Value the Inner, Focus on the Outer

• See Team Mates as People and Not Obstacles• Don’t Talk About Their Inner State• Prefer Private Or Safe Setting• Talk About Action And Effect, As You See It• Focus on the Future• No Need to Argue

Giving Feedback To A Team Mate

See People, Not Obstacles

• Start on the Right Foot by Seeing People• Assume Basic Competence and Positive Intent

Don’t Talk About Inner State

• People Have Intentions But You Can’t See Them

• Assume Positive Intent, No Need To Establish It

• EXAMPLE:– Don’t Say: When You Were Angry…– Do Say: When You Shouted…

Prefer Private Or Safe Setting

• Private Doesn’t Have To Mean Alone• Safe Doesn’t Have To Mean Confidential• “Safe” Might Be A Team Retrospective• Bottom-Line: Don’t Ambush Publicly

Talk About Action And Effect

• Your Outside Perspective Is Valuable• Keep It Brief. Three Sentences At Most.• Describe What You Saw• Describe What It Causes• EXAMPLE

– “Hey man, when you shout in staff meeting it makes me uncomfortable. I think it’s off-putting for the others, too. Thought you should know.”

• YOUR Inner State Is Fair Game, Theirs Is Not

Focus On The Future

• You Start With Something From The Past, But This Is About The Future

• Your Goal Is For The Future To Be Better• Don’t Haggle Over Details, That’s The Past• Be Open To Talking About The Future, But

Don’t Count On It

No Need To Argue

• You Can’t Un-Ring That Bell, They Know What You Think

• Arguing Is Unlikely To Increase The Odds Of Change

• If They Argue, Let Them Save Face• Example:

– “That’s just how I saw it. I could easily be wrong.”

Further Reading

• Manager Tools Peer Feedback Model• Manager Tools Shot

Across The Bow Technique• The Anatomy Of Peace• Crucial Conversations