Susan and Russ FochlerSeptember 20, 2014

Living From the Coreof Our Being

Letting Go of Legitimacy Props

Living Whole-hearted:

Your “Original Self” Receiving God’s Love - and Pouring Forth Love In Response

The Impact of “Compelled by Love” upon Susan

In the Kindness and Safety of Seeing Ourselves With Daddy's Eyes

Our Heart can explore letting go of old ways/old assumptions about getting our deepest needs met

Basic Needs 1. Safety - Security & Physical Needs (food, shelter, etc.)

2. Significance - That who we are matters.

Significance - Legitimacy • "I can feel OK about myself because ________."• We are looking for ways to FEEL legitimate, to

FEEL that we are significant and valuable.• Much of our motivation is deeper than logical

thoughts: • Our emotions, • Our deep desire to be protected and safe, • Our identity – “Am I acting/being like “myself”?”.

Three Questions:

1. “I feel Legitimate* when ______”2. “I will feel Legitimate* when ______”3. For some: “I can never feel/be

Legitimate* because _________”

* Feel OK about myself, hold my head up, know that I have “standing” with others.

What Happens When We’ve Learned to Lean on the World’s Ways

of Feeling/”Knowing” We’re Legit?

You’re cheating on God. If all you want is your own way, flirting with the world every chance you get, you end up enemies of God and his way. And do you suppose God doesn’t care? The proverb has it that “he’s a fiercely jealous lover.” And what he gives in love is far better than anything else you’ll find. It’s common knowledge that “God goes against the willful proud; God gives grace to the willing humble.” James 4:4-6 The Message

Sowing & Reaping

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption (something that decays and perishes), but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life.” Gal 6:7-8 NKJV (words in italics added)

Examples of Legitimacy “Props”/Lies:

I feel legitimate when I fix things and people.

I feel legitimate if my children or proteges don’t fail.

I feel legitimate when I know stuff.

I feel legitimate when people follow me.

I feel legitimate when people need me.

I am legitimate when I have power.

I must earn God’s love by great sacrifice.

Source: Megan Caldecourt “Love & Legitimacy” See http://www.gobeyondthehorizon.com/

I feel legitimate when I fix things and people.When we depend upon “fixing” - making things work in order to feel legitimate, it is no longer about the hearts of others. We are then tempted use lawless means to make things “work” for our benefit and legitimacy. The most extensive version is when occult spiritual authority is used to control business and government. (Examples include Freemasons, ancient Druids, ancient Mayans, etc.). Jesus warned us in Matthew 7 that “fixing” people (even healing or casting out demons) independent of a relationship with Him - is lawlessness.

I feel legitimate if my children or proteges don’t fail

This can mean that we then shield our children/protégés from the consequences of their choices – “enabling” instead of helping them truly mature. We may avoid confronting them for the sake of “peace”. At worst, we can work against our children truly growing up and moving on with their lives. Love empowers children to risk failures and to grow in the process. There is a great difference between building a platform under someone to help them “launch” and "enabling" irresponsibility.

I feel legitimate when I know stuff.This can mean that I withhold crucial knowledge from others – so I stay important/irreplaceable. Or I use superior knowledge to “Lord it over” others. The Pharisees did that. Knowledge can be selectively used to have power/control over others. Some, like me, have a strong need to “be right”. This needlessly damages relationships. On the “flip side”, we can be tempted to resist living from the truth when it might affect our social standing or relationships. Is truth - the truth that sets us free what is important? Or am I only using knowledge as a “tool” for social standing?

I feel legitimate when people follow me.This can lead to manipulating /controlling /using people so they stay working on a leader’s behalf. Leaders make unreasonable work demands and refuse to see how this affects people and their families. Followers may be shamed or punished for “moving on”. The desire to have a large following can also tempt leaders to lower standards for maturity and moral behavior for their followers and themselves. More people will stay if they aren’t challenged to live at a higher level. A lesser sign of looking to this to feel good about ourselves: Frequently checking how many people like and comment on our posts on Facebook : )

I feel legitimate when people need me.If I feel good about myself when people need me; I’ll use “my” resources in ways that keep people beholden/tied to me. Think of the movie “The Godfather”. “Favors” are used to tie people to me – so they “owe me”. It’s crucial to see ourselves as stewards instead of owners of what God has given us. And to give in ways that empower and free people instead of bind them.

I am legitimate when I have power.When this becomes our motivation, we do whatever it takes to acquire and keep power – no matter the damage and cost to the people around us. History - and many TV series are full of examples of this dynamic.

The color of God’s love is: I am LOVED even when I am blocked or weak.

I must earn God’s love by great sacrifice.Another way of saying this: I only deserve God’s love and favor when I’ve made great sacrifices to “earn it”. Sometimes this dynamic comes from a parent or other person whose love is very important to us – when they demand that we continually “prove” that we deserve their love…. When this is our grid, we make sacrifices that needlessly hurt ourselves and others.The color of God’s love is: Daddy (God) loves me simply because I am His.

What IF I stopped trying to prove/confirm my legitimacy/value/worth by using comparisons - and motivating my behavior with any of the Legitimacy Props?

- I might feel empty for a season- I might feel some anxiety- I might feel "undone"!- But God would come fill the space with

Himself and it would be more than worth it.

The Story of two Sons and their Father

You ARE enough,

just being you