Welcome to

How To Handle Difficult People

Welcome to

How To Handle Difficult People

Reasons for Learning the Skill of Dealing with

Difficult People Keeps you from going crazy

Separates the people from the problem

Assists in accomplishing objectives

Increase ministry effectiveness

Forces you to practice self-discipline

What Makes a Person “Difficult”?What Makes a Person “Difficult”?

They are a bottleneck to the productivity in the They are a bottleneck to the productivity in the congregationcongregation

Constant complaining about everythingConstant complaining about everything

No concern for others feelings No concern for others feelings

They do not live out the Great CommandmentThey do not live out the Great Commandment

When people interrupt your conversationWhen people interrupt your conversation

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What Are Some Challenging Behaviors?

Blaming Manipulating Interrupting

Sarcastic Excuse-making Controlling

Criticizing Yelling Complaining

Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive

Biblical Model to Handle Conflict

"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.  "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

2 Corinthians 12:20

20For I fear that when I come, I may find you not as I wish, and that you may find me not as you wish; I fear that there may perhaps be quarrelling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder.

Staying Calm1. Breathe

• In through the nose – out through the mouth• Pace• Depth

2. Relax• Jaws• Neck• Body

3. Maintain Healthy Attitude• Nondefensive• Confident, not arogant• Don’t take yourself to seriously

4. Repeat coping statements

Dealing with your emotions in difficult situations

•F•E•A•R

ace the conflict/difficult people

xpect the best results

ssess the situationeact appropriately

10 Myths About Anger1. Getting angry is the only way to get things

done2. It’s only natural to respond that way3. Strongly confronting an angry person will

back them down4. Intimidation wins respect5. Verbal or physical venting will have lasting

calming effects6. Anger is a bad emotion7. There is only one way to deal with anger8. Anger can’t be helped (it is just the way I am)9. Not getting angry means they got away with

it.10.Ignore it and it will go away

What Are Some Challenging Behaviors?

Blaming Manipulating Interrupting

Sarcastic Excuse-making Yelling

Criticizing One-upmanship Complaining

Gossiping Murmuring Passive Aggressive

Identify Your Personal Communication Style and

Understand OthersTask Focus

Passive Aggressive

People Focus

Get It Right Get It Done      

Get Along Get Appreciated

Get It Right

Strengths»Accurate»Fact finder»Precise»Organized

Get It Right

Weaknesses»Stubborn»Boring»Unimaginative»Change stifler

Get It Right

Effective Behaviors•Know your stuff•Schedule time – make an

appointment•Use facts, logic, and

structure•Proceed step-by-step

Get It Done

Strengths»Decisive»Gets things done»Confident

Get It Done

Weaknesses»Intimidates»Alienates people»Uses force instead of cooperation

Get It Done

Effective Behaviors•Get to the point•Approach businesslike•Be task-oriented•Understand and support their

goals

Get Appreciated

Strengths»People-oriented»Persuasive»Verbal skills»Optimistic

Get Appreciated

Weaknesses»Egotistical»Lacks follow-through

»Flaky»Disorganized

Get Appreciated

Effective Behaviors•Use flexibility•Be enthusiastic•Let them talk•Use demonstrations

Get Along

Strengths»Likeable»Loyal»Team Player»Patient

Get Along

Weaknesses»Indecisive»Wasted time»Overly emotional»Illogical decisions

Get Along

Effective Behaviors•Be casual and sincere•Slow down and listen•Make honesty safe•Set goals•Build them up

Identify Your Personal Communication Style and

Understand OthersTask Focus

Passive Aggressive

People Focus

Get It Right Get It Done      

Get Along Get Appreciated

Gain More Power With Difficult People

1. Pacing

2. Backtracking

3. Clarifying

Is It Worth Salvaging?

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Pros Cons

Conflict Management Strategies

Collaborate

Compete Compromise Avoid

Accommodate

Tips for Managing Conflict

• Deal with conflict in a timely manner

• If possible, keep information about the conflict confidential

• Take responsibility for personal change

• Focus on problem solving

True insanity is continuing to do what we have always done

and expecting a different outcome.

Freud