YOU GOTTA HAVE BALLS

YOU GOTTA HAVE BALLS

Nobody stops me. Not even my thoughts.

About The Book:

Parashar Pandya announced his new upcoming book “YOU

GOTTA HAVE BALLS” which is schedule release on 18 July 2015 at Reform Club, Ashram Road, Nehru bridge corner, Ahmedabad. YOU GOTTA HAVE BALLS - Nobody stops me. Not even my thoughts. This book delves into the single most important question human beings deal with - how do I deal with failure? What do I do when things don't work out?

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YOU GOTTA HAVE BALLS Book Cover

About Parashar Pandya

A graduate from the University of Mumbai B.A Sociology followed by post grad education in the UK. University of Leicester. Owned and managed Poonam Courier Pvt Ltd from 1999-2014. I am now full time into training and development working particularly with the SME’s to generate new business and grow. I am married and live with my wife Namita in Ahmedabad, she heads L & D at an Austrian company. I love traveling and meeting and talking to people, training and making a difference in the world.

YOU GOTTA HAVE BALLS Synopsis:

You gotta have balls - this is all it takes. This is all you need. No more. This book delves into the single most important question human beings deal with - how do I deal with failure? What do I do when things don't work out? Now, wait a second, hasn't enough been already written and said about this? There is and a lot of it attempts to answer the human endeavour of success and riches. The book is written straight and to the point. No lengthy story or soap opera kinda drama. Every chapter deals with a different life situation and failure with the author's own experiences shared authentically. Most importantly how the failure is dealt with and overcoming the barriers of performance in a particular life area. 22208 words dedicated completely to answer one and only one question. How do I deal powerfully with failure? At the end of the book is the "what's next" formula, designed to serve as a tool for dealing with the reader's own life issues, be it in the area of relationships or health or finance or career or education. Using this formula one can resolve any breakdown and come out victorious, with all the scratches but a winner. Coming to the market and already existing material in this 'self help' domain and how what is written in here is different and unique in its approach. Oh, it's a multimillion dollar market, dare I say billion actually with a huge readership not just India but worldwide. One common theme that seems to run across whatever has been written and said so far is think positively, use the power of your mind and anything is possible. Some and a lot of now speak about the importance of action in life. But again they all play a very safe

game of linking ones emotional state to performance. Well that correct, you gotta think nice and feel good and take action and work on the result. However there is a gap, there is a fallacy shall I say in terms of how to deal with a failure and the role of human emotions. This is where I differ in my approach and my unique offering is - Your performance and success or failure has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your moods, feelings and emotions, or positive thinking and wait how could I miss, the power of your subconscious mind? ;-) The what's next formula shows how one can deal with a breakdown without losing sight of the important issue at hand. Let's take an example. And a very generic one is the area of health. Let's say I am overweight by 20 kilos and have diabetes and blood pressure and cardiac issues. Here's how we usually deal with this: Area - health - overweight Action - infrequent sleeping and food habits, medicines and insulin injections. Result: diabetes running high and a feeling of lethargy and tiredness Emotional experience: frustration, self pity, aggression, etc etc...

Now, here's the fallacy of human thinking – The Area is health and the action required is walking or jogging or meditation, regular diet and health checkups, controlling hunger pangs. Many more possible actions are available. What you do as human being is this and consider it’s the funniest

thing about being human and I l soon tell you why. You start dealing with the emotional experience you have about health. You start trying to make yourself feel good, and God forbid somebody offers you a positive thinking or mind power seminar as a gift and you are jacked. The focus is completely off the issue at hand and the energy is utilized in dealing with the emotional pain and misery. All this hoping once you have a positive self image your actions will alter and your desired outcome of losing weight and being healthy shall be fulfilled. This will never happen. Never. You know why, because you are looking at the mirror and trying to change the object in the mirror thinking, the real you will alter. Ha ha... Crazy isn't it. And by the way the only animal who gets emotional about performance is human being. Have you ever seen a monkey or shark be sad and gloomy and weeping because they couldn't get enough food for the family. The what's next formula is simple - Look at the action and action only. What are the gaps and breakdowns in the action that need to be altered? What are the alternative courses of actions that can be devised to achieve the result?

Take the new set of actions. Get the result. If not go back to the actions and revise your working plan and take new sets of actions. Simple. Going to or dealing with your emotional experience and the world of moods, feelings and emotions is pointless and will bear no fruits. The book ends with a simple burnt potato story that talks about how when cooking we don't cry over burnt potatoes and simply cook again. This is exactly how you can deal with any life area. There is nothing to get emotional of weird about. What allows me to this book is my experience of having lead of team of 1500 people across 450 locations for over 15 years. I built the sales growth of the company from 1.5 Cr when I joined to 20 Crores. During this time I travelled to different locations in India and around the world and interacted and met with a lot of different people. My business allowed me to meet people from different sections and strata of society. One thing I can tell you about anybody you consider successful they don’t get filmy over petty

things and always focus on the task at hand. That's 967 words. And I hope I have communicated clearly what I intend to.

