- 1. Courageous Conversations
- aka Difficult Conversations
2. Courageous Conversations
- Most people are more comfortable with old problems than new solutions
3. Courageous Conversations
- are conscious exchanges that are real, meaningful and energizing
- A face to face accountability session
4. Courageous Conversations
- can take you to the heart of what's most important
- can lighten your heart and your life
- you can know more of your dreams with each conscious conversation you choose to have
5. What is a 'Courageous Conversation' (CC)?
- Its the one you don't want to have. In fact, the best CC for you is probably the one youhaven't even thought of having
- Take a minute now - what's the hardest conversation you can imagine having? And with whom? What is it you're holding back?
- It's also a conversation that can transform your relationships, and set you free
6. OK - But Give Me Examples...
- "I've hated you for leaving me"
- "I'm angry at how you treat your children"
- "I stole $2,000 from you 20 years ago"
- "I'm in the country illegally, and would like to apply for legal residency"
- "We've never said 'I love you' in our family, and I love you"
- "I'm not enjoying our sex life"
- "I had an affair five years ago"
7. OK - But Give Me Examples...
- "I really gave you a hard time at school/that old job - and I'm sorry"
- "I should have told you I have an STD before we had sex"
- "I'm in love with you, and am scared of threatening your marriage, but more afraid of hearing you don't love me"
- "I'd like to feel acknowledged for all the hard work I do"
- "I know I abused you sexually, and I apologize from the bottom of my heart"
- "I love you so much it scares me. And...I think your ears are really big and can't stop thinking about them"
8. How Do I Know I Need One?
- Do you find yourself avoiding the important things you want to say to family and/or coworkers?
- Are all your relationships great?
- If they are anything less than wonderful, chances are you have something 'withheld' - that once expressed could set you both free
9. Why Should I?
- And the best clue of all:
- You probably don't want to have the conversation,a sure sign that your system is avoiding something
- that you'll lose something or
- it's been more than a year, maybe even TEN YEARS, and it still comes up in your mind every now and then, or now while you're reading this
10. Why Should I?
- Shouldn't it be buried? Isn't the past just the past?
- if it doesn't come to your mind when you sit down to think about it - then it may be unimportant.
- "It's enough that I know about it", or
- having the conversation in your head isn't having it. It's in the speaking it to them that transformation occurs for both of you.
11. What stops us
- Need to pay attention to true feelings
- Prior attempts were unsuccessful
- Could escalate the problem
- Fear of rejection, feeling vulnerable
12. What stops us
- The cure could be worse than the disease
- I might discover I am part of the problem
13. But if you feel
- anything that is unexpressed - then maybebetter out than in .
14. Behavior Signs
15. When others avoided CC
- Multiple medical errors in health care
- Air crash in Potomac river
16. The Effect On Others...
- It's also amazing the effect it can have on the other person.
- Your courage canripple out and change the world .
17. The Risks
- No guarantee you or they will like the results.
- the outcome may be even worse than you feared.
18. An easy Out
19. What If I dont
- The problem could escalate
- I could lose the relationship
- I might hurt his feelings
- I might not be prepared for the outcome
- Where have I seen these before?
20. Start with CPR to begin a CC
21. Personal Preparation
22. Personal Preparation
- See the person and the problem as separate
- Respect and acknowledge something in the person
23. Provide an emotional safe haven
- In the absence of safety people cant discuss anything meaningful
- Fear of negative consequences
- Invite the other to do also
25. Courageous Dialogue
26. Courageous Dialogue
27. Follow through
- When all is said and done
- Sorry is not a 4 letter word
28. When an apology is right
- Do I understand what hurt or offended
- Is it me or do you feel better
29. Common mistakes
30. Common mistakes
- Doing most of the talking