O N E

H U N D R E D

A N D M O R E

A L E X A N D R A M . C O Ţ E

~ a poetry collection ~

O R A D E A2 0 1 6

© A L E X A N D R A M . C O Ţ E

PART 1

FREE VERSE POETRY

One word... love;Three words... I love you!Why did I start loving you?Why am I writing this?Was it destiny? Was it fate?May our beginnings never end...

Like a drop that starts the rainLike a spark that starts the fireMy love for you started in vainPlease look forward to the next chapter...

Forever yours, but never mine...

No spark, no fire No tears, no rain...

My dear... I might regret it But dear... not in the beginning.

BEGINNING

Every second,Every moment,When I look at you,A new world unravels in front of me...

Smooth talk,Smooth walk,When I see you,I lose track of reality...

I always make up stories,Make up memories,Full of expression,Full of guilt...

I love your smile, your lips, your style,Your voice, your eyes, your passion...

Why can't I let you go?I know the answer... It's an obsession!

OBSESSION

Alone in this world I walk,Lost in a crowd of people,Wondering if I will ever see you,Wondering if I will ever meet you...

All alone in the corner of a room,The moonlight shining over the darkness,Thoughts of you fill my mind,Thoughts of you fill my soul...

While looking out the window,Emptiness covers life,I need your company,You need to find me...

All alone I go to sleep,The air feels so cold,Thoughts of you fill my heart,Thoughts of you fill my dreams...

Until a soft whisper wipes away the tears.

COMPANY

I can't utter the wordsI can't even write them.I wish I had more willMore faith or courage.

I am scaredof rejectionfor the first time.Though I'm close,I am scared.

If you're reading thisYes!It's probably you.You, the one that's more,More than I expected,More than I ever got.

My only friend is this lone bugWhich I do not loveI do not even feel.

Wish we were holding hands...

DEAR ADAM

please come now and take this challenge,break the ice that we deserve;I can't do more than thisfor you, for me, for us;let my vision, for the first time,let my wish, for the last time,come true.

shake this day andsee my aimwatch my movesand make yours toolet me skip those momentslet me love the loner.

the only thing I can do nowis to write my dream on a piece of skin,on my hand that trembles waitingand thinking about allthe flowers we could touch,the eyes we could read,the Mondays we could spend...

but until then, I will be herespending a Saturday night waiting,hoping, crying and smiling,losing faith and trustas a clock strikes 23:14and I'm waiting for the Wednesdays.

CHALLENGE

Half of us want to live,share and love,cry and relive,learn and thrive,win and conquer,those...they want to survive.

The other half of these souls?Well, they strive todayand they have foughtand tried and lived,but never won.Of what is now a secluded world,nothing remains for us,for use in life,when needed most.

That is why we fall,we tear apart souls,futures, endings.That is why we risefrom ashes burnt twiceand we come back,to try again,to fail,never again.

Yet,half of me has been tornby the halves around us.Half of me is burntby cold fire.

HALF

I have sought more than I had.I have not found yetwhat I needed,what I wanted.

Hope of a better beginning,of a newer surrouding,of a safer lighting-I have.

Rolls of lights,warm nights,soft pillowsand long minutes of vowswhile my earnest declarationis that of love.

Let us end it all with a toastand follow Charon into the night,as off we go,tonight!

HOME AT LAST

You're a pirate.The thief of my heart,The thief of my soul.You ran away;And now you're sailing on the Far East seas.Owning that ship won't get you to where youwant.Leaving your memories in a tavern won't makeyou forget them.

The waves and storms will eventually wash awaythe traces of your existence.

PIRATE

It was not my choice to find you,But I will never forget that day.The mysterious description of youHolding back the time,In a still momentFor the first time.Mesmerizing lights,Soft whispers,As if I was living in a beautiful dream,First impressionsLead the way to a new life...

THE FIRST TIME

Left alone in the darkness,Surrounded by the absence of light,He is drowning in his own sorrow.Tears are rolling down the cheeksAnd raindrops are floating in despairAs the cruel wind whispers menacingly.Sad thoughts have filled his mind.He doesn't feel special anymore.He would rather be surrounded by water foreternity.

DROWNING

The brightest star in the skyAttracted to the dry leaf.It seems like resurrection into a fictional worldWhere contrasts appeal to one's mind and heart.

One free and passionate spiritNext to a bashful and sincere soul.We're like fire and ice,Opposites but still the same.