Chapter 1 The First Battle – The Most Crucial One Victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival.

- Winston Churchill The reason I say that the first battle is the most crucial one, because in reality, it is the single- most test that ultimately decides whether you are a winner or not. If you muster up all the courage that you’ve got and bring out all that you have in you to

put up a fight, then irrespective of the outcome, you stand tall as a winner in your own eyes.

This first battle will bestow you with an astonishing level of self-worth, enough to carry you through in the face of every situation or adversity that you’re faced with throughout your life.

The weather was cloudy and there was heavy rain, characteristic of a day that was dark with a certain quiet to it. It was as if 26 July was being etched into history as a very wet day.

As is expectant of newborns, I did not cry when I came into this world. It’s common knowledge that a newborn child starts breathing with the first cry, and if any newborn failed to do so, it meant that there were complications ahead. My aunt took one look at my weak and dark body, and blurted out unapologetically, ‘Let

this mouse die’. Deservedly, reports are she got a tight slap from her mother.

My grandmother called in a child specialist. To top it all, it was at a very expensive fee of Rs.100 in the year 1982.

I was spanked and thrashed and turned upside down. Finally dumped in ice cold water, I finally let out a loud cry. Behold my world here I come. I lived on. I lived on to have the most healthy body and powerful immune system in the family. And that’s not all. True to my nature, I tried my hand at and

relished doing the difficult and impossible right from an early age. A weakness at birth did not stop me from pursuing sports and adventure. I ran like a horse and won several accolades in school athletic competitions. A profound love for adventure sports took me trekking, climbing, swimming and much much more.

I even climbed our building walls and water pipes, scaring the living daylights out of neighbors, aunties and the like.

Unsurprisingly, fighting came naturally to me and I always took on bigger boys. I was beaten several times but that never stopped me for a moment.

With age and maturity setting in, I realized this conduct could land me in prison. Having no such aspirations whatsoever, I avoided the physical run-in’s later in life.

Life lesson: Not even natural or physical limitations can stop a resolute soul. Health - The most critical access that one needs to manage in order to perform at ones optimum level is health. You may be dealing with breakthroughs or breakdowns in business. Without health there is no opportunity for growth or joy or celebration. You may be a millionaire, a billionaire even but without health there is no life. Over the years I have found and lived some of my own personal secrets to an impeccable health.

1. Never never never... Withhold anything.

Communicate. Simple. Do not bother yourself with offending others. Their offence is their problem not yours. Holding something against some in the language of my friend Rishi Modi is like "drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".

2. Sleep empty.

Never sleep with thoughts or issues bothering you. Write them. Talk to someone. No matter what the time is. Do not sleep over anything. Go to bed with a clean slate and only when you are dead tired. 3. Fight it out Me and my wife have this simple practice. We never sleep over a fight. However long the conversation may be. 3 or 4 am for bedtime is fine, but sleeping having fought and not made up, doesn't exist in the SoP.

4. Eating full. Never fill your stomach to the brim. Always have space for another bite. I eat 5 times a day, minimum. Eat at regular intervals. Eat anything, anything at all. Include street food in your diet, that builds up your immune system. Seriously, no kidding and no your doctor won't tell u coz then he l be out of business. 5. Have fun.

Eat drink and be merry. Life sucks, it always will. The point is who you are in the face of that. Basically, have fun. Be in action. Like I always say Keep playing. Vices are good, know many people with a soft corner for sherry or cider and a Cuban Cigar having lived long and healthy happy lives. (Moderation: is a very critical word, especially Gujjus are unaware of, please beware absence of this will mess you up.) 6. No medicine for cough cold and fever: Allopathic medicine plays havoc with your immune system and especially liver and kidneys. In the long run you l die of multiple organ failure. Stop popping pills at the drop of a hat.

Fever: is a rise in the body temperature to take care of your health. Yes fever is a natural process. It ain't an illness. Ever read a newspaper headline called Mumbai Down With Fever.... !!!! It's how you perceive and view things.

7. Nature is the best doctor Use natural healing methods. Contrary to what proponents of modern medical science will tell you, our age old Dada Dadi medicines and systems work. You must find out your natural body type and eat accordingly. With careful study and observation you will learn what works for your body. Yes, you can heal yourself. If I can, so can you.

