INDEX

SR.

NO.

PARTICULARS PAGE

NO.

1 LIST OF TABLE I.

2 LIST OF FIGURE II.

3 LIST OF ABBREVIATION III,IV

4 CHAPTER 1

ANGER –AT A GLANCE 10

5 CHAPTER 2

ABOUT ANGER 11

6 CHAPTER 3

ANGER MANAGEMENT 32

7 CHAPTER 4

ANGER MANAGEMNT TECHNIQUES

FOR YOUTH

35

8 CHAPTER 5

ANGER MANAGEMENT STRATEGY 42

9 CHAPTER 6

CHRISTIAN BUDDHISM ; RELIGIOUS

PERSPECTIVE

78

10 CHAPTER 7

ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY82

11 CHAPTER 8

CONCLUSION90

1

2

CHAPTER 1

ANGER – AT A GLANCE

[1.1] INTRODUCTION:

Have you ever lost your temper? Did you yell and scream or want to hit

someone? Maybe your little brother got into your room and played with your

toys without permission. Or maybe your teacher gave you too

much homework. Or maybe a friend borrowed your favorite video game and

then broke it. That made you angry!

Everyone gets angry. Maybe you "lose your cool" or "hit the roof." Anger

can even be a good thing. When kids are treated unfairly, anger can help

them stand up for themselves. The hard part is learning what to do with

these strong feelings.

3

Anger is a natural, though sometimes unwanted or irrational, emotion that

everybody experiences from time to time.  Anger experts describe the

emotion as a primary, natural emotion which has evolved as a way of

surviving and protecting yourself from what is considered a wrongdoing.

Mild anger may be brought on by feeling tired, stressed or irritated, in fact

we are more likely to feel irritated if our basic human needs (food, shelter,

sex, sleep, etc.) are not met or are jeopardised in some way. We may become

angry when reacting to frustration, criticism or a threat, and this is not

necessarily a bad or inappropriate reaction. We can also feel irritated by

other people’s beliefs, opinions and actions and hence anger can affect our

ability to communicate effectively making us more likely to say or do

unreasonable or irrational things.  Being unreasonable or irrational can lead

others around us to feel threatened, resentful or angry themselves, and again

these can all be barriers to effective communication.

Anger can also be a ‘secondary emotion’ to feeling sad, frightened or lonely.

It is useful to try to understand why we (or others) are feeling angry at any

given time so that the root causes can be addressed and problems solved.

Anger, however, is not just a state-of-mind. Anger can trigger physical

changes including an increased heart rate, blood pressure and levels of

hormones such as adrenaline preparing us physically for ‘fight or flight’.

Due to these physical effects long-term anger can be detrimental to health

and wellbeing.

Anger is as an emotion that comes with physical sensations like increased

heart rate, blood pressure, and levels of adrenalin and noradrenalin. Anger is

4

a reaction of the brain to perceived threat which developed to prepare the

body for the fight or flight reaction. In today's world these threats have

become far less than life threatening and the body is stimulated to react in

situations like a heated work meeting or an argument between two people.

Anger as an emotion is not wrong, very much to the contrary. Anger can

mobilize psychological resources which has a functional value for survival.

You have lots of emotions. At different times, you may be happy, sad, or

jealous. Anger is just another way we feel. It's perfectly OK to be angry at

times — in fact, it's important to get angry sometimes.

But anger must be released in the right way. Otherwise you'll be like a pot of

boiling water with the lid left on. If the steam doesn't escape, the water will

finally boil over and blow its top! When that happens to you, it's no fun for

anyone.

Anger is an emotion related to one's psychological interpretation of having

been offended, overpowered, wronged or denied and a tendency to react

through retaliation. Shiela Videbeck describes anger as a normal emotion

that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived

provocation. Raymond Novaco of UC Irvine, who since 1975 has published

a plethora of literature on the subject, stratified anger into three modalities:

cognitive (appraisals), somatic-affective (tension and agitations) and

behavioral (withdrawal and antagonism). William DeFoore, an anger

management writer, described anger as a pressure cooker: we can only apply

pressure against our anger for a certain amount of time until it explodes.

5

Anger may have physical correlates such as increased heart rate, blood

pressure, and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Some view anger as

part of the fight or flight brain response to the perceived threat of harm.

Anger becomes the predominant feeling behaviorally, cognitively, and

physiologically when a person makes the conscious choice to take action to

immediately stop the threatening behavior of another outside force. The

English term originally comes from the term anger of Old Norse language.

Anger can have many physical and mental consequences.

The external expression of anger can be found in facial expressions, body

language, physiological responses, and at times in public acts of aggression.

Humans and animals for example make loud sounds, attempt to look

physically larger, bare their teeth, and stare. The behaviors associated with

anger are designed to warn aggressors to stop their threatening behavior.

Rarely does a physical altercation occur without the prior expression of

anger by at least one of the participants. While most of those who experience

anger explain its arousal as a result of "what has happened to them,"

psychologists point out that an angry person can very well be mistaken

because anger causes a loss in self-monitoring capacity and objective

observability.[

Modern psychologists view anger as a primary, natural, and mature emotion

experienced by virtually all humans at times, and as something that has

functional value for survival. Anger can mobilize psychological resources

for corrective action. Uncontrolled anger can, however, negatively affect

personal or social well-being. While many philosophers and writers have

warned against the spontaneous and uncontrolled fits of anger, there has

been disagreement over the intrinsic value of anger. The issue of dealing

6

with anger has been written about since the times of the earliest

philosophers, but modern psychologists, in contrast to earlier writers, have

also pointed out the possible harmful effects of suppressing anger. Displays

of anger can be used as a manipulation strategy for social influence.

[1.2]ANGRY BEHAVIOR:

Anger becomes hurtful and harmful when it is acted out in behavior and

spoken through words. This projection of an emotion is disrespectful and

abusive. If you think about the people that you are showing your anger to

mostly it is usually the people you love most, your spouse and your children.

These are the people you are least likely to want to be hurt.

Even though the outside stimulus might have triggered your anger button,

the emotion that you are feeling is yours. The proof in that statement is that

if two people are facing the same stimulus, one person might react angrily

and the other might not be impacted at all - this is because the outside is just

a stimulus but not the cause. The cause of your anger lies deeper, usually in

unresolved issues in your past.

[1.3]HARMFUL ANGER:

Anger projections are harmful and hurtful. Energetically it has a strong

impact on any human being, including animals. Many parents are not aware

7

of the emotional, physical and mental abuse they have endured, when they

were children, and which they might now in turn project onto their children.

[1.4]TAKING RESPONSIBILITY

Reactivity is normal, when a trigger is present. Your anger response is

programmed when the trigger is fired. Once you become aware of the impact

you have on your loved ones, you need to take responsibility. This means:

1. Taking yourself away when anger is present and deal with YOUR

emotion, i.e. feel it, go for a walk, run it out, bash a pillow, do some high

level exercise. Remember that suppressing it will not do you any favor in the

long run, you have to deal with the cause sooner or later if you don't want to

be eaten up by anger.

2. When you are ready, go back and apologize for your reaction. This does

not mean you accept the trigger, which might be unacceptable (like your

child jumping on the couch in his muddy shoes). Deal with the trigger

separately.

3. Process the causes of your anger. Ask yourself: What does the current

situation remind me of? You might want to look at potentially similar

situations in terms of the theme, rather than the actual situation, in your

childhood. This will be the way to disconnect your 'anger buttons'.

8

CHAPTER 2

ANGER : RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVES

[2.1]CATHOLICISM:

9

The Seven Deadly Sins and the Four Last Things, by Hieronymus Bosch

(1485).

"Anger" is depicted at the bottom in a series of circular images. Below the

image is the Latin inscription Cave Cave Deus Videt ("Beware, Beware,

God is Watching").

Anger in Catholicism is counted as one of the seven deadly sins. While

Medieval Christianity vigorously denounced anger as one of the seven

cardinal, or deadly sins, some Christian writers at times regarded the anger

caused by injustice as having some value.[9][10] Saint Basil viewed anger as a

"reprehensible temporary madness." Joseph F. Delany in the Catholic

Encyclopedia (1914) defines anger as "the desire of vengeance" and states

that a reasonable vengeance and passion is ethical and praiseworthy.

Vengeance is sinful when it exceeds its limits in which case it becomes

opposed to justice and charity. For example, "vengeance upon one who has

not deserved it, or to a greater extent than it has been deserved, or in conflict

with the dispositions of law, or from an improper motive" are all sinful. An

unduly vehement vengeance is considered a venial sin unless it seriously

goes counter to the love of God or of one's neighbor.

[2.2]HINDUISM:

In Hinduism, anger is equated with sorrow as a form of unrequited desire.

The objects of anger are perceived as a hindrance to the gratification of the

desires of the angry person.[55] Alternatively if one thinks one is superior, the

result is grief. Anger is considered to be packed with more evil power than

desire. In the Bhagavad Gita Krishna regards greed, anger, and lust as what

10

leads to hell. "Similarly, anger can be controlled. We cannot stop anger

altogether, but if we simply become angry with those who blaspheme the

Lord or the devotees of the Lord, we control our anger in Kṛṣṇa

consciousness. Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu became angry with the miscreant

brothers Jagāi and Mādhāi, who blasphemed and struck Nityānanda Prabhu.

In His Siksastaka Lord Caitanya wrote, tṛṇād api sunīcena taror api

sahiṣṇunā: "One should be humbler than the grass and more tolerant than

the tree." One may then ask why the Lord exhibited His anger. The point is

that one should be ready to tolerate all insults to one's own self, but when

Kṛṣṇa or His pure devotee is blasphemed, a genuine devotee becomes angry

and acts like fire against the offenders. Krodha, anger, cannot be stopped,

but it can be applied rightly. It was in anger that Hanumān set fire to Lańkā,

but he is worshiped as the greatest devotee of Lord Rāmacandra. This means

that he utilized his anger in the right way. Arjuna serves as another example.

He was not willing to fight, but Kṛṣṇa incited his anger: "You must fight!"

To fight without anger is not possible. Anger is controlled, however, when

utilized in the service of the Lord." "The conclusion is that only when we

talk about devotional service to the Supreme Personality of Godhead can we

refrain from useless nonsensical talk. We should always endeavor to use our

speaking power solely for the purpose of realizing Kṛṣṇa consciousness. As

for the agitations of the bickering mind, they are divided into two divisions.

The first is called avirodha-prīti, or unrestricted attachment, and the other is

called virodha-yukta-krodha, anger arising from frustration. Adherence to

the philosophy of the Māyāvādīs, belief in the fruitive results of the karma-

vādīs, and belief in plans based on materialistic desires are called avirodha-

prīti. Jñānīs, karmīs and materialistic planmakers generally attract the

attention of conditioned souls, but when the materialists cannot fulfill their

11

plans and when their devices are frustrated, they become angry. Frustration

of material desires produces anger." (The Nectar of Instruction 1)

[2.3] BUDDHISM:

Anger in Buddhism is defined here as: "being unable to bear the object, or

the intention to cause harm to the object." Anger is seen as aversion with a

stronger exaggeration, and is listed as one of the five hindrances. Buddhist

monks, such as Dalai Lama, the spiritual leader of Tibetans in exile,

sometimes get angry. However, there is a difference; most often a spiritual

person is aware of the emotion and the way it can be handled. Thus, in

response to the question: "Is any anger acceptable in Buddhism?' the Dalai

Lama answered:

"Buddhism in general teaches that anger is a destructive emotion and

although anger might have some positive effects in terms of survival or

moral outrage, I do not accept that anger of any kind as a virtuous emotion

nor aggression as constructive behavior. The Gautama Buddha has taught

that there are three basic kleshas at the root of samsara (bondage, illusion)

and the vicious cycle of rebirth. These are greed, hatred, and delusion--also

translatable as attachment, anger, and ignorance. They bring us confusion

and misery rather than peace, happiness, and fulfillment. It is in our own

self-interest to purify and transform them." Buddhist scholar and author

Geshe Kelsang Gyatso has also explained Buddha's teaching on the spiritual

imperative to identify anger and overcome it by transforming difficulties:

When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations, we

tend to regard the situation itself as our problem, but in reality whatever

12

problems we experience come from the side of the mind. If we responded to

difficult situations with a positive or peaceful mind they would not be

problems for us. Eventually, we might even regard them as challenges or

opportunities for growth and development. Problems arise only if we

respond to difficulties with a negative state of mind. Therefore if we want to

be free from problems, we must transform our mind.

