1. And What About Those Airline Miles?! The Mindful Divorce
Support Group Alexandra Baron, Esq. | 949-514-8600
themindfuldivorceoc.com
2. Disclaimer I am not a therapist. This support group is not
intended to be therapy. It is simply a forum to meet with other
similarly situated individuals.
3. AGENDA Introductions Introduction to Positive Psychology and
Mindfulness Mindfulness Meditation (15 minutes) Positive Psychology
Exercise (15 minutes) Family Law Topic: That Credit Card Debt is
Mine too?! Questions
4. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY Introduced by Dr. Martin Seligman in
1998 in his APA Presidential Address to the American Psychological
Association. In the past 15 years, there have been 1,336 peer
reviewed articles published in English academic journals.1 Evidence
based research on cultivating happiness, strengths, self-esteem,
and optimism. Contrasts with traditional psychology that focuses on
pathologyalleviating neurosis, anxiety, and depressionPositive
Psychology focuses on cultivating happiness, strengths,
self-esteem, and optimism. There are momentsmaybe ongoing periods
of timewhen you are aligned with your strengths, immersed in the
actions that bring you fulfillment. The goal should not be to
change you, but to help you more consistently become the person you
already are at your best." 1. Stewart I. Donaldson, Maren Dollwet
& Meghana A. Rao (2015) Happiness, excellence, and optimal
human functioning revisited: Examining the peer-reviewed literature
linked to positive psychology, The Journal of Positive Psychology:
Dedicated to furthering research and promoting good practice, 10:3,
185-195, DOI: 10.1080/17439760.2014.943801
5. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY
6. EVIDENCE BASED RESULTS OF POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY STUDIES Robert
Emmons and Michael McCullough published "Counting Blessings Versus
Burdens" showing that a consistent practice of gratitude increases
wellbeing. The "Does happiness lead to success?" study shows broad
range of benefits, from physiological health to financial and
career success and greater social engagement. Barbara Fredrickson
publishes her 3:1 positivity ratio finding in Positivity.
Maintaining a 3:1 positivity ratio of positive thoughts to negative
emotions creates a tipping point between languishing and
flourishing.
7. TOPICS IN POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY Altruism, Gratitude and
Forgiveness Optimism and Hope Wisdom and Courage Meaning making and
Benefit Finding Resilience and Hardiness Character Strengths
Mindfulness, Flow and Spirituality
8. POSITIVE PSYCHOLOGY RESOURCES Notable books: Authentic
Happiness by Dr. Martin Seligman Flourish by Dr. Martin Seligman
The How of Happiness by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky Uncovering Happiness
by Dr. Elisha Goldstein Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and
Lasting Fulfillment by Tal Ben- Shahar The Happiness Advantage by
Shawn Achor Notable Magazines Live Happy
9. MINDFULNESS For several thousand years in the Buddhist
tradition, mindfulness has been known as the seventh element of the
Noble Eightfold Path to liberation and enlightenment. Mindfulness
allows one to release any attachment to automatic thoughts and
negative patterns that sabotage happiness. In 1998, there were zero
studies on mindfulness funded by the National Institutes of Health.
Currently, there have been over 70 studies done on mindfulness.
Mindfulness successfully combats the symptoms of stress by rewiring
the brain.
10. MINDFULNESS MEDITATION Please follow the instructions of
the guided meditation Duration: 15 Minutes Benefits: Even thirty
minutes a day improves attention and focus of people with heavy
time demands After 40 minutes of meditation a day for between two
to fifteen years the regions associated with attention and sensory
processing were thicker in meditation participants than controls.
Long term meditators were shown to have an outstanding ability to
regulate emotion and allow for well adjusted responses to whatever
life throws
11. Positive Psychology Exercise Expressive Writing: Writing
about a traumatic experience for 15 minutes over the course of
three to four days has been shown to emotional and physical health
benefits. Studied by: James W. Pennebaker Long term benefits
include: Fewer stress-related visits to the doctor Improved immune
system functioning Improved mood/affect Feeling of greater
psychological well-being Reduced depressive symptoms, Fewer
post-traumatic intrusion and avoidance symptoms
12. EXPRESSIVE WRITING INSTRUCTIONS Duration: 15 minutes For
greater benefit do this again for the next 2-3 days. Instructions:
Write your very deepest thoughts and feelings about the most
traumatic experience of your entire life or an extremely important
emotional issue that has affected you and your life. Once you begin
writing, write continuously. Dont worry about spelling or grammar.
If you run out of things to write about, just repeat what you have
already written. No feedback will be given on the writing, the
writing is completely confidential.
13. And What about Those Airlines Miles?! Priming Question: If
the airline miles do not have a cash equivalent value, how should
they be divided? What is Priming? Priming is an implicit memory
effect in which exposure to one stimulus influences a response to
another stimulus. Example: Students in one study were read a list
of words that described old age. After being read this list, they
walked more slowly down the hallway.
14. And What about Those Airline Miles?! Common Question: Ive
accumulated hundreds of thousands of miles, who gets them? Family
Law Principles: Community and Separate Property The problem: A
spouse has traveled frequently due to work is now possessive over
the accumulated frequent flier miles.
15. WEDDING CRASHERS
16. COMMUNITY PROPERTY CAL. FAM. CODE 760 Except as otherwise
provided by statute, all property, real or personal, wherever
situated, acquired by a married person during the marriage while
domiciled in this state is community property.
17. SEPARATE PROPERTY CAL. FAM. CODE 770 (a) Separate property
of a married person includes all of the following: (1) All property
owned by the person before marriage. (2) All property acquired by
the person after marriage by gift, bequest, devise, or descent. (3)
The rents, issues, and profits of the property described in this
section. (b) A married person may, without the consent of the
person's spouse, convey the person's separate property.
18. Translating 760 and 770 into Plain English Community
property is all property and earnings accumulated during the
marriage. Separate property is all property including all profits
and rents and earnings accumulated prior to the marriage and after
the date of separation, as well as gifts and inheritance received
during the marriage. Thus, the airline miles accumulated during the
marriage are community property. Community property assets AND
debts are divided 50/50.
19. HANDLING AIRLINE MILES 1. The first step is to check the
terms and conditions of your various rewards programs. 2. Be aware
that some rewards programs do not allow transfers to a spouse as a
part of a divorce 3. If this occurs assign a value to the points if
possible to use to trade for something equivalent 4. If an exact
cash value cannot be determined, you can estimate the value by
determining the cost of the ticket for the points required. 5. If
the company will allow it, have the airline or other
reward-granting program divide the points equally into two separate
accounts. 6. There may be fees incurred for transferring the points
and/or resetting their expiration dates. 7. If there are fees
incurred for a transfer, decide ahead of time a plan for handling
these fees fairly.
20. CLUB MEMBERSHIPS Dont forget about country club, golf
course and other memberships Many clubs have a sizable initiation
fee as well as annual dues These are negotiable assets to
divide
21. CUSTODY OVER PETS Pets are treated as property. High value
pets may also be considered when negotiating assets and debts. Pets
are commonly assigned to the spouse with a more flexible schedule,
and/or who has historically taken care of the animal. If the pet is
particularly sentimental to you try gathering documentation to show
you were the one who adopted or purchased the pet. If you were not
the purchaser of the pet, information that may help to validate
your claims as primary caregiver would be receipts for veterinary
care, licensing records, receipts for grooming, dog training
classes, food, and other items purchased for the companion animal.
If custody of a pet is important to you, make sure you inform your
attorney or mediator.
22. Questions Please let me know if you have any further
questions on this or another family law topic! E-mail address:
[email protected]