OUR FAMILY TRADITION

Thoma margam was the term used for the typical traditions

practiced by the St. Thomas Christians. By the preaching of the

Apostle Thomas the people received Jesus according to their

religious, linguistic, cultural background. In the early times of the

Church, faith was handed down, from one generation to the next,

mainly through family-centred catechesis and customary practices.

Spirit of tolerance, friendly relations and peaceful co-existence

with other religions were important life styles of Marthoma

Christians.

MARTHOMA CHRISTIANS

MARRIAGEFixing the Marriage, engagement, and crowing ceremony were the three

most important steps in a marriage. At the residence of the woman in the

presence of the parish priest, the fixing of the marriage was done by holding

the hands by the fathers or guardians of the couples. The guests used to put

rings in the fingers of the couples and a virunnu was given on that occasion.

Fixing of the marriage was done sometimes in the Church also. The share of

the father to be given to the daughter was fixed at this time.

Engagement was a function conducted in the Church. The boy used to entrust a ring to the parish priest to be given to the girl. On a fixed day, the girl used to come to the church, and four virgins take the ring and put it on the figure of the girl saying this particular boy wants to marry you and has entrusted the ring to be given to you. If the girl denies it, the marriage remains cancelled and if she was to keep silence which is a sign of acceptance, they proceed with the marriage ceremony.

ENGAGEMENT

CROWNINGCrowning ceremony was the real marriage. In the chalice half

filled with water, the ring that was accepted by the woman was

to be dipped. After long prayers, the couples drink water from

that chalice and then the groom puts the ring in the fingers of

the bride. Then took place the crowning ceremony and the

crown was made up of red, white and blue flowers. Sometimes

both man and woman wore crowns was made up of gold.

ARRANGED MARRIAGEIn an arranged marriage, while the meeting of the spouses is arranged by family members, relatives or friends, the spouses agree of their own free will to marry.

The marriage was usually on Sundays; but the celebrations lasted four days. 

After the death of one partner, the other was permitted to get married after a year. Divorce was unheard among them.

Arranged marriages were very common throughout the world until the 18th century and this is increasingly common in the Syro-Malabar tradition till today including in migrant families.

BRIDAL PROCESSIONS

The wedding processions to the church and from the church were royal and very important part

of the marriage ceremony. For this occasion, the Thomas Christians made use of the high

privileges of using palanquin (antoolam), elephants to ride on (ambāri), royal silk umbrellas

(muthukuta), day lamps (pakalvilakku), walking clothes (pāvāta), band (panjavādyam), people

for shouting (natavili by men and kurava by women), body guards, fore-runners to clear the

way, carpets, ornaments, slaves and many others. This procession is not practiced now-a-days.

TALI The most important rites found exclusively in the marriage celebration of Thomas

Christians are the rites of tying the tāli and offering the Mantrakoti.

The Christian tāli or minnu is made in gold, has 21 minute balls embossed on it in the

form of a tiny cross. It seems that 21 balls are calculated to be 3 persons in Holy

Trinity and 7 sacraments (3x7=21). For the Thomas Christians, the tāli, is a sacred

symbol of the strong bond and intimate union between the spouses. When she died,

the tāli was deposited in the treasury box of the parish church.

On the eve of the marriage the twine with which the tāli is tied is prepared in the

house of the bridegroom.  Usually threads are taken from the wedding garment,

the mantrakoti. Three threads were twisted into one and out of seven such composite

strands the final cord was prepared.  For the Christians, three may represent the Holy

Trinity, and seven may stand for the seven sacraments.

MANTRAKOTI The mantrakoti is the nuptial vestment for the bride presented by the bridegroom. Even though

the East Syrian tradition has the rite of the blessing of the nuptial vestment, the St. Thomas

Christian custom of mantrakoti seems to have originated from a Hindu custom. 

Mantrakoti is the symbol of the intimate union of life between bridegroom and bride.  To vest

someone shows the intimacy between the persons. 

The groom adorns the bride with the mantrakoti as if it were clothing for both of them.

Adorning the bride with the mantrakoti is understood as the couple putting on Christ.

WEDDING RING & BRIDAL BOUQUET Among the Eastern Catholics, the exchange of rings is not technically part of

the wedding service, but rather is exchanged at the betrothal. It is always a

two-ring set given to the bride and bridegroom by the priest after the blessing

and the couples exchange the rings placing them into each other’s finger.