Chapter 2 What My Father Taught Me My great grandfather had humble beginnings as a schoolteacher. And then he moved to the city of dreams and the land of unlimited opportunity - Bombay (Mumbai). My father tells me that the first business deal he did was inauthentic. And there started PL Pandya and Company, a custom house agent clearing goods at the docks. Business grew rapidly and the company expanded all over the country. In those days, as was common, all the brothers and other family members were involved in business. This was the trigger that eventually led to the downfall of business. In the meanwhile, PL Pandya was busy building his network and expanding his social prowess. He was politically and socially well connected. One anecdote my father shares with us is that one of my uncle's went to the race course ground at Rajkot which was opposite the police commissioner’s office

and placed a bottle of whiskey on the car bonnet. And all this was being played out in the state of Gujarat, a state with

strict prohibition on liquor, and started consuming alcohol in broad daylight. The result was a police officer being slapped when he tried to intervene. Boy did this sound exactly like a true blue Bollywood potboiler or what!!! My grandfather and his father never saw eye to eye. Grandfather would sip scotch and smoke pipes and wear hats and club with our English clients. This was not approved in the household. My grandmother apparently was a hotheaded woman and had skirmishes with her mother-in- law. That is so cliché. With all this and mounting business pressure, my grandfather travelled around the country and my father was born in Kolkata. To this day, people remember that his grandfather distributed a station wagon full of sweets on this joyous occasion. On the flipside, the internal cheating and stealing in business was eating up the profits. The two senior most members of the business were growing increasingly apart, the air frigid with tension that you could cut with a knife. My grandfather had severe health issues and was confined to the home, mostly drinking. He was out of business. They were in dire financial condition and daily life was reduced to a struggle. My dad tells me that my grandmother was a strong woman and had resorted to selling her gold to take of the kids. They started rearing cows and sold milk door to door. My father would go selling the milk. At times, the weather would be cold and unforgiving, and so were the ladies if my father reached late and ended up getting a mouthful from these irate customers. Imagine somebody being born with a silver spoon and ending up in a situation of financial stress and survival. But

I have never been embarrassed to share this. I am proud of him. Dad says he would tell people during his days as a milkman that he had sent his kids abroad for foreign education. And they would laugh him off and dismiss his claims. The truth is, I studied Criminology at the University of Leicester, UK and my sister Poonam has a Private Pilot License from Florida, US. Another one of my dad’s favorite was his love of clothes and

fine dressing. Back in the old days, he had only two pairs of shirts and trousers. And a pair of slippers to go to college. Today, he is the proud owner of a never-ending wardrobe that spells class and oozes sophistication, not to forget his enviable collection of high end footwear, with Hush Puppies being one of his favorites. He has certainly come a long way from the days when my grand ma would buy a long piece of cloth and stitch clothes for all the kids, as told to us by my uncle. So when they went out they were in a sort of a uniform. Their aunts would tease them by saying here comes the orphanage. Guess my uncle never got over the pain. My father started his first job with a meager salary of INR 300. He told the interviewer that he would continue to work as long as he didn’t find another job that paid better. It’s not surprising

then, that while my father grew by leaps and bounds, the managers and supervisors of his earlier workplace are still exactly where they were years ago. He found a job opportunity at Baroda and went there for an interview. He got through successfully but was left with a sum of money that would be enough only to buy the train ticket. Feeling very hungry by then, my father offered to pick up a man’s luggage on the railway station to make some money to

buy him-self a meal. Some memories like these get so deeply etched in ones memory carrying so much impact, that they remain alive even after ages. After years of hard work, he started the CHA license of PL Pandya and Company again. He started getting new business that started generating good funds for the family. One of the high points was purchasing an apartment in Borivali, a Mumbai suburb, a dream that remains unfulfilled for millions of people. It was a partnership firm and my grandmother was the other partner. My paternal uncle had a lot of skirmishes with the legal system and having him in business would mean suspension of the license. But my grandmother was adamant to be in the company. Finally, my father left the company and moved to Rajkot. In 1986, my aunt Hansa and he started Pandya's Courier Service P. Ltd. From the humble beginnings of a single document booked from Rajkot to Mumbai, today we handle over 60,000 shipments every day. Everything that happened in between, let’s just say the rest is history. But like every silver lining has a cloud, my other aunt Bhavna and my father had a lot of issues. My father planned to have an international company and she was not up to it. So in 1996 they parted ways, my father started Poonam Courier P. Ltd. and all the franchisees joined him, and business flourished.