OPPOSITES

Would you compromise for me?Would you give up your free time?Would you share your life with me?I wish I could lean on you for help.I wish I could receive warm embraces.I wish I could come home and find peace.

Could you?Would you?

COMPROMISE

I need you to be my night light.Lead the way through dark;Lead the way through life.I need you to help me when I fall;I need you to help me through it all.For better, for worse,In sickness and in health,Until death do us part.

With this poem and these words,Caressly written on the screen,I choose you.

NIGHT LIGHT

Help is what we shout foruntil that final breath we take.

Energy is what we long forwhen we need to take some final steps.

Loving may never seem easyto a lost soul that's never found.

Peter saw that lovein a city of sparks!

HELP

Fantasy is my world.Dragons flying high in the sky,Unicorns accompanying them,Sparkles instead of rain,Rainbows in never before seen colors,Leprechauns greener than grass,Elves protecting forests,Wizards and witches fighting for the supreme power,Knights in shining armour saving princesses,Kings and queens living happily ever after,Fairies sharing their wings with humans,Ghosts scaring away giants,Mermaids walking on the ground,An earth in the shape of a heart.

YOU are my world.

FANTASY

Let me turn back the timeAnd do it all again.Let me jot down nice words,Better than I did back then.

Let me take back half of what I saidAnd give you the courage to try,Give you the push you needAnd the words you want.

Let's forget and start again...

TIME TRAVEL

Into the blue I ranOut of the blue I found... You.

Blurred lines lead the waySpontaneous mistakesMarking my deedsI wish to find the color... You.

Though, why are you blue?

OUT OF THE BLUE

You've been hiding your thoughts;You've been hiding your actions.Closed in your own world;Creating a perfect image.Your feelings can't be heard,Your wishes can't come true.The ambition is gone,The faith is gone.

Nobody believes what you're saying now.It's all masked.It's all been left behind,In an unmasked time- back then.

MASKED

I try to forget something that never started,Try to forget moments which were never real,Habits which could not be stopped,Lost chances which never were,Pride and prejudiceAlong days of longing,A desire of triumph.The absence now brings sorrowMisjudged, blinded, collapsed.

Never again the ones we once were.

I cease to forget...

FORGET

Stuck in this tight embraceOf loss, of fear.From here on I do not hopeI do not wishI waitI prayI lose.

Stuck without an embrace,I do not hopeI missI needI fear.

EMBRACE

Should I wait a thousand yearsI will.Just me and these cricketsWith night's sun oblivious of us.

Say we're strong,Say we're bullsAttacked, mishandledOr not knownFor we may fall.

Here we are manyAll of us bulls.

BULL

Colored I wish to see.If only I could have a rainbowForever close to earth.If only I had coloredChalk to draw a path,I would remove the blackThe white, the greys.

I'll take the blue, the greenThe red and oranges.

COLORED

Family... I do not seekFor I have lost all.Fighting through anguish,Standing straight, tall,Moving through the walls,Surviving.

Family...I will find.

FAMILY

I remember what others don'tI relive.I want a different pastI am grateful.

I sure wish you wereHere, now, foreverSame old.

Hopes of a new start.

Days pass quickly,Yet they stagger.

See you ad infinitum.

MEMORIES

We are not fortunate to be brutal,to be lost and lonely,to barely survive,but we are fortunate to live,to laugh and cry,to run and fall,to go back and apologiseand we will forever bethe luckiestas we will never regretthose luckless moments.

FORTUNATE

Where no man has ever gone before;That's where I want to go.Deep into your soul;That's where I want to be.As a beautiful everlasting memory;That's how I want to be remembered.Forever your only one;That's what I want to be.

WHERE NO MAN HASGONE BEFORE

Open a door,Open two,None will lead the way to shelter.Locked in a closet you will beIf you do not find your way,For as long as I can see.

Like skeletons layingAn empty soul is waiting.

SKELETONS IN THECLOSET

I've been growing up;I've come a long way.It's been hard;I'm not done.I'm stronger now.Don't threaten me;I'm still a young soul.

As little as I was,Time made that different.I now rule the world,Even if only in my own mind;I tear to pieces those who stand in my wayAnd I respect those dear to my heartBecause I was born to do so.

Even if a thousand years will pass,I will stay the same.Chin up, raised high,Looking at the changing skyThrough rain and snowWhile wind blows it allUntil the end will come.

