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Just Leave Him Out of It

Are you already aware that when you are upset and arguing with your husband, he (in that moment) mostlikely represents mom, dad or both. Does knowing this make a difference?

Think about it, the tiniest thing can tic you off right? Doesn’t it surprise you that you can get so angryabout…almost nothing?

My client Cynthia was ready to lose her mind. Before I share her story, let’s look at the origin of all theintense emotions.

When you are upset with him and the upset you feel and express is bigger than what happened to triggerthe upset. Know that the unresolved happenings of the past, are re-visiting you right now.

What your going through is NORMAL.

And the past is adding to your feelings of upset, driving you under these circumstances to say and do thethings you typically say and do. In another words, you fall prey to the nasty habit of arguing.

Are you ready to begin to mend your broken relationship?

First of all, there is nothing you need do directly with your husband. What a relief? Right?

This is all about you and the solution will come out of the work that you are willing to do as you completethe unresolved issues of your past. It’s a lot simpler than you might imagine.

If you could do just 3 steps to end the arguments with him, would you?

Make a List

Make a list of 2 things that are unresolved between you and mom and 2 things between you and dad(Step #1). Think of the arguments with them that kept coming up again and again. Or think of the innerarguing you did with yourself to try to save your sanity. Those are links to what triggers you now.

It’s as if you’re on autoplay when he or someone else you love pushes that button.

Let’s start to rewire that hot button so that it doesn’t control what you think, how you act and who you are inyour relationships.

With that knowledge follow these steps:

Step #2: Opposite Emotion: Know what triggers an upset and don’t allow yourself to feel upset and/orreact . Stop the arguing in its tracks. In other words, what are the things that he does that usually leads toa fight? Jot them down as your cheatsheet.

As soon as he does one of them, catch yourself and don’t engage in or before you get “carried away” withyour upset. Have an exit plan: walk away, focus on a work problem or anything to shift your attention off ofhim so that you don’t lose your power … again.

Step #3: Plan A Winning Move: Given the circumstances, choose a different response. If you want toensure success with that, you will need to plan ahead. Know that you will experience another upset butrather than waiting for it to happen again, come up with a plan before it happens as to how you will responddifferently. The advanced plan puts you in the driver’s seat.

Cynthia was worn to a frazzle over the continuous arguing between her and her husband. She didn’t wantto argue but she kept getting pulled into them and it got to the point where “she knew within seconds thatshe would blow up.”

When we worked together, she came in every week for the first few times and just vented about him.

She learned some powerful self-care tools and began making herself her priority (without rubbingit in his face!) and she CHOSE to not play a part in the dysfunctional arguing.

She used the steps outlined above and within a few days, she felt better, like she was returning to herselffor the first time in a long time. She explained that when she stopped contributing to the arguing, hebecame more responsive to her.

“He just shifted without me saying anything about HIM changing. I nurtured myself and everything flowedfrom there. Wow.”

You CAN do this. YOU deserve peace of mind. Say “Yes” to your happiness and watch the rest fall intoplace.

Drop me a line at Suzanne@SaveMyMarriageWithLove.com. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this postand what you’re realizing about your marriage.

Warmest Regards,

Suzanne