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The

Uncredible Adventures of Leon Lash,

unemployed writer!!

Episode 1-The Amorous Alien!!

Episode 1-The Amorous Alien!!

Story by Joseph Allen, Fonts by Blambot!

Asleep In the bedroom of his rent-controlled apartment, Leon Lash, unemployed writer, sleeps the sleep

of the just. But what is that strange, human-shaped lump lying in bed next to him? And what will Leon do when he

wakes to find he is not alone?

Fuck

I’m pretty sure I went to bed alone. I think I would’ve

noticed if someone else was there. I’m usually good about

not going to bed with strangers. Did I drink last

night? When was the last time I drank? Maybe I picked up a girl in a drunken fugue and brought her back for gin-

soaked fondlings. Except I’m sure I didn’t drink last night. Probably. Maybe I got so drunk that I forgot I was drinking? Is that a thing? Does alcohol give you shadow memories? I remember watching TV and

reading Internet and going to bed alone. Could this all have

been a lie, ginned up by overindulgence? Did I consume the night itself along with shots of rum and rye? Fuck.

I hope that's not a murderer. I really don't want to get murdered.

Knowing that his uninvited bedmate will be roused eventually, if not by his own action then by the hands of the

clock and the rosy fingers of dawn, Leon Lash pulls back the sheets to gaze upon the lump's true form...

Knowing that his uninvited bedmate will be roused eventually, if not by his own action then by the hands of the

clock and the rosy fingers of dawn, Leon Lash pulls back the sheets to gaze upon the lump's true form...

Hi!

Leon Lash sees that the lump is a very beautiful woman, except that she is a humanoid ant monster, with skin the color of fresh blood, antennae

extending from her flowing raven hair, and pincers on either side of her

beautiful smile. As a result, Leon Lash screams effeminately and struggles

to get away.

Leon Lash sees that the lump is a very beautiful woman, except that she is a humanoid ant monster, with skin the color of fresh blood, antennae

extending from her flowing raven hair, and pincers on either side of her

beautiful smile. As a result, Leon Lash screams effeminately and struggles

to get away.

Why do you run, darling? Calm yourself!!

Who...what are you?

Who...what are you?I am The Ant Queen

of Formica 6!!


of Formica 6!!

Are you going to eat me?


of Formica 6!!

Are you going to eat me? Eat you? Your comedy

is humorous. You and I shall be lovers.


of Formica 6!!


Uh, excuse me?

Eat you? Your comedy is humorous. You and

I shall be lovers.


of Formica 6!!


Uh, excuse me?

Eat you? Your comedy is humorous. You and

I shall be lovers.

Do your ears lack virtue? We shall be wed in the manner of impregnated teenagers, you and I. I

have come from far away, all the way from Formica

6, to be with you.

Oh

OhAre you not Leon Lash?

Your blog-drippings are known far and wide on my planet. You are the

only man in the universe that can satisfy me, The Ant Queen of

Formica 6.




Formica 6.

That’s very flattering.




Formica 6.

That’s very flattering. Silence!

You do not seem veryexcited to be with The Ant Queen of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of Formica 6 thought you would sweat with joy at this news.

Yet you are unhappy.




Formica 6.


Why do you say that?

Silence!You do not seem very

excited to be with The Ant Queen of Formica 6. The Ant Queen of Formica 6 thought you would sweat with joy at this news.





Formica 6.






You are making a face.




Formica 6.






You are making a face. JERK.

This is just what my face looks like.


I HAVE KIND OF A WEIRD FACE.

Lies! I have seen your face many times on your blog-drip. This is not the face of Leon

Lash. This is the face of discontent.


I HAVE KIND OF A WEIRD FACE.

It’s just...I don’t really know you. I don’t really marry people

unless I know them. I'M KINDOF ROMANTIC AND...


unless I know them. I'M KINDOF ROMANTIC AND

Silence!

You do not wish to know The Ant Queen of Formica 6 in a sexual manner?


unless I know them. I'M KINDOF ROMANTIC AND

Silence!

You do not wish to know The Ant Queen of Formica 6 in a sexual manner?

Am I not bountiful?

Uh, do you want breakfast? I think we should just talk.

Uh, do you want breakfast? I think we should just talk.

I will consume your breakfasts. We will talk much so. Very much so.”

In his tastefully-appointed kitchen, Leon Lash prepares a delicious

breakfast of sausage and eggs for himself and a piece of bread covered in heaping spoonfuls of sugar for The Ant Queen of Formica 6, as that seems like the kind of thing that an ant would

like.



like.

In conclusion, I think we should just be friends. I don't think our lifestyles or genitals would be

compatible.

In conclusion, I think we should just be friends. I don't think our lifestyles or genitals

would really be compatible.

