THE PROVERBS 31 MAN

MAY 11, 2014

FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH

JACKSON, MISSISSIPPI

USA

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Proverbs 1:8-9 NKJV 8 My son, hear the instruction of your father,

And do not forsake the law of your mother; 9 For they will be a graceful ornament on your head,

And chains about your neck.

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MAY MEMORY VERSE:

Micah 6:8 NKJV 8 He has shown you, O man, what is good;

And what does the LORD require of you,

But to do justly,

To love mercy,

And to walk humbly with your God.

What’s the number one thing?

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1 Corinthians 10:31 NKJV 31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of

God.

THE PROVERBS 31 MAN

Kurtis Dahlin

March 21, 2002

©Kurtis Dahlin 2002

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Guys, if you want a Proverbs 31 wife, be a Proverbs 31 husband.

If you want a Proverbs 31 daughter, be a Proverbs 31 father.

Proverbs 31:10-31 NKJV 10 Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.

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11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil

All the days of her life. 13 She seeks wool and flax,

And willingly works with her hands. 14 She is like the merchant ships,

She brings her food from afar. 15 She also rises while it is yet night,

And provides food for her household,

And a portion for her maidservants. 16 She considers a field and buys it;

From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17 She girds herself with strength,

And strengthens her arms. 18 She perceives that her merchandise is good,

And her lamp does not go out by night.

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19 She stretches out her hands to the distaff,

And her hand holds the spindle.

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20 She extends her hand to the poor,

Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.

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21 She is not afraid of snow for her household,

For all her household is clothed with scarlet.

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22 She makes tapestry for herself;

Her clothing is fine linen and purple.

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23 Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

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24 She makes linen garments and sells them,

And supplies sashes for the merchants.

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25 Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come.

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26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,

And on her tongue is the law of kindness.

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27 She watches over the ways of her household,

And does not eat the bread of idleness.

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28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her:

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29 “Many daughters have done well,

But you excel them all.”

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30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,

But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

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31 Give her of the fruit of her hands,

And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Proverbs 31:10-31 NKJV

Each of these 22 verses begins with a letter of the Hebrew alphabet in proper

sequence.

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This chapter describes the numerous skills, exceptional talents, and the virtuous

character of the perfect mother and wife who faithfully trusts the LORD.

However, it is obvious that this book is not just for my wife and daughters − it’s for

me – their husband and father− telling me how to act as a man!

The godly requirements of a man appear behind the scenes in Proverbs 31 and

serve as a vision of an incredible role model for men today.

The Hebrew word for ruby, paniyn (pawNEEN) is used to describe the value of

wisdom.

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Proverbs 3:15a KJV 15a She (wisdom) is more precious than rubies:

Proverbs 8:11a KJV 11a For wisdom is better than rubies;

Job 28:18b KJV 18b the price of wisdom is above rubies.

Men should view ladies as the precious, crowning jewel of God's creation.

Proverbs 31:10 is saying that we men should value our wives in the same fashion:

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Proverbs 31:10

10 Who can find a virtuous wife?

For her worth is far above rubies.”

We should thank God every night when we go to bed and every morning before

we get up for the precious jewel He has placed next to us.

We are told in Scripture: cherish her, nourish her, love her, even as Christ loved

the church and gave Himself for it.

Thank God for your godly mother, virtuous wife and amazing daughters.

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The Pathological Problem of Men

Of the thirty-one chapters in the book of Proverbs, thirty chapters are primarily

addressed to men.

Broken down even further, there are 22 verses for women and 893 verses

for men.

What does that tell you?

Why do men need 98% of this book of wisdom?

92% of the inmates in state and federal prisons are men and 81% are unmarried

men − in various stages of singleness, i.e. without family.

The facts are clear − men are the leading cause of crime.

Men gone wrong are the curse of the nation and the majority of criminal

men are unmarried.

How many mass murderers were women?

How many female pirates can you name?

The history of men without women is not good, it’s not pretty.

