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Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now Heather Stang, MA Author, Mindfulness & Grief Association for Death Education and Counseling Annual Conference – April 26, 2014 Baltimore, MD

Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

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The practice of mindfulness can help bereaved people steady their mind, relax their body, and make meaning from their loss. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment with an attitude of equanimity. It cultivates the ability to stay calm even in the midst of pain. Rather than running away from the pain of grief or obsessing over it, the mindfulness practitioner is taught to take refuge in the experience of the present moment using the six senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch and awareness. This steadies the mind, and clears the way for insights that contribute to meaning making, posttraumatic growth and transformation. It has been proven to reverse the harmful effects of stress and even reduce physical pain. Learn how three group members were able to use Buddhist psychology and mindfulness to: •Change self-defeating physical and mental habits. •Practice compassion and forgiveness for the self and others. •Use skillful means to cope with the dual process of grief. •Gain insight into their natural wisdom and resilience. •Continue the legacy of their loved one. •Improve their own physical health and increase self-efficacy. While the Buddha acknowledged that pain is universal – rooted in attachment and aversion - he also taught that humans do not need to suffer. We just need to remember that we are inherently resilient, and tap into our “Buddha nature.” Although these teachings are ancient, the main tenants of Buddhism have fascinating parallels to contemporary theories of thanatology. The stories have been gathered by interviewing former participants of my 8-week Yoga for Grief group, and are included in my book Mindfulness & Grief: With Guided Meditations to Calm Your Mind & Restore Your Spirit (CICO Books, March 2014). This presentation occurred at the Association of Death Education and Counseling 2014 Annual Conference in Baltimore, MD on April 26, 2014. Presented by Heather Stang, MA, thanatologist and author of Mindfulness & Grief.

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Page 1: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Mindfulness & Grief:The Transformative Power

of NowHeather Stang, MA

Author, Mindfulness & GriefAssociation for Death Education and Counseling

Annual Conference – April 26, 2014Baltimore, MD

Page 2: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Your PRESENCE is more important than following the “schedule.”

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3 Qualities of Presence

• Wakefulness – Aware of Awareness• Openness – Allowing Things To Be Just As

They Are, Without Judgment• Tenderness – Natural Sensitivity, Capacity to

Express Warmth, Compassion

Brach (2012)

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AllowBy Danna FauldsGo In And In: Poems from the Heart of Yoga

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Case Study #1: The Buddha

• Oldest Son of a Warrior King• Mother Died in Childbirth • Destined to be a Powerful Warrior or Spiritual Leader• Married a Beautiful Princess• Spoiled & Sheltered Until Mid-Twenties• Curious, Inner Longing• Leaves The Palace: Encounters The Four Divine Messengers

– Old Man– Sick Man– Corpse– Wandering Yogi

Page 7: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

How Can Suffering Be Reduced?

• Overindulgence did not provide the answers• Starvation and renunciation nearly killed him• The Middle Way was the answer

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The Middle Way

• Doing & Being• Active Engagement & Passive Disregard• Focusing & Expanding• Engaging & Denying

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The First Noble Truth

Life is has suffering:• Suffering (dukkha) is common to all of us. • It does not say that suffering is an absolute,

because there is a way out.

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The Second Noble Truth

The origin of suffering is attachment to desire.• Sensory pleasures• Attaining something• Getting rid of or losing something

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The Third Noble Truth

There is hope…• We are not stuck with suffering – we can get

rid of dukkha!

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The Fourth Noble Truth

The Path (Dharma)1. Wisdom• Right Understanding & Aspiration

2. Morality• Right Speech, Action & Livelihood

3. Concentration• Right Effort, Mindfulness & Concentration

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Mindfulness Defined

“The awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment to moment.”

Jon Kabat-Zinn (2005)

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Tara Brach’s “Radical Acceptance”

• The wing of clear seeing: the quality of awareness that recognizes exactly what is happening in our moment to moment experience.

• The wing of compassion: our capacity to relate in a tender and sympathetic way to what we perceive.

Brach (2003)

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How Do We Get There?

• Through The Six Doors of the Senses:– Sight– Sound– Smell – Touch– Taste– Thoughts

• Formal and Informal Practice (Planned v. Spontaneous)

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The Safe Harbor of the Six Senses

• We can access our sensory awareness in any moment as a refuge from mental anguish, even for one precious moment.

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Yoga Reduces Symptoms of Distress in Tsunami Survivors in the Andaman Islands

• Evidence-Based Complementary & Alternative Medicine

• Telles, Naveen, and Dash, 2007 • Survivors of the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami • One week yogic intervention. • All participants experienced the loss of family, friends,

and/or their home• All reported a significant reduction in self-rated fear,

anxiety, sadness, and disturbed sleep after the one week program.