GROWING UP

Imagine this:A piece of paper.A used pen.Fresh air.Peace in the air.Birds singing thrilling melodies.Clouds disappearing.Sparkles falling from the sky.Sunshine appearing.Rainbows covering the sky.Cookies' smell.Warm milk.Pine trees' smell.Warm blanket.

Add an old ideaAnd a new one.Find it within you.

Fireworks later, at night.

CREATIVEVISUALIZATION

She received rejection.The world neglected her;She was deeply hurt.Her love didn't care;She was heartbroken.

Now, as time is running out,She lost her optimism.Her surroundings became dark;She is in fact not alive.Everything is over.

Back then she thought she could win;She thought she was perfect.But with no light aheadAnd no one to help her,She ended up in the corner.

REJECTION

If you were to come back and apologize,I would give you that fifth chance.I would make you happy,give you all that you wantand more than you need.

I don't know how to pick myself up,nor how to reach you again,but I'll try tomorrowto bring a smile to your faceand into your empty home.

You blocked me.You just lost me.However...I'm sorry!Please forgive me!Do not forget me!

LOST

I was locked out of your lifewithout wanting to be,without allowing you.

If you were to come backand turn around,I would try again.

We would forget,we would laughand cry as we go on.

We would remembernothing but what weput into our world.

LOCKED

DREAMS

At first, I had many dreams:Of flying, of shining,Of smiling and laughing.I wanted to bring peace;I wanted to bring love;And make my voice heard.But nobody listened,Nobody cared.Everyone laughed,Threw me aside,And buried any memory of me.

Now, I just want to be happy.

Standing here, I wish you hear.I wish you notice.I wish you need.Dear, it may never begin,Yet, please, do tryTo find a way,A way to right.

Soon I will not be,I will still need,I will still breathe.Aid in all you doI try to give.Oblivious of all existenceI hope you do not remain.

Standing here, I wish for you to come.For so far is the home,So long is the roadAnd closed is the door...

A gate of white; A verse of light; A moment of calm.

PEARLY GATES

Threatening human nature brought him here.It's normal to experience anger.He's been told to do things most couldn't do.He's been hit with cruelty for no reason.He's received words no one should.He's suffered without telling anyone.He closed himself in his own world.But he can't take it anymore;Now, even his own reflection angers him.He wants to take action.He starts taking revenge.He finds no improvement.Through time,He still feels the pain.He is still hurt.He's waiting for his saviour.

ANGER

You're my hero.The one who took me out of the darkness,The one who grabbed me before I fell.I seek protection, I seek attention,I seek truth and soul at once.

Now that we arrived hereWe are alive, my dear.As waves crash around usWe are still walking;Death loves me, but avoids me.

What do we have to giveTo get what we want?Do we have to takeSomebody's last wish?

The wind throws fire;They came from the west.

I can't find you.

HERO

There are two types of sea glass.They are hard to find;Patience is necessary.I'm holding one.Perfect on the outside,Shattered on the inside.Then there is the other unlucky one.A polished interiorWith scratched appearance,Laying all alone in the sandUntil someone decides to pick itAnd save it from burning.

As pretty as it is,Inside or outside,In the end,It still disappears.

SEA GLASS

As the skyline gets darkerAnd the ground grows colder,I shall be the one to remind youOf city lights, of rain,Of people, of cars,Of clocks that tickAnd of wonders that might never be again.I shall be your final reminderOf how much we got,How little we offered,Look at how many we are!

Now that it's too late I can confessI had hoped to shake your hand,I was mistaken, blinded by your smile.You touched us with wordsAnd you missed that tripWhich led back to us,Back to where you taught us,Where none of us want to utter good-bye.

We never got to walk in beautyNor to give our last embraceOh, the day that comes tomorrowPlease,let me say my final thanks!You will never be replaced.

