Nadia Thonnard – Transforming Divorce

Transforming Divorce

The concept of Mediation for the Divorce Process as opposed to Litigation.

THE SOUTH AFRICAN DIVORCE SUPPORT ASSOCIATION

Copyright © 2016 SADSA | The South African Divorce Support Association. All rights reserved.

"A courtroom is a barbaric venue in which to pick over the carcass of a failed marriage."Fiona Shackleton, lawyer for Sir Paul McCartney


What is Mediation?

“Mediation is a voluntary process that can help two sides to reach an acceptable solution to their differences. A mediator can help the parties to examine ideas and options in a neutral, safe environment where they are both free to express their opinions.”


When 2 people want things to go their way, it can be difficult to come to an agreement.


Mediation is a gentle process to assist diffuse anger, facilitate communication and help parties reach a solution to their problem with the aim to provide a win/win situation for both parties.

A mediator:

• facilitates communication,

• promotes understanding,

• focuses the parties on their interests, and

• seeks creative problem-solving to enable the parties to reach their own agreement.



Why is conflict hard?Understanding the experience of conflictThink of a recent conflict that you were involved in?

As you replay the experience of that conflict, describe YOUR behaviour, feelings, thoughts and physical symptoms while in the moment of the conflict.

(eg: I felt, powerless, enraged, tensed…)


Now describe the OTHER person in the conflict.

How did you perceive THEIR behaviour?

Describe their emotions, and physical symptoms of conflict.

(eg: They were mean, uncaring, loud…)

We all experience conflict in much the same way. It’s a universal experience that makes us all feel weak, frustrated, confused, angry, suspicious, defensive, and/or emotional (Bush & Folger 1994)


“No persons are more frequently wrong, than those who will not admit they are wrong.” ― François de La Rochefoucauld.


LITIGATION MEDIATION

TIME Months or year Days or weeks

COST Costs often exceeds benefits Cheaper

EMOTIONAL COST Litigation by its very nature creates conflict and prevents cooperation between parties.

Sets stage for co-operation & preserves relationships

PRIVACY & CONTROL Dirty laundry aired in public Private &confidential

PARENTING Often the court system controls the care & control of children, increasing parental discord

Encourages cooperative co-parenting where both parents have active roles in their children’s lives

CHILDREN Parental struggle dominates the proceedings & what is best for the children may not be adequately addressed

Promotes children’s healthy adjustment to challenging changes of separation

OUTCOME Often the courts decide what is best for the couple/family

A unique win-win settlement to suit your specific circumstances

The comparison between Litigation & Mediation


The Mediation Process

• Agree to Mediate

• Gather points of view

• Focus on interests

• Create win/win options

• Evaluate options

• Draw agreement


SADSA | The South African Divorce Support Association is a Counselling, Coaching, Support and Family Mediation practice for people contemplating, undergoing or having gone through a

separation/divorce.

The Law doesn’t raise children, Parents do!


Thank You. You can download the Talk on the website.

[email protected] | www.sadsa.co.za

NADIA THONNARD NINA MENSING