The Buddha himself on anger:

An angry person is ugly & sleeps poorly. Gaining a profit, he turns it into a

loss, having done damage with word & deed. A person overwhelmed with

anger destroys his wealth. Maddened with anger, he destroys his status.

Relatives, friends, & colleagues avoid him. Anger brings loss. Anger

inflames the mind. He doesn't realize that his danger is born from within. An

angry person doesn't know his own benefit. An angry person doesn't see the

Dhamma. A man conquered by anger is in a mass of darkness. He takes

pleasure in bad deeds as if they were good, but later, when his anger is gone,

he suffers as if burned with fire. He is spoiled, blotted out, like fire

enveloped in smoke. When anger spreads, when a man becomes angry, he

has no shame, no fear of evil, is not respectful in speech. For a person

overcome with anger, nothing gives light.

Islam

The Qur'an, the central religious text of Islam, attributes

anger to prophets and believers and Muhammad's enemies. It mentions the

anger of Musa (also known as Moses) against his people for worshiping a

golden calf; the anger of Yunus (also known as Jonah) God in a moment and

13

his eventual realization of his error and his repentance; God's removal of

anger from the hearts of believers and making them merciful after the

fighting against Muhammad's enemies is over. In general suppression of

anger is deemed a praiseworthy quality and Muhammad is attributed to have

said, "power resides not in being able to strike another, but in being able to

keep the self under control when anger arises." Furthermore in another

narration the Prophet Muhammad was asked about a short good deed, to

which he replied not to be angry. Ibn Abdil Barr the Andalusian Maliki jurist

explains that controlling anger is the door way for restraining other

blameworthy traits. If anger is contained, then it will be easier on the person

to subdue other negative aspects like ego and envy, since these two are less

powerful than anger. Another proximate saying of Prophet Muhammad

instructs that a judge should not pass a judgement between any two parties

when he is in a state of anger.

[2.4] JUDAISM:

In Judaism, anger is a negative trait. In the Book of Genesis, Jacob

condemned the anger that had arisen in his sons Simon and Levi: "Cursed be

their anger, for it was fierce; and their wrath, for it was cruel."

Restraining oneself from anger is seen as noble and desirable, as Ethics of

the Fathers states:

"Ben Zoma said: Who is strong? He who subdues his evil inclination, as it is

stated, "He who is slow to anger is better than a strong man, and he who

masters his passions is better than one who conquers a city" (Proverbs

16:32). "

14

Maimonides rules that one who becomes angry is as though that person had

worshipped idols.Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi explains that the parallel

between anger and idol worship is that by becoming angry, one shows a

disregard of Divine Providence - whatever had caused the anger was

ultimately ordained from Above - and that through coming to anger one

thereby denies the hand of G-d in one's life.

In its section dealing with ethical traits a person should adopt, the Kitzur

Shulchan Aruch states:

"Anger is also a very evil trait and it should be avoided at all costs. You

should train yourself not to become angry even if you have a good reason to

be angry."

[2.5]OF GOD OR GODS

The Great Day of His Wrath, by John Martin (1789-1854).

15

In many religions, anger is frequently attributed to God or gods. Primitive

people held that gods were subject to anger and revenge in anthropomorphic

fashion The Hebrew Bible says that opposition to God's Will results in

God's anger. The Hebrew Bible explains that:

God is not an intellectual abstraction, nor is He conceived as a being

indifferent to the doings of man; and His pure and lofty nature resents most

energetically anything wrong and impure in the moral world: "O Lord, my

God, mine Holy One... Thou art of eyes too pure to behold evil, and canst

not look on iniquity."

Christians believe in God's anger in the sight of evil. This anger is not

inconsistent with God's love, as demonstrated in the Gospel where the

righteous indignation of Christ is shown when he drives the moneychangers

from the temple. Christians believe that those who reject His revealed Word,

Jesus, condemn themselves, and are not condemned by the wrath of God. In

Islam, God's mercy outweighs his wrath or takes precedence of it. The

characteristics of those upon whom God's wrath will fall is as follows: Those

who reject God; deny his signs; doubt the resurrection and the reality of the

day of judgment; call Muhammad a sorcerer, a madman or a poet; do

mischief, are impudent, do not look after the poor (notably the orphans); live

in luxury or heap up fortunes; persecute the believers or prevent them from

praying. Islam also believes that its followers are permitted to express their

personal wrath towards those who do not subscribe to their belief system...

16

[2.6]: ANGER MANAGEMENT: ANGER ISSUES AND TYPES

OF ANGER:

Kate Barcus Miller, M.A

Anger is a natural part of the human condition, but it isn't always easy

to handle. And when people don't handle it well, the harm they do can

be visible and it can't be visible.

Some people mask their anger. Others explode with rage. For still

others, anger is a chronic condition, a habit of resentment that surfaces

over and over again.

17

[2.7]THERE ARE TEN ANGER STYLES:

Anger Avoidance:

These people don't like anger much. Some are afraid of their anger, or

the anger of others. It can be scary and they are afraid to lose control if

they get mad. Some think it's bad to become angry. Anger avoiders gain

the sense that being good or nice helps them feel safe and calm.

They have problems, though. Anger can help you to survive when

something is wrong. Avoiders can't be assertive, because they feel too

guilty when they say what they want. Too often the result is that they

are walked over by others.

Sneaky Anger:

Anger Sneaks never let others know they are angry. Sometimes, they

don't even know how angry they are. But the anger comes out in other

forms, such as forgetting things a lot, or saying they'll do something,

but never intending to follow through. Or, they sit around and frustrate

everybody and their families. Anger Sneaks can look hurt and innocent

and often ask, "Why are you gettting mad at me?" They gain a sense of

control over their lives when they frustrate others. By doing little or

nothing, or putting things off, they thwart other people's plans.

However, Anger Sneaks lose track of their own wants and needs. They

don't know what to do with their own lives and that leads to boredom,

18

frustration, and unsatisfying relationships.

Paranoid Anger:

This type of anger occurs when someone feels irrationally threatened by

others. They seek aggression everywhere. They believe people want to

take what is theirs. They expect others will attack them physically or

verbally. Because of this belief, they spend much time jealously

guarding and defending what they think is theirs - the love of a partner

(real or imangined), their money, or their valuables. People with

Paranoid anger give their anger away. They think everybody else is

angry instead of acknowledging their own rage. They have found a way

to get angry without guilt. Their anger is disguised as self-protection. It

is expesive, though. They are insecure and trust nobody. They have

poor judgment because they confuse their own feelings with those of

others. They see their own anger in the eyes and words of their friends,

mates, and co-workers. This leaves them (and everyone around them)

confused.

Sudden Anger:

People with sudden anger are like thunderstorms on a summer day.

They zoom in from nowhere, blast everything in sight, and then vanish.

Sometimes it's only lightning and thunder, a big show that soon blows

away. but often people get hurt, homes are broken up, and things are

damaged that will take a long time to repair. Sudden Anger people gain

a surge of power. They release all their feelings, so they feel good or

relieved. Loss of control is a major problem with sudden anger. They

19

can be a danger to themselves and others. They may get violent. They

say and do things they later regret, but by then it's too late to take them

back.

Shame-Based Anger:

People who need a lot of attention or are very sensitive to criticism

often develop this style of anger. The slightest criticism sets off their

own shame. Unfortunately, they don't like themselves very much. They

feel worthless, not good enough, broken, unloveable. So, when

someone ignores them or says something negative, they take it as proof

that the other person dislikes them as much as they dislike themselves.

But that makes them really angry, so they lash out. They think, "You

made me feel awful, so I'm going to hurt you back." They get rid of

their shame by blaming, criticizing, and ridiculing others. Their anger

helps them get revenge against anybody they think shamed them. They

avoid their own feelings of inadequacy by shaming others.

Raging against others to hide shame doesn't work very well. They

usually end up attacking the people they love. They continue to be

oversensitive to insults because of their poor self-image. Their anger

and loss of control only makes them feel worse about themselves.

Deliberate Anger:

This anger is planned. People who use this anger usually know what

they are doing. They aren't really emotional about their anger, at least

not at first. They like controlling others, and the best way they've

discovered to do that is with anger and, sometimes, violence. Power and

20

control are what people gain from deliberate anger. Their goal is to get

what they want by threatening or overpowering others. This may work

for a while, but this usually breaks down in the long run. People don't

like to be bullied and eventually they figure out ways to escape or get

back at the bully.

Addictive Anger:

Some people want or need the strong feelings that come with anger.

They like the intensity even if they don't like the trouble their anger

causes them. Their anger is much more than a bad habit - it provides

emotional excitement. It isn't fun, but it's powerful. These pepople look

forward to the anger "rush," and the emotional "high." Anger addicts

gain a sense of intensity and emotional power when they explode. They

feel alive and full of energy. Addictions are inevitably painful and

damaging. This addiction is no exception. They don't learn other ways

to feel good, so they become dependent upon their anger. They pick

fights just to get high on anger. And, since they need intensity, their

anger takes on an all-or-nothing pattern that creates more problems than

it solves.

Habitual Anger:

Anger can become a bad habit. Habitually angry people find themselves

getting angry often, usually about small things that don't bother others.

They wake up grumpy. They go through the day looking for fights.

They look for the worst in everything and everybody. They usually go

to bed angry about something. They might even have angry dreams.

21

Their angry thoughts set them up for more and more arguments. They

can't seem to quit being angry, even though they are unhappy.

Habitually angry people gain predictibility. They always know what

they feel. Life may be lousy but it is known, safe, and steady. However,

they get trapped in their anger and it runs their lives. They can't get

close to the people they love because their anger keeps them away.

Moral Anger:

Some people think they have a right to be angry when others have

broken a rule. That makes the offenders bad, evil, wicked, sinful. They

have to be scolded, maybe punished. People with this anger style feel

outraged about what bad people are doing. They say they have a right to

defend their "beliefs." They claim moral superiority. They gain the

sense that anger is for a good cause. They don't feel guilty when they

get angry because of this. They often feel superior to others even in

their anger. These people suffer from black-and-white thinking, which

means they see the world too simply. They fail to understand people

who are different from themselves. They often have rigid ways of

thinking and doing things. Another problem with this anger style is

crusading - attacking every problem or difference of opinion with moral

anger when compromise or understanding might be better.

Hate:

Hate is a hardened anger. It is a nasty anger style that happens when

someone decides that at least one other person is totally evil or bad.

Forgiving the other person seems impossible. Instead, the hater vows to

22

despise the offender. Hate starts as anger that doesn't get resovled. Then

it becomes resentment, and then a true hatred that can go on

indefinitely. Haters often think about the ways they can punisih the

OFFENDER and they sometimes act on those ideas. These people feel

they are innocent victims. They create a world of enemies to fight, and

they attack them with great vigor and enthusiasm. However, this hatred

causes serious damage over time. Haters can't let go or get on with life.

They become bitter and frustrated and their lives become mean, small

and narrow.

Anger is a tricky emotion, difficult to use well until you learn how. It is

a real help though, as long as you don't get trapped in any of the anger

styles aforementioned. People who use anger well have a healthy or

"normal" relationship with their anger. They think of anger in the

following characteristic ways:

Anger is a normal part of life

Anger is an accurate signal of real problems in a person's life

Angry actions are screened carefully; you needn't automatically

get angry just because you could

Anger is expressed in moderation so there is no loss of control

The goal is to solve the problems, not just to express anger

Anger is clearly stated in ways that others can understand

Anger is temporary. It can be relinquished once an issue is

resolved

When you practice good anger skills, you never need to use your anger

23

as an excuse. You can take responsibility for what you say and do, even

when you are mad.

The more you know about your personal anger style(s), the more

control you will have over your life. You can learn to let go of

excessive anger and resentment

Passive anger can be expressed in the following ways:

Secretive behavior, such as stockpiling resentments that are expressed

behind people's backs, giving the silent treatment or under the breath

mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down, gossiping,

anonymous complaints, poison pen letters, stealing, and conning.

Psychological manipulation, such as provoking people to aggression and

then patronizing them, provoking aggression but staying on the

sidelines, emotional blackmail, false tearfulness, feigning illness,

sabotaging relationships, using sexual provocation, using a third party to

convey negative feelings, withholding money or resources.

Self-blame, such as apologizing too often, being overly critical,

inviting criticism.

Self-sacrifice, such as being overly helpful, making do with second best,

quietly making long suffering signs but refusing help, or lapping up

gratefulness.

