Listening for EmotionsChaplain Nancy Penton

Signature HealthCARE of Buckhead

Listen for Feelings6 Core Areas• Sad• Mad• Scared• Peaceful• Powerful• Joyful

Secondary Emotions• Someone might describe an

emotion as “I feel Hurt.” The feeling wheel helps us see that underneath, at the core, the person’s emotion fits in the core emotion of “Mad.”

• Someone who says they are “Lonely,” at the core is “Sad.”

Tertiary Emotions• In the same way,

if someone feels “Playful” the core emotion is “Joyful,” stemming from the secondary, “Creative.”

We all want to be heard• When we listen for

emotions, we can help others feel they have been heard.

• We cannot see the wind but we can see the signs…

Guess Their Emotion• We notice facial expressions as

clues. “You seem happy today.”• You seem ____________ today.• If we guess an emotion, we need

to have time to have our guess affirmed or denied.

• We may need to apologize for missing it… Use wisdom. If someone is smiling, we would not guess, “You seem frustrated.”

Anger• If you sense someone is

angry, it may be better to test the waters with a less intense emotion… especially for those who have been taught it is not polite to be angry…the feeling wheel can provide some emotions to test… “You seem to be a little frustrated…”

Closed Questions• Closed questions help to end a

conversation. Asking one-word response questions are “closed” questions.

• Did you____? [yes or no]• Do you____? [yes or no]• Will you ____? [yes or no]

Open Questions• Open questions allow for conversation

expansion…and help us listen for emotions.• How long have you felt lonely? (sad at the core)

…When did you first feel that way? Who or What has helped you in the past to overcome your sense of discouragement (fear at the core)?

Kinds of Listeners • Are we Inquisitive or • Investigative? Avoid quizzing too much…or asking for

facts just on the surface level. The person wants to be heard… not interrogated!

• Advice-giving? Offer choices. Ask what choices they see and ask which choice seems to suit them better.

• Understanding? When we believe we have been deeply heard, we believe we have been deeply loved.

Prayerfully Listen• The Spirit of the Lord can help us with our

listening skills and our checking for feelings.• Be Spirit-led!• In my distress I called to the LORD;

   I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice;    my cry came before him, into his ears. Psalm 18:6 NIV

Thank youYou listened and you heard me!