MODERNMARKETING

explained by Dilbert

WORDS WORK AND MESSAGES MATTER

Witty writing and hellacious headlines are the difference between awesome and average. This evolutionary version of the homo sapiens has an attention span of seven seconds, less than a goldfish, so catchy captions are crucial.

WELL DEFINED SEGMENT

If you don’t know who you are talking to, you can't create killer content. Beside typical demographics, needs and decision making factors, you have to know what stage of the funnel the customer is. Otherwise you’ll be selling the morning-after pills to virgins.

BE GENUINE…

If you are phoney and don’t create content from your heart, your customers will sense that. And they will flee. You must be passionate and love what you do.

… AND HONEST

If you can’t live up to your promises, you’ll be in trouble. The internet doesn’t forget, and if you write a check, be sure that you can cash it. Otherwise you’ll have a raving busload of trolls after you.

The easiest way to look thin, is to get fat friends. But when you face yourself in the mirror, you’re going to have tears on your cheeks. And I’m not talking about the inked ones. If the competition is bad, you don’t have to be. Always aim for the best you can, and a bit more.

DON’T BE LAZY, STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE

BE QUICK, CREATEUNIQUE CONTENT

Picasso might have been in to stealing, but being unique is much more satisfying. Address the trends, but don’t do it by ripping your competitor off. Do it before they can or provide a different angle.

FORGET VANITY METRICS. FOCUS ON WHAT MATTERS

Followers, friends or foes, the numbers do not mean anything. Do they really like you or the raffle you organised? Create something meaningful and valuable, the fans will come.

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DON’T BE AN ASSHOLE

The internet was made for porn, cats and trolls, but that’s not why you are there. Unless you are in the grumpy pussycat pimp business. Keep it positive and funny, like a rainbow shooting unicorn, and the people will like you more than the complaining douchbag.

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DON’T CREATE CONTENT JUST FOR THE SAKE OF IT

Posting to your blockbuster blog or fabulous Facebook page is great, but publishing shouldn’t be considered an accomplishment. Dance a jig or stride out a moonwalk only if the effort served a purpose and achieved a goal. Quality, not quantity.

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APPRECIATE YOUR CUSTOMERS

Don’t underestimate or patronise your customers. Create content that shows that you care and you really want to aid people. Think of being on a crusade, making lives better, one at a time. Not for your own good, but for the good of mankind! (No harm has ever come from being a bit pompous.)

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BUILD A KILLER TEAM

You need rockstars, not empty bodies. Every member has to create value, or you are going to lose value. Gather a bunch of misfits: specialists in different fields and individual personalities. A unique, talented mob equals superb results.

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MARKETING DOESN’T END AT A SALE

A true customer experience doesn’t end at the swipe of a credit card. Building long meaningful relationships is all about taking care of the customer AFTER they have purchased something. Treat them right, and you’ll be in for a treat!

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USE STUNNING VISUALS

The power of the image is stronger than ever. Brands can be built around visuals and perceptions can be altered (even without collagen lips and Photoshop). Don’t fumble around with tacky stock images, put a bit of effort in to it.

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SPIN, BUT DON’T LIE

A marketers job is to create the right image and brand. That’s the basic requirement. But don’t spin it like a politician, you are better than that. Add some colour, but don’t draw a new picture.

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AIM FOR A LARGER AUDIENCE

You maybe aiming at a niche, but your content marketing should be targeted at a broader audience. By slightly exaggerating, you will get a better reach and your content will spread like pollen in a spring storm.

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PRODUCTS MATTER. ALWAYS.

You might be the next marketing Messiah, but if you have to work with crap, you’re going to get busted. This will happen even if you have written beautiful poetic copies that turn rough necked lumberjacks into sobbing infants. Make sure your core product is good.

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LEARN TO TAKE CRITIQUE

In the cesspool known as the internet, you will face criticism, you will face resistant, you will face appalling behaviour, and you will face hatred. But you have to keep your calm, you must respond with composure, you have to be eloquent, and you will be polite. Learn to deal with the whiners, and you will be rewarded. Leave the shooting for the stars.

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YOU’VE GOT THE DATA. USE IT!

A modern digital marketer has all the analytics that they can dream about. No guestimating or concocting needed. Learn how to analyse the data and make use of it. Save the pulling out of your ass for those awkward moments, when your kids confront you about making babies.

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B2B marketers used to go a long way on the power of liquor, but clients need more than that nowadays. They just don’t have the time to booze up. You have to be able to inspire, provide new ideas and create mesmerising moments. And by that, I don’t mean suppling innovative ways of mopping up puke from an expo booth.

INSPIRATIONS AND IDEAS

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VIDEOS, VIDEOS, VIDEOS

Not in to videos? Think they are a waste of time? Suck it up, buddy. They are the new media and give an alternative option to text. They build brands and visualise the intangible.

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BE CREATIVE

Stand out. Do something different. It doesn’t have to be anything big, just challenge the status quo. Dress people up as 70’s rockstars for your next appointment news, get in to the army now and start using a new channel that the competitors don’t use, or go full-throttle and go rocking around the world.

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EVERYBODY IS IN MARKETING

Marketing is the responsibility of the whole organisation, everybody has to chip in. Sharing is caring for your company, but the ideal is co-creating and charming everyone on social sites. The company brand is built by the people who work there, so get people to mingle like they are single.

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SOCIAL MEDIA IS A GOOD SERVANT, BUT A BAD MASTER

Tweet, post and pin, but make them count. Use them as vessels to sail the perilous waves of marketing, but don’t build on them. Use your own site as the main harbour, and your content strategy as the beacon of light that shines bright rays on to the dark seas. Zucky may ban you tomorrow!

@karlfiltn

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CX ISN’T JUST A TREND

Marketing has always been full of quirky abbreviations like KPI, SoMoLo, CRM. Marketers love new and shiny trends, that makes them warm and squishy inside. Customer experience isn’t a fad, it’s here to stay. Make your mark now and and the crowd will praise you.

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SALES NEEDS MARKETING MORE THAN EVER…

Cold calls don’t work like they used to: 57 % of the buying process is done before sales is involved. Marketing has to generate leads, otherwise sales will just decorate beads.

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…BUT ONLY SALES COUNT

In the end of the day, your sole marketing metric is the amount of sales you make. Succulent stats or luscious leads are worth their weight in pheasant feces’, if you aren’t able to get the money coming in.

@karlfiltn

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LIKE THIS?

I didn’t vomit, I promise. It was only a reflux burp. PLEASE SHARE

If you have any questions, add a comment or hit me with a tweet: @karlfiltness

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CREDITS

To the one and only master of corporate satire SCOTT ADAMS.

You are a daily inspiration.

All of the strips can be found on the official Dilbert site: www.dilbert.com

No immorality or dishonesty intended. Please don’t lock me up in an Elbonian prison!

@karlfiltn

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