24

Obsessive behavior, such as needing to be clean and tidy, making a habit

of constantly checking

things, over- dieting or

overeating, demanding

that all jobs be done

perfectly.

Aggressive anger

Threats, such as frightening people by saying how you could harm

them, their property or their prospects, finger pointing, fist shaking,

wearing clothes or symbols associated with violent

behavior, tailgating, excessively blowing a car horn, slamming doors.

Hurtfulness, such as physical violence, verbal abuse, biased or vulgar

jokes, breaking a confidence, using foul language, ignoring people's

feelings, willfully discriminating, blaming, punishing people for

unwarranted deeds, labeling others.

25

Destructiveness, such as destroying objects, harming animals, destroying

a relationship between two people, reckless driving, substance abuse.

Bullying, such as threatening people directly, persecuting, pushing or

shoving, using power to oppress, shouting, using a car to force someone

off the road, playing on people's weaknesses.

Unjust blaming, such as accusing other people for your own mistakes,

blaming people for your own feelings, making general accusations.

Manic behavior, such as speaking too fast, walking too fast, working too

much and expecting others to fit in, driving too fast, and reckless

spending.

Selfishness, such as ignoring other's needs, not responding to requests for

help, queue jumping.

Unpredictability, such as explosive rages over minor frustrations,

attacking indiscriminately, dispensing unjust punishment, inflicting harm

on others for the sake of it, using alcohol and drugs, illogical arguments.

26

Benefits of Anger

Anger can also be very positive.

Among other things, anger can motivate us to work harder to accomplish

our goals. This could mean playing harder on the defensive end in a

basketball 

27

game, studying longer for an exam, or putting in more time when

learning to play an instrument.

Anger can sometimes lead to newer, higher level goals, possibly fueled

by the desire to prove others wrong.

Anger can also alert us that something is wrong and that we need to

respond.  When we defend ourselves or defend someone else, it is often

our anger that spurs us into action.  This can be the love of a mother

protecting her child, a classmate or colleague standing up to a bully, or an

innocent bystander intervening on behalf of a victimized stranger.

Generally speaking, anger is what prevents us from passively accepting

societal wrongdoings and ignites us to take action.

Many of society’s most important changes have come about because

people got angry with the way things were and set out to correct those

injustices.  Some 

examples include the Women’s Rights Movement, the abolishment of

slavery, and the Civil Rights Movement.

Countless people have been helped by the actions of those who

experienced anger and decided to do something positive to make things

better.

So the next time that you lose your cool and say or do something that you

regret, just remember that anger does not have to be your downfall.

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What Should we Do If we Get Angry?

Don't lose control if you get angry. Taking it out on others never solves

anything. Instead, admit to yourself that you are angry and try to figure out

why. What can you do to keep the situation from happening again? If your

little sister gets a toy and you don't, it's not OK to break that toy. Maybe you

can ask her to share it with you. Or if your science homework is too hard,

don't rip up your notebook. Ask your teacher or a parent for help instead.

It helps to talk about your anger with an adult, such as a parent, teacher, or

relative. Once you talk about anger, those bad feelings usually start to go

away.

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CHAPTER 3

ANGER MANAGEMENT

Anger management deals with the management of one’s anger so

that the least possible damage is felt to self, others and the environment.

This involves understanding one’s anger patterns and dealing with them

effectively. One who can manage his own anger effectively can possibly

manage the anger of others as well.

Anger management is a procedure of acquiring the skills to recognize signs

that you are becoming angry, and taking action to deal with the situation in a

positive way. In no way does anger management mean holding the anger in

or trying to keep from feeling anger. Anger is a normal human emotion, a

healthy one when it is possible to learn how to control your frustrations by

practicing anger management techniques on your own. However, seeing a

mental health counselor or taking an anger management class is generally

more effective.

Anger management teaches you to recognize frustrations early on and settle

them in a way that allows you to express your needs, while remaining calm

and in control. Anger management helps you identify what triggers your

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emotions, and how to respond so that things work in your favor, instead of

against you.

We all feel angry sometimes and may say or do things we regret. This is a

normal part of life, and may not necessarily mean you need anger

management help. If your anger is having a detrimental effect on

relationships, is making you unhappy, or is leading to violent or dangerous

behavior, you probably need help.

Is Anger Harmful?

The answer: Not all the time. In fact, anger has its positive aspects. Consider

the following three points:

1) The capacity to feel anger is natural; it is built into our bodies and is

important for moderating our physical and emotional levels or for us to

"fight" with an elevated level of energy;

2) Anger is a signal that something is wrong. Like pain, anger signals a need

for correction. Long-term suppression of these signals may be

emotionally and socially harmful. Anger may be the last emotion to resist

numbness and despair, and is thus a survival mechanism, a last ditch

attempt to make good;

3) Anger warns others to be careful. Anger serves as the "relationship cue"

that helps to indicate tension and even danger. Getting angry when

expressing grief is a typical example of such "relationship cue" anger.

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Three Stage Anger Management

Anger management can be divided into three stages –

1) Managing anger before it even shows in

2) Managing anger when you are angry

3) Managing anger after your anger

Managing Anger before it Ever Appears

Manage your anger before it manages you. This is the ‘prevention is better

than cure’ approach. This is actually the only effective technique for anger

management. This involves two steps:

1. Understanding the root cause of anger in general and of your anger

and anger patterns in particular.

2. It also involves having a self-structure that does not cram up stress or

that is non-conducive to anger or stress.

3. This is done by continuous practice of some releasing technique such

as meditation, relaxation (somatic relaxation like progressive

muscular relaxation and psychological relaxation like savasana,

autogenic training etc.). And also developing self-confidence, courage

etc.

Various techniques should be adopted to avoid the anger and

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every problem will be solved peacefully due to which anger arises.

CHAPTER 4-

ANGER MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES FOR YOUTH

Individuals between their late teens and late 20s are considered

to be the most vulnerable individuals when it comes to taking a wrong step

out of anger. They do tend to repent for this, but once the damage has been

done, nothing much can be done about it. Stats show that most of the people

who take to anger management also belong to the same age group.

Take a Break

This is one of the simplest methods of anger management. Whenever you

are angry about something or someone, you can ideally stay away from that

person or that thing for a brief period of time. This will help you to regain a

composed mindset and think over the issue to find a possible solution.

Identify Possible Solutions

During the break, you can evaluate all the possible options to avoid further

complications or damage. You mind may tend to divert to the 'cause' which

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made you angry, but you will have to deviate away from the cause, and think

about the possible effects of your outburst.

Assertive Communication

Talking can indeed resolve issues, especially when you use assertive

communication techniques.

Humor

Humor, is no doubt the best way to resolve tension between two people. As

soon as you realize that the 'discussion' is turning into an 'argument', and

may deteriorate even further, you can add a hint of humor to the

conversation.

Don't Hold a Grudge

This is the worst thing you can possibly do, and it will just add to the pent up

tension within you. Every time you come across the person, you will

recollect the moment and your temper will flare all over again.

Anger Management Techniques for Kids and Teens

Follow some techniques on anger management that may help your

kids and teens in reducing their anger. These anger management techniques

include:

Relaxation techniques

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Some relaxation techniques such as deep breathing and meditation can help

your children calm down their anger. Deep breathing involves the breath in

and breath out technique.

Visualization:

Teach your kids and teens to visualize beautiful, green scenery and feel the

cool air.

Good parenting

Show willingness to hear what your kids or teens demand from you. Give

them time and shower love and affection. Be friendly and teach them to

forgive others.

Listen to your children

Listen to the problems and complains of your kids and teens. Show

eagerness in solving their problems. Teach them how tolerance can help

them control their anger.

 

Choose a hobby

Divert the kids or teens towards their favorite hobbies such

as singing, gardening, dancing, painting, stamp collection, etc. or whatever

they like.

Be assertive

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Instruct your kids or teens to express their feelings and desires without

demanding or offending the rights of others. Train your kids or teens to be

assertive rather than using offensive abuses, which may hurt other persons.

Stress management

Is your kids or teens' anger getting out of control? If yes, then it is time to

teach them some stress management skills, as excessive anger may lead

them to suffer from stress and anxiety.

Anger Management Tips for Children and Adults

The following are some anger management tips for children and adults

as well. Before going on to discuss the tips, I would say that, these tips

would not completely nullify your anger, but of course, these would help in

decreasing it, up to a large extent. So read on for some anger management

tips for adults and children.

Find out What and Why!

Anger is an expression that takes charge of your body's physical and mental

controls and unknowingly compels you to behave rudely and wildly! You

know how dangerous such a behavior can turn! So to avoid such situations,

find out the exact cause of your anger.

Try to Stay Silent!

Frankly speaking, that's not at all easy! I mean just telling someone to stay

silent in angry situations is very easy, however, being actually silent on such

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occasions, is not everyone's cup of tea! However, try to be silent. Do not

speak much!

Control the Situation!

As I have said earlier, anger is such a powerful expression that it controls

your entire body, mind and soul. But here, in the conquest of winning over

anger, you need to control the situation and let not the situation control you

by making you angry, yell and doing weird things!

Alter the Thought Pattern!

Often at our workplace or at home, we get angry when we hear the music

from our superiors! This results in a long self centered process, where 'I' is

the most important issue. However, on such occasions, try to change your

thought pattern for sometime and think of 'him' instead of 'I'!

Anger Busters

Here are some other things you can do when you start to feel

angry:

talk to a friend you can trust

count to 10

get or give a hug

do jumping jacks or another exercise

draw a picture of your anger

play a video game

run around the outside of the house five times as fast

as you can

sing along with the stereo

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pull weeds in the garden

think good thoughts (maybe about a fun vacation or your favorite

sport)

Take a bike ride, go skateboarding, play basketball — do something

active!

Never getting angry is impossible. Instead, remember that how you act when

you're angry can make the situation better or worse. Don't let anger be the

boss of you. Take charge of it!

4 steps to control an anger manag

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Many of us at times have been upset. Being upset is a part of life. Not

all things will go the way you want them to go. When this upset turns to

anger we must be careful how we handle ourselves.

Here are 4 steps to control your anger and have it vent in proper ways.

1. Count to 10 when you are getting upset. This is a normal way that we

have all heard. We have heard it because it works if you practice it. Count to

10 and you may solve many of your outbursts before they happen.

2. Do something that is physically exerting. Instead of punching a wall or a

person, go run around the house, or mow the yard. Go for a walk, swim,

bikeride, or shoot some hoops. This can provide a physical outlet for your

emotions.

3. Find something that is calming. Try deep breathing from your diaphragm.

Take 10 deep calming breaths. This can be very soothing for most people.

Combine this with step 1 and count to 10 slowly while breathing.

4. Use "I" statements instead of "you" statements. I am frustrated because

you didn't help with the housework, instead of You didn't help me with the

housework. This helps in multiple ways one is your way of thinking is a bit

better and you also do not upset the other person so that both parties are

angry. Which of course is not a good outcome for anyone.

You can combine multiple steps above to help alleviate anger. Don't hold it

in, but don't blow up. Calm yourself down and talk about it by using step

number 4 above. Go for a swim or a nice shower, and you can alleviate the

stresses that cause unhealthy anger.

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What is an anger management all about?

Anger is an emotion. It is an emotion experienced by everyone at some time

or other in their life. There are now more children expressing and showing

anger than in previous years, and it can have very serious consequences.

Everyone is different so it is not possible to know exactly what will trigger

one individual into an anger rage and not another. Typically if the individual

does not get something they want, or things don't go their way they expect

they can fly off into an anger rage. And the way they go into this anger state

varies from one person to another, no two are identical.

One person starts screaming, yelling at the top of their lungs. Another person

will pound the table, or wall till their hands start to bleed. Some will take

their anger out on other people and get physical and may even put someone

in the hospital. It all depends on what the situation is and how enraged they

become. The other side of this is the person who also goes ballistic, but does

so internally. This person does not show any outward appearance of anger or

rage instead they keep it inside and end up harming themselves due to the

negative emotions they bottle up.

Interestingly enough many people with anger management issues do not see

it in themselves. They cannot accept someone telling them that they have an

anger issue. They truly are in denial and not able to accept that they have a

problem, which in the end keeps them from seeking professional help. If the

situation continues and the individual is not helped he or she will eventually

40

hurt either themselves or someone else along the way. And depending on

how that happens they may end up in jail, or in the hospital.