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Transpersonal Integrative Yoga Therapy: A Protocol for Grief and Bereavement

• International Journal of Yoga Therapy• Philbin, 2009• Grieving Adults• 6 week intervention • Vitality Plus Scale • Positive States Scale of the Wilcoxon-Mann-

Whitney test. • Non-significant, however positive leaning,

improvement in the Satisfaction with Life Scale.

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Mindfulness Meditation Myths

• You have to be Buddhist• Guided Imagery / Visualization• You Can’t Have Thoughts

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Common Excuses Push Backs

• I am too anxious / high strung / nervous / stressed out / angry / tired / upset / hurt

• I don’t have time• It doesn’t work for me• I’ve tried it, but I’m not good at it

Page 22: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Mindfulness is called a “practice” because you don’t have to do it

perfect. Isn’t that a relief?

Stang (2014)

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Why Is “Now?” So Important?

• The “Sacred Pause” – Gives us the option to respond rather than react

• Stress Reduction – Improves our health so we can focus on healing our heart

• Neuroplasticity – Regular meditation contributes to new neural pathways in our brain

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Whatever you think or do regularly becomes a habit, a strongly conditioned pathway in the brain....

By intentionally directing the mind to what is happening right now, mindfulness deconditions these pathways and awakens us to a fresh and intimate sense of being alive.

Brach (2012)

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Mindfulness is not aboutsugar coating pain.

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Everything is NOT OK

“In the mainstream language of mindfulness, if you would only change your thoughts, your grief would disappear. Any pain or trouble will be transformed if you think about it right. If you would only be here now, you would see that everything is okay, exactly as it is.

That kind of talk is a smack in the face to someone in deep pain.

Megan Devine huffpost.com/us/entry/4757042

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Mindfulness & Grief Group

• Eight Weekly Two Hour Sessions• One Day Long Silent Retreat • Daily Home Practice

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“Mutt Mindfulness”

• Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy• Kripalu• Vipassana (Insight) Meditation• Shambala• Jon Kabat-Zinn• Herbert Benson

Page 30: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Assess First!

• PTSD – Yoga may be more appropriate, in combination with a licensed Trauma Therapist

• Dissociative Identity Disorder• Hallucinations• Drugs and/or Alcohol• Intrusive Thoughts

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Goals Of Mindfulness & Grief

• Ease the physical symptoms of grief• Calm the mind and help regulate emotions• Improve awareness of the present moment• Increase compassion toward self and others• Meaning making• Rewrite self narrative

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A Few Physical Benefits

• Lowers Blood Pressure• Reduces Pain• Improves Sleep• Improves Digestion• Eases Muscle Tension

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Mindfulness & Grief Themes

1. Mindful Awareness: How to Find Refuge in the Present Moment

2. Conscious Relaxation: How to Care for Your Grieving Body

3. Compassion and Forgiveness: Attending to Grief with Loving-Kindness

4. Skillful Courage: The Dance of Strength and Vulnerability

• Daylong Retreat: Stillness & Grace: Your Personal Daylong Retreat

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Mindfulness & Grief Themes continued

5. Getting Unstuck: Tending to the Five Mental Hindrances (sensual desire, aversion and ill will, sleepiness, restlessness and remorse, skeptical doubt)

6. Meaning Reconstruction: Learning to Live After Loss

7. Allowing Transformation: Who Am I Now? 8. Perpetual Mindfulness: Creating a Practice for

Life

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Basic Session Structure - Intro

Enter in Loving SilenceIn the Circle:• Mindfulness Meditation or Brief Body Scan• Mindful Sharing of “The Headlines”– Home Practice Accountability– Weather Report

• Safety Contract– Physical Edges– Emotional Edges

Page 37: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Case Study #2: Frank & The Edge

• Frank, 62 • Lynn died at 57 from Lung Cancer• “I knew when she was dying that I wanted to

experience the whole intensity of her loss in honor of her. In honor of the love I shared with her. In honor of the love she had for me.”

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Case Study #2: Frank & The Edge

• “I was looking for the edge to the grief. Not that I would ever escape the grief, but a way to contain it or see it objectively and live with it.”

• Week 8 Journal Entry: “In my daily life I am centered in my loss but want to find the edge of this so I can move through life and find Joy and Happiness. This will happen!”

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The Places That Scare You

Most of us do not take the situations as teachings. We automatically hate them. We run like crazy. We use all kinds of ways to escape – all addictions stem from this moment when we meet our edge and we just can’t stand it.

Chödrön (2000)

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Once I accepted the edge, my need to be doing seemed to disappear and paradoxically,

the more I accepted my edge, the more I seemed able to

effortlessly accomplish.

