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The art of Photo by Seth Anderson [link ] self-coaching Ed Batista Class 7: May 15, 2015

The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

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Page 1: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

The art of

Photo by Seth Anderson [link]

self-coachingEd Batista

Class 7: May 15, 2015

Page 2: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Class 7

Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

Page 3: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Unhappiness

Photo by Leo Reynolds [link]

Page 4: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Photo by Alex Eflon [link]

Where are weDealing with adversity

Oliver Burkeman & Stoicism

Pema Chödrön & Buddhism

Viktor Frankl & Logotherapy

going?

Page 5: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

How will weShort exercises

Small group discussion

Photo by Chloe Fan [link]

get there?

Page 6: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Photo by Theresa Thompson [link]

3 exercises 60 mins

Small groups 15 mins

For next time… 5 mins

Agenda

Page 7: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

What’s in theroom?

Photo by Jes [link]

Page 8: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Discuss with your partner

Photo by Jes [link]

Page 9: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

UnhappinessEveryone you meet

is fighting a battle

you know nothing about.

~ Wendy Mass

Page 10: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Not a deep dive

Photo by Anna [link]

Page 11: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Positive

Photo by Susanne Nilsson [link]

psychologyConnections with today

Importance of meaning

Emotion management

Mental models

Page 12: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Downsides

Photo by Susanne Nilsson [link]

Banish unhappiness?

Peterson: Blame the victim

Agency “I’m responsible”

Page 13: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

ExercisesPen & paper

No one will see what you write

Be explicit, detailed & personal

Emotional experiences, not just cognitive

Page 14: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Exercise #1

Photo by Keoni Cabral [link]

Page 15: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Discuss with your

Photo by Keoni Cabral [link]

partner

Page 16: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

Page 17: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

Not “stoicism”

Equanimity ≠ Weary resignation

Page 18: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

What is happiness?

Equanimity & tranquility

(Eudaimonia, not mere pleasure)

Page 19: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

Cultivate equanimity & tranquility

Turn toward negative emotions

(Growth mindset)

(Meta-emotion)

Page 20: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

Things do not touch the soul.

Our perturbations come only

from the opinion which is

within.

~Marcus Aurelius

Page 21: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Stoicism

Photo by Martin Fisch [link]

Distress stems from our beliefs &

judgments

Turn infinite fears into finite ones

(Emotion management)

(Mental models)

Page 22: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Exercise #2

Photo by Harsha K R [link]

Page 23: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Discuss with your

Photo by Harsha K R [link]

partner

Page 24: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

Page 25: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

Resisting our addiction to avoiding pain

Being inquisitive & open to experience

(Comfort with discomfort)

(Mindfulness)

Page 26: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

What we call obstacles are really the way

the world teaches us where we’re

stuck.

~Pema Chödrön

(Mental models)

Page 27: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

Seeking pleasure is an opportunity to

observe

what we do in the face of pain.

~Pema Chödrön

Page 28: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

A strong feeling will arise, and instead

of

simply letting it be there, we

panic.

~Pema Chödrön

(Meta-emotion)

Page 29: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Buddhism

Photo by Sarah J [link]

Death is wanting to have every

experience

confirm you and congratulate you and

make you feel completely

together.

~Pema Chödrön

(Growth mindset)

Page 30: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Exercise #3

Photo by Mike Dish [link]

Page 31: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Discuss with your

Photo by Mike Dish [link]

partner

Page 32: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Logotherapy

Photo courtesy of Rafael Delsin [link]

Page 33: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

LogotherapyHappiness cannot be pursued; it must

ensue.

~Viktor Frankl

(At odds with positive

psychology?)

Page 34: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

LogotherapyMan’s search for meaning is the

primary motivation in his life.

~ Viktor Frankl

Page 35: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

LogotherapyConsistent with positive psychology?

Eudaimonia > Mere pleasure

Agency & responsibility

Page 36: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

LogotherapyIt is possible to practice the art of

living

even in a concentration camp,

although suffering is

omnipresent.

~ Viktor Frankl

Page 37: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

LogotherapyEverywhere man is confronted with

fate,

with the chance of achieving

something through his own

suffering.

~ Viktor Frankl

Page 38: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Logotherapy

Page 39: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Change gears

Photo by Eric [link]

Thank your partner

Page 40: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

3 approachesWhich one is most relevant to you right

now?

Reflect for a minute

Page 41: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Photo by Horia Varlan [link]

Form smallgroups

Stoics, Buddhists, Logotherapists

No more than 6 in a group

Page 42: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Photo by Horia Varlan [link]

Discuss with your group

How are these ideas relevant to you?

Where might you go with them?

Page 43: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Photo by Horia Varlan [link]

Debrief

What did you learn?

Page 44: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

To sum up

Photo by Pranav Yaddanapudi [link]

Multiple approaches to self-coaching

Conceptual & experiential aspects

Learning how you learn

Page 45: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

For next time…

Photo by funca88 [link]

Page 46: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Class 8Success

Photo by funca88 [link]

Page 47: The Art of Self-Coaching @ Stanford GSB, Class 7: Unhappiness

Class 8Success

David Foster Wallace on life

Sonja Lyubomirsky on myths

OPTIONAL: Peter Drucker on self-

management

…and an assignment