The bouquet formed part of the décor worn by both the bride and groom. It

was considered a symbol of happiness. Originally bridal bouquets were made

of herbs, which had magical and meaningful definitions for the couple's future

life.

Ancient uses included herbs, not flowers, in bouquets because they felt herbs --

especially garlic had the power to cast off evil spirits.  Later, flowers replaced

herbs and took on meanings all their own.

BRIDE TO THE HOUSE OF GROOM AND WEDDING BANQUET

Receiving the bride to the Groom’s house is a very meaningful ceremony

practiced by the families. The bridegroom’s mother in the traditional Kerala

style with a bell metal lamp with a metallic handle

(nilavilakku orkuttuvilaku) and a bushel heaped up with grain welcome the

bride.

The couple stand facing the entrance and are welcomed with sprinkling of

nellum nirum, which are symbols of light and prosperity and fertility cum

coronation rite.

A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage

 ceremony. A sumptuous feast served on folded leaf which is symbolically of

the royal way of eating out of double leaf. 

MADURAMVEKKAL On the occasion of the marriage, traditionally madhuram vekkal was practiced two times. The first ceremony is held in the respective homes of the bride and the groom, a day prior to the church

wedding. On the previous day of the marriage, where all the relatives, neighbours and friends come together, they

celebrate the single status of the person for the last day and say good bye to the single status. The second madhuram vekkal is done at the reception of the bride and groom which is given to both of them

in a very solemn way by the eldest person of the family. This ceremony reminds that the life they begin together should become sweet as the madhuram they accept.

PIOUS CUSTOMS RELATED TO CHILD BIRTH

The word, Maraan Iso Misiha (Our Lord Jesus Christ) and the child’s name were whispered into its ear (nāmakarama).

The father of the child used to mix a little honey or milk with gold and vayambu (an ayurvedic medicinal plant) and put this mixture into the mouth of the child 36 hours after its birth.

After 6 months, the child was taken to the church, with fine dresses for giving hard food, which was feeding the child with boiled rice (choruttu). The child was placed in the lap of the mother and the priest used to give three times the blessed palchoru in the mouth of the child.

At the age of 4, the children were placed at the lap of the teacher (āshan), who initiated the children for writing the alphabets for the first time in a plate of rice (Ariyiliruttu or ezhuthininuthu).

SACRAMENT OF INITIATION In the early centuries, the baptism was on the 8th day remembering the dedication of Jesus in

the temple. Now-a-days the children were baptised on or after the 40th day after the birth according to the East-Syrian formula.

  Close relatives of the child such as the grant parents or uncles and aunties were the God- parents.

The children were given biblical names with modifications suited to the Malabar tastes, in particular those of the paternal and maternal grandparents for the first and second child respectively. 

On this occasion, people used to offer money to priests and to the church.

RITUALS TO THE DYING

Tying palm leaves with biblical verses to the body of the sick, drinking of water mixed with the soil taken from the tomb of St. Thomas at Mylapore by the sick and the dying are some of the traditional practices performed by the St. Thomas Christians. 

Till the moment of death, the relatives and neighbours used to accompany the person, chanting or reciting the prayers sometimes in the in the ears of the dying (chevittorma). 

As soon as the person breathed his last, the toes and thumbs were tied with a piece of cloth.  Usually, the dead body was placed facing the East at home and also at the graveyard.

After a few hours of the death, his body was washed, dressed with fresh cloth (kodithuni) and anointed with perfumed oil and was exposed before the community to pay due homage. During the time at home, puthenpāna, thomaparvam, and other prayers were recited by the relatives and neighbours.

COMMEMORATION OF THE DEAD

After the burial service, the members of the family would gather in the house in the presence of the parish priest and say special prayers for the dead and sprinkle holy water to purify the house.

The priest used to bless a tender coconut (karikku) and drink from it and distributed among the relatives. After the liturgical prayers of the occasion, the priest would bless jirakam (cumin seed). Then all people one after another would come and accept the peace (Kastuuri) from the extended hand of the

priest and take a few seeds of jirakam to eat.  Thus they break the fast after burial.  The relatives and friends of the deceased used to pray and eat together at the house of the dead for a week and

a 7th day special prayers were conducted. Like high caste Hindus, the Thomas Christians also practised Pulakuli or ritual bath on the 11th day after the burial, for the purification from the defilement due to the death of a member of the family. 

There were also special observances for the commemoration of the dead on the 7th, 11 th, 16th, 28th, and 41st day after the demise.

