HOW TO TELL EMPLOYERS SOMETHING THEY’D RATHER NOT HEAR

William SharpWilliam SharpBoston Graduate School of Boston Graduate School of

Psychoanalysis Psychoanalysis 617 216 3871617 216 3871

@DRWILLIAMSHARP

#Understanding

K-W-L CHART: What Works/What Doesn’t

Know Want to know

GOALS

At the end, you should be able to:1) Identify your own reasons for saying something2) Apply guidelines for effective interactions with

employers3) List steps to change your approach

This work is heavy on YOU!

VALUES

What are yours? Honesty IntegrityFamilyLoyaltyHope

Financial Stability“I believe…” change happens slowly

Talk is cheap.

ACTIVITY: Choose your top 3 values.

What does this tell you about yourself?

How might anyone of these values help you when working with a client?

How might anyone of these values hinder you when working with a client?

SELF CARE: CLIENT WILL ADJUST WHEN YOU DO.

WHEN YOU INTERVENE

Remember it is because of what you think, value and mostly…

FEEL!!!

ALL BEHAVIOR IS AN ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE SOMETHING.

YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND IT FIRST TO MAKE DECISIONS…

THE LION WON’T EAT ME- I AM A VEGETARIAN

Remember, the more regressed, the more likely it comes down to fight or flight.

Keep people out of their critter brains! (Feed, fight, flee, f@$#%, Freeze)

WE BELIEVE WE ARE THINKING CREATURES WHO FEEL, BUT WE ARE FEELING CREATURES WHO THINK.

GUIDELINES FOR INTERVENING WITH EMPLOYERS

Join their perceptions to get a better understanding of the situation.

Remember, you are in charge and just because you are listening to them doesn’t mean you agree with them.

SOLUTIONS

Maintain boundariesYou can be friendly, but you cant be their

friend

TALK TALK TALK.. .use your thoughts and feelings to show words have a power

without a side effect.

SOLUTIONS (CONT)

Utilize strengthsFind creative ways to be with them

Try new things to see resultsGet consultations and help

Mind-body breaksBreath

Count to 125Be…

EXPLORATION WITH THE CHILD

Object oriented questionsAvoid YOU, use I or talk to the universeShare your adult ego with those who

are thin skinned. Ask what you are supposed to do

when…Read up on Active Listening…

HOW DO I USE ANGER? (*MINE AND THEIRS)

Meet them where they are.

Be the mature adult.

Never work harder than them!

Optimal Frustration is the key to change.

Consultation, Training, Supervision, Therapy ????

AVOID

The Blame Game The Righteous Game Remember- families come to you with

solutions – not problems!!! defenses, ways of being, etc. that have evolved in

their environment. Respect and leave them Try to see if they are interested in other solutions.

WHY DO THIS WORK?

Only work that promotes growth and ego development in

both client and therapist [or care giver]

is worth what [it] costs both to do.  

- Margaret Little

K-W-L AND EVALUATION

What have we learned?

What are you going to do now?

THE SIGNIFICANCE OF ZOMBIES?

IS THERE HOPE?

EXHUME

Stay Together. Keep safe.

Stay together. We are changing everything.

APRIL 11th

Boston Graduate School of Psychoanalysis

7-9pm

@DRWILLIAMSHARP

#Understanding

The end…

RESOURCES

Interested in taking a Myer-Briggs type test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-

win/JTypes2.asp

Good books for teachers Reaching the Unreachable Child, Shelia Zaretsky

Good books for ParentsEmotional Muscle, John and Kerry Novick (ages 0-

5, but it applies to ALL of us! )

RESOURCES CONTINUEDGOOD BOOKS ON ADOLESCENT DEVELOPMENT

Highly recommend:Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me

and Cheryl to the Mall?: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager.

How talk so your teen will listen. Good as well: I’d listen to my parents if they’d just shut up. When we are in public, pretend you don’t know me. Trust me mom, everyone is is goingYes, Your Teen is Crazy I’m not mad, I just hate you.

THEORETICAL BUT GOOD

Modern Psychoanalysis in the Schools, William Kirman

Resolving Resistances, Leslie Rosenthal

SOMETHING I LIKE TO REVIEW NOW AND THEN ABOUT THE LD CHILD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4f4rX0XEBA&feature=related

Have you ever told someone to look at something harder? How about bribing them instead of intervening to help? How about threatening them when the bribe didn’t work? Have you ever blamed the victim (“you are not trying”/motivated)?

2 OF 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01tGtFQ0Ivs&feature=related

If you were learning disabled, do you see how you might avoid taking risks? Do you see how lack of reinforcement for the right answer and punishment for the wrong answer can lead you to not wanting to respond to surprises in class?

3 OF 3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6G9--hUQDwY Fair and Equal? Have you ever used the “its not

fair to others” argument to not help someone who needed something?

Dr. William Sharp

617 216 3871

DrWilliamSharp@gmail.com

One Harvard St., Brookline MA 02445

ANNE MCCAULEY

617 566 2200School Based Counseling

Boston Institute for PsychotherapyAMcCauley@bostoninstitute.org