We had offices all over the state of Gujarat and a huge team of employees. With this came a huge set of problems in this country called India where all businesses suffer some form of bureaucracy and red-tapism. So in 1999 we had a huge raid from the PF department. PF is a provident fund for employees

wherein employers are liable to pay a contribution each month towards employee welfare. A lot of money was outstanding since it was customary of my father to always spend every penny earned in developing the network. So there was no way he could have managed to pay the entire amount. And for the first time, my father agreed to pay a bribe to do away with the penalty and possible legal hassles. After this incident, we gave away franchisees in different locations to all our employees. They were now their own boss. Of course, there was a background why bribes were never paid. As I shared earlier, my father was managing the CHA business clearing ships and air cargo. In this area of business, one cannot survive and operate without paying bribes. Just like everyone else, my father used to pay up as well. Then late night, my father had to rush home as my sister took a nasty fall off the bed and had to be admitted in the hospital. In the midst of all the confusion, one of our employees from the airport called up my father and said that the custom officer wants to see him immediately. The officer wanted to be paid up, right then. In spite of my father informing him that he was dealing with a family medical emergency, and requesting him that he would make the payment the next day, the officer did not budge. Since it was a client shipment, my father had to rush to the airport leaving my mother alone with my sister. Sure enough, the shipment was cleared. But that night, with a steely resolve, my father decided that come what may, he would never again pay bribes to any government official. And he stuck to his own promise.

The greatness of man is not in just being successful but getting up every time he falls. And this is exactly what my father epitomizes. At 64, most people plan to retire, choose where to live and how to save enough money for the last lap of their lives. Never the one to be so conventional, my father is forever stirring up changes with a zeal and enthusiasm that would put the many younger men to shame. Yes, even at his age. So on Saturday, 14 June 2014, he declared to the world that he was shutting down the company. We were no longer in business. All this because the franchisees were not willing to be a part of and contribute to the company and its growth, or even it’s survival,

if I may say so given the market volatility. He is now planning afresh and coming up with a cargo division. Imagine someone painstakingly painting a picture for 25 years and then not being happy with the outcome, disposing the canvas and buying a new one, to paint a fresh new painting. That's my father for you. Brave, bold, audacious and successful. The only way to grow throughout life is to always seize opportunities and learn something new from them. One of life’s

most important lessons that my father taught me is that it's never too late to make a new beginning and start afresh. At the ripe age of 55 he started learning salsa and ballroom dancing, and lo and behold, also won a senior category competition at Chandigarh. When you have a sparkling soul within your being, both the body and the mind are merely are at its beck and call, and age is of no relevance when the soul takes over. Reminds me of a quotation by Vincent Van Gogh, "If you have

a voice within you saying, I cannot paint, then by all means paint and the voice shall be silenced". My father practiced this philosophy in real life. When life threw its biggest challenge in his face, the most difficult blow of losing his earned money to his own siblings- he got up, dusted himself and went about the business of creating a new company and started setting it up from scratch. And he managed to successfully accomplish this seemingly impossible task not once, but twice in his life. And that is when I knew what constitutes a real man, as I watched my father with awestruck wonder and he marched forward, triumphant in all his victories. Because he embraced what Shaw rightly said, ‚We do not stop playing because we grow old; we grow old

because we stop playing‛. Life lesson: When you fall down, get up. When you fail, bounce back. Life Lesson: Circumstances are but a minor distraction. Keep marching towards your dreams. Create a life your heart desires. Unreasonable and unstoppable I interact with students and business owners daily and hear similar complaints from both likewise. People have various valid and awesome reasons for why they don't take action or perform. I don't have enough knowledge or experience. I have don't have capital to expand. I am shy and lack confidence. Bla bla bla bla

The list of reasons and barriers are endless. Now while it is only human to have these kindly get that only humans have them. Coz fundamentally such barriers exist only in language. While you are at and have reasons how about having empowering reasons that propel you into action and allow you to perform. How about standing in I am awesome and phenomenal and relating to yourself as that, ask what will an awesome person do and do that.

Let me share a story with you. So I have this friend who shut his IT business in 2010 and since than has been struggling with having a career and stable source of income. And every time we meet he talks about the past and how glorious it was and finally comes down to whining about the sadness of his current life. How he is unable to take any action and feels small and weak. During one of our chatty sessions I tell him to shut up. Start looking at what is it that you are good at and sell that skill set and generate income for yourself. He realised he has a passion for training and loves working with students for soft skills and communication. And I am like ok so good now how will you use this to get some dough?

He looked at all the possible institutions that he can connect with and found 2 opportunities at different locations to start with. Now he trains regularly with students of Charted Accountants institute and is working on selling his own public programs.

All I invited him to do is look at himself and his life a little differently. All that it takes is a shift in paradigm and everything is available. Where are you stopped? What story are you selling yourself? What barriers are you creating and living your life from? Make a list. Create who you are for yourself newly and standing in the spic and span shining bright charismatic person that you are plan and take on new sets of actions. There you go new actions, new access, and new results.

Chapter 3 Masters are learning forever

Life Lesson: What you fail at first, master. Bring passion to all your endeavors. Passion breathes life. Practice like your life depends on it. Master.

Chapter 4 Bullies are Weak

Life lesson: See and listen, and respect the soul. Everyone deserves love. A single moment of love can melt the most hardened of hearts.

Publisher:

You Gotta Have Balls Book published by Moments Publishers.

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