HOUSE BLESSING St. Thomas Christians considered construction of houses to be a holy

ceremony. In the villages, they constructed houses facing the east or north. Laying the foundation stone was a ceremony done by the head/s of the

family but now it is done very often in the presence of the parish priest. A corner stone used to be prepared and blessed by the parish priest embossing a cross in it. Medals of the saints are usually placed in the corner stone as well as in different corners of the foundation of the house too. 

Once the construction of the house is over, it was a practice to dedicate the house to the Lord, blessing the house by the Parish priest.

During the preparation for the blessing, near the family altar, a traditional para and nilavilakku are kept on the floor.

Before beginning the ceremony, the people used to gather at the courtyard and the parish priest used to give the key of the house to the head of the family who will open the main entrance of the house and invite everyone to enter into the prayer hall.

HOLY WEEK AND FAMILY TADITIONSA. HOSANNA SUNDAY Nalpatham velli (40th Friday), Friday before the Hosanna Sunday used to be a reminder for

the last ten days of lent. The families started rigorous lent. The Saturday between the nalpatham velli and hosanna was specially celebrated with special edibles such as kozhikotta and pichampodi those in round and rectangle size.

These edibles are to remind the hospitality of Martha and Marian in the house of Lazarus.  In some areas the tradition is to remind of the different types of stones, taken by the soldiers

to throw Jesus. On hosanna Sunday, the tender coconut leaves were brought to home and each member used

to keep the leave in his room, a symbol of protection from evil.

B. APPAM MURICKAL ON MAUNDY THURSDAY

On Maundy Thursday (Pesaha Vyazham), as a part of the family celebration of the Passover Feast, a special unleavened broad was made (Pesaha appam) which is also called inri appam. INRI (Iesus Nazraenus Rex Iudeorum) appam is very much Biblical.

Tender coconut leaves, blessed on Hosana Sunday was used to form the cross on the appam. The eldest member of the family would lead the prayer together with the reading of the biblical passage and would break this bread with hands and share it with other members of the family from the eldest to the youngest. The bread was received in the hands with the same respect as if receiving Holy Communion.

Together with this, a special drink was also prepared with rice flour, coconut milk, and jaggery which represented the wine of the Last Supper. 

It is to be noted that Appam murickal in the parish churches or family units is not a substitute to the Pesaha Appammurickal traditionally observed in the family. 

 This bread and milk were not given to the non-Christians nor be kept for the next day.

C. HOLY FRIDAY AND SATURDAY

On the Fridays of the great fast and during the days of the Holy Week the family members would sit together and read the Puthenpāna, the passion narrative of the Lord.

That day people used to avoid all types of entertainment and just observed as the day of the Lord in fasting and prayer.

On the Holy Friday, a bitter drink (kaipunēr) from the vegetable was prepared and drunk by the family members. 

Nagarikanickal is not a correct practice. Veneration of the cross and mystery of the cross is the correct practice.

FASTING AND ABSTINENCE

According to tradition, the Syro-Malabar Church had about 180 days of abstinence.

During the days of abstinence, the faithful abstained from meat, fish, egg, milk, milk

products, chewing of betel, smoking, alcohol, conjugal relationship, etc. The days of

abstinence are on all days of Lent (49 days), period of Annunciation (24 days), all

days ofMoonnunombu (3 days), Ettunombu (7 days) and Pathinanjunombu (14 days)

and previous day of the transfiguration of our Lord.

All the family members who have completed the age of fourteen and those who enjoy

normal health are obliged to observe fast and abstinence. Fasting is obligatory on the

first day of the Lent (vibhuthi -Ash Monday) and on Good Friday but also

recommended on all Fridays in Lent. On days of Fasting only one full meal may be

taken. Having a very solemn vegetarian lunch on the fasting day seems to be a wrong

custom.

FEAST AND VENERATION TO THE SAINTS CHRISTMAS AND BAPTISM Making the crib, decorating the house with lights are the family traditions for

Christmas in order to make sure Christ remains the focus of our family's celebration. There used to be only the night Mass for Christmas. 

Among the important feasts was Epiphany. This feast was known in various names such as epiphany, rākkuli, pindikuthi, etc. in different places. 

Rākkuli (night bath) was more a ceremonial bath in the pond or river near to the houses remembering the baptism of Jesus, which was more a symbol of personal purification.

In North Kerala it was called pindikuthi perunnal when feast torches were lighted usually on pinti or plantain trunk during night and it was more a communitarian proclamation of Jesus as the light of the world calling him ‘el paiya’ (God is bright) in Syriac meant God is the light.