SKYLINE

welcome into my lifeI have been expecting youI have been wanting youI need youmorenowas I have youthank you for comingthank you for stayingthanks for never leavingand thousands of thanks for nevereverlooking backread my wordsand mark my wishestake the bestleave out all the reststay with meonce againas we hold on to this momentforeveras I will nevereverlose youagain

you were here from way back beforeyou were here to stayhope you will remainhope you knowthat Iwant towelcome you back into my life

WELCOME

as unreal as we areI want you to becomemy unreal lovemy eternal soulmy strong pillarthrough my endless nightsand we will talkand we will laughand we will cryand we will jumpand we will scream and shoutlike no tomorrow willever comelike no past wasever therelike no present canever breakand Iand youand wewill live that unrealbut so believablepresentendlesslyforeverover and over againforever

and we will be happy

UNREAL

forgive me for being lateas I will forgive youfor being slowrevel in this chance we gotto befinallyto sayfinallythat we are together

ask for my forgivenesswheneverwhereverI willas long as it'sfor the pastfor back thenwhen I was not with youwhen you were not with mewhen we wandered the streets alonewithout looking at each otherwithout holding handswithout smiling to each otherstupid thingswe'll never doever again

FORGIVE ME

If we all gave a little forgiveness,What would be of us?If we tried to ask and apologise,Would it still be us?Would we still be like this?Would it matter again?Would we cross it all out?Or...

Take this last walk,This last word,For this last time.Break the silence,Never heard,Never forgiven,As we once were.

Free writing's on the wallAs I rub this outFor the first time.

For the first timeI try to stop,I come back,I wonder,Why do I wonder?

Why do my hands shakeWhenever I meet you?Why do I stutterLike a child?Why do I stumbleAs I get lostIn your eyes.

Why do we have to keep meeting?Why do I have to fake it?Why can't youBe you for good?At least nowIf never again.

FORGIVENESS

Let's be at peace with what we've done.Grudges, lies, cries, screams and shouts, nights and stars,Colours on shirts, scratches on photos, galleries of corpses,Empty halls, desperate calls, wonders, questions and smiles,Renewals, reincarnation, fire and ice, drops of blue blood,Lonely birds, lost tourists, carriages, misunderstandings,Laughs and grins, walks, misses, losses, shots and pulls,Views of rivers, drowning in lakes, swans and peacocks,Padlocks and keys, bridges in Paris, western hillsides,Clouds of pink cotton, drinks of serotonin, chemicals,Flashlights, neon lights, dirty streets, washed ink,Crayons breaking, pages flying, spilled ink, rings,Happy bananas, smileys, crosses, drunk seamen,Penguins and seals, football, hockey pucks,Cyclists downhill, games, black bikes,Bug bites, purple shirts, garbage dumps,Unlisted accounts, lifeless trains, springs,Funeral cakes, baked goods, lands and spots,Conversations, ignored leaflets, mails and posts,Stamps of Martinique, islands under the Sun, wine,Steps, pushes, bold moves, green leaves, dark trees,Unaccomplished travels, sent letters, cardboard boxes,Endless lines, neverending words, caves behind the waterfalls,Rainbows, luckless leprechauns, fests and fairs, fake snowflakes,And we're done and bored.

Let us make peace now.I'll keep imagining that.Let's live a little.

PEACE

I would draw a map of that road.I would place landmarksWhere we began and where we are now.We would get lost from the first encounter.Hopefully, we would meet again.Like a bad habit,We are still looking for treasures.I have studied every map.There is no path back.We lost our way anyway.

Who needs a map?Why need a map?

THE MAP

the city lights watch over the dark alleys tonightthose poles guide our way homewe keep walking alonehere's the warm path backtake this road and don't look backsmile as you keep goingdrop the ashescarry the hopesfight the darknesskill it in a fight

those lights in this citythey color what is numblet's hope we meet again

this is the city of the lights

CITY LIGHTS

I want pictures, holding handsI want flowers holding handsI want paintings of walls,Sofas, trills and frillsTasselsWhite china Pink cashmere Pale satin Fake jewels.

I'll keep counting the daysAnd visitingOver and over again.

Let flowers hold hands,Motivate those hands!

Let us hold hands now...

HOLDING HANDS

days that turn into nightsnights which refuse to passdays I'll never get backmoments I will have missedunconscious I will waitas no other waywill make me stop missingmissing youwho never came

I shall keep my peaceI shall keep my loveforeveras I will never ceaseto waitand waitand wait...

UNCONSCIOUS

do your magicdo it righterase the painerase the waitbe herebe nownot therenot thenwith mewith usfor mefor youstop being my illusionbecome real for once

HOUDINI

Welcome back into my life,My dear assassin,My murderer,My love.Wish me better,Wish me best.Stay well and loved,Close and good,High and tall.Take careNever to be takenAway again.Please stay forever now!Kill me againAnd againUntil we both dieLater,Just like we willForever,My dear friend.