Take Adam for instance:

Genesis 1:3-4 states that God made light. The light was good.

v 7-10 God made the sky, the water and land. And God saw that it was

good.

v 11-12 God made plants and trees. And God saw that it was good.

v 14-18 God made the sun and moon. And God saw that it was good.

v 20 states that God made living creatures for the seas and birds. And

God saw that it was good.

v 24 God made land animals. And God saw that it was good.

v 31 God saw all that He had made, and it was very good.

But in Genesis 2 -

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Genesis 2:20-24 NKJV 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of

the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He

took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. (You’re the only one for

me)

22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman,

and He brought her to the man.

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23 And Adam said:

“This is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh; (WOW!)

She shall be called Woman,

Because she was taken out of Man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

and they shall become one flesh.

Genesis 2:20-24 NKJV

Men need the transforming power of a mother, a good wife, and a sister.

In this case, Adam needed a wife to help him rule the earth.

Men need good wives.

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Men gone astray from God are the greatest social problem that faces America

and the greatest drain on our national resources.

Men who turn to God are our greatest hope.

God’s plan to help Adam included a helper - his wife.

The Proverbs 31 woman is the ideal wife and is as rare and as precious as rubies.

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Proverbs 31:29 states that there are "many women who have done excellently."

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When a woman rises to excellence, her husband is usually a man of excellence.

Behind every good woman is a good man.

Many women are excellent wives because many men are excellent husbands.

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The wife described in Proverbs 31 would have a difficult time becoming a

woman of such surpassing excellence unless her husband was the man

portrayed in the previous 30 chapters of Proverbs.

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Who is this Proverbs 31 man?

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Proverbs 31:11 reads "Her husband has full confidence in her...."

Who is this husband and what can we learn from him? (Is there a perfect

man among us?)

Proverbs 31:28 states, “Her children rise up….” - We discover that our man is a

father.

He has children.

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Proverbs 31:23 reads “He sits among the elders of the land.” – He is a respected

community leader.

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As we survey Proverbs 31, we learn that our man is a husband (v. 11), he is a

father (v. 28), and he is an elder (v. 23).

These are the three key areas in which we will examine our man of excellence.

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Proverbs 31:11 NKJV 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her;

So he will have no lack of gain.

He is not a roommate or a drop-in boyfriend.

He is not one of a long string of guys.

He is her husband.

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Martin Luther called marriage: “The school of character.”

According to George Barna, the USA has the highest divorce rate in the

world.

The reason we are viewing our Proverbs 31 man as looking at ourselves in a

mirror is to see areas in our lives that need improvement.

What Kind of Husband Is the Proverbs 31 man?

Proverbs 31:11 states that her husband safely trusts her, she has his full

confidence.

His trust allows her to fully express her capabilities and skills to the maximum

level.

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His confidence empowers her to make important day-to-day decisions, even to

purchase property.

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Notice, she has full reign of the house.

She is not lonely, bored, caged up, barefoot nor fearful.

She accomplishes much in this environment of mutual trust and confidence.

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He trusts her to make the best use of her opportunities.

She is completely free and active, working in harmony with the vision and values

of their home.

This is a functional home.

Women don't work this hard for a creep.

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The Proverbs 31 woman works with willing hands.

She couldn't and wouldn’t thrive in an environment of physical and verbal

abuse.

The Proverbs 31 man does not stifle his wife.

Physical, mental and verbal abuse do not produce trust and confidence

and willingness.

Her eager productivity tells us that this home is righteous, just & peaceful.

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The fact that she lives in an environment of confidence and trust gives her the full

opportunity to utilize her talents and capabilities.

That is respect.

He trusts her with all of his heart.

Do you think the Proverbs 31 man is a likable kind of person?

Does it sound like they are working together?

Do you suppose they agree on the direction their family and lives are heading?

They are not two people living together with two different agendas: with him

doing one thing and her doing something else.

She has full confidence in him and he has full confidence in her.

She is worthy of his respect and honor.

He is worthy of her respect and honor.

These two are equally yoked.

One of the major causes of divorce is disagreement over core values.

Yet, these are not two confused people.

They are not two people at war with each other.

They are not two people in the rowboat fighting over the oars.

They are not two people in two different rowboats.

These are two people committed to God's way, each pulling their own oar in

harmony, in the same direction.