SPECIAL DEVOTION TO HOLY MARY AND VANAKKAMASAMAccording to age-old oriental tradition, as special devotion to Blessed Virgin Mary,

the Mother of God, Ettunombu was observed in preparation for the nativity of

Mother of God and pathinanjunombu in preparation of the Dormition

(Assumption) of the Holy Mary Mother of God. In a recent origin, the month of

October is especially dedicated for praying Rosary and the month of May is

observed for special devotion (vanankkamasam) in honour of Mother Mary.

FEAST OF ST THOMAS

The feast of St. Thomas on 3rd of July has been always called Dukhrana.A Syriac

word, Dukhrana means remembrance or commemoration. Sradham or cattam, the

anniversary of the death of St. Thomas their father of faith, was celebrated very solemnly

among all St. Thomas Christians.

Pilgrimage to Malayattoor where St. Thomas is believed to have prayed, is even today

made by many Christians on the occasion.

FOOD FOR THE POOR

Another act of charity and prayer performed by the families especially related to the feast of

St. Joseph on 19th March. A poor family is invited to the Christian families representing the

Holy Family and they are given sumptuous food for one time. This poor family is respected

like honourable guest which is a sign of a great spirituality and prayer.

THEERTHADANAM, VAZHIPADU, KANIKKA AND PRASADAM

In the early centuries, the faithful used to go to Mylapore either in groups or individually, to pray at his tomb. Apart from the Mylapore pilgrimage, the Christians started the visit to Kodungaloor too. During the pilgrimage, they used to sing the songs traditionally sung and make it a prayerful experience

Thērthadanam was part of vazhipādu or nercha (Commitment). In order to gain some special blessings and favours, the faithful with devotion made this commitment to God that they would make a serious sacrifice in their life

Kanikka is the love offering offered at the box kept in the pilgrim place.  And prasadam is that which given from the pilgrim centre to the devotee which was an edible or something

useable. 

FAMILY PRAYERSESHO MISHIHAKKU STHUDHIAAYIRIKKATTE It is a popular saying among the St. Thomas Christians while they meet others

especially the priests and religious, praising God they say, Praise be to Jesus Christ. All members of the family greet each other with this praise prayer daily. 

This greeting prayer was helpful to unite the family members in love and communion.

All the family issues, anger and pains were melted out with this greeting daily before going to bed.

PRAYER ROOM From early times people have been making altars where they live, turning their domestic

place into a sacred space. In some families a room was set apart for the prayers and whereas in others a corner of their

main room was set apart for prayer.

PRAYER ROOM

DEDICATION OF THE BIBLE

In each family, at the centre of the family Altar, a Bible is placed with due respect.

DAILY FAMILY PRAYER

Hearing the Church bells chiming, thrice a day, the angelus prayer was recited in the

family. After the evening church bell, the family with all the members together started the

family prayer, begun with the Angelus and then the Rosary.

HOLY WATER

After the blessing of the Holy Water on Holy Saturday, the families bring the holy water

home and place it near the entrance of their home.  It is kept at the font beside the front

door and each time those who go out and come in, bless themselves with the Holy Water.

FAMILY CENTRED CATECHETICAL FORMATION AND BASIC FAMILY VALUES

The basic catechism and prayers were taught by the grandparents and parents in the

families. In the early times of the Church, faith was handed down from one generation to

the next mainly through community and family-centred catechesis by means of reciting

the prayers and customary practices.

St. Thomas Christians led a life in joint-families. The grandfather, if absent, the father

was the head of the family. Showing respect to others is so common that they are

particular not to sit in the presence of their parents, seniors, elder brothers and superiors

of any kind. All the relatives of both father and mother were respected and invited to be

part of any family celebration.

FAMILY TRADITION FOR STABLE SOCIETY

One can admire at the stability of the families of St. Thomas Christians. In fact the families with the strongest ties tend to have the most traditions because such traditions create and reinforce a sense of security among the family members. 

Customs that contribute to a family's uniqueness can give its members a sense of who they are and

where they belong. It gives us a chance to say, "this is the way our family does it.“

Meaningful customs build a sense of closeness that endures even long after children are grown and gone.

Family customs related to spirituality are much more than simple words or acts. The stable families are

the foundation stones and pillars of a stable society.

LAMB OF GOD

BLESS OUR FAMILY

BLESS OUR CHURCH

THANK YOU

BY FR. JOHN KOOVAKUNNEL