ASSASSIN

You know those?Those were the days.Those were the days when we smiled,When we laughed.Those were the moments,Moments when I could breathe youFrom far away,Yet more miles closerAs you never came.Back then,When I could feed off you,When I could have you.When you gave me your best,When you gave me my smiles and my tears,My days and my nights,When you gave me life,The life I needed.You were the one I wanted.Please, be again.

I could only run there because you did.I could only live because you lived.I could only try and I will try again.I am stuck.You are my end.You were my beginning.I am not yours,But I will beLike you are alwaysMine to breathe.Let's not get lost in time.Please, remember the pastToday, as I give you backYour freedom...Just be...Live on and farewellUntil another morning comesWhen you won't let goAs I did onceIn a summer of love.

FREEDOM

I am now trying to replace youI am trying to see why you leftthe truth is I never understood youyou never understood meif I were to go back to beginningI would tell you I loved youI would make you smileand make you cryI would make you run to meand back and forthI could do it if I had a second chanceand I wouldyou would stay foreverwe would make it work

I don't even know why you left

those were the golden dayspleasebring them backhow did we get here in the first place?

GOLDEN DAYS

starting overI will never wantI will want youto be my foreverto never goto never end usonce we startonce we will meet

we will beI am sure

STARTING OVER

NoI'm not going to take revengeI'll show you how you failedhow you missed what was greatI'll make you come back againonly so that we can both crumbletogetherad infinitum

you made me hate youyou made me see youas I saw the otherslike poorpiecesof...

REVENGE

I don't want to open my eyes,Afraid that I will not be ableTo see your face again,Afraid that it's unreal.It was a blessing in disguiseTo be able to see you,To be able to haveWhat I never had.I will always wander back.Let me forever remember youAs I wanted you to be,As you were only for me.Let me have these pictures,In my mind,My first love,Always.

I don't want the memory of the good you to fade away...

UNREAL

make me bleedfrom your lovethrough my smilesvia your hugsas I get lostand lostand lostin your soulwith our handsintertwinedas we get lostand lostand lostin our smilesand in our eyesfor many milesas we become twinsforever

TWINS

This war is with myself.Do not take part.Stay away or just stay.Don't let me fight.Please, lose this fight!

Break the linesBreak the frontiersBe my joyBecome my habitHold my hand

Stay a while.Shine a mile.Be a part of my war.Let's win this togetherOnce more.

Let's trust again...

WAR

todayI am inspired more than ever beforeall becausebecause I want to end thisas I wishfor you to come fasterif I do end thiswhich I soon willas I'm rockingthis Crocodile headlineto make it funto make it worthwhileto make this challenge stopas I will never cease to waitfor my manwith that crocodileon his stained shirt...

CROCODILE

goshhow I wanted an olympianmore than anythingto become my allto become my everythingto hold and cherishto trust and conquerto spend my days withand suffer hours withoutbut nowall I wantand all I will ever wantis youyou who is now my olympianwho is now my allwho is now my everythingand more...goshyou are my olympian, dude!

OLYMPIAN

Still meStill no youStill hereStill not thereCan I maybe justTalk to you like thisIf I know no other wayIf I take no other chance?Can I maybe justMake this ruthless time pass quickerSo I won't have to go through thisSo that I maybeDon't have to wait another daySo I don't have to go onWithout you another second?

When will I stopSending letters to you?Please,Write back...

STILL ME

Checking inonce againas I cannot distract myselffrom youwho is not herewho was never herethe you whom I'm not sureif I'll meeteveror ever againno matter whatno matter howfor better daysfor less timewe havehadand will haveforeverendlessly yours only yours.

CHECKING IN

I am weakAnd I'm abused.I can't nor talk,Nor be patientAs I wait for some peaceAs I give myself some timeTo find some understandingAs I am misunderstoodAnd never understood.Trying to make myself heardWithout speakingWithout saying a wordI'm hopelessBut I do loveAnd I would loveTo loveA hopeless mind.That's all there's leftAnd I am left woundedAnd I am left tornAnd I am left weakAs I'm weakOver and over again...

WOUNDED

How should I?How should I wait?How should I know where to go?How should I know where to stand?How could I... we meet maybeAgain one day?Start for onceStart anewNever endWhat never beganHow could I know where I stand?How could we make it last?Where would we goIf we had the chance?How would we liveIf we could share this day?All that I want?Yeah,Sharing this day,These moments,Our future.