Because of these consequences it is important to convince the individual that

there are those interested in helping them. If their anger goes unchecked and

uncontrolled for too long they will ultimately end up hurting themselves and

those they love. These people need to learn how to manage and deal with

their anger. Things happen to everyone and life goes on, but these people are

so entangled in their emotions and anger they often do not think straight.

Anger is one of our emotions. It may have an appropriate place at an

appropriate time. But when it gets out of control and becomes violent it

becomes a huge problem. The anger not only destroys the individual, it also

has an impact on everyone and everything around them. Anger management

can help these people and get them to lead normal healthy lives.

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CHAPTER 5

ANGER MANAGEMENT STRATEGY

#1: Changing Your Environment

1. If you usually spend your day indoors, make a point to spend some

personal time outdoors. Putter in your yard or take a walk. The fresh

air will do you good, both physically and mentally.

If you work mostly outdoors, spend some personal, private time

indoors. Go home, put your feet up and andrelax.

2. If you spend the day in physical labor, give yourself a "quiet time". Sit

on a park bench and watch the world go by or sit in your favorite chair

and let your tired muscles relax.

If you spend most of your day in a sit-down job, get those lethargic

muscles moving! After work, take some time to walk, run, and

exercise to feel a surge of renewed energy in both mind and body!

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3. If you spend your day in noise, make sure your "quiet time" is quiet.

Give yourself a chance to calm down and clear the chaos from your

thoughts.

If you spend your day where the silence is deafening, go home and

pump up the volume! Listen to the radio, play a CD, watch a half-hour

of television. Get your mind off your problems!

Anger Management Strategy 2:

Learn to Recognize Your Anger Activators

When you're reasonably calm, take a few minutes to examine recent times

when your anger flared. Jot them down. Don't relive each; just look for what

triggered your anger - your anger activators. What started you simmering

and when did you boil over? What effect did your temper flares have on

those around you and most importantly, you? What resulted from your

anger? Let this be the beginning of your anger log or anger diary.

Each day, "log" occurrences of your anger and their triggers. You'll likely

find that many of the same things are making you see red everyday.

For instance, a lot of folks start each day confronted by the harsh, irritating

beeping of an alarm clock. If you're one of them, consider changing its tune.

Set a clock radio to music instead of alarm or purchase an alarm that starts

with a quiet pulse and slowly increases in intensity.

Anger Management Strategy 3:

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The Serenity Prayer

You may have heard the platitude, "You're either part of the problem or part

of the solution." However, to paraphrase Abe Lincoln:

"You can solve all of the problems some of the time and some of the

problems all of the time, but you can't solve all of the problems all of the

time."

For instance, when you experience the loss of a family member, the anger

you may feel is a natural part of grieving. No matter what you do, you can't

solve the problem, but you can learn to control and resolve your anger.

"God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The Courage to change the things we can, And the Wisdom to know the

difference."

For decades, Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs have used

the Serenity Prayer to help their members cope with their problems. Even if

you don't believe in a higher power, you can still use this simple message as

an anger management strategy to help control your anger.

If anger is affecting your relationships, your work, or your health, consider

seeking help. An anger management group, class or private counseling may

be your best anger management strategy. Any of these can help you develop

an anger management program based on proven anger management

techniques.

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Guidelines for chidrens behaviour

When guiding children's behavior we need to understand that many

poor behaviours are exhibited in children because of a lack of self control.

Self control is not a behavior we are born with, rather it is learnt and

nurtured over our early learning years. I believe that the key to guiding a

child's behaviours into long term positive outcomes comes from

understanding that they are not born with intrinsic control of their emotions

and reactions, and an understanding that we need to foster and nurture these

qualities or skills.

Let me illustrate my thoughts on this point. When a child tantrums and hits

their parent in a shopping centre because they are not allowed to ride on the

toy car, we would all agree that their behavior is not appropriate. However,

which part of the situation is actually not appropriate? Now imagine yourself

walking past your favourite cafe, watching a woman sitting for a moment of

solitude, half way through a steaming cafe latte (you may substitute with

your own preferred choice!). You turn to your shopping partner to ask if

they would like to join you in indulging, and they say "oh no, we don't have

time for that, I want to show you this new jacket I've seen". You sigh, take a

breathe (to capture to aroma of freshly ground beans) and follow your

partner to give your opinion on the jacket.

Your first reaction to the situation is the same as that of the child "Oh, but I

would really love to.......". The difference comes in the ability to control the

first reaction / emotions. The behavior of hitting and tantrumming to express

emotion is not acceptable, the brief sigh and then compliance is acceptable.

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How do we foster self control in children? I would like to suggest 3 main

areas:

Modeling Self Control

Children learn through watching. A ad campaign showed children following

the reactions and emotions of their parents with the catch phrase "Children

See, Children Do". How can we expect children to be developing control

over their emotions and to display appropriate behaviours if we as teachers

and parents are not doing the same. If we slam doors, yell at the driver who

cut us off, or speak to colleagues with disrespect, we are not exhibiting self

control ourselves and we need to accept the same behaviours in the children

watching us.

Model to children how to express their emotions in controlled ways. It is

completely appropriate to explain to a child "Daddy is angry at the moment,

I'm going for a run to run all the angry energy out"; or "Lisa is very tried

from all the children crying and all the nappies she had to change today, I'm

going outside for a minute to take 10 deep breaths". You will be surprised to

see how quickly children will mimic these strategies.

Behaviour Management Techniques for Self Control

There are many varied techniques which can support children's self control.

Children need alternatives to express their emotions in controlled ways. In

my child care centres I developed an "angry chart" where children could

choose how they were going to express their emotions. In the throws of poor

behavior, I would support the child to choose from one of the following:

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Many of these actually become an alternatives to "Time Out" , which is a

much debated technique in child care centres. Children need to be removed

from the heated situation in order to gain self control. The concern with 'time

out' arose when children were seated on 'time out' chairs for long periods,

isolated from the rest of the group of children. The above techniques keep

the child occupied and active, whilst still removing them from the initial

situation.

Considering the opening illustration, we also need to be thinking ahead of

situations which could bring about poor behavior and lack of self control. As

parents, we will always be presented with ride on "thingys" or lolly pops at

eye level in shopping centres. Some days, we will need to allow time for

child indulgences, just like we allow ourselves time or money for a coffee

indulgence. Periodic rewards can actually help us to be more controlled at

times when we can't indulge. The key to supporting children's self control is

to discuss with them beforehand what the expectation of this shopping trip

is, acknowledging that "yes, it's sad we don't have time for a ride today, I'm

sad too".... and of course to praise children when they make even the

smallest achievement in emotional self control.

Games and Activities which Promote Self Control

Any games which foster a child's skills in listening and responding; and

stopping on a command will support their self control in behavior.

'Stop / Go' games such as Musical Statues and Red Light, Green Light.

o Musical games such as guessing the animal noise or where the sound is

coming from; or listening and interpreting music through movement

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o Relaxation Activities where children learn the skills of relaxing their

muscles and mind Breathing exercises such as pretending to blow up a

balloon (drawing a large breath and holding it, and them expelling air in

short bursts). Teaching children how to draw a long deep breath which helps

more oxygen get to the brain.o Waiting games where children need to either

wait their turn or wait for instruction.

The key to fostering self control in behavior is to understand that children

are not born with a natural ability to control their emotions. Rather, it is

important to work on ways to foster self control, which will in turn support

more positive behavior outcomes.

Cassandra Eccleston is a dedicated and experienced childcare professional

and writes for Onsite Early Childhood Training who produce cutting edge

Child Care Staff Training by DVD. You can visit our website for more free

resources, downloads, forums and information on children and behaviour

and the latest childcare staff training available.

Managing anger

Anger is a natural emotion, just like so many of the

other emotions that you go through in your day-to-

day life. It is in fact a natural response to certain

perceived threats that you may come across while

dealing with situations. It can happen anywhere, at

anytime.

You may get into a yelling contest with a stranger

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at a traffic jam or you may get into a wordy dual

with a petrol pump attendant. It could be a nasty

screaming match with your spouse or a cold,

seething rage with your “insolent” colleague.

The problem with anger

Anger in itself is not a problem. Experts in the field

of anger management agree on this. The real

problem is how you handle your anger. Screaming

or hurling missiles at your spouse, smashing

crockery or slamming down the phone on your

colleague is not anger management at its best.

It only means your anger is getting the better of you. Instead of expressing

your anger in a healthy and assertive way, you may be expressing it in an

unfriendly, aggressive manner—a manner that could quite possibly lead to

violent behavior and a cascade of personal and professional consequences.

Handling anger

Before anger begins handling you and you begin to manhandle someone, it

is better to learn to manage anger in a healthy way. Here are a few tips that

can be useful:

Analyze why you are angry:

Reading this you may think, “If I could stand there, analyzing my

anger, why would I be angry at all?” And that is exactly the point.

49

When you try to analyze the reason for your anger, this analysis

occupies mind space and you will soon see your anger evaporate—

because you cannot think two things at the same time. See?

Analyze what makes you angry:

Fortunately, in this case, you have more time. For example, imagine

you have a neighbor, whose dog barks you out of your siesta. You

wake up fuming wanting to wring the neck of that stupid dog and

maybe that of your neighbor’s as well. But wait! A dog is a dog and

dogs bark. You cannot keep it quiet for long, despite the best of

training or threats. Under the circumstances, it is better that you

behave like a human and let the beast be. So, the next time the dog

barks, you will be prepared for it and calm will prevail. You will also

be surprised when you find yourself getting used to the constant

barking so much so, it may require a foghorn to wake you up the next

time.

Analyze where you get angry:

Anger does not happen on its own. It is more of a learned behavior.

We were not born angry. There are certain triggers that can set you off

and you may find yourself erupting into a human volcano. Differences

at home or work could be simmering inside you. It becomes quite a

problem when your fuse is lit at home and you explode when you

reach office. Or you could have had a bad day with your “tyrannical”

boss and wanting to box his nose in, you end up landing a punch on

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your spouse’s face upon reaching home. Both situations can be

catastrophic. If you are angry at home, leave your anger there before

you leave to office and vice versa.

Express anger constructively:

Sounds a little paradoxical—but it is in fact logical. Anger

management does not mean you do not get angry and allow people to

walk all over you. It is okay to get angry—being angry is not a bad or

negative thing. While it is appropriate to keep your cool on occasions,

trying to be a saint will not get you anywhere. Expressing yourself in

an assertive, non-aggressive manner is the healthiest approach to

handling anger. Managing anger effectively can benefit you and those

around you. Your health may improve, you will feel better about

yourself, and strained relationships can be repaired when you control

your anger.

Anger and health

Anger can have a negative impacton your overall health—physical,

emotional and psychological. Gettingangry often or aggressive expression of

anger can be harmful. Pent upanger can affect you too. Some of the most

common health problemsassociated with destructive anger are:

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headaches,

sleeplessness,

high blood pressure,

eating difficulties,

digestive problems,

stress and stress-related problems,

deep sadness, if your reason for getting angry

is not adequately addressed and uncontrolled

anger can sometimes lead to a heart attack in

people with heart proble

Finally

Uncontrolled anger has its side effects—and it may not be too pleasant. You

may have your share of woes just as many people do—unpaid bills, traffic

jams, work pressure, conflicts with colleagues, strained spouse relationship,

anxiety about the future—modern society is full of stress. But that does not

mean you pick up a baseball bat and run berserk bumping people on their

head. It also does not mean that you behave like a sage even when people

trample on you. Be positive—positive people do not get put down. Neither

do they put others down. Be assertive without getting aggressive. Be polite,

but firm. And hook your anger onto the hanger.

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10 tips for control anger management

A starter for ten! I would like to offer you Ten Tips For Anger

Management that you can try today.

I understand that you may be skeptical. That is natural because anger

episodes can be intense and make it feel like there is no solution. You may

be thinking that Ten Tips For Anger Management may sound too good to be

true.

If it helps think of these as "tips for a healthy life" and do them even if you

don't get immediate results. Believe me it won't be long before these simple

things will improve your life.

So without further ado, here is my Ten Tips For Anger Management:

1. Breath Slowly

How long could you last without another breath? Not very long at all! Sorry

to be morbid, but I wanted to illustrate a point: Why do we take this essential

function for granted and never give it a second thought?

Learning to breath deeply can be welcome relief for a lot of anger, stress and

fear issues. It's not that you have to breathe deeply all of the time. Short deep

breathing sessions once or twice a day can be a big help.

For a massive distress experience, sit or lie down somewhere comfortable.

