5 STAGES OF GRIEF/

KÜBLER-ROSS MODEL

Prepared by: Garcia, Ida RegineMedallo, JB Rose

DEFINITION

KÜBLER-ROSS MODEL first introduced by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969 inspired by her work with terminally ill patients postulates a series of emotional stages experienced by survivors of an intimate's death the stages are not a linear and predictable progression

deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death.

GRIEF

STAGES

DENIAL AND ISOLATION One may not want to believe what is happening and that it is happening to him/her. It can bring about a dip in productivity and the ability to think and act. After the initial shock subsides, one may experience denial and may remain focused on the past. Some people tend to remain in the state of denial for a long time and may lose touch with reality.

ANGER When the realization finally hits, and one understands the gravity of the situation, he/she may become angry and may look for someone to blame. Anger can be manifested or expressed in many ways. While some take out the anger on themselves, others may direct it towards others around them. One always tends to remain irritable, frustrated and short tempered during this stage.

BARGAINING When the stage of anger passes away, one may start thinking about ways to postpone the inevitable and try to find out the best thing left in the situation. Those who are not faced by death but by another trauma may try to negotiate in the situation and come to a point of compromise.

DEPRESSION A stage in which the person tends to feel sadness, fear, regret, guilt and other negative emotions. This may seem like a lowest point in life with no way ahead. Some common signs of depression include sadness, low energy, feeling demotivated, losing trust in god, etc.

ACCEPTANCE When people realize that fighting the change that is coming into their life is not going to make the grief go away, they resign to the situation and accept it completely. The resigned attitude may not be a happy space but is one in which the person may stop resisting change and move ahead with it

SAMPLE SITUATIONS

Dead Car Battery example Children grieving in divorce Grieving a lost amorous relationship Grieving in substance abuse

Dead Car Battery It’s a chilly winter morning, and it is dark outdoors. There is a thin layer of frost on the ground but you are late for work and hence have to rush out to the car parked outside. As you place the key in the ignition and turn the car on, you realize that the battery is dead. Shock and denial – Your first reaction is of absolute shock and denial. You cannot believe this happening to you when you are already running late, and you thus try to start the car again and again.Anger – Now that you realize the car cannot be started, you begin to feel angry and very mad at the situation.Bargaining – Even on knowing it won’t help, you start asking the car to start, just for once. You promise it in your mind that you will keep it maintained and get the battery charged as soon as possible.Depression – All the negative thoughts start rushing to your mind. You begin to feel depressed, sad and hopeless. You fear your job will be taken away and see now way out of the situation.Acceptance – Now you figure out what you should do next. You can a cab and decide to deal with the situation later on.

4 STEPS TO FORGIVENESS

1. HURT: IDENTIFY, EXPERIENCE, AND EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Who did this to you? When did it occur? Where did it happen?

2. HATE: IF YOU HAVE BEEN HURT, YOU HATE. Hate sin, not the sinner. Make this distinction to be sure your hate is directed toward a permissible target. Unconfessed, persistent hatred often leads to depression.

3. HOOK: ACKNOWLEDGE THE DECEPTIVE FEELING OF CONTROL. Refusing to forgive provides a feeling of power, but this feeling is deceptive as it is really a cover for your own sense of hurt and vulnerability. Refuse to be a victim Cancel the debt Get on with your life Allow God to be the justice maker Revenge feels good for a time; but ultimately, it does not work. The pain you give can never cancel the pain you have received. Get out of the way and let God take care of this.

4. HEAL: FORGIVENESS IS BOTH AN EVENT AND A PROCESS. Letting an offender off your hooks is an event. Finding relief from your own pain is a process. It takes time. You must keep opening your hurt heart to God, and you will experience healing over time.

One day you will wake up and find yourself thinking differently about the one who hurt you. You may never like or trust this person, but the intensity of your hurt will diminish. One day you will find yourself praying for your offender. Soon you will realize you are free. Forgiveness is the road to freedom. But it makes little sense unless seen in the context of Christ's forgiveness toward you.

RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GRIEF AND

FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness can help grieving people to heal. Anger is a normal response to the death of a loved one. Survivors may become angry at the person who died, at a doctor or caregiver who “could have prevented the death,” or even at themselves for not saving their loved one. Or maybe someone said or did something hurtful after the death. Anger is an emotion that is meant to be felt for a short time. When anger is experienced over a prolonged period of time, it is called “resentment.” Resentment is a chronic condition that harms our health and prevents us from being happy. It can cause us to become bitter and focused on the negative aspects of life. Forgiveness is important, then, because of the toll that resentment can take on our minds and bodies. It can cause far greater harm to ourselves than to the person who hurt us in the first place.

It is important to experience the feelings of anger, hurt, and fear—to process the hurtful event and to work toward some resolution of the situation. This practice of forgiveness, this letting go of resentment, then, can lead to compassion for others and healing for ourselves.