HOW SHOULD I

life is musicyeahwhateverfor meI guesslife is youlife is uslife is beingwherever we arehowever we arewhenever we wantwith musicor withoutdancingor notlaughingor...yeahI need laughingI need musicI need dancingI need usand more soI need you

MUSIC

War is primitive.End of story.Stop plucking feathers.Take a chance,show love,stop hesitating,we only live for today,we only love now.

We won't get to see tomorrow,we will never get a second chanceto hug, to kiss, to run,please, take my hand!

I am trying to change life,to change the world,for better,never worse.

Don't run now,look backat what we could be.For once,see the future,our future.

Look, the feathers,they are flying...Don't stop like us!Let's be like feathers!Let us fly freely,let us live

FEATHERS

I feel underage when I'm with younobody heals like you donobody sewed my heart's pieces like you didI still long for your messagesI still want your attentionI need you

I couldn't find a better soulI haven't replaced you yetI don't want to forget youI want you to be minein my memoriesforever

please returnand stay this time

I know you like what you doI hope it was worth itI wish you the bestalthough you're not next to meI wish you happinesseven if not with meplease find what you neednext to that someonewho can give you morethan you couldn't seethat I would give you

somehowI still wish for you to returneven if many years later

UNDERAGE

will you come if I write these?or if I never end my verse?will you stop and dropwhatever you're doingjust to come?will I be better than you had expecte?will you be my forever only one?will youpleasebe that one?am I a bit too daringfor wanting you to come earlierfor wanting you to stayfor telling you all thisnowam I?

am I yours?

pleasedo stop me from this rush

...

...

...

DARING

untrap me as I am trappedin this forever never-ending trapI've put myself inall while waitingas I waitand I waituntil I will neverevercease to waitfor youwhile I hopethat you do so tooas I refuse to end my versesand my wordsand my poemsthat do not need any rhymeto get to youto make me get to you

love alwaysand cherish this verseas I will neverevercease to write itfor you

TRAPPED

I am still waitingwaiting where we never metbut where we willwhere we will bewhere we will touchas we will livean endless momentin our foreveras we will livein a never-ending stateof hopelesshopelesslovebut until thenmy deardearsoul who's runningI will continue to breathehopefully...

BREATHE

EXTINCT

... and then men love the wrong persons, and we wait, and we wonderwhy, why we can't be those wrong persons. We wonder why we wait.We wonder why they love... and then they love other wrong persons,and they lose their trust as we lose ours... and then we can't loveanymore, and we are doing this over and over again until we get lost inour own loneliness, and then, yet again, we start to love those who loveother persons, and, at the same time, other persons love us, but we loveothers, and we hate to love others, but we can't love what's right, andwe can't have what we need. We want what we can't have. We havewhat we hate. We hate that we love. Love is extinct. We are goingextinct. We are dying out to please those we love, but we live to findthe ones who will fight with us for us... and, then again, we love to love,and we hate to leave once we love love... and, then again, we begin oursearch. We re-start our lives, and we get lost in the search as wewander aimlessly through life. We don't give up. We cry. We stop. Wefall, but we crawl back to find that love that's gone extinct.

Do you remember how I would watch over you?Or do you not know yet?Have you ever known anything?Have you ever known everything?I still do that.Nothing has changed.Nothing is left.I am left.I hope to change.I happen to change.I happen to know.Do you know how much I still cherish you?

Let's watch airplanes in the evening!Please, be my saviour once again!Stay this time,And kill me over and over again.Our never-was turned into never-weres.It doesn't always work in the right way.It doesn't always have to happen.We shouldn't have met.

I don't regret it.Overall, I like you.

OVERALL

head over heels we fallbut why do we wallwhy can't we risewhy can't we raise each otherwhy don't we fall for uslet's bow to this momentlet's hope one more timelet's start the day anewand start our lives againwith new peoplenew momentsnew beginningsand with no endingsor no remorsein a constant runfor what we wishI do wish to fall like this

HEAD OVER HEELS

volcanic we areas we eruptas we grow apartto run awayfrom somethingsomething that could have beenand that will beonce we tame our volcanoesand we throw our anger awayinto a shadowwhere no lovecan be nurturedas we raise our lovein a world with just2...