Breath in slowly, and allow the air to fill your lungs from the top at the chest

53

all the way to the bottom around the navel area. Don't be afraid to allow

those lungs to fill, and it's a good sign if your stomach comes out!

Once you are full of air, hold it for a second, and then slowly breath it all

out. S..L..O..W..L..Y... is the key. We generally breath a lot faster and

shallower than we need to.

Have you ever tried Yoga? If you are keen on improving your breathing try

a local Yoga class. Yoga classes vary in style and many cater for beginners

who may not be flexible or fit yet. In Yoga the breath is King.

Hope you enjoyed this first of my Ten Tips For Anger Management! Read

on for the other nine of my Ten Tips For Anger Management

2. Get out of the situation

Now this must sound like a cop-out. You are angry, having an argument

with another person, perhaps your husband, wife, partner, friend, boss, mum,

sister or colleague. Surely walking away won't solve the problem?

Well it might help in the short term. If the anger is cycling around. For

example one of you is getting angry, saying hurtful things, making the other

one angry who then says hurtful things, the situation soon spirals out of

control. Common sense, diplomacy, care and love evaporate for that

moment.

Walking away can be very helpful. It allows both parties to reflect and get

into a state of mind where resolution can be found. It could take some time,

minutes, hours or even a few days (depending on the person and the

54

relationship). But if you give it enough time, when you reunite the situation

should be a lot easier to handle.

The issues that triggered the anger may still be there under the surface.

Things may still need to be dealt with. And now that you are both calm you

have the maximum chance or sorting out the situation.

Obviously you should judge when walking away is appropriate. It may not

be for all situations. For example you may be driving together down a dark

country lane, or in a pressurized job like a chef, so in some cases look for a

way you can semi-get out. Often simply agreeing not to say anything for a

few minutes can help.

Add "Walking Away" to your arsenal of anger-busting solutions and it could

save you from regretful action again and again.

Hope you enjoyed this second of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

3. Avoid the trigger

his is one step ahead of "getting out of the situation". If you can figure out

what triggers an angry episode for you, then you can structure your life so as

to avoid it.

For example being in a traffic jam when you are late for work might make

you feel angry. So how do you avoid the traffic? Well maybe you can't... but

if you leave earlier it may not make you late for work anymore. And a

longer term view might see you working nearer where you live, or living

nearer where you work, or seeing if you can work from home 1 day a week.

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See if you can find one trigger than makes you angry, and one step you can

take to reduce the likelihood of it happening.

Hope you enjoyed this third of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

4. Change perspectives

Most episodes of anger are directed at a person rather than an object. What is

more likely to cause a person to get angry. (a) slipping on a slippery

pavement, or (b) being pushed over by a stranger on the pavement?

Well I'd say probably being pushed... even though the result is the same.

Because there is someone to blame, anger is more likely to result. And

whilst this may seem like a silly example, there is a lot you can take from it

in terms of controlling anger.

If someone else does something we think is unjust, i.e. is against our beliefs

and principles, then this could cause us to get angry with that person. We

may or may not express it verbally, but the feeling can be there inside of us.

A change in perspective could be to challenge our own beliefs and values.

E.g. if someone randomly pushes me over in the street then he must have

some kind of mental or emotional problem. And he probably can't help it. In

fact I should feel sorry for him, as he has to live with that, and I merely have

a bruise that will heal. In fact it would be more annoying if I slipped over, as

that would be my own fault! So hey-ho I will carry on with my day as best I

can.

If this seems a bit of a stretch, a bit to hard to do, a bit weird perhaps then

yes it kind of is. Think of it like this though - who is harmed when we get

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angry feelings? It is likely to be the person who is getting angry. And by

choosing not to get angry you can make better decisions about how to deal

with it. And avoid making the wrong decision. E.g. in this case that wrong

decision could be throwing a punch.

Hope you enjoyed this forth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

5. Exercise

Aerobic Exercise, such as running, cycling, swimming and rowing causes

your body to release chemicals known as endorphins, which give you a

feeling of a high. This is often known as "runners high". If you enjoy team

sports like football, rugby, hockey or basketball, or competitive sports like

tennis or squash you can also get this high.

There are a number of benefits to the exercise. As well as the instant high,

the exercise can be a good "release" for the anger and a good escape (see

earlier on this page 2. Get out of the situation) above. Also being fitter

should give you a more positive feeling about life and more energy which

will help. Exercise wont solve an anger issue but it can aid other methods of

anger management by giving you a positive boost.

Hope you enjoyed this fifth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

6. Take it out on the pillow

This one is simple. You feel angry. Get a pillow. Punch it. And Again. And

Again. Harder! Harder!

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Now you feel better. It gives you a chance to express it and get the feelings

out of your system.

However be careful with this one, as for some people it may stoke the anger

even further. Try to judge if the pillow exercise is helping you by writing

down on a scale of one to ten how angry you feel before and after the

exercise.

Hope you enjoyed this sixth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

7. Smile

Smiling is usual reactive - we see an old friend or a cute baby and it makes

us smile. But smiling can also be proactive. We can smile when there is

nothing particular to smile about, just because it makes us feel good. And

the good feeling reinforces the smile, in a lovely cycle. A smile can help you

change your mood, even if only for an instant, and can be useful when you

are feeling perhaps slightly irritated. It's a way to nip it in the bud before you

become angry.

Again I recommend you deal with the problem that made you irritated.

Think about if it was reasonable to feel like that, or if you feel in hindsight

that actually it was silly to get annoyed about something so trivial. Try to

think how other people you know may react to that same situation. I mention

this because the smile isn't meant to be a way to avoid tricky feelings - they

must be acknowledged. It is a way to change your mood for the better so a

little niggle is less likely to ruin your day.

Hope you enjoyed this seventh of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

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8. Be flexible

This tip is about trying to be a bit more flexible in your thinking and beliefs.

This could mean simply changing your perspective as mentioned earlier. Or

looking into alternative ways of thinking. Reading books about Buddhism

and Law Of Attraction may help with this. You can get some inspiration and

wisdom from these areas even if you don't adopt the entire doctrine.

Being flexible can also mean simple being more willing to go with the flow,

saying yes, accepting the current situation and knowing it is enough to do

your best. There is a lot that is beyond our control so there is no use in

getting angry with many things and people in life.

Hope you enjoyed this eighth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

9. Write it down

Writing things down can have a brilliant mental effect. Writing lists can help

us remember. And writing your feelings about something can help you come

to terms with those feelings. It is a way to let out your anger without

confronting the person or object you are angry at. And by doing so start the

process of forgiving or coming to terms with the situation.

Hope you enjoyed this ninth of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

10. Love

Here "Love" refers to a common love for all people and things. A deep

spiritual love, rather than a romantic attachment. Practice this "Love", a

feeling of truly adoring and respecting the world around you, and you may

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find angry feeling subsiding. Like it is impossible to be grumpy when you

are dancing, it is not possible to be angry when you are feeling love. Even if

the feeling is only fleeting give it a go. This one can take a lot of practice if

you are not used to it or if you are skeptical. Again if you are skeptical give

it a go, keep an open mind, and don't expect any kind of "result". If you feel

good it's a bonus (and you will probably feel good).

Hope you enjoyed this final tip of my Ten Tips For Anger Management!

I really hope Ten Tips For Anger Management has been helpful for you.

You don't have to try them all at the same time, just pick and choose as you

go along. These Ten Tips For Anger Management are all from personal

experience and not just copied from elsewhere so enjoy!

How anger impacts the people around you

Anger is a feeling or emotion which can create a lot of energy. Besides

feeling it in the body, this energy often comes out in words and/or behaviors.

These outward reactions can create a lot of hurt and sadness. The following

article will look at the impact anger can have on the people around you.

Anger the secondary emotion

From the time we are born, we experience and express emotions...happiness,

sadness, fear, frustration and anger. So why is anger a secondary emotion?

Because we learn it as a response to other emotions.

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Humans are born with a protective "fight or flight" instinct. We respond to

fear by either running away (emotionally or physically), or standing our

ground and fighting back. At a very early age, we realize that we can fight

any emotion that we don't like, for example, sadness and frustration.

As we grow up, we are socialized. In other words, we are taught to play well

with others. These lessons come in part from parents and teachers, but also

from unguided practice, as we learn from our interactions with each other.

So why do some people have a terrible time dealing with anger? Either they

didn't learn to address anger appropriately growing up, or at some point, the

rewards for feeling anger seemed better than dealing with depression or

anxiety. If you are one of these people, your anger is still protecting you.

Nobody likes to feel sad or lonely or frustrated, and anger often feels like a

good substitute for the pain, until it grows out of control.

So where is the light at the end of the tunnel? Remember that anger is a

response we learned, and it can be un-learned. We can teach ourselves a

better way. We can find a person or a group or a program to help us learn to

manage our anger, and express our feelings in less destructive ways.

If you feel you need help with your anger, speak with someone about it.

Often, a family member, close friend or minister can provide useful advice

that will set you on the right path. If your concerns seem more serious or

urgent, speak with your family doctor or a local mental health provider. You

might consider online anger management classes. There is help available,

and you are absolutely not alone.

William Smith is a master's level psychologist, certified by the State of

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Tennessee as a social counselor since 1989. He is the CEO of The Logan

Group International, a leading provide of anger management courses for

court and employers. To learn more about his company and what it offers,

Anger : Effects, Causes and Antidotes

The five poisons, i.e. desire, anger, ignorance, pride and jealousy affect our

mind. Among these five poisons, anger is the most damaging one. One of

the main practices of the Mahayana / Vajrayana practitioners is to get rid of

anger.

Shantideva once said "One strong bitter anger can destroy merits of a

thousand aeons". There is in fact no merits equivalent to patience and no bad

karma equivalent to anger.

The Effects of Anger

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1) Visible effects which are felt in this life

2) Invisible effects which will be felt in the next life

1) Visible Effects

Examples of visible effects of anger are feeling unhappy an

uneasy, and showing undesirable facial expressions. These will

cause others to feel uncomfortable and unwilling to talk to us.

Our spirit and physical energy will be deteriorated. We cannot

sleep well when we have anger and strong hatred. The next day

we will not have a clear mind to concentrate on things. Our

diets will be affected, either we do not have to appetite to eat or

we will eat a lot. Worse still, it draws all our senses and wisdom

such that we become very blunt and bold. Whatever we do, we

will not be able to think whether it is right or wrong. We will

feel like wanting to scold others and talk bad about others.

Eventually, we lose our friends, relatives, health and merits.

2) Invisible Effects

Anger will destroy our goal for practicing and will cause us to be born in

hell directly. In Amitabha;s long sutra, it was mentioned that saying bad

words with anger and hatred to a Bodhisattva will create evil karma for

aeons or destroy our merits accumulated for aeons. This was also mentioned

in many other texts. A person who takes and preserves the bodhisattva vows

is a bodhisattva. Practitioners of Mahayana and Vajrayana who always think

of sentient beings and preserve their vows are bodhisattvas. Therefore one of

the most important things to remember is that a bodhisattva can be anyone

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anywhere. We should not be angry at any person, especially our dharma

brothers and sisters.

The Causes of Anger

To know how a problem comes about and how to get rid of it, we have to

know its causes which can be divided into primary cause and secondary

cause. The primary cause is self-grasping ego which can be eradicated by the

practice of understanding and realizing emptiness. The secondary cause is

frustration which is a step before anger. Frustrations arise when we get

cannot get what we want or we get something which we do not want. All

these happened because:

1) all sentient beings have too much self-interest or ego;

2) there is no respect towards others. Everybody thinks that they are

the most important and unless there is mutual respect, we as well as

others be harmed;

3) dissatisfaction which can cause unhappiness because we tend to

want to get more when we are not satisfied; and

4) impatience. We should know that things take time to get results

but we give up halfway. This also leads us to unhappiness and the

generation of anger.

The Antidote for Anger

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It is very important to know the causes and the effects of a problem in order

to get rid of or reduce the anger associated with the problem. There are three

ways to solve our problem of anger:-

1) Analytical meditation

2) Skillful practice

3) Generation of positive reception

1) Analytical meditation

Imagine someone says very bad words to make us very angry or defame us

in front of others. If we are unhappy because of anger, we should examine

ourselves. What is the cause that makes us unhappy? Is it the sound / word

we heard, the cause of our unhappiness? Imagine again that somebody says

very bad words but in a different language that we do not understand or he

says it with a smiling face, what would you think? In our daily life, if we can

analyze this through meditation, then we are actually practicing the Dharma.

