Summer’sSummer’s Journal Journal 20062006

Summer in order for you to understand the reason you are so special, I think I need to first explain a few things to you about your father and I. It was not love at first sight and to tell you the truth we really didn’t like each other. He was a smug ass rich kid that didn’t have to worry about anything because he lived off of your grandfather’s dime. And he might tell you that I was a bitch in high heels. And to tell you the truth he would be so right. But something happened along the way that changed our view of each other; it might have had something to do with the experiences that we had to face after your older sister Cassie died, and your older brother Daniel was faced with a life altering decision. That was the most difficult time in our lives because your father and I had to face the fact that life was precious and that our children could be taken away from us in an instant, and nothing and no one could change that.

Your sister Cassie was the soul of the Newman family and her tragic death caused a lot of hurt and pain. But she is your guardian angel that has watched over you since your conception. Her spirit lives on in not only you, but you brother, your father, and your grandfather.

So when I tell you that you were our miracle, I mean it in more ways then one. After that life altering moment in time, and suffering the heart ache of a child’s life lost. We began to bond, because your father had given me a very special gift and some might say he tried to take that gift away in the first place, and they might be right. But he gave it back to me, that gift was your older brother Daniel. And I will never forget that moment for the rest of my life. He was married to Sharon at the time, and we weren’t really friends, we were more acquaintances, and then that blossomed into a friendship that I will always hold close to my heart. We talked about anything and everything, because for the first time in a long time, neither one of us had expectations of anything. But then on that fateful night of your Aunt and Uncles wedding, your father and I gave into temptation. And when we did all hell broke loose.

Some might want to tell you that your father and I didn’t love each other that we started off by having an affair. But what went on between your father and I was something that neither one of us had control over. We tried to fight it, we tried to deny it, we even tried to end it but the more we tried the harder it was to resist this growing attraction that was much more emotional then physical. The one thing I want you to understand is that we never regretted a single moment that we shared. Because we blessed each other with so much more then people realize that every time I think about it, it puts a smile on my face. A love so pure and innocent like that is not always written in the stars because a love like that shouldn’t exist, But it did for your father and I and that’s how you came to be. But I will get it to that a little more in time.

This was a very important day in because on this day I truly believe you were conceived. Not only did your father listen to me as I bared my naked soul and not in the sense of no clothes even though that’s kind of how you got here. I’m talking about more on the emotional level, where you are bare without your defenses, without the walls, or the at arms length to protect you. On this day I knew I could tell you father my hopes, dreams, and desire and he would never look at me differently. It is hard to find some one like that because no matter how hard you try eventually you either change for that person or that person manipulates you into changing for them. But your father never asked that of me and I think that was one of the reasons I could give myself to him so freely, that in that moment, the thought of me never being able to conceive, or carry a child to term was so fair out of the realm of possibility that a miracle, you my little angel was blessed upon us.

February 24February 24thth, 2006 : I can resist you, 2006 : I can resist you

June 29June 29thth, 2006: Los Alamos , 2006: Los Alamos HeatHeat

I know I’m jumping around but I you need to know about the most important days and seeing as though for the fist couple weeks after I found out that I was pregnant I didn’t tell anyone but Michael and Lauren. Not even your father knew because every time I tried to tell him the unexpected would happen and I would freeze up. It was if it wasn’t the right time, and maybe you were trying to stop me and tell him at the right moment, even though the right moment never seemed to be right. So I finally worked up the nerve to tell him after a very passionate kiss, I think in that moment it was a reminder of how powerful our love was even though we couldn’t be together. There was just something about that moment in time, it was as the past collided with the present and future and there was no way of denying it. But we did try because we hurt so many people before that we couldn’t do it again. I think that too was one of the reasons I held back on telling your father about you, because in my mind you were a dream that I wasn’t supposed to have and telling him would make it real and not only that telling him would hurt his wife and his son. And I couldn’t do that.

As you began to grow in my stomach a lot of changes had begun to occur, your father and Sharon decided to get a divorce and this time it wasn’t because of me. It was actually the first time that they had decided to be honest with themselves and each other. So you father and I decided to make a go of it, but we didn’t throw our relationship in anyone’s face. We decided to keep it behind close doors because some were still having issues with us being together even though they acted like every thing was OK. But that isn’t what is important, what is important is the fact that your father and I decided to be open and honest with those that we hurt the last time, But even the honesty of the situation still hurt them. We couldn’t control have we felt and we shouldn’t have had too because in the end your father and I were both free and available. So we kind of moved in together but only he and I knew about it. And that was the best time of my life because it could just be your father and I without anyone telling us how wrong we were. Then something happened and we had to be apart from each other for a little while. But that separation made us discover how much we really wanted to be with each other.

This was one of those days that I will never forget because we discovered that you my precious Summer, were a little girl. We both needed that gift that you were. It wasn’t a replacement of what we both had lost but a miracle in the making. You were a determined little girl, you wanted to be with us, you wanted us to be your parents. And finding out that we were having a little girl changed our lives, we could see what the future was going to be like. In that moment you became Daddy’s little girl, and mommy’s little angel. I was scared to tell your father about you because I couldn’t predict his reaction, I was scared to tell your father because I didn’t want him to take you away from me. And when I did tell him the light in his eyes returned, but finding out that he was having a little girl rejuvenated him in so many ways that I can’t even describe them to you. Just know you were very loved and very wanted from that moment on.

