How to spot a narcissist - by @Tracyamalone

NarcissistAbuseSupport.com - @TracyAMalone - YouTube


The scale of narcissistic behavior can vary greatly.The narcissist could be a parent, your spouse, a child, boss, coworker or neighbor.


For many years we would only look up or educate ourselves about

if someone we knew was displaying odd behavior or had been diagnosed with a mental issue.


I am here to answer your calls and to help you learn .

As a former victim of narcissistic abuse, what I have learned will help you view things differently

and find the answers that you seek.


I am not a doctor or a therapist. I speak from the position of having been

I don’t use technical terms. I use terms you will understand and recognize.



I have learned that people may have because of what has happened to them during childhood.

Events that happened during childhood can shape the person’s behavior and it can be categorized into ‘ ’ or ‘ ’ behavior in their adult years.


The one label that can be given to ‘ ’ behavior is These are people who are the ‘ ’ .

They suffer from a lack of self love and often put others first, to their own detriment. As with any mental disorder there is a

and patterns displayed in varying degrees of intensity.


are the labels that are given to the ‘ ’ behaviors. These groups struggle for identity because they do not have one of their own. They suffer with the or empathy for others. The popular notion of a narcissist being someone who likes

to look at themselves in the mirror is limited and of narcissistic behavior.


Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopath’s live and as a means to an end, resultantly victims of these types of people are called

‘ ’. What someone is used as a supply for can vary but common uses are sex, money, control or fame. and they

can mirror the characteristics of their targets. If you say you like cupcakes, they like cupcakes. If you like to cook, they may say they do too, if you complete in fitness

challenges, that may become their new pastime too. This allows the illusion to grow of being the or romantic

partner.



Meaning: ‘The action or fact of treating someone unfairly from their work. The action of making use and benefitting from supply.’

They do exactly what they have to do in order to get their needs met. This may include creating false relationships to get money, sex and status.

People are completely disposable to a narcissist and they are not capable of a real relationship with anyone. They are 100% fake.


Meaning: ‘The fact of having a right to something. Inherently or special treatment.’

A narcissist acts as if the world owes them everything. Their goal is to collect what they want about who they take it from or step upon in the

process.


Meaning: ‘The ability to understand and share the feelings of another. .’ Doctors

say that empathy is a choice and that the narcissist is because of childhood trauma.



Narcissists have a charming personality and . Everyone they charm thinks they are wonderful.

They use this charm from the victim, their families and friends.


This stage often involves and compliments and is designed to into (or back into) a relationship. This stage is designed to convince a target they have . This

person they are portraying is not real. Later on, the victim this person again.


This is the behavior in which one person consciously imitates the gestures, speech patterns or attitudes of another. They everything the

target likes or want in a mate. Narcissists convince their victims that they love everything the target does.


This is when a narcissist two people ( ) and themselves into a space where they hear bad things about each other. The narcissist about each of the people to

to one another. An example would be a man, his new girlfriend and an ex girlfriend, or a mom and two sisters. keeps the rivals from

wanting to meet and protects the narcissist’s lies.


Hoovering is a (aptly named after the vacuum cleaner) that into a relationship.

Often during this phase there is an

and grand promises are the victim back into the spider’s web.


More often than not the ending of a relationship with a narcissist . Crazy behavior

destroys the victim because of the a narcissist will go to break up the relationship and destroy the victim. Divorcing a narcissist is often called a ‘high conflict divorce’ because they will use

as a weapon.


Narcissists about the target and go around telling friends and family. The goal here is that system.

If they can get to your support system first then when you tell the truth .


Flying monkeys are people, including family, friends, coworkers and children that the narcissist cons into believing that the

in a situation that . Victims and this can be the last straw

before they finally break.



Narcissists choose a target for many reasons but to qualify as a ‘great target’, they that will show them

what behaviors you have tolerated before. Often targets are based on their status, jobs, attractiveness, popularity, success and/or wealth.

Once they have decided that you hold a to them, they are vigilant in their pursuit, showering their targets with loving attention and

compliments. They will tell you how


Their intuition at them that something is not right or that and they can’t quite put their finger on it.

Narcissists play and public game and a private game which makes the behavior even harder to pinpoint. to the narcissist will have them turn you into the ‘jealous partner’ and they make you doubt yourself. He/she becomes cold and uncaring almost overnight. This is when the ‘ ’ and

you see the real person. and if you don’t accept these then They manage down your expectations from

constant contact to next to nothing. This verbal and emotional abuse is very hurtful.


Many victims say that the discard stage comes . One moment everything seems fine and then next they get a phone call, a text or Facebook

message dismissing them in a way. In the devaluation phase, the narcissist moves from hot to cold. It is important to know that the

narcissist . This is called a smear campaign and is .

Many victims are thrown into CPTSD and suffer greatly as they try to .



You may you were abused at this point. Many victims experience depression, confusion and

, feelings of rejection, denial, .


Victims begin finding out about narcissistic and abuse. , books, blogs, support groups are

where the learning begins.Learning about , and discovering

of a narcissist. Next they need to understand what made them a perfect target and what their are.

You will feel like a detective as you get the answers you might not want to hear, but need to


Survivors of narcissistic abuse can now talk with new learned Finally, they can put together the pieces. The common feeling victims experience at the beginning is but fortunately

and a peaceful clarity may replace the turmoil which allows you to


No contact. makes setting boundaries possible. There is a . Healthier relationships make it easier to

and the survivor now knows they do not have to ‘stay’ in such relationships. There is a return to living life fully .

Letting go of what has happened is possible and the survivor displays and can .



Taking advantage of your .

If you or a loved one has had their life uprooted it is Important to what made them a target so this

• – recent changes? abused in family of origin?

• – looking for love? Need to be protected/saved?

• – new to area? Children gone?

• – do you help others?

• – low regard for yourself, insecure, shy?

• – feeling incomplete, fear to be alone?

• – are you honest, moral, religious, innocent, naïve?

• – facing difficulties, money, place to live?

• – struggling to raise children, need help?

• – are you recently widowed? Lost family?

• To learn more buy Donna’s book at



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How to spot a narcissist - by @Tracyamalone