We should use this skillful mean. Chanting cannot replace this analytical

meditation.

From our analytical meditation we will be able to know that the word is not

the cause of our unhappiness and anger. The cause in fact is the thought

attachment of thinking that the word is something bad to us. You may think

that this is perhaps true, but you may get angry when someone hits you

because of feeling the physical pain. You should meditate and ask yourself.

If you get angry when you are in pain, why don't you get angry when you

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have a headache, toothache, etc? They are all pains. You may say the

headache is caused by no one but this pain and anger is caused by someone

with a bad intention. If you think like this, check if this person is always

hitting others or saying bad words to others. He may not scold or hit

everybody but just a few people. There must be something behind him that

makes him hit/scold others. Ask yourself if someone hits you with a stick,

will you be angry at the stick or the person? Usually we get angry with the

person but not the stick because it is the person who causes the movement of

the stick. But we should know that the person hits us because of anger. He

will not want to hit people all the time. For example, he will not hit people

when he is happy. If anger is not the cause for him to hit people, he will hit

people anytime. Why don't you get angry at the person's anger then? If you

know this secret, you will not complain much. Instead you should feel

compassionate towards this person because he will create karma under the

control of anger.

Another meditation is to think of the corresponding cause. If you are not

here, he has no object to hit. Therefore at least 50% of the problem comes

from you. You are here at the wrong time and wrong place. If you think back

with anger and hatred towards the person, will it help you to be happy? If it

doesn't, why should you be angry? In fact this will be harmful because it will

create more bad effects. If you are angry with him, and in return he gets

angry with you, etc. There will be no end to it.

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3) Skillful Practice

One of the very successful skills is a Bodhisattva practice of

practicing like a tree. If someone hits a tree, the tree will not feel

anything and will not move. Similarly, if someone hurts us and we

do not react, it will stop further detriments (even though when we

are actually emotionally involved). If your unhappiness is caused by

jealousy, think of the goal that you want to achieve. Is it possible to

achieve? If it is not possible, why not just forget about it and do

something else? Why be unhappy as this will not be helpful? The

unhappiness will even make us angrier. You should void

unnecessary troubled places. If you know you'll have problems

when going to a certain place at a certain time, don't go. It is also

important to understand the timing factor, i.e. is it the right time or

not? An example is when you are doing a good deed but couldn't

achieve the goal for others. You will get frustrated, but think, is it

the right timing? If not, you should do it some other time. Another

main skill is never count to how many times you had practiced

patience.

3) Generation of Positive Perception towards All Sentient Beings

When we are positive towards others, our anger will become weaker. To

practice this, we need to do one of the following when we get angry:

1) contemplate about the benefits of patience and the faults of anger;

2) understand that things we experience are the results of previous karma

and accept them; and

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3) think or understand that the nature of all sentient beings is pure because

they all have the Buddha Nature. They are beings controlled by anger and

ignorance. We shouldn't be angry at these innocent beings. We should be

angry at the 3 poisons.

In conclusion, by understanding the faults and causes of anger and knowing

how to solve the problem, we will be able to practice the Dharma to calm

our mind and attain liberation. It will definitely benefit us in this life as well

as future lives.

Tips for anger management

Generally speaking, there are three styles, or types, of anger: the "stuffer,"

the "passive-aggressive" and the "exploder." Each of these types are unique

in various ways, manifesting to  varying degrees, times, locations or

situations. It is important to note, however, that all types of anger produce

the same negative outcome.Unresolved or uncontrollable anger tends to arise

out of emotional or physical problems. For some, this concept may be a bit

difficult to grasp. Most people who are angry, and who do not recognize

their anger as a problem, believe that they are always justified in their

behaviors. Those individuals who use anger as a tool in order to get their

own way, forcing people to do as they are told, are creating negative

consequences for their own lives in various harmful ways. Sooner or later,

they learn that their hostility can be a life-destroying, family-destroying, and

rather expensive habit. When these individuals address and resolve the

bitterness and resentments in their past and present lives, they also resolve a

huge amount of the additional problems they face, especially at work,

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school, or in their relationships.Anger can sometimes be a rather

troublesome, one that is confusing and complex. Yet, anger is much more

than a mere emotion, however, since we know and recognize it as such, we

will start there. Anger is a manifested emotion, if you will. It is a means of

crying out as a result of annoyance, exasperation, rancor, ill will, resentment,

indignation, pain, hurt, shame, displeasure, the list could go on and on. All

of these feelings can range from extreme to mild. Anger can be manifested

through a number of means, including verbal assaults such as criticizing,

yelling, scolding, ridicule or humiliation. It can be made manifest through

physical means, such as attacking, damaging, hurting, hitting, or otherwise

bringing violence into the situation. Finally, anger can also manifest itself

personally through feelings of victimization, shame, helplessness,

hopelessness, or withdrawing.

With such a wide variety of anger expressions as well as related outcomes, it

stands to reason that we would attempt to displace, divert, cover, deny, or

bury it in the back of our minds. Thankfully, people who deal

 with anger management issues can learn to live a productive, peaceful,

purpose-filled life!

When it comes to the types of anger, it is rather easy to put them in

perspective. The "stuffer" is someone who experiences anger within

themselves. They bottle it all up inside, letting the anger eat away at them

spiritually. The "passive-aggressive" is the person who expresses his or her

anger verbally. They show aggression, but more in their words than in their

actions. These words can often hurt worse, much worse, than the physical

violence, as these people are very "skilled" at using sharp-edged language.

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Finally, anger can be acted out by the person, and these individuals would be

expressing the "exploder" style of anger. They will wage an all-out war both

physically and verbally against the smallest of infractions. It is often difficult

to detect when they will "explode" in anger, as these people will often act

rather calm up and until the moment of explosion.

When it comes to understanding how or why anger occurs, it is important to

know the components, or the process, of anger. Four common components

exist when it comes to the "causes" of anger: behaviors, feelings, automatic

thought (which typically is irrational), and trigger events. People who are

dealing with anger management issues will often blame one of these four

components, or use them to justify their actions.

Behavioral components of anger are those little occurrences or situations

that may cause someone to use bad words, flip the bird, honk their horn, or

slam something down on the counter. It is actions that happen without any

conscious thought. It is an immediate, short-lived expression of anger.

Feeling components of anger are rage, hurt, or a sense of deep fear. A person

who feels these emotions may thereby act out in an attempt to remedy the

negativity. They may seek retribution for a implied or actual slight caused by

someone else. They may desire to "hurt" the offender who caused the pain,

rage, or fear in order to "make them feel like I feel."

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Automatic thought components of anger are typically irrational, sometimes

to the extreme. They play with our imaginations, making us believe that

things are worse than they really are. For example, a driver who is cut off at

an intersection may experience irrational thoughts that the driver is literally

trying to kill them. In anger, they chase after the offender, who perhaps has

no clue that they have done anything wrong.

Trigger events are the most common, and perhaps the most often blamed,

components of anger. These events are situations or circumstances that cause

us to be on edge, such as loud children, driving behind a very slow tractor on

a two-lane highway, or finding out that the coffee pot is not working on a

morning when we desperately need our cup of joe.

People can, and do, learn how to take control of their anger issues. It is

important to note here that nobody makes anyone get angry. No situation

causes anger. It is the individual who chooses to become angry, as well as to

the degree or extent that they choose to manifest it. Anger is not automatic,

except for in the most primal sense of the word. It is a totally learned

response in most cases.

Anger typically has its origins in past or present guilty feelings, inferiority

complexes, fear, or trauma. These four can be easily remembered in the

acronym GIFT. With this in mind, persons who seek anger management

techniques can learn to effectively control their anger using the acronym

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TIME - Think, Intercept, Move, and Exit. In the "think" strategy, one learns

about and recognizes their own hot buttons. In the "intercept" strategy,

individuals learn to intercept their anger impulses. They do so by reviewing

their history of anger, looking for patterns of behavior or trigger situations.

In the "move" strategy, those who deal with anger back away from anger-

causing situations if at all possible, thereby providing space between

themselves and the "cause" of their anger or aggression. Finally, the "exit"

strategy, if the individual feels that he or she is going to explode in anger,

they must exit the premises immediately.

What can make people angry?

The most common factors that make people angry are:

Grief - losing a loved one.

Sexual frustration

Rudeness

Tiredness

Hunger

Pain

Withdrawal from drugs or some medications

Some physical conditions, such as pre-menstrual syndrome

Physical illness

Mental illness

Alcohol, some drugs, alcohol abuse, drug abuse

Injustice

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Being teased or bullied

Humiliation

Embarrassment

Deadlines

Traffic jams

Disappointment

Sloppy service

Failure

Infidelity

Burglary

Financial problems

Being told you have a serious illness

Anger can make you ill

When we are angry the body releases stress hormones, such as adrenaline,

noradrenaline and cortisol. The heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature

and breathing rate increase. Regular episodes of anger can eventually make

people ill.

Anger Management Techniques

Anger is one of the most common and destructive delusions, and it afflicts

our mind almost every day. To solve the problem of anger we first need to

recognize the anger within our mind, acknowledge how it harms both ourself

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and others, and appreciate the benefits of being patient in the face of

difficulties. We then need to apply practical methods in our daily life to

reduce our anger and finally to prevent it from arising at all.

Anger is a deluded mind that focuses on an animate or inanimate object,

feels it to be unattractive, exaggerates its bad qualities, and wishes to harm

it. For example, when we are angry with our partner, at that moment he or

she appears to us as unattractive or unpleasant. We then exaggerate his bad

qualities by focusing only on those aspects that irritate us and ignoring all

his good qualities and kindness, until we have built up a mental image of an

intrinsically faulty person. We then wish to harm him in some way, probably

by criticizing or disparaging him.

Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind

Because it is based on an exaggeration, anger is an unrealistic mind; the

intrinsically faulty person or thing that it focuses on does not in fact exist.

Moreover, as we shall see, anger is also an extremely destructive mind that

serves no useful purpose whatsoever. Having understood the nature and

disadvantages of anger, we then need to watch our mind carefully at all

times in order to recognize it whenever it begins to arise.

This explanation of how to overcome our anger through practising patience

is based on Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life, the famous poem by the

great Buddhist Master Shantideva. Though composed over a thousand years

ago, this is one of the clearest and most powerful explanations of the subject

ever written, and is just as relevant today as it was then

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Anger Management Guide for Managers  

Tension in the workplace is common. Everyone wants to be as productive as

possible to improve their respective careers. This often creates a conflict of

interest since a person wants to be on top over some employees a fact that

will not be received well by other employees who also wanted to improve in

their career. Aside from workplace competition...

Anger and Time Management  

Anger could easily be attributed as a reaction to things unexpected. When a

person encounters or receives something that is not according to

expectations anger could commence immediately. Although the usual

reaction for many individuals could be frustration and disappointment

constant frustration because of not achieving the expectations could lead...

Passive Aggression  

Passive aggression is a form of behavior wherein a person devices a tricky”

solution to avoid conflict and anger. This is also a type of behavior for those

who does not want to deal with responsibilities but cannot say no” when

asked. Instead of dealing with the task assigned those with passive

aggression procrastinate while...

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Manage Anger with Positive Thinking  

When something bad happens to a person feelings and reactions to the said

event should be expected. These reactions could easily distinguish the

pessimist - who thinks negatively about the situation and the optimist who

sees that something good could come out from the experience. The situation

and outcome could be the same for everyone but...

How to Control Anger  

Anger is a very negative emotional response. It can be triggered by anything

anyone or anytime. This type of negative emotion is usually caused by a

series of events or experiences as the person starts out disappointed and

frustrated. Eventually the feeling of anger to others and even to oneself

increases as the person who feels frustrated would...

How to Handle Workplace Bullies  

As a kid you will always see bullies picking on small students at school. In

fact you might even be one of the bullies or been bullied for sometime

before you grown a little bit. A child could have a hard time dealing with

bullies since they are dealing with someone bigger.  Time flies fast for

children and through the help of the school this...

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How to Control Rage  

There are times when you witness a person get really angry about a certain

situation that he or she sh incident. A basic example is road rage wherein a

person gets out of the car and furiously charges at another vehicle owner

who might have caused the accident.