In conclusion, I think we should just be friends. I

don't think our lifestyles or genitals would be compatible.

Friends?!!The Ant Queen of Formica 6 did

not swim the stars to be friends. The Ant Queen of Formica 6 already has many friends, each more amicable

than the last.


would really compatible.


would really be compatible.

I don't know what else to tell you. It's just

not going to happen. Please don't kill me.



I will let this fool believe that The Ant Queen of Formica 6 intends

only to be “friends” with his tender flesh, then I will ensnare him with my feminine wiles when he least

expects it!!





Yes then. Friends. Weshall be very good

friends.



And so, The ant queen of formica 6 moved into leon lash's apartment, sleeping every night on his lavish

couch. Leon lash was not particularly comfortable with this, but he is too

afraid too confront the ant queen of formica 6 about her living situation.



like.

Throughout this convivial period, Leon Lash and the ant queen of formica 6 share many exciting

adventures, adventures like...

And so, The ant queen of formica 6 moved into leon lash's apartment, sleeping every night on his lavish

couch. Leon lash was not particularly comfortable with this, but he is too

afraid too confront the ant queen of formica 6 about her living situation.

THE hoary HORROR OF THE EMPTY MILK CARTON!!!

DID YOU FINISH THE MILK AND PUT THE EMPTY CARTON BACK

IN THE FRIDGE?!



IN THE FRIDGE?!


The ant Queen of formica 6 would never do such

things.


IN THE FRIDGE?!


It's cool. You just have to tell me when we're out of milk so I can go to the

store and get more.


things.

Perhaps I may have suckled from the udder of the bovine. I shall

make amends via oil massages!


IN THE FRIDGE?!


It's cool. You just have to tell me when we're out of milk so I can go to the

store and get more.


things.

The Spectacular Syntactical struggle!!!

I know youknow how to speak English. What are

you trying to say?!


I know youknow how to speak English. Why don't you just speak

right?!


Your ugly tongues

simply cannot bear the poesis of the

Ant Queen's soul!!


you trying to say?!


right?!


What does that even mean? Seriously, I have no

idea what that is supposed to mean.

Your ugly tongues


Ant Queen's soul!!


you trying to say?!

Your face is mean.


right?!


What does that even mean? Seriously, I have no

idea what that is supposed to mean.

Your ugly tongues


Ant Queen's soul!!


you trying to say?!

The Hapless Humor of the Ant Queen's heart!!!

What do you want to do tonight?

Movie? TV? Scrabble?





Perhaps we should finally

formicate!!




What?


formicate!!


formicate!!




What?

dsI am made of hilarious jokes! It is

funny because we are friends! Right? We would never have coitus, right?

So funny!


formicate!!


formicate!!




What?

dsI am made of hilarious jokes! It is

funny because we are friends! Right? We would never have coitus, right?

So funny!


formicate!!

Jumpin' Joe sez!-Formicus is the latin word for ant! Ant Queen is using it to

make a pun about fucking!


formicate!!

The Conversation about the nature of death!!!

I like to thinkthat it's like waking up,

you know? Like, we sleep our entire lives, and then we

wake up.




wake up.


On formica 6, it is believed that

death is the shadow of life, dark and empty,

but a necessary consequence of the

light.



wake up.


Do youBelievethat?




light.



wake up.


Do youBelievethat?

dsThe Ant-queen of

Formica 6 does not believe.




light.



wake up.


Do youBelievethat?

dsThe Ant-queen of Formica 6...hopes.




light.

With each passing day, the friendship of Leon Lash and The Ant Queen of

Formica 6 grows stronger and with it, the ant queen of formica 6's hopes that her love will soon be requited. It is not until one fateful evening, several months after her first appearance, that

the moment of truth must come.

Oh my god!! What happened to you?


The ant queen of choke< > formica 6 consumed the

remainder of the milk. she... sought to replenish it in the

store and was assaulted.


The ant queen of choke< > formica 6 consumed the

remainder of the milk. she... sought to replenish it in the

store and was assaulted.

Lie down. I'm goingto go get some paper towels

for the blood. I told you not to leave during the day. People are

fucking crazy.

No!!

Do not leave me now, Leon lash. Please,

do not leave me.

Okay. I'm here. It'sI'm here. Don't worry.

You'll be okay.

Do not leave me now, Leon lash. Please,

do not leave me.

Okay. I'm here. It'sI'm here. Don't worry.

You'll be okay.

No...I don't think so.

Maybe we can send you back intoSpace somehow.


That seemsLike something that

Would help.


That seemsLike something that

Would help.

I love you, leon lash.

I love you, leon lash.

Always.

Wherever IGO NOW, I WILL WAIT

FOR YOU THERE.

Tell me you love me.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Please.

Am I not...bountiful?

Sorry.

FINEPISODE 1

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