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They have shared values and vision.

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Divorce is not an option and it doesn't need to be.

There are no problem marriages.

There are only problems with married people.

Have you ever heard of anyone who got a divorce because they were too kind

to each other?

A Gallup poll found three of four women agreeing that if they could turn back

the calendar they would not pick the same husband.

What does this passage say about our Proverbs 31 husband?

She feels happy to be married to such a wonderful man.

She would marry him again.

Would you want to be married to you?

The Proverbs 31 woman was able to be so open and giving and to achieve so

much because of the noble character of her husband.

If you want a Proverbs 31 wife, be a Proverbs 31 husband!

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We know that he who loves his wife, loves himself.

Men, we would all do ourselves a favor by becoming this kind of man.

The Proverbs 31 man is a loving husband.

The Proverbs 31 Man as Father

Next, we discover that our Proverbs 31 man is also a father.

In verses 15, 21, 27 and 28, we find that he has a family and children.

They are his kids as well as hers so he is bearing full responsibility for them.

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There are at least seven typical responsibilities of a Biblical father:

To provide adequately for his family.

To assume spiritual leadership of the family.

To diligently teach and train his children Biblical values.

To properly discipline with purpose and love. No discipline, no peace.

To defend and protect the family.

To prepare children for productive work.

To participate in the selection of a spouse.

The father is expected to be the primary teacher of Biblical values to his kids.

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The Proverbs 31 Dad fully embraced this Biblical job description.

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He had a well-functioning home.

His family and household were fed, clothed and well cared for.

He was not squandering his income on gambling, get-rich-quick schemes,

drugs, pornography, prostitution, laziness and drunkenness.

She can buy and travel for groceries because he provided financial stability.

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His wife is not home wringing her hands, worrying that her husband will spend

the family income on drugs, gambling, prostitution or costly recreational toys.

The fact that she can work with eager hands, buy a field, plant a vineyard, and

bring her food from far distances speaks of a stable home life.

The Proverbs 31 father works hard to provide this stable home life but he is not

materialistic.

He does not work for money, he works for God.

The world’s way:

Get all you can,

Can all you get,

Sit on the lid and

Spoil the rest.

God’s way:

You get by giving!

God gave one Son and got millions in return!

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The Proverbs 31 Man Is Generous

Proverbs 31:20 NIV 20 She opens her hand to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.

What do we learn about our man from the fact that his amazing wife is so

charitable?

Do you think she is sneaking household money to the poor?

There are many women who would like to tithe and cheerfully give offerings but

their husbands won't allow it.

They refuse to permit their wives to contribute to the needs of the church and to

help ministries that help other people.

If this woman could give to the poor, her husband encouraged it and modeled

that compassion and generosity in his own life as a wise man.

He does not work to get, he works to give.

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The Proverbs 31 man inspires her to give to the poor.

Her charity is an extension of his generosity.

Here is a generous man who understands the power and blessing of helping

others (Proverbs19:17; 22:9).

Proverbs 19:17 NKJV 17 He who has pity on the poor lends to the Lord,

And He will pay back what he has given.

Our man is not a miserly old scrooge.

He is not a greedy man.

“A greedy man makes trouble for his own house” (Proverbs15:27).

We don't sense any trouble in this house.

Proverbs 11:29 states, “He who brings trouble on his family will only inherit the

wind.”

The Proverbs 31 man is not a troublemaker.

He is an honest man who uses his income to improve the quality of life for the

poor.

We don't sense the squandering of family finances on wickedness, foolishness

and status seeking.

Instead, her charity is an extension of his philanthropy.

The Proverbs 31 man is generous.

The Proverbs 31 Woman Can Laugh

Proverbs 31:25 25 Strength and honor are her clothing;

She shall rejoice in time to come (“she can laugh at the days to come”).

The Proverbs 31 woman can laugh.

This woman can face the future with confidence.

What does this tell us about our Proverbs 31 man?

Would she be so bold about her future if her husband were an alcoholic, wasting

the family money on drugs, foolishness, gambling, and pornography?

Could she laugh at the future if her husband was cruel or mean to the

kids?