Anger Management Techniques for Youth

Individuals between their late teens and late 20s are considered to be

the most vulnerable individuals when it comes to taking a wrong step

out of anger. They do tend to repent for this, but once the damage has

been done, nothing much can be done about it. Stats show that most of

the people who take to anger management also belong to the same age

group. Some of them do know the importance of knowing about how

to control anger at work and other such social surroundings, but most

of them are still unaware of anger management. Most of the anger

management techniques for teens and anger management tips for

adults also feature similar techniques for youth, but youth, being a bit

more exuberant, need to put in some extra efforts to control their

anger. Read more on anger control techniques.

Take a Break

This is one of the simplest method of anger management. Whenever

you are angry about something or someone, you can ideally stay away

from that person or that thing for a brief period of time. This will help

you to regain a composed mindset and think over the issue to find a

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possible solution. If you can't just walk out, just keep calm and count

to ten. It may sound absurd, but it is effective when it comes to

controlling outbursts of anger. Read more on how to deal with

annoying peopleIdentify Possible Solutions During the break, you can

evaluate all the possible options to avoid further complications or

damage. You mind may tend to divert to the 'cause' which made you

angry, but you will have to deviate away from the cause, and think

about the possible effects of your outburst. Remember that damage

control is the need of the hour, and being mature enough to

understand the consequences will help you not to take any drastic step

which would lead to dire consequences.

Assertive Communication

Talking can indeed resolve issues, especially when you use assertive

communication techniques. Assertive communication is basically the

appropriate method of expressing feelings and needs, without

offending the other person by any means. It stresses on starting a

particular sentence with 'I', instead of 'you'. For instance, "I was

offended as I didn't expect you to.....", instead of "You offended me

by.....".

Humor

Humor, is no doubt the best way to resolve tension between two

people. As soon as you realize that the 'discussion' is turning into an

'argument', and may deteriorate even further, you can add a hint of

humor to the conversation. This will help in releasing all that pent up

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tension, which could otherwise lead to a 'clash of egos'. Read more on

how to control anger in a relationship.

Don't Hold a Grudge

This is the worst thing you can possibly do, and it will just add to the

pent up tension within you. Every time you come across the person,

you will recollect the moment and your temper will flare all over

again. You can simply forget the issue and carry on with life, and if

that's not possible, avoid the person till you forget or forgive.

Other than the above mentioned popular anger management

techniques for youth, you can also practice self restraint by

committing to a healthy life style. Anger is related to stress to a great

extent, and therefore exercising and practicing relaxation techniques

can also help in anger management. Read more on how to deal with

anger.

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Anger Management Quotes

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of

throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. – Buddha.

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of

mind. – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more hurtful to us than the injury that

provokes it. – Seneca.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. – Will Rogers.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. – Will Rogers.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever

regret. – Ambrose Bierce.

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of

it. – Marcus Aurelius.

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Two things a man should never be angry at: what he can help, and what he

cannot help. – Thomas Fuller.

No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. – George Jean

Nathan.

 

There was never an angry man that thought his anger unjust. – St. Francis

De Sales.

If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of

sorrow. –Chinese Proverb.

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate

something about your size? – Sydney J. Harris

He who angers you conquers you. -- Elizabeth Kenny

Anger is one letter short of danger. – Eleanor Roosevelt

If you kick a stone in anger, you'll hurt your own foot. – Korean Proverb

Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die. –

Malachy McCourt

 

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Resentment is stabbing yourself to get at the person behind you. – Unknown

Resentment is setting yourself on fire so the smoke will annoy someone. –

Unknown

 

Anger dwells only in the bosom of fools. – Albert Einstein

Anger is short-lived madness. – Horace

Anger blows out the lamp of the mind. – Robert G. Ingersoll

Anger is a killing thing:  it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves

him less than he had been before - it takes something from him. – Louis

L'Armour

To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee. – William H.

Walton

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HOW TO CONTROL ANGER PROBLEMS

Anger is one of the basic human emotions that is triggered by hurting or

when things don't go the way they were expected. It is a common state of

losing temper, which people experience when they feel they are mistreated

and opposed. Yes, it is a common feeling but the degree of expression and

its impact is different by person to person. The intensity of anger, way of

expressing it and anger threshold also differs as per each individual. There

are two major types of anger as constructive anger and destructive anger.

However, anger management is an issue that needs a little more attention

and wise 'eye' to find how to control anger problems. The following article

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acquaints you with some forays of anger as well as how to control anger

problems.

Controlling Anger Before it Controls You

Though anger in itself is a type of human emotion, there are various styles

and types of expressing anger, to be precise, there are ten! These anger styles

are sneaky anger, paranoid anger, sudden anger, anger avoidance, deliberate

anger, shame based anger, habitual anger, addictive anger, moral anger and

hate! Upon the nature of all these different styles of anger issues, anger can

be divided into three main categories as expectational anger, legitimate

anger and circumstantial anger. Nonetheless, each and every types of anger

and anger issues do create havoc and disturbs both the parties, the angry and

the victim person.

Anger management is the best way to learn how to control anger problems

that can lead to innumerable other correlated problems. These problems can

be severe and even take form of psychological disorders like kleptomania,

Pyromania, Trichotillomania (pulling your own hair or harming oneself),

domestic violence, and intermittent explosive disorders. All in all, anger has

never proved beneficial unless it has been controlled and expressed in an

utterly positive way. Hence it is very essential to learn how to control anger

problems. There are a few simple solutions to avoid all these things and that

is to learn the appropriate anger management techniques. Here we will try to

find out some simple ways to know how to control anger problems, the

healthy way.

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How to Control Anger Problems

Patience is the best way to all the nastiest problems and hence patience is the

first rule of learning how to control anger problems. All the given tips on

how to deal with anger are only possible when a person is willing to be

patient and solve the problem for the goodwill of himself as well as the

people around him.

Evaluate the Cause

It can be a bit impossible a the advent, but still get to know what is it exactly

that is making you angry. Are you angry because you are afraid, ashamed or

sad? What are the causes that are making you to bite the fist. This thinking

process will actually prove time consuming and somewhat calm you down.

When the initial blow passes, reassure yourself and ask whether the cause is

void enough to get angry and react so suddenly? Evaluation seems difficult

at the start but as one starts to think, he realizes that there are surely other

ways than anger. This exercise will surely be helpful and you will realize,

that there were just so many incidences that needed patience, than anger.

Evaluation of the situation will lead you to the answer of how to control

anger and stress and anger management techniques and tips to control anger.

Choose the Course of Action

Well, so you have come to the conclusion that anger is the ultimate solution

(which I doubt), then make sure you express your anger in the healthiest way

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possible. Make sure you express the anger in the most possible non

confrontational way, a way that will least hurt the others and make them

aware of your state of mind, to the fullest. When I am talking about course

of action, I mean by thinking carefully before talking and reacting and make

sure you let it out in a positive way, that is best suited for both parties.

Remember that its 'you' who do not agree with the points expressed by the

others and hence always talk in that way. Always say "I'm angry because..."

and not "you made me angry by...". Remember words can heal and words

can kill, so choose them correctly. Read on anger management techniques

for men and anger management tips for adults.

Learn to Relax

It is agreed that your feeling what you are feeling - "angry", but anger has

never helped anyone and neither will it help you. Hence, learn some anger

control techniques, to find the best way to relax. When you feel angry, think

about something else, leave the place calmly and go away, do the thing that

makes you the most happy (except anger, as at that point only anger must be

making you happy!). These relaxation techniques differ by person to person.

Some people will find music therapy as the best stress management

technique while some will find serenity in meditation and yoga. Some

people will take a brisk walk while some will like to write or reading book,

watching television,etc and find outlet to their anger. Choose the best

medium to relax and get out of the situation to know how to control anger

and irritation and how to control anger outbursts.

Read on:

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How to Control Anger in a Relationship

Anger Management Techniques for Kids and Teens

How to Control Anger at Work

There are just a lot other situations that make a person angry. There are some

conditions where anger is harmful, like pregnancy and in children. There are

situations when a woman feels angry, it might be due to the hormonal

changes that take place during pregnancy, nonetheless, learning how to

control anger during pregnancy is a must for health of both the unborn as

well as the mother. There are a few anger control exercises that you can try

in these situations. Controlling bad moods and learning how to control anger

with children, is yet another thing that most people find difficult to handle.

Learning how to control anger with kids is indeed difficult, but you can

overcome it as well. Make sure you do not fall for the children tantrums and

make the child understand that he has made a mistake. Anger will never

work well with the kids. Try to be assertive perhaps and make sure you

make the child to realize his mistake, in more healthy and calm way. Read

on anger management techniques for children and anger management

techniques for youth.

Expressing anger at wrong occasions can be really harmful but there are

many righteous occasions that really need anger and anger in a conservative

way. Save your anger for such meaningful occasions and avoid any other

demeaning ways of expressing anger. Learning how to control anger

problems is very necessary to lead a healthy and happy personal and social

life. So think about it and take care!

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CHAPTER 6-

CHRISTIAN BUDDHISM: RELIGIOUS PERSPECTIVE

What is Anger ?Religious perspective on anger? Christian Buddhism

Religious perspective on anger

Amongst adherants of Christianity that take the Bible literally, causeless,

excessive, or protracted anger is treated as sinful due to its treatment in the

Antithesis of the Law and in Colossians 3:8, and unbridle wrath is one of the

seven deadly sins. The Bible warns “do not let the sun go down on your

anger”(Eph. 4:26), that is, do not let feeling of anger last so long as to

become sinful. There is, however, what is commonly referred to as

“righteous anger,” as demonstared by Jesus when he made a whip and

cleared ot the merchants in the Temple (John 2:13-16).

In Islam , anger seen as a sign of weakness. The Prophet Muhammad

said: “The strong is not the one who over comes the people by his strength,

But the strong is the one controls him while in anger.”

Anger in Buddhism is defined here as: “being unable to bear the

object, or the intention to cause harm to the object”. Anger is seen as

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aversion with a stronger exaggeration, and is listed as one of the five

hindrances. It is a common misconception that spiritual saints never get

angry. But it is not true, even the Dalai Lama, the spiritual Guru of Tibetan

monks, gets anger. However, there is a difference; most often a spiritual

person is aware of the question: “Is any anger acceptable in Buddhism? The

Dalai Lama answered:

“Buddhism in general teaches that anger is a destructive emotion and

although anger might have some of neither any kind as a virtuous emotion

nor aggression as constructive behavior. The Gautama Buddha has taught

that there are three basic fleshes at the root of samara (bondage, illusion) and

the vicious cycle of rebirth. These are greed, hatred, and delusion –also

translatable as attachment, anger, and ignorance. They bring us confusion

and misery rather than peace, happiness, and fulfillment. It is in own self-

interest to purify and transform them”.

In Hinduism, anger is equated with sorrow as a form of unrequited desire.

The objects of anger are perceived as a hindrance to the gratification of the

desires of the angry person. Alternatively if s/he thinks they are superior, the

result is grief. Anger is considered to be packed with more evil power than

even desire.

Causes and effects of Anger

Common factors that can lead to irritability include fatigue, hunger,

pain, sexual frustration, recovery from an illness, or the use of certain drugs;

hormonal changes associated with PMS, birth, and menopause, physical

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withdrawal, bipolar disorder. Research suggests some individuals may be

genetically predisposed to higher levels of anger. However, generational

behaviors relative to primary care givers' responses to anger actually have a

much larger influence in "predispostion" to anger.

The key factor responsible for anger is the choice to oppose the source of the

pain. Without opposition, we would be left with fear behaviors (running

away in the face of pain, for example). The pain/deprivation does not have to

be a physical pain/threat, it can be emotional pain or abstract (i.e. being lied

to). The source of pain can be directed at objects (i.e., the Universe,).

However, feeling pain does not always lead to anger (for example, bumping

a nose into a glass pane and feeling embarrassed.

Humans often exhibit anger behaviors empathically. For example, reading

an article about a minority experiencing racism. We are not the victim, per

se. Thus, anger, sometimes, makes us sharp and quick to criticize, it can also

help us see what's wrong. Our feelings and emotions are actually serving

like intelligence agents, bringing in news from the field of our experience.

We should not dismiss, ignore, or repress them; righteous anger can help

drive compassionate action to redress injustices in the world. No one can

make us angry if the seed of anger is not in our hearts. Every person has

some anger within. Intense angry feelings are not always unhealthy or

destructive or drive negative actions.

Anger is usually magnified and extended in time when a cognitive decision

is made about the intent of the individual (or organization or object)

attributed to causing the pain. In other words, if we decide the

pain/deprivation was intentional, "deliberate," the emotion is usually more

intense.

