The Counselor and Counseling

Lesson 2b – Character Traits of Effective Counselors

Dr. Danny B. Medina

Counseling can be both

fulfilling and difficult

work.

The Counselor’s CharacteristicsWho is best qualified to help?

Four Questions for Counseling Sessions: (1) What is the real problem? (This may

be different from the problem that the counselee presents.)

(2) Should I try to help? (3) What could I do to help? (4) Would someone else be better

qualified to help?

Characteristics of effective counselors:1. Psychological health and stability.2. A genuine interest in people.3. Empathy, which is the ability to

“feel with” counselees.4. Personal warmth.

Characteristics of effective counselors:5. Self-awareness.6. Tolerance for ambiguity, which means the

ability to live with uncertainty.7. Awareness of one’s values.8. Integrity, courage, and the genuine ability

to care.

Characteristics of Effective Christian

Counselors:1. All the previously mentioned character

traits.2. Spiritual Health.3. Fruit of the Spirit.4. Spiritual Maturity

The Christian Counselor’s Uniqueness

What makes Christian Counselors a cut above the rest?

1.Unique assumptionsWe believe that God has spoken to the

human race and still communicates (through the Bible), created the universe through his Son, provided for the forgiveness of sins, and now holds together and sustains the universe by the mighty power of his command.

2. Unique GoalsThe Christian goes further than secular

counselors. Without ignoring the counselee’s concerns and problems and without manipulating in any way, the Christian care-giver hopes to stimulate spiritual growth in those who come for help.

3. Unique MethodsChristian counselors avoids any method that would be

inconsistent with biblical teaching. Techniques are distinctively Christian and are:

prayer in the counseling session;reading from the Bible;gentle confrontation with Christian truths; encouraging counselees to become involved in a local

church;with other groups of believers.

4. Unique Giftedness

The Holy Spirit sovereignly gifted some members of Christ’s body to be counselors.

Christian Counseling can

benefit the church as well as the community.

The Counselor’s Motivation

What drive Christian Counselors to serve?

There are many valid reasons to counsel,

but beware of personal needs that satisfy the counselor

buthave potential to

harm the counseling.

These counselor needs include:

The need to control. The need to rescue. The need for information, built mostly on curiosity.

These counselor needs include:

The need for affirmation, acceptance or approval. The need for help with one’s own problems (Personal Healing).

The Counselor’s Mistakes

What are the common mistakes of a counselors?

Few things in life are

guaranteed, but here is one: as a counselor you

will make mistakes.

1. The counselor visits instead of counseling.

Visiting is a friendly activity

that involves mutual sharing.

Counseling is a problem-centered,

goal-directed conversation that

focuses primarily on the needs of one

person—the counselee.

2. The counselor starts problem-solving too early.

People can be impatient.Counselees want immediate answers and quick relief from their symptoms.Counselors may be eager to help, so they start giving advice and answers too quickly.

2. The counselor starts problem-solving too early.

In most cases it takes time for counselees to give up their old ways of thinking or behaving and to replace them with something new and better.

3. The counselor becomes an interrogator.

When they are asked too many questions too quickly, counselees often feel misunderstood.It is more helpful to ask fewer questions, using questions that will encourage the counselee to talk.

4. The counselor is disrespectful or judgmental.

Some counselors (not the better ones) quickly categorize people..Some counselors pigeon-holed people into categories.Jesus understood people perfectly.

5. The counselor becomes overly involved emotionally.There is a fine line between caring and becoming too

involved to be helpful.Emotional over involvement can cause the counselor to lose objectivity, and this in turn reduces counseling effectiveness.

Christian counselor can resist this tendency by viewing the counseling as a professional helping relationship that clearly must be limited in terms of length or number of appointments.

6. The counselor appears distant and artificial.

They are so anxious to be professional and successful that they appear artificial and aloof.In the history of this world, only one counselor ever reached perfection, never made mistakes, and always said the right things.

7. The counselor is defensive.

The ability to listen empathetically is hindered when we are being criticized unfairly, aware that we aren’t helping, bothered by guilt, or afraid of being harmed by a counselee.

7. The counselor is defensive.

When threats like these arise, it is helpful to ask yourself why. If you don’t know the answer, consider discussing the situation with a friend or fellow counselor. The more we know and accept about ourselves, the less likely we are to be threatened by counselees.

The Counselor’s VulnerabilityWhy is counseling so hard?

By agreeing to help, we are

opening ourselves to the

possibility of power struggles, exploitation, and

failure.

1. ManipulationSome people are masters at getting what they want by controlling others.

Manipulated counselors are rarely helpful counselors.

Manipulation can be smooth and subtle.Have professional partners or friends who can help them see what they don’t see in themselves.

2. Emotional Entanglements

Countertransference occurs when a counselee reminds you of a person who has had an influence in your life.Emotional entanglements come when the counselor’s own needs or perceptions interfere with the therapeutic relationship.

2. Emotional Entanglements

A first step toward avoiding entanglement and vulnerability is to recognize the dangers and possibility of unhealthy emotional involvement with some counselees.

3. Resistance. When counselees discover that lasting change and relief might require time, effort, and greater pain, they resist counseling.Counseling is likely to be disruptive to a person’s life, so when the process begins, the counselee’s psychological defenses may be threatened.

3. Resistance.

4. Sexuality. Whenever two people work closely together on a common goal, feelings of camaraderie and warmth often arise between them.

This inappropriate sexuality also can appear in the form of sexual harassment and abuse arising from the counselor’s power in the counseling relationship and influence over more vulnerable counselees.

The Counselor’s Burnout

Am I burning both ends?

Counseling is

HARD… WORK

Characteristics of Burn-out

1. Emotional exhaustion, with its feelings of being overwhelmed by the work load;

2. Depersonalization, which is a big psychological word meaning that the burned-out people withdraw emotionally from their work and the people who want to be served;

3. Reduced feelings of accomplishment, which causes individuals or teams to feel they no longer are making a positive contribution to others.

Prevention of Burn-out

Spiritual strength.Support from others.Freedom from the drive to achieve.A realization that no one person can do everything.

Prevention of Burn-out

Regular times away from other people.Constant growth in our helping skills.Other people with whom we can share the load.

Helpers for Counselors

Every counselor should have counselor friends who can give perspective and remind us of the perfect counselor—Jesus Christ. He gives hope, strength, and guidance through his Holy Spirit.He is the ultimate counselor, often working through us.