VOLCANIC

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS

24 hours I'll be waitingfor your messages,for your smiles,for you,but they all fail to come,they cease to exist,I cease to wait.

as the clock strikes the twelfth hour,we plan to meetand we will never forgetwhat we once hadand what we cherishedbefore the endof our rational selves.

this my countrythis is how I liveI want this to be yoursif notthen at leastgive me your countrywhat you havewhat you treasureshare your all with meand I will share my allwith you

COUNTRY

DUSK

Here I sit at duskWith nothing but air around me.This fresh air calms my soul;This fresh air is all I have.

There you are at night.The sky is dark;The soft lights that I have are all gone.I can't find you.

As the sun settlesOnly shadows are left behind.It's the beginning of darkness,But don't worry, There's a dawn.

Abandoned ships cross the horizon;We're waiting for the last tide.Those who left never come back,Yet, we try to stay hereAnd wait another day.

Wars have striken our lands,Have left us empty on the shores.Our last survivors are our heroes,Wounded and broken,Torn and lost.

A captain debarks his ship.He throws his anchor, his guns,And, as he tries to touch the sands,He gives his last breath.To us it's just another day.

ABANDONED SHIP

TREASURE MAP

I'm still looking for that treasure map you hid from meand I'm trying so hard to meet you,but it's difficult for me to reach youwhen you are hiding under that shelland I find it painful to think thatthe crucial moment when you chose to leaveleft nothing more than a scar on your handand a mark on my world.

Yes, you are my treasure,yet one I could not cherishwhen I had it.You are that type of fresh airwe all need in the morning,but we fail to get.

What if you came back?What if you had another chance?What if I gave you endless opportunities?What if tomorrow was not like today?What if you made that change?What if we were apart no more?What if I said I needed you?What if you needed me?What if we ran away?What if we had a chance?

Let's do it all over again!Let's meet again!Let's love again!Let's just be us!Let us never end!

WHAT IF YOU CAMEBACK

GLOBAL

LoveThis global feeling...

This is why we live our long livesSo we make sure to meet each otherSo that we make mistakesAs we live aloneAs we walkAs we hold handsAnd we let goTo hold other handsAnd to let go againUntil we hold tightOnto a soul.

Of all the things I want to say to you:Thank you for staying,for being the only one who understood,who didn't complain,who never ran away,who returned.Thank you for being here, now!I'm sorry I couldn't have you before,near me, when I needed you,when I wanted you to see me at my best.I'm sorry I wasn't there for you back then,when you needed me,when you wanted me to hold your hand,to tell you words of hope and love.I'm sorry for talking to others,for believing I liked them,for getting angry,for making you sad,for crying;I was a fool.Once again,I apologise.

I thank you for wanting me,for accepting me,for wanting to be with me,for being my friend,for making me feel beautiful,confident,loved,needed,secure,treasured,happy againas I never was.

ALL THE LITTLE THINGS

Thank you for the tender caresses,for the forehead kisses,and tight hugs,for the long walks,and fun drives,for the dinners, breakfasts,and lunches,for the sweet desserts,for the flowers and diamonds,for the letters and gifts,for the sweet words,and for the chats I never wish to end.

Thank you for apologising,for sharing your secrets,your things and stories,for making me laugh, cry,for not laughing,for making me trust you,for being faithfull,for coming back home,for smiling,for approving,for helping,for saving me,for trusting me,for being more than I ever wanted,for giving me more of your free timethan you had.Thank you for existing!Thank you for being mine!

And...

Above of all,Thank you for being a beautiful soul!

Breathe. Stay alive!Thank you for living!Let's meet over and over again!Let's fall in love thousands of times!

I love you! Hold my hand!

Why did you have to disappearWhen I needed you moreWhy did you have to dieWhen I first had you on my mindWhy did we never meetWhen we should haveWhy usWhy always usWhy can't we just beAs others areHappily...

I will try to livelike thisfor your sakeas I'll keepresurrecting youagain and againuntil you willfinally appearonce againforever...

WHY US

HeyIt's me againStill hereStill not thereStill waitingStill not sure where I should beWere I should goWere we should goHow we should beStill meStill me againOnly meWhile no sight of youIs anywhere near nearWe are stillStill farFarther away than we ever whereAnd ever will be.

Still waiting.

ME AGAIN

You've never read my thoughtslike I could read yoursYou might have never thought about melike I did about you...

