Emotional Abuse &

Domestic ViolenceWhat it is & How to Help

What is Abuse

Abuse is a behavior that is inflicted upon a person with whom he/she is involved in a relationship. Abuse can be found among married and unmarried heterosexuals, lesbians and gays. It cuts across geographic, religious economic and racial barriers. Abuse is a pattern of control that one uses which physically harms, induces fear, prevents another from doing what he/she wishes or forces him/her to perform in ways he/she does not. Abuse includes verbal, psychological, emotional, financial, physical, sexual or spiritual attacks.

Examples of Emotional Abuse• Keeping a partner from contacting their

family/friends

• Stopping a partner from getting/keeping a job

• Intimidation (example: forcing victim to drop charges)

• Withholding money

• Name calling, yelling, humiliation

• Ridiculing their partner’s beliefs

• Threatening to take their partner’s children

Examples of Domestic

Violence• Actual or threatened physical harm

• Assault

• Sexual assault or manipulation

• Threatening suicide to force a victim to do something

• Any action that causes the victim to believe that he/she or family is in danger of any harm

Common Misconceptions• Domestic violence only happens to poor women

– Truth: Nearly 1 in 4 American women between the ages of 18 and 65 have experienced domestic violence.

• Domestic violence is a personal problem between a husband and a wife– Truth: Domestic violence affects everyone. 40% - 60% of men who

abuse women also abuse children.

• If it were that bad, he/she would just leave.– Truth: Leaving can be dangerous. The most dangerous time for a victim

to leave an abuser is when he/she is being abused. The victim may not have appropriate resources to leave or the abuser may have cut off their ability to leave (disabling their car, locking doors/windows, etc.).

Cycle of Violence

Violence Wheel

This wheel shows the relationship of physical abuse to other forms of

abuse. Each section represents an example that an abuser may use

to gain control or power.

Personal Safety PlanEveryone should have an Emergency Safety Plan, but for victims of Domestic/Emotional Abuse, the Personal Safety Plan is extremely important. The plan should include:

• A list of important phone numbers for family members, neighbors, friends, children’s school/daycare, police and domestic abuse hotline.

• A packet with all of your important documents such as birth certificates, social security cards, insurance cards, children’s immunization records and any other important documents. You will also want to pack a small bag with medications, photos, jewelry, and extra clothes.

• How to get out of your home safely. Practice multiple methods to get out.

• Know where you will go when you get out of the house. Set up a plan with a trusted family member, friend or neighbor and use a code word or phrase to let them know when you need their help.

Protection Orders• A Personal Protection Order is an order issued by the Circuit Court to

protect a victim from being injured by an abuser. The PPO may stop someone from:

– Buying a firearm

– Coming to the victim’s work, home or school

– Taking the victim’s children (in some cases)

• To file a PPO, the victim must go to a local police station or courthouse (depending on jurisdiction) and ask to file the order. Pictures, witnesses and documentation of actual events are helpful when filing a PPO. Once signed, the victim will need to carry the PPO on their person at all times. If the abuser tries to violate the order, it will be easier to enforce the order with a copy on hand.

• After a period of approximately 2 weeks, the abuser will go before a judge to determine if the PPO will continue to be enforced for a longer period of time.

What Can I Do?If you are a victim…

• Tell someone you trust. It is not easy to admit that you are being abused. The decisions will be easier to make with the support of someone you can trust.

• Create a Personal Safety Plan. Planning how to leave and where to go is the next step in preparing yourself for a safe future.

• File for a Protective Order. This is an important step to

• Seek Shelter. If you are in fear of your safety, go to a friend, neighbor, relative or shelter.

• Seek Counseling. Counseling will help you to make decisions about your relationships, decisions and to understand that you are not to blame for being abused.

Center for Women & Families, 2014

What Can I Do?If someone you know is a victim of domestic violence…

• Know available resources. Investigate the local counseling and services agencies in the area and keep them available.

• Show them you care. Check on them often and make sure they know that you are concerned for their safety and the safety of their children.

• Don’t judge or criticize. Victims must be ready to leave on their time.

• Be available. Help them with their Personal Safety Plan, but don’t push them to be ready on your time. Let them know you are ready when they are.

Center for Women & Families, 2014

Resources

• Family Violence Prevention Fund – www.change.org

• National Domestic Violence Hotline – 1-800-799-7233 – www.thehotline.org

• Futures Without Violence –www.futureswithoutviolence.org

• The Center for Women & Families –www.thecenteronline.org

• SafeHorizon – www.safehorizon.org