Building and sustaining trust region1 nsh

BUILDING AND SUSTAINING TRUST2014 NH/VT

Kris Mailepors; MBA, CODP

Director of Organizational Development & Training

Catholic Medical Center

[email protected]

@krismailepors

©Kris Mailepors; 2014

mailto:[email protected]

http://www.nsh.org/

HOW DO I BUILD TRUST?

What do I do? What should I do? What might I do wrong?

What about my Boss??

What does s/he do? What should s/he do more?

What does s/he do wrong?


http://www.nsh.org/

NOW WAIT… WHAT ARE THE RULES?

TRUST:

Choosing to risk making something you value subject to another person’s actions.

…Such as?

opinions about policy

work habits

things we need

“tricks of the trade”

Money, goals, promotions, your “good name,” your sense of happiness…..

Yes, somewhat vague…©Kris Mailepors; 2015

http://www.nsh.org/

TRUST & DISTRUST…

DIStrust

When you choose to NOT make yourself open to another’s actions.

General assessment: What is important to me is not safe with this person in this situation.

When we DIStrust, we look for ways to PROTECT what we value


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TRUST & DISTRUST…

When we DIStrust, we look for ways to PROTECT what we value

THE DISASTER OF DISTRUST:

The strategies we use to protect ourselves

get in the way of our ability to

effectively work with others.


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TRUST-------------------------DISTRUST

• It is dangerous to trust this person

• This person may be a threat to me (my job, my status, my reputation with others, my success)

• I can trust this person

• I am safe with this person

Assessments about other person©Kris Mailepors; 2015

http://www.nsh.org/

TRUST-------------------------DISTRUST

• I am not safe

• I can’t handle what this person might do

• I need to protect myself

• I am safe

• I can handle whatever happens

• I can be open and forthcoming

Assessments about self©Kris Mailepors; 2015

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TRUST-------------------------DISTRUST

• Fear, anger, resentment, resignation, frustration.

• Hope, curiosity, generosity, care, compassion, happiness, satisfaction, confidence

Associated emotions…©Kris Mailepors; 2015

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TRUST-------------------------DISTRUST

• Defending, resistance, blaming, problem identifying, avoidance, withholding information, expecting the worst, justifying protective actions, isolation, making cliques/alliances.

• Cooperation, collaboration, engaging in conversation, dialog and debate, listening, communicating freely/openly, supporting others, sharing info, offering ideas, expecting the best (optimism), open to criticism…

BEHAVIORS…©Kris Mailepors; 2015

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TRUST-------------------------DISTRUST

• Amygdala is warmed up (primary defense system) and primed for danger

• Elevated levels of adrenaline, cortisol, and other fight/freeze chemicals

• Eroded access to neocortex: must rely on defense-related, pre-rogrammed patterns for decision making.

• Normal levels of oxytocin

• Can access neocortex (higher thought) and limbic system to make descisions and take action

• Can think on their feet.

Biology….Biology? Yes, Biology…©Kris Mailepors; 2015

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TRUST IS BASED ON 4 THINGS:

• Sincerity – Reliability – Competence – Care

Sincerity: honesty• You say what you mean and you mean what you say. • You ca be believed. •When you express an opinion, it’s valid/useful/backed up. • Your actions align with your words.


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Reliability• You meet the commitments you make• You keep your promises


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Competence• You have the ability to do what you are supposed to do• You have the skill, capacity, knowledge, and resources to do your job


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Care• You have the other person’s interests in mind as well as your own when you make decisions and take actions• The most important for building lasting trust; if they believe your hold their interests in mind, they will extend trust more broadly in the other three areas


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BUILDING TRUST: SINCERITY

Our behaviors aren’t always displayed in perfect alignment

with our thoughts/intentions


http://www.google.com/url?url=http://tonikuhn.com/sincerity/&rct=j&frm=1&q=&esrc=s&sa=U&ved=0CBwQ9QEwA2oVChMIq-vi8p3gxgIVAZIeCh35NQQN&sig2=wubPfD-fJ6iLnAx7b8scag&usg=AFQjCNFPMWIgzIVjGGHB8jWPhML4NiHXDQ

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BUILDING TRUST: RELIABILITY

How do we handle our requests, offers, and commitments?

Common pitfall: UNINTEDED BREACHES OF TRUST

If a request is unclear and you say “YES,”

…others assume you have committed to do exactly what they asked

…yet you won’t be clear on all the specifics. You now are at risk of failing

…and you will begin to question how reliable the requests are.


http://www.nsh.org/


Caution to the overachievers:

Every time you say YES to something, you are saying NO to something else. Careful that when you execute one request, you may be demonstrating poor reliability to other people.

Are you being asked to do too much? (See grid)

Sometimes “unkept” promises were never even made


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•Don’t say yes before you make sure you can do what is asked• If you get an unclear request, ask for clarification•Clarify details of the commitment when you are asking others to do things out of their normal habits


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BUILDING TRUST: COMPETENCE

Have you ever worked with someone—and you thought s/he wasn’t competent to do their job?

How do you manage them? What do/don’t you TRUST them with?


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BUILDING TRUST: COMPETENCE

• Make a list…• Define the STANDARD by which your competence is assessed

(may need to collaborate). This is an exercise in CLARITY• When you don’t know something, do you ask? If you are the

highest ranking in the room, do you still ask?

• Do you ask OTHERS for direct feedback (not fishing for compliments)


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BUILDING TRUST: CARE

“We’re in this together”

When people believe you have their best interests in mind as well as your own (or at least some shared

interest like patient care, team advancement), they will generally extend their trust in many circumstances

(even if reliability, sincerity, and competence

are incomplete or imperfect)


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Without care:

• I may believe what he says,

• He may keep promises

• He may be competent…. BUT…

I won’t trust him/her to do (anything past this one thing)

I won’t let him/her know what I am really thinking…I won’t let him/her know what I really care about.


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Collaboration killer:

If any members of the team think some others don’t care about collective

interests

• Conflict (overt or covert) increases and healthy exchange/debate fades.

• People DIStrust their teammates’ sincerity, reliability, and competence


http://www.nsh.org/


Do you believe your supervisor has your interests in mind as well is his/her own?

Do you have your team’s interests in mind as well as your own? How do you let them know this?

Does your team have the team’s interests at heart? Do they even know what those might be?

What effect does it have on you and your work when you feel someone doesn’t have your interests at heart? (either ignoring or in direct opposition to…)


http://www.nsh.org/

BUILDING TRUST: CARECultivate it:

Some degree of intimacy is fundamental to the assessment of care in a relationship. This can only come from a conversation about what is important to both

Listen to others; to what they say and what they are “trying” to say… (what’s the difference?)

Think before you speak: “what I am about to say, will it serve the person/team, or just me? Why/how will it serve them?”

What are your peoples’ interests & concerns? What are yours? (night)

What do you expect from me? Here’s what I expect from you…


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TRUST

In order to practice Sincerity, I should:

In order to practice Reliability, I should:

In order to demonstrate Competence, I should:

In order to practice Care, I should:


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REFERENCES

Feltman, Charles. 2009. The Thin Book of Trust. Bend OR

Reina, Dennis; Reina Michelle. 2007. “Building Sustainable Trust.” OD PRACTITIONER Vol.9 No.1.


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Leadership & Management

Building and sustaining trust region1 nsh