I need that loveas I need youfor youas I will liveto see youas I want youto have someoneto be thereto be with someoneto never be without oneso that youcan livewhat I never couldbefore...

Wish we lived the same lifeand thought the same thought...

FOR YOU

I never met him,yet, I loved him,more than I ever loved a man,more than I could ever love myselfor anyone.I tried to tell him.he never understood.

man, you left behind garbage,anger, curses,and a shy, broken girlwho can only cry,do nothing,and hope for better love.understand this!get yourself back together!

now, I want to be flying,but maybe I never loved him.maybe, I never wanted to see him.maybe, I never loved those talks,those hands I never got to hold.maybe, I played with him.or else, HE played me.

FLYING

I now want to keep that image of him...he, the guy who gave me attention,whom I could trust,the guy who cared,who was curiouswhen I held on,the boy who would take me downand bring me back up again,THAT ONE.that soul I once cherished,that good guy I once likedand wanted to lovemore than I ever loved,over and over again,forever.

Please,let me move on to the next chapter!

Don't let go!Never forget me...

here we areat my last messagehere I amat this small letterI do not wish to endbut I willbecause I'm selfishand I want to youfasterin my lifeforeverbecausefinally I amwhere no man has ever gone beforein this unreal life I'm livingwith my olympiandaringly coming out my trapopening my heartand welcoming youwithor withoutthe musicas I unconsciously wanderedthrough this adventurethrough my countryand globallywhere the woundedand the brokenare extinctafter the warwhereoverallI found my freedomfalling head over heelsand hopelesslyin love with youand got lostwithout a mapas I see nowthat I've written a poemmore than onceas I was utterly desperatefor my olympianwith whom I'll nevereverbe alone againwith whom I'll find peacethrough my past's sacrificewhile holding handsduring our golden days

ENDING

and all the little thingsI saw flying through my lifewithout ever reachingwill nowbecomemore than unrealas I am homeat lasttwenty-four hours afteror yearswhatever it takesI hope I'll be fortunate enoughto be patientand not to have abandoned this shipuntil youout of the bluegave me that one first embraceas I was in so much needof helpas you have colored my lifeand gave me memoriesthat will make me forgetany apocalypseas you wereperhapsmy masked heroas you are nownot my fantasybut my night lightthe one who could compromisejust to waitfor meat duskwhile Ifor the first timewant to be in your companyat dayat nightwhenevernot in my dreamsbut in my realityas we startthis new beginningwhile I am writing my last poemkind ofbecause something tells meit's only one of my first...

and remember how this endingisand will beour beginning...

PART 2

HAIKU

Cold winter;Lost birdOn thin ice.

THIN ICE

TOURIST

Autumn airFilled with dark smoke-Sad people.

SMOKE

Spring blossoms;The tourist storkMeets the crane.

ETERNITY

Drops of clear water-Lost and fallenFor eternity.

Flower bud-New growthIn the spring.

NEW GROWTH

FLASH FLOOD

The wind blows;The bird laysSix feet under.

SIX FEET UNDER

Flash flood-Near the riverTrees fall.

INNOCENT

Innocent petalsFalling on the cold ground-Tears of deep sorrow.

Dragonflies fightWaiting for flight;Raindrops falling.

FIGHT OR FLIGHT

STARS

Ethereal fog-VanishingAs the sun rises.

VANISHING

Sky covered in stars;I wonder where you areAs time passes by.

OVER THE MOON

Like a cricketOver the mystic moonI want to jump.

Behind those shadowsThe criminal stole the moon.It left no sunlight.

CRIMINAL

FIRE

That desert's warmth could kill.No soul was seen under Sun's raysAnd no one could live.

DESERT

Hot shining sunBrings fireOver forests.

DARKNESS

Darkness falls over the hillMoonlight starts to fadeClouds have covered the wide sky.

A lost bird on iceBlowing wind through pine forests-Holds no power now.

OFF-BALANCE

MAGIC

Ocean's water;Waves crashingIn harmony.

OCEAN

The magic of earthIs seenOnly once in life.

FOG

The fogHides shadowsAt night.

After this long wait,Our adventure begins,My forever love...

ADVENTURE

SACRIFICE

Open my heart nowOpen yours as well, my dearLet us be brave now

in this world...

OPEN HEART

Gods are preparing.The sacrificed is waiting.Don't abandon it!

PARALYZED

The night can fall now.A crow lies under the sandParalyzed, hopeless.

THE END