The 15 lac taka questionWorld tour or money-sucking

wedding traditions?

By all means, I’ve never been married, so you

might ask, ‘What could an amateur possibly know

about how I want to celebrate the biggest day

of my life?’ Yes, I probably don’t know enough to

pass judgments on people who do, in fact, like

lavish, ostentatious weddings (passing

judgments is again not what I’m trying to do).

But I do know one thing: I can’t imagine spending

every penny I have saved, or every inch of money

my parents saved for me, on a single event

(okay, 3 events since we are Bangladeshis, and

we always seem to have n+3 events for every n

(where n= main event)).

A single event where out of 100 possible things,

probably 6 will go according to what the brides

want, 30 according to what your chacha-

chachi-fuppa-fuppi want, 60 according to ‘what

would the 400 guests who we barely know

prefer?’ and 4 according to the grooms (Men,

I’m truly sorry for this one). For a middle class

family in Bangladesh, the average wedding comes

at a price tag of around 12-15 lac BDT. We are

still talking about a single wedding right? Yep.

Back in the days when our parents got married,

this amount to be spent for a wedding would

have been unimaginable. But think about it.

Weddings today are hardly about getting

married. Today, they are about renting the most

luxurious venues; they are about wearing the

most pricey dresses you’ll probably never wear

again; they are about spending around 30K on

makeup that rarely ever makes you look like the

beautiful person you are (at least upfront); they

are about hiring the most qualified (and often

expensive) photographers who make you look

somewhat okay despite the makeup fiasco. So,

where’s the wedded bliss?

Today, as guests leave a wedding, they

disapprovingly talk of the 50k dress and the

overly done makeup the bride looked at best

‘mediocre’ in (the guests are not pleased). They

pass judgments on how it would have been better

if the groom was a ‘tad’ bit taller (the guests

are not pleased). They scoff at the chicken

that obviously lacked enough salt (nope, still

not pleased). They criticize the decorations,

the music and all the arrangements which

somehow are never good enough (the guests are..

see where I’m going with this?)

The point I’m trying to make is simple: The

400+ guests who attend your wedding will never

be pleased. But wait a second. Weren’t most of

the extravagant arrangements you made done

for pleasing these very guests? Showing off at

a wedding (at times going well beyond your

capacities) just so that society gives you that

nod of approval which really has no value at all in

the couple’s marital happiness, is something

that not only leaves the ones paying for the

events physically and financially strained, but it

also makes zero contribution to the young

couple’s future.

Now think about the alternate scenario. The one

where you *ahem* don’t spend a fortune for a

single day. The possibilities are endless! Exhibit

A: THAT euro trip you’ve always wanted to take,

but could never save up enough for? Have a small

wedding with your family and closest friends

(translation: actually have fun), and use the

money to travel the world. Wouldn’t that make

for one heck of a good answer to the question-

‘So, how did you celebrate your wedding?’ Ans:

‘Ah nothing too loud, just travelled the world

with the love of my life!’ Heck yes!

Exhibit B: INVEST! Or better still, start a

business together! Anything can give you a

better future than an overpriced wedding.

Exhibit C: Save that money. Put it aside so you

can buy a house a couple of years down the lane.

Or even better, go for that masters degree you

always craved!

I think if both the bride and groom want a

wedding that’s small and simple, they should get

to have that wedding without society looking

at them with those judgy little eyes. Because

some 20-30 years later, you might not

remember all the things you did at the wedding,

but you will most definitely remember all the

things you wanted to do, but couldn’t. The

wedding should celebrate the humble beginning of

the couple, and most importantly, the wedding

should be about what the two people want.

Couples should be allowed to create their own

definitions of happy without worrying about

what people will say. The people aren’t the ones

the couple will spend 50 years of their lives

with! I say, break out of the societal

stereotypes. Get married at a masjid/church/a

nice backyard, throw a party later for your

friends and family (maybe separately, just

saying), and then pack your bags and have the

greatest wedding reception amidst the Swiss

Alps, or gaze into infinity while watching the

Northern Lights. Fantasy much?

I say it’s not worth having themoney-sucking wedding traditions