 August 21st, 2006: Daddy’s Little Girl

When we told Noah we weren’t really sure what his reaction to it would be but, he looked at us and said, “Does that mean that Daniel is going to be a big brother too?” And when we told him yes, he was excited about it. We were becoming a family, not the perfect family but a family that loved and depended on each other. Your father surprised me yet again that day too because when Noah asked him if we were getting married and he said, yes. I was shocked. And a little afraid, because I wasn’t sure if he was marrying me because I was pregnant with his child, was he marrying me because he loved me, or was he marrying for both reasons? And the funny thing this was those thought only ran through my head for a mare second before I realized I was getting married to the man that I loved more then I even though possible. He had given me so much that I wasn’t going to ask why, because life was all about surprises and the one thing that I learned about

your father and I we were all about surprises.

Lets see, your father and I decided that we were going to surprise each other with parties on the same day even though his surprise for me wasn’t really a surprise because his ex decided to be a very not nice person and ruin my surprise. But the joke was on her because I still loved the surprise as if she never told me, Better yet she wasn’t important enough to ruin my surprise because that day was about your father and I. Even though we weren’t allowed to get married in Wisconsin until six months after your father’s divorce was final, we already married in our hearts. We just wanted to make it official before you blessed us with your presence. So on his birthday he decided to through me a surprise engagement party and boy was I surprised when he showed me that he truly listened to every word that I had ever told him. He presented me with a ruby engagement ring. And even though it wasn’t a diamond, it was more precious that that because it came from your father’s heart. And that was more important then any other stone that he could have given me.

October 11th, 2006:Dueling Surprises

There were a lot of surprises going on that night because I had to ruin your father’s surprise birthday party and tell him because everyone was enjoying themselves. So I had to tell him, but he played a long an made it look like he didn’t know about his party. After Noah presented your dad with him birthday video another unexpected surprise occurred. Your Aunt Lauren went into labor and gave birth to Fen a bit early but as you can see he was determined like his parents. And in that moment your father and I decided that we were going to start our lives together. So in another surprising way your father and I got on the Newman jet and flew to the one place that meant more to use because it was the one place that made us realize that our love was something that wasn’t supposed to be ignored or forgotten about. We went to Los Alamos and married in a lovely ceremony. Sure our friends and family weren’t there but it wasn’t about them it was all about us. And how we felt about one another. It was also about starting your life off in the right way. No one was going to be able to take away that you were conceived from love and that your parents were together when you came into this world. We wanted you to start off on the right foot, even though our relationship didn’t.

 

 

October 24October 24thth, 2006: Goodbye , 2006: Goodbye Abbott Hello NewmanAbbott Hello Newman

As you are finding out, your father and I never did anything the traditional way. And we weren’t going to start, so after our Los Alamos wedding, we prepared for your arrival. You see you were supposed to be born on Thanksgiving, but like your father you were stubborn and late. And I began to get impatient with you being the one to decide when you were going to be born. Don’t get me wrong I loved being pregnant, and loved the fact that I was getting another chance to be a mother, because I didn’t do such a hot job with your older brother. But I guess I wanted to meet you and become your mother more then I wanted to stay pregnant. So I tried everything that one could think of to reduce labor. And some of the things that I tried were well worth it, and others not so much. So before you were born your father and I went to see the doctor one more time to make sure that everything was going as planned to reduce labor. But he informed us that you were breach, which just means that you but was down and your head and legs were up. And to make sure that you came into this world the safest way possible your father and I decided that it would be best that I have a c-section. But you of course having your father and my DNA as a blend decided that you had other plans.

So Ms. Summer Anne Newman you were born in a elevator, and not just any elevator, you were born in and Otis elevator to be exact, during a massive ice storm. But how ironic, seeing as though you were conceived during a snowstorm. So I figure you making a statement seeing as though for a long while I had no clue as to who your father really was, I believed it was Nick, but knowing and believing are two different things. So I guess in your own way you were verifying that your father was Nick. Another irony was that the possible father, Jack delivered you. Your father so wanted to be there but he was rescuing your brother from a horrible car crash that could have taken both their lives. But that is the type of man your father is, he puts others before himself because he is honorable and he loves completely. So he was there physically, he was and that is all that matters. We made it to the hospital where your father got to meet his little girl for the very first time. And just seeing you I could tell that you were so going to have him wrapped around your tiny little finger. Everyone came to see you from your grandparents, to your aunt, to Michael and even Jack and they all asked the same question. But we couldn’t answer it because known of the names that we picked fit.

So you might be wondering where you got your name, and the answer is your father gave it to you. It’s your very first Christmas and we still hadn’t decided on a name so we kept calling you the “One in Pink.” Which was funny because I didn’t purchase any pink outfits for you. Pink didn’t look good on me so I so didn’t think it would look good on you. But it seemed like it was the only color that anyone else brought you so you got stuck wearing it. But anyway your father and I were discussing Daniel who was being released from the hospital and how I was such a great mother when he got this look on his face, like he had this secret and he couldn’t wait to tell me. When he did tell me I loved it because it represented us. And who we were going to be with little irony seeing as though you were born during a ice storm. You are a strong little girl that showed all what you were made of during your birth. So welcome to the Newman Family Ms. Summer Anne Newman, the next 50 years are so should be very entertaining. Because lets face it, you are my daughter. And seeing as though I could never stay out of trouble and your father is no better we have our hands full.

December 25December 25thth, 2006: Merry Christmas , 2006: Merry Christmas SummerSummer

Music By: Jim Brickman

Summer Newman had a very interesting 2006, what will her 2007 be like. Stay to for Summer’s Journal

2007