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When anger is used to "suppress opposition" though emotional bullying or

violence, the "bullier" and "bullied" often fail to realize that the root of anger

is fear. The "angrier" and more "enraged" an individual appears, the more is

it likely that the individual is experiencing greater fear.

Physiological effects of anger

Emotions more or less begin inside two almond-shaped structures in

the brain which are called the amygdala [1] . The amygdala is the part of the

brain responsible for identifying threats, and for sending out an alarm when

threats are identified. The amygdala is so efficient at warning us about

threats, that it gets us reacting before the cortex (the part of the brain

responsible for thought and judgment) is able to check on the reasonableness

of the reaction. In other words, the brain is networked in such a way as to

influence the action before its consequences are logically considered.

As one becomes angry the body's muscles tense up. Inside the brain,

neurotransmitter chemicals known as catecholamines are released causing

you to experience a burst of energy lasting up to several minutes. At the

same time the heart beat increses, the blood pressure rises, and so does the

rate of breathing. The face may flush as increased blood flow enters the

limbs and extremities in preparation for physical action. In quick succession,

additional brain neurotransmitters and hormones, adrenaline and

noradrenaline are released which trigger a lasting state of arousal.

But, most often the emotions to rage are prevented to get out of control. The

prefrontal cortex of the brain, keeps the emotions in proportion. If the

amygdala handles emotion, the prefrontal cortex handles judgment. The left

prefrontal cortex can switch off the emotions. It serves in an executive role

to keep things under control. Getting control the emotion of anger means

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learning ways to help the prefrontal cortex get the upper hand over the

amygdala so that the angry person has control over the reactions to anger

feelings.

CHAPTER 7

ANGER MANAGEMENT THERAPY

Anger management therapy may be done in group sessions, often called

anger management classes or one-on-one (UK/Ireland: one-to-one) with a

counselor or psychotherapist, often referred to as psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy is treatment by psychological means. Psychotherapy may

utilize persuasion, suggestion, reassurance, insight (perceptiveness, self-

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awareness), and instruction so that the person can see himself/herself and

their problems in a more realistic way and wish to overcome and/or cope

with them effectively. There are many types of psychotherapy, including

cognitive therapy, interpersonal therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and

family therapy.

Depending on your circumstances and needs, sessions may go on for a few

weeks or months, and sometimes longer. If you have any mental health

conditions, such as depression, an addiction, or Asperger's syndrome, for

example, it is important that anger management sessions complement any

other treatment you are having. It is vital that the psychotherapist or whoever

is running the anger management classes knows about your current medical

situation, as well as your medical history.

Anger management classes and/or anger management counseling has the

following aims:

Help you identify your anger triggers - things that make you angry.

Help you respond in a non-aggressive way to these triggers before you

lose your temper.

Learn how to acquire and utilize specific skills for handling your anger

triggers.

Learn to effectively identify moments when your thought processes are not

leading to logical and rational conclusions, and to correct your thinking.

Learn how to bring yourself back to a state of calm and peace when you

feel the anger surging.

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Learn how to express your feelings and needs assertively in situations that

make you feel angry or frustrated. Doing so in a non-aggressive way.

Assertiveness has nothing to do with aggressiveness. Assertiveness

includes respect for yourself, and respect for others.

Learning how to redirect your energies and resources into problem solving

rather than fury in situations which may trigger anger and frustration.

Most therapists say that it is important for the person to learn to recognize

their anger. This may take time. The following questions may help:

"How do I know when I am angry?"

"What type of people, situations, events, places, triggers make me angry?"

"How do I respond when I am angry? What do I do?"

"What impact does my angry reaction have on other people?"

Most people are able to answer these questions straight away with several

examples. However, it is only after some time that these questions can be

answered comprehensively. The initial answers are a good step forward; a

good first step. Many counselors ask their clients (patients) to continually

ask themselves these questions before being satisfied that they are fully

knowledgeable about their personal anger.

Many people find it helps when they realize that anger and calmness are not

black-or-white emotions. There are varying degrees of anger, ranging from

mild irritation to full rage. Our experience of anger moves around within the

continuum between rage and calm. Those who see anger as black-or-white

may have lost the ability to recognize when they are experiencing lower

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states of anger - they may be irritated but think they are furious, or even

think they are calm. Most people are able to identify signs and symptoms of

emerging anger which indicate where in the anger-calm continuum they are.

These may include:

Emotional symptoms (typically, listed from irritation to rage):

A desire to escape from the situation

Irritation

Sadness or depression

Guilt

Resentment

Anxiety

Desire to lash out verbally

Desire to lash out physically

The following may also occur (possibly in order, sometimes not):

You start rubbing your face with your hand

You may fidget or clasp one hand with the other

You start pacing around

You become cynical and/or sarcastic

Your sense of humor starts to go

You become rude and abusive

You crave substances that you think relax you, such as alcohol, tobacco or

drugs

Your voice starts getting louder

You start screaming or crying

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Some people are able to identify the onset of these physical symptoms when

they are getting angry:

Grinding teeth

Clenching their jaw

Stomach upset

Accelerated heart rate

Sweating

Breathlessness (rapid shallow breathing)

Hot flashes in the face and/or neck

Trembling hands, and sometimes lips or jaw

Dizziness

Tingling at the back of the neck

Rating your anger

Being able to identify what happens when you are angry, and at which point

in the continuum between mild irritation and fury/rage the anger components

listed above occur, makes it easier for you to rate your anger. When you are

able to do this, it then becomes possible to use effective anger management

techniques. Remember that anger is not a leap from calm to fury, there are

many levels in between - if you are aware of this, as well as some other

factors, it is easier to be in control, to think things through in a logical way.

There are many ways of rating your anger - some people devise a scale from

1 to 100, with 100 being fury/rage.

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Having an anger plan

Being able to rate your anger helps you know where you are in the anger

scale - that alone will not get rid of the anger; it is a step. The next step is to

devise an anger plan. Anger plans may vary and depend on certain aspects of

the person, as well as his/her circumstances. An anger plan may include:

Taking time out - remove yourself from the situation that is triggering the

anger so that you have space to gather your thoughts and calm down.

Change the subject - if a particular conversation includes an anger trigger,

start talking about something else.

Relaxation techniques - If you can find a physical therapist who

specializes in management anger relaxation techniques, do a few sessions

with him/her. It will be worth it. Effective relaxation needs to be done

properly and requires some practice to be really effective.

Delay your responses - some people find that counting to ten, or using

some strategy to slow the pace of a conversation that is starting to bother

them helps. Delaying responses may be used even if the situation is not a

conversation, such as a feeling of growing frustration during a traffic jam.

Taking steps to slow down the accumulation of factors that heighten your

anger gives you time to recover your logical thought processes.

Have an anger diary

Some people find that writing down what happened, how they felt, what was

occurring before-during-after their episode of anger, helps them anticipate

anger triggers as well as coping during and after episodes. Being able to read

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about what happened, what worked, what didn't work, etc., helps achieve a

more effective anger management plan.

Other useful tips

Slow things down - count to ten; devise strategies to slow things down.

As your pace slows down try to visualize a relaxing or pleasant experience

- take your mind there.

Express your anger - make sure you do this when you have calmed

down. Do this in an assertive non-aggressive way.

Exercise regularly - many of the hormones we release when we are angry

are produced to help us get out of danger. This was great hundreds and

thousands of years ago when we had to run away from bears and

predators. Exercise uses up those chemicals and hormones. If you exercise

regularly not only will your body better regulate your adrenaline and

cortisol levels, but as you become fitter you well have better levels of

endorphins - natural feel-good hormones. You will also sleep better; a

crucial factor for good mental health.

Plan what you want to say - if something is bothering you, remember

that you are more likely to get sidetracked when discussing an issue if you

are angry. Taking notes before the conversation may help you steer the

course of the conversation.

Focus on the solution, not just the problem - it is fine and useful to

identify what made you angry. However, it is much more important to

focus on ways to resolve the problem.

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The word "I" is more constructive than the word "You" - when giving

praise, the word "You" is great. However, when you are angry or resentful

the word "I" tends to achieve better results. For example:

"I find this subject upsetting. Could we talk about something else,

please?"

is better than

"Why did you bring that up….?"

Don't hold on to resentment – holding a grudge against somebody can

only fuel your anger and make it harder to control it. It is important to be

realistic and accept that people are the way they are, rather than how you

want them to be. Many of the strategies mentioned here, such as

expressing your anger, are more likely to help resolve your anger,

compared to holding a grudge.

Humor - don't give in to harsh, sarcastic humor; that's just another form of

unhealthy anger expression. Good humor can sometimes dissolve anger

and resentment faster than anything else. Humor is a fantastic weapon and

also a gift. Even if it means just laughing - as long as there is no risk of

misinterpretation - your mood can change for the better rapidly. Some

people find that just remembering a funny joke, or imagining themselves

or the other person in a silly situation gets their mind away from the anger.

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Timing - if you and your partner find your evening discussions tend to

turn into rows, possibly because you or both of you are tired or distracted,

change the times when you talk about important matters. In some cases the

fights at that time of day initially started because you were tired or

distracted, and over time simply became a habit.

Proper breathing - just as anger can increase your breathing and heart

rates and tenses up your muscles, you can learn to reverse this by

deliberately slowing your breathing and systematically relaxing and

loosening your muscles.

As soon as you feel those shallow rapid breaths coming on, which tend to

aggravate anger, take action to redirect your breathing. If you can, spend

15 minutes focusing on relaxation - it can work wonders.

o Take several slow and long deep breaths in a row.

o Spend twice as long exhaling as inhaling.

o Count slowly to four as you inhale.

o Then breathe out slowly as you count to eight.

o Make each breath deep and slow, and focus on where the air is going.

o Your inhalation should start from your belly, then your lower chest, and

finally your upper chest. Feel your ribs open up when you fill your

lungs.

o When you slowly exhale feel your ribs coming back to the original

positions - exhale completely.

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If at any time you feel odd or slightly dizzy go back to normal breathing

for a couple of minutes.

Sleep - try to get at least 7 hours good quality sleep every night. Sleep is

crucial for good mental and physical health. Sleep deprivation has been

linked in many studies to mental, physical and emotional health problems

- including anger.

Anger is a natural emotion that every human and many non-human animals

experience. Mild forms of human anger may include displeasure, irritation

or dislike. When we react to frustration, criticism or a threat, we may

become angry - and usually this is a healthy response. Anger may be a

secondary response to feeling sad, lonely or frightened. When anger

becomes a full-blown rage our judgment and thinking can become impaired

and we are more likely to do and say unreasonable and irrational things.

Anger is not just a mental state of mind. It triggers an increase in heart rate,

blood pressure and levels of adrenaline and noradrenaline. Anger has

survival benefits, and forms part of our fight or flight brain response to a

perceived threat or harm. When a human or animal decides to take action to

stop or confront a threat, anger usually becomes the predominant feeling and

takes over our behavior, cognition and physiology.

In many cases humans and non-human animals express anger by making

loud sounds, baring teeth, staring and specific posturing as a warning to

perceived aggressors to stop their threatening behaviors. It is unusual for a

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physical attack to occur without these signs of anger appearing first. If a

stranger approaches some newborn puppy-dogs the mother will most likely

growl, bare her teeth and adopt a defensive or ready-to-attack posture, rather

than silently attack without any warning. If you trespass into the private land

of a farmer in a remote area, his approach may be similar; his voice may be

hostile, as may his body language, and posture. Instinctively, anger may

surge in humans and non-human animals to protect territory, offspring and

family members, secure mating privileges, prevent loss of possessions or

food, and many other perceived threats.

Experts say anger is a primary, natural emotion with functional survival

value, which we all experience from time to time. The raised heart rate,

blood pressure, and release of hormones prepare us physically for remedial

action - which is either to fight or run away at top speed (fight or flight).

CHAPTER 8

CONCLUSION

Anger can be disastrous if not controlled. One should not lose control over

the anger as it is harmful not only in personal life but also in corporate life.

As a manager we should learn how to control the anger and politely solve

the matters with employees, clients or any other parties. It is rightly said that

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“Anger is a one letter short of word Danger.” So in order to avoid danger

situations one should have the control on their anger.

Chapter 10-

BIBLOGRAPHY

1) www.angermanagement.com

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2) www.allaboutlifechallenges.org

3) www.wikipedia.com

4) www.selfgrowth.com

5) www.angermanagementtechniques.com

6) www.anger-management-groups.com

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