Avoid Hurting Your FamilyIt’s been very difficult to me of late to hear of the many families that are breaking up. Apparently in this country, it is men who are running away from their families. I have met many women who could not stand staying with their men anymore and needed to be on their own. At the time of parting, none of the spouses has any considerations on the effect their decisions will have on their children. The children are left with lots of emotional pains which cannot be substituted with anything else.

There are many reasons that families break up. It is something that is hard for the adults concerned and also for any children in the family. Break ups can be hard for even grown children going through the breakup of their parents. I was speaking this week to a lady, married in a family where her mother-in-law and her father-in-law cannot see each other at all. All the children are adults and have no relationship at all with their dad.

What actually causes families to break up?

1. Infidelity. This is major reason. As infidelity crops up in the relationship, trust is eroded and hurt becomes evident. This hurt can causes undesirable reactions in the relationship leading to the breakup.

2. Excessive arguments. Learn to be accommodative to each other and respect each other. Avoid excessive arguments as these will lead to hurting your spouse.

3. Stress in life. If not careful, stress can be very hurting in any relationship. Both partners may feel exhausted from work, then come home and have to share the responsibilities of the household, as well as caring for the children... leaving little time or energy to nurture the relationship, and sometimes even to just relax.

4. Problems with finances. If not enough money coming into the household to cover expenses, this can be another issue of tension. The couples may hurt each other if they do settle this matter amicably.

5. Abuse of a spouse in some form. In most cases of this kind, the break up is for the best for all concerned unless some adequate form of therapy or other help is provided. Abuse could be verbal, physical and sexual. Some types of abuse are worse than others.

Avoiding the Hurt

Do all you can to avoid hurting your spouse and prevent some of these problems from happening in your relationship?

1. Communication is the key to any good relationship. It is important to communicate with your partner. Know what their needs are, and try to provide them.

2. Set aside special time for you to be together. Time together soothes any hurt in the relationship.

3. Make family decisions together. This builds up respect and trust and minimises any blames. It reduces stress in the relationship.

4. Encourage family activities. Enhance capacity within the family members to do things that are beneficial to each other. Encourage working, praying, singing, visits, shopping, etc together. This encourages support from each other.

5. Forgive. If anyone fails the other, rather than blaming each other, learn to forgive each other. This brings soothing and avoids the blame game.

6. Resolve conflicts as soon as possible. Any unresolved conflict can bring lots of hurt in the family.

7. Avoiding unreasonable demands. If both of you discuss all matters openly, then there will be no unreasonable demand from either party.

BE THERE FOR EACH OTHER. THINK OF THE EFFECTS TO YOUR FAMILY OF ANY DECISIONS THAT YOU ARE MAKING. HAVE THE BIGGER PICTURE OF YOUR FAMILY AND AVOID SHORT TERM GRATIFICATIONS.

MEN MUST TAKE UP THEIR RIGHTFUL ROLES IN THEIR FAMILIES. IT IS A SHAME TO RUN AWAY FROM YOUR WIFE AND CHILDREN. BE THERE FOR YOUR FAMILY.

EMOTIONAL HURT IS NOY EASY TO OVERCOME. IT TAKES TIME TO OVERCOME IT.