Could she laugh if her husband was selfish, out of control, violent, and

verbally abusive?

She can only laugh at the future because of the noble character of her husband.

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She can laugh because her Proverbs 31 man is:

1) stable and

2) committed to God,

3) morally faithful and

4) hardworking.

Our man has not caused his wife sorrow and grief.

She is not worried sick wondering what hubby will do next.

o Where he is now?

o Will he come home?

o What he will do with the family income?

It would be impossible for an abused and unloved woman to laugh about

anything.

A husband who can give his wife such confidence in the face of life's trials

and difficulties is truly a remarkable man.

How many wives can laugh at the future?

How many wives can laugh about anything?

How many women have enough confidence in their husbands to laugh at

the future?

The Proverbs 31 woman can laugh.

Today, the question in most American homes is, “Where is dad, the invisible

man?”

Where is our Proverbs 31 man?

In Proverbs 31:28-29 we find the Proverbs 31 dad at home.

We usually think of the wife as “the homemaker.”

Here we see that our man is also a homemaker.

Proverbs 31:28-29 28 Her children rise up and call her blessed;

Her husband also, and he praises her: 29 “Many daughters have done well,

But you excel them all.”

He isn’t some recreational beast coming home late to Hotel Hilton, snapping his

fingers for room service.

His life is given to God, his wife, his family and his home.

A husband and father is as much a part of the homemaking as the wife.

Parents are two oars on the same boat.

Parents are a team to raise godly children.

Proverbs 31:28

“The children rise up and bless Mom.”

Where do you think the children are when they arise and call her blessed?

Most kids are at home when they rise up.

Here is a glimpse of the Proverbs 31 man at home.

He is at home with his kids.

The kids don’t wake up wondering where dad is because the kids have a dad

and know their dad.

A dad in the home is becoming a novelty.

This isn’t mother’s live-in boyfriend.

The kids don’t wake up to find another note from dad away on the golf course

again.

Mom isn’t some single parent with a deadbeat, runaway creep for a father and

a husband.

This is dad at home, he isn’t the absentee father.

Kids will be happiest in a truly Christian home.

These are happy people with a solid and substantial home life centered

on Biblical values.

This is a warm and happy house, which tells us that a truly Biblical home should

be a refuge.

Home should be a safe place.

The love of the Lord is in this home and where the love of the Lord is, that home is

blessed, happy, stable and peaceful.

God’s plan for people is a safe and happy home.

God’s will for children is peace and harmony.

How much pain could be eliminated in the home and the world if families

modeled their lives after God’s values instead of the false values of our culture.

God only wants what is best for people.

We also find that our Proverbs 31 man is not a hypocrite.

He is not leading a “decent” public life in front of people and a dark, secret,

private life of sin and pain at home.

He’s not singing in the choir on Sunday, then going home and abusing his wife

and kids.

We see him at home with the wife and kids.

We look through his window into the living room.

Home is a good place and his kids are not cowering in fear.

They are not cringing in a corner in fear of dad.

He is not an angry volcano waiting to erupt, a renegade, rabble-rousing, selfish,

violent monster.

The kids speak blessing.

They express themselves and out of the abundance of their little hearts, their

mouths overflow with admiration for mom.

Today many parents don’t even know where their kids are, let alone what they

are doing.

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This tells us something about the Proverbs 31 dad.

He is at home with his lovely wife and their children.

They are speaking to one another expressing warmth, encouragement and

hospitality.

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Does it shock you how ugly and disrespectful so many children today speak to

their parents?

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Our culture has our kids so confused they can’t even put their caps on

straight.

Where did the kids in Proverbs 31 learn to bless their Mom?

Who was the model for this remarkable behavior?

Did they learn to bless on their own?

Every parent is a teacher.

Every home is a school.

Most of the great lessons of life are learned by example.

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Well-mannered children do not happen by accident, but through a never-

ending labor of love and discipline.

The Proverbs 31 man is a great role model at home for his kids.

We need more role models and fewer parole models.

Guys, if you want a Proverbs 31 wife, be a Proverbs 31 husband.

If you want a Proverbs 31 daughter, be a Proverbs 31 father.

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