Michael Lee, FounderPhoenix Rising Yoga Therapy

(2010)

Page 41: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Basic Session Structure – Centering

On the “cushion”• Centering Meditation – Breath– Body– Life– Spirit

• Aspiration / Intention (Mindful Journal Entry)

Page 42: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Basic Session Structure - Practice Toolkit

• Guided Relaxation– Progressive Muscle Relaxation– Body Scan

• Yoga• Concentration Meditation

– Relaxation Response (Benson, 1975)– Counting Exhales

• Mindfulness Meditation– Breath– Body– Sound

• Compassion Meditation (Metta Practice)• Sitting With Dignity• Drawing

– Mapping The Body– Bodyscape

Amy ArchinalNew Orleans Yoga Therapy

Page 43: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Case Study #3: Mary’s Handscape

• Mary, 47• Oscar died at 51 in a Glider Crash• “I had this business plan. I read all the grief

websites. They tell you to make yourself spend time with your friends. You journal. You do yoga. You meditate. You do all those things. I had the list and did them all.”

• Landscape Drawing

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Case Study #3: Mary’s Handscape

“My first mantra was ‘patience,’ because I felt like I just had to let things be for a while. And then I added ‘gratitude’. Because I felt like I had to become grateful for what I did have with my husband and all the good things that were still in my life. Then ‘acceptance’ of just how much my life had changed. Then ‘forgiveness’ just to forgive people for what had happened and to forgive things that happened after his death.”

Page 45: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Case Study #3: Mary’s Handscape

“Even though something really bad happens, I would go back and do absolutely everything over again. How could I not be grateful for that?”

Page 46: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Basic Session Structure - Integration

• Integration Meditation• Action Step• Mindful Journaling

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Basic Session Structure - Closing

In the Circle:• Breath Meditation • Mindful Sharing– Aspiration, “Nugget” & Action Step– Affirmation

• Home Practice Review

Page 48: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Day Long Retreat Guidelines

• In Loving Silence• Custody of the Eyes• Mindful Eating– Breakfast, Snacks, Water

& Tea Provided– Retreatants Bring Lunch

Page 49: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

Day Long Retreat Practices

• Rotating Practices:– Meditation– Yoga– Journaling– Walking Meditation

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Walking Meditation

• Limited Segment– Focus on Stepping– Focus on Breath– Left/Right/Left/Right

• Aimless Wandering• Rain or Shine?

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Day Long Retreat Closing

• Aspirational Collage• Partner Yoga• Break Silence in Dyads• Closing Circle

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Metta Prayer of Loving-Kindness

Send Words of Compassion To:• Self• Benefactor/Teacher• Friend• Neutral Person• Difficult Person• All Beings Everywhere

Page 53: Mindfulness & Grief: The Transformative Power of Now (2014 ADEC Presentation)

May We All Be Happy.May We All Know Peace.May We All Be Free From

Suffering.

Namaste

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References & ResourcesBenson, Herbert. The Relaxation Response (Avon Books, 2000)Brach, Tara. Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With The Heart Of A Buddha (Bantam Books,

2003)Brach, Tara. True Refuge: Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart. (Bantam Books,

2013)Chödrön, Pema. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice For Difficult Times (Shambhala, 2000)Faulds, Danna. Go In And In: Poems From The Heart of Yoga (Peaceable Kingdom Books, 2002)Kabat- Zinn, Jon. Wherever You Go, There You Are : Mindfulness Meditation In Everyday Life.

(Hyperion, 2005)Kumar, Sameet. Grieving Mindfully. (New Harbinger Publications, 2005)Lee, Michael. Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy: A Bridge From Body To Soul (Health Communications,

1997)Neimeyer, Robert A. Lessons Of Loss: A Guide To Coping. (Center of the Study of Loss & Transition,

2006)Rinpoche, Sogyal, Patrick Gaffney, and Andrew Harvey. The Tibetan Book Of Living And Dying

(HarperCollins Publishers, 1993)Rogers, J. Earl. The Art Of Grief: The Use Of Expressive Arts In A Grief Support Group. (Routledge,

2007)Stang, Heather. Mindfulness And Grief: With Guided Meditations To Calm Your Mind And Restore

Your Spirit (CICO Books, 2014)

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Mindfulness & Grief BookThe 8-Week Guide To Life After Loss Featuring Over 35 Exercises, Including:

• Meditation• Yoga• Journaling • Expressive Arts• Inspirational Stories

Available on AMAZON.COM and in your local Barnes & Noble Bookseller. Signed copies available at MindfulnessAndGrief.com/book.

By Heather Stang, M.A.Published By CICO Books

Listen to Sample Guided Meditations at

MindfulnessAndGrief.com

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About Heather Stang, MA

• Survivor of Suicide

• Suicide Prevention & Research

• Certified Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy Practitioner &

Mindfulness Meditation Instructor at the Frederick

Meditation Center in Maryland

• Thanatologist (Hood College M.A.) & ADEC Member

• Developed an 8 Week Yoga For Grief Class, now the

Mindfulness & Grief Group, which inspired the book.

Learn more at MindfulnessAndGrief.com or contact

Heather at [email protected].