Relationships for Seniors

Single again? What to do?

You may have lost your partner through illness or old age…..

Dating (again) can be an awkward experience. It can bring out feelings of confusion & concern from friends and family.

Here are some tips…

DATING

1. When you decide to date again is up to you!• Grieving & moving on can take weeks, years or

never…• Don’t let others tell you that you are moving too

fast or too slow.• Make sure it’s what you are really ready to try.• For over 65’s, 18 months after the death of a

spouse, 15% widows & 37% widowers become interested in dating again.

DATING

2. Make sure you are dating for the right reasons…

• Why do you have this desire? Lonely? Need company?

• Fill the void? Heal the pain?

• You could open up your heart to another…

DATING

3. Feeling guilty is natural…at first

• Feel like you’re ‘cheating’?

• Wondering what people will think & say about you?

• Time will cure all…

DATING

4. It’s OK to talk about a deceased spouse…just don’t overdo it!

• Your date may be curious about your previous partner.

• Constantly talking about the past may make it seem like you’re not ready to move on.

• Show a genuine interest in your new date.

DATING

5. Your date is NOT a therapist!

• It’s an opportunity to spend time with someone else and enjoy their company.

• If you have pain or tough times, better to seek professional help.

• Focus your attention on your date instead!

6. It’s OK to make mistakes!

• It may have been a long time since you dated.

• BUT, don’t make the same mistakes over & over.

• Learn from them & continue moving forward…

DATING

7. Defend your date.

• Family & friends might not approve of your new friend. In-laws, other relatives, sons & daughters???

• Tell them PRIVATELY it’s not on!

• If you can’t stick up for your date, you shouldn’t be doing it!

DATING

8. Not everyone will understand why you are dating again…

• Their opinions don’t matter – it’s YOUR life!

• You don’t need to justify your actions to ANYONE!

DATING

9. Take it SLOW…

• A lack of physical & emotional intimacy is normal!

• Don’t get into a serious relationship before you are ready.

• Make sure what you are doing is NOT because you miss the intimacy you had with your last partner.

DATING

10. Make your date feel SPECIAL!

• Your date shouldn’t have to compete against a ghost!

• As long as you’re together make them feel important and the centre of your attention.

• Live and enjoy your life!!!

STAGES OF GRIEF

7 STAGES OF GRIEF:-• Shock, disbelief, numbness• Denial• Panic• Anger• Guilt• Depression• Acceptance

STAGES OF GRIEF

• Most grieving people experience at least some of these stages, but there is no set order or time limit for these feelings.

• Such emotions are part of a process, and most other people also feel them.

• COMMUNICATE WHAT YOU FEEL

SEX IN YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP?

Sex in your new relationship?

• Maybe not right now, but those urges might return!

• Feeling guilty about that? Guilt could cause….- Worries about masturbation – don’t be ashamed- Difficulties with erection for men - use medicines- Vaginal dryness for women – counselling or

lubricants.

NEW RELATIONSHIP FAILS?

• Your new relationship may fail because of (a) guilt (b) not emotionally ready to move on.

• This may hit you hard….

• Your may need more time (a) grieving (b) building up your own strength & happiness.

• Spend time being single again, catch up with friends, or getting help for your sadness.

DEMENTIA

• Dementia – loss of memory, attention, language & problem solving.

• Dementia reduces the ability to learn, reason, retain or recall past experiences

• Also loss of patterns of thoughts, feelings and activities

DEMENTIA

• People may neglect themselves• Behaviour may be disorganised, restless or

inappropriate• People can even become angry• People may deny their relatives• People may get depressed or anxious

SEX AND DEMENTIA

• ‘Intimacy’ and ‘Sex’ may mean different things for different people. Keep an open mind.

• People with dementia might experience:-• - more interest in sex• - less or no interest in sex• - more or less ability to perform sexually• - change in sexual ‘manners’ e.g. less sensitive• - changes in inhibition levels

SEX AND DEMENTIA

• REDUCED SEXUAL INTEREST- people can become withdrawn- being stroked, hugged or cuddled may give them

reassurance - may no longer be able to initiate affection- may get closeness and affection in other ways

• RESPECT their choices, find other ways for intimacy

SEX AND DEMENTIA

• INCREASED SEXUAL INTEREST- Some partners welcome this, others might feel

unable to meet the level of sexual demand – may be helpful to find something else to do together to meet the other person’s need for intimacy, rather than refusing outright.

- some become aggressive if their sexual demands are not met – if necessary get help!

- private matters may need to be made public

SEX AND DEMENTIA

• Some people may experience challenging, even aggressive behaviour.

• In some cases inhibitions may be reduced.

• Whatever the situation, stay calm, be communicative, and discuss the problem with someone you trust and respect, or seek professional advice.

FORMING NEW RELATIONSHIPS

• People are capable of forming new and intimate relationships at any age.

• Communication between couples is important at any age – express your feelings and any concerns you may have.

• Stay open-minded, live in the NOW, and live every day as if it is your last – one day you will be right!