongerprocessesinunitsofactualorrelaCveCme.TheconstantinlinearityisCme.

Idonotthinklinearly.Isensetheexpanseofdataandperceivethelargerpicture.I

feelthemovementofresources,Iunderstandhowasystemoperates.

2

6/19/11

ThroughtheLookingGlass

AbriskSpringday.Ihaveanappointmentwithmyinternist.TheCTscanshowedapimpleonmypancreas.Ivisitmysurgeon.Thepimplewillberemoved.

IreturntotheRochesterConvenConCentertotheDiversityConferenceIamaVending.IreturnhomeaWeralongday

Growthissmallandcontained.Wehaveaplan.NobiopsyunClaWeritisoutofmybody.

Sliceunderdiaphragm,removetailofpancreasandenCrespleen(circulatorysystemrequirement)

ImustassumethisispancreaCccancer.Imustgetmyfinancesinorderfordying.WhatdoINEEDtodobeforesurgery?

IfIamtherefornoother,Iwillbeatmydaughter’selementary

schoolgraduaCon

IwillbehomeonRachel’sbirthday,July6,2006

Iwillbehomewithmyhusbandonour20thweddinganniversary

IwouldliketoaVendmyson’shighschoolgraduaCon(June2007)

3

6/19/11

TheMantrasRulesforLiving

  DoNOTexpendenergyonthosethingsoverwhichIhavenoinfluenceoreffect

  DoNOTfearthepossibiliCesoffactsyetunknown

  DOthinkstrategicallytoplanforrealisCcconCngencies

  DOconsiderthemannerandcontentofcommunicaConstominimizedisrupContospouse,children,brother,parents

  LimitsharingtofactsandmyintenCons

  Refusetowasteresourcesworryingaboutthe“what‐ifs”thatareusefulonlytotheconCngencyplanningprocess.Whatever“if”willbe,willbe

  Alwayslooktomaintainmyaffairstobestcareofmyfamilyintheeventofmydeath…orlife

  Beinthenow.FocusontheNOW,theWHO'SandtheWHAT'Softhenow,andwhatitwillleavefortomorrow(s) IWILLLIVE

TODAYTomorrow

4

6/19/11

June 29, 2006 – Zipper Surgery Soitwasdubbedby11yearoldRachel.Yousee,thelongincisionhadbeensealedwith

staples,evenlyspaced,lookingverymuchlikeazipper.

Returnedhomefromhospital–July5,2006

Thepain,thehospital,theSTUPIDGREENBUTTON,vaguerecollecConsofpeople,ofconversaCon,ofhaze,ofpain,ofmybrother.Outofcontrol,unabletomodulatemybehaviororfiltermyoutput.UnabletodisCnguishbetweenrealityandthenightmareinsidemytorturedbrain.Thepainkillerscoursethrough.Theymakemyheadhurtalot.

Therewasapimpleonmypancreas.Itwaslargerthanapimple.

TheenCremalignantgrowthisgone.Asmallbutsignificant

negaCvemargin.

5

AdjuvanttreatmentjustincasesomethingbadsCllremains.Treatmentwillbelocalizedaswellassystemic

Chemo‐radiaAontherapy  RadiaCon:Daily(business)x30treatments  ConCnuous24hour5F‐UthroughaVachedpump.  DuraCon:7calendarweeks.CompletedFall,2006

Chemo‐therapy  Gemcitabineweekly(occasionaloffweeks)  IniCatedFall,2006;CompletedMarch,2007

TherearenosecondchanceswithpancreaCccancer.

Theriskofdeathoutweighsallothers.

Informedconsentisgivenforadjuvanttreatment.

ReturnedtoworkaWerfirstchemo‐therapytreatment–Fall2006

StoppedworkSummer2007duetodiabeCcmalcontrolandcogniCvedysfuncCon

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Thoughtsarealwaysthere,floaCng,bouncing,enteringandexiCngconsciousness.UnabletobreaktheirorbitstoentertheorderthatcommunicaCondemands.CommunicaConamongstourselvesishaphazard.Wemustbealwaysdiligenttolistentothevoicesofothers.Theymaywellknowwhatwedonot.

TheperfecConistseeswhatisnotright.Howcanitnotbeobvioustoeveryoneelse?Iknow

thatothersareoblivioustotheobvioustome.SomenoCcesomethingswithasimilarkeenness,butnotallthings.Forthemsomethingsareingreatneedoffixing,whereitposes

nodifficultytome.I,however,donoCce.

Thehouse:ApallofdarknessandcluVer,ofillnessandhomeboundedness.Thereishopeforlightandchange.Iamunabletokeepup.Thingskeepchanging,andIcannotkeepup.Peoplecomeandgo,makerouCnenoises,andoccasionallytrysomerandomdoorwaychaVer.Thetelevisionwillalwaysbeon,regardlessofwhetherapersonoccupiestheroom.Thetelevisionisalwaystooloud.

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Iamabletopulloff"normal"fordiscreteperiodsofCme.

Icanpreparefor,aVend,andparCcipateinameeCng.LiVledooutsidersknowoftheenergy

thathasbeendedicatedtowardspreparaConandappropriateparCcipaConinthemeeCng.

Transitions in activity focus subject venue require great effort and concentration.

6/19/11 8

Icando"normal”fordiscreteperiodsofCme.IcanaccessoperaConalprocessesthatwork

IcanfocusmyaVenCononaprojectIcandevelopleanprocessesandretainrelevantinformaCon

CaringHeartsCompanionsbusinessplan,markeCngplan,clientandcaregivercontracts,intake/assessmentsystem,expectaConsofbehavior

TripstoPiVsburgh:Thanksgiving

JanuaryBirthday

GraduaCon

VolleyballTrips:WashingtonDC

BNCCBalCmorePennState

RPOSerieswithMom

ProvidedsupportforRachelhomeworkcompany,typing,

planassistance

DatacollecConandanalysisCreatedcurrentspendvs.availableincomeanalysis

DevelopedcoordinatedhouseholdbudgetResumedresponsibilityforcheckbook

6/19/11

rememberavailabilityofprnmeds:

headache,handpain,hippain,anxiety,

nausea

9

IamunabletomaintainIndependentAcCviCesofDailyLiving

unlesstheybecomethesoleacCviCesofmyday

focusonbalanceaVenContoeachfootupperbodysymmetrypostureandstretching

awarenesswithoutalarmDONOTFALL

TakeMedsmorning/evening

Maintainsupplyfrompharmacy

CoordinatewithMDforRxSortmedsintopillboxes

DonotlosemedsAlwayshavemedsinbag

wethairshampoohair

rinseoutshampooputcondiConerinhair

washextremiCes,torso,face,privates

wash/shaveunderarmsrinseunderarms

rinseoutcondiConer

exfoliaConextremiCesexfoliaConface

shavelegs

RINSEALL

drinkfluids–behydratedremembertopee

setoutnewclothesbrushteeth

puttowelwithinreachreadywatertemperature

takeoffclothes,putinhamperclimbintoshowerDONOTFALL

checkBSfind/preparefood

shootinsulin–documenteat

checkBS–documentdevelopplanforfoodexecuteplanforfood

shootinsulin&eatfoodcheckBS–document

checkBS‐documentrememberordevelopplanforfood

executeplanforfoodshootinsulin

EATDOCUMENT