Disciplining for High Self-Esteem

Disciplining for High Self-Esteem

Guiding Social behaviors

Goals• To develop an understanding of

different guidance philosophies • To understand effective discipline

techniques and to develop appropriate measures to use with children

• To gain an understanding of what factors affect children’s behaviors

A Definition of Discipline

• Discipline is a positive approach to teach a child self-control and confidence. As opposed to punishment, discipline techniques focus on what we want the child to learn and what he/she is capable of learning. It is a process, not a single act.

A Definition of Punishment

• Punishment focuses on the misbehavior and may do little or nothing to help a child behave better in the future. Punishing rather than disciplining teaches the child that the adult, rather than the child, is responsible for the way the child behaves

What do we expect?• Tasks of Social Development

– Recognize self as separate– Become responsive to others– Learn right from wrong– Make decisions– Develop self control– Learn from consequences and take responsibility

for choices

Philosophies• Dreikur’s Four goals of Misbehavior• In order to address the misbehavior,

the adult needs to understand the “goal” of the misbehavior

• Attention• Power• Revenge• Inadequacy

• Gordon Teacher Effectiveness-(Rogerian Theory)– children have the capacity for self-

direction. Mutual respect and acceptance. Who “owns” the problem.

– “I-message” vs. “You-messages”

• Behavior Management– The child’s behavior is under the

control of the environment and can be changed by the adult through some kind of environmental manipulation

Goals of Human Behavior

• Exploration and discovery• Attention and affection• Power and a sense of control• Expression of feelings• Validation of self-concept

Democratic Life Skills• See one’s self as a worthy individual and

a capable member of the group• Express strong emotions in positive ways• ‘solve problems ethically and

intelligently• Be understanding of the feelings and

viewpoints of others• Work cooperatively n groups, with

acceptance among members

Misbehavior vs. Mistaken Behavior

• What’s the difference?– Misbehavior behavior-wherein teachers

make a oral judgment about a behavior and then make a moral judgment about the child, Makes us think of “punishing”

– Mistaken behavior -reminds us that the child is just at the beginning of a lifelong process. Makes us think of “guiding”

Questions to Ask Yourself

• Is the child doing something truly wrong? Is there a real problem here, or are you just tired and out of patience? Who owns the problem?– If there is no real problem, release your

stress away from the child– If there is a problem go to…

• Think for a moment. Is your child really capable of doing what you expect here?– If you are not being fair, re-evaluate

your expectations– If your expectations are clear and are

developmentally appropriate…

• Did the child know at the time that she was doing something wrong?– If not, help her understand what you expect

and why, and how she can do that. Offer your help.

– If the child knew that it was wrong, and she deliberately disregarded a reasonable expectation, your child misbehaved

Factors That Can Cause Children To Act Out

• Emotional-temperament, anger, defiance, assertiveness, frustration, anxiety, fear, boredom

• Classroom/Environment-too many children, excessive noise and stimulation, developmentally inappropriate activities and environment, “NO”, lack of clearly stated or enforced rules

• Physical/Developmental-poor nutrition, hunger, fatigue, illness, pain, allergies, inappropriate developmental guidelines

• Temperament and Individual differences- the “preferred style of responding”-the hard drive of our personality

• Environmental- peer influence, seasonal factors, poor housing, poverty, violence in the community

• Cultural & Family Influences- overly controlling discipline, sibling rivalry, divorce, excessive work-related travel, serious illness or death, substance abuse. Parenting styles, cultural differences in guidance and discipline

Temperament…Know anyone ?

• Trouble maker• Disrespectful• Boastful• Destructive• Hyper• Bossy• Unpredictable

• Stubborn• Explosive• Picky, touchy• Defiant• Rebellious• Explosive• Argumentative

Let’s Redesign the Label

• If the child is….

– Trouble maker……………..

– Disrespectful………………– Boastful……………………

….– Destructive…………………– Hyper………………………

……– Bossy………………………

……– Unpredictable……………

• How about this instead…

– Inquisitive & Curious– Outspoken, passionate– Confident– Creative– Energetic– Leader– Creative problem solver

Redesigning• Stubborn…………………• Explosive………………..• Picky, touchy………….• Demanding……………• Rebellious ----------• Extreme------------• Argumentative------

• Persistent• Dramatic• Sensitive• Holds high standards• Independent • Tenderhearted• Committed to one’s

goals

Guidance & Discipline• Discipline is the development of the

skills and tools that are needed to work through life’s problems. It is in the process of learning to face and deal with problems that we learn and grow. It is life-long training and experience in developing self-control

Guidelines for Disciplining Young

Children• General Guidelines

– Communicate what you are doing and why

– Check to see if communication is clear– Trust children– Trust yourself– Build good relationships

Discipline Techniques• The type of discipline used

influences the type of person a child becomes…What type of discipline do you use? What type of person do you want the child to become?

Discipline as Preventing

Unacceptable Behavior• Set up an appropriate environment• Let the environment provide the limits• Model appropriate behavior• Redirect energy• Provide physical control when necessary• Teach appropriate expression of feelings• Meet their needs

Specific techniques • Reinforcement: techniques used

to strengthen a behavior by focusing on what is taking place

• Redirection: focusing on what a child is doing that is inappropriate and helping the child figure out what they CAN do

• Fix-up-when children cause trouble or hurt another child, expect them to fix it up-or at least try to help.

• Ignore-the best way to deal with misbehavior aimed at getting your attention is to simply ignore it. But be sure to give attention to your children when they behave. Children need attention for good behavior-not just when they misbehave

• Be firm: clearly and firmly state, or even demand, that the child do what needs to be done. Speak in a tone that lets the child know you mean what you say and that you expect the child to do as he is told.

• Stay in control: act before the situation gets out control---before you get angry and overly frustrated and before the child’s behavior becomes unreasonable

• Praise and encouragement: Give more attention for good behavior and less for not-so-good behavior. Don’t make punishment a reward. Catch them being good with genuine respect and praise.

Natural or Logical Consequences

• Natural consequences-the direct result of a child’s behavior.

• What would be natural consequences of the following behaviors?– Your 12 year old is watching TV and fails to respond

when told dinner is ready– Your child is unkind to others

• Sometimes NC cannot take place– When it is too dangerous– It make take too long for a natural consequence to

occur or it may infringe upon the rights of others

• Logical consequences-consequences that are arranged. Should be related to the undesirable behavior.

• What are logical consequences to the following situations?– Your preschool child is teasing the dog– Your child borrows your tools and then

leaves them out in the rain

How to use Natural and Logical Consequences

• Make sure the rule is clearly understood• Discuss the possible consequences of

failure to follow rule• Allow the natural consequences of a

child’s actions to occur, or, apply the logical consequences in a firm and consistent manner

When your are guiding and disciplining, ask yourself…

• “What am I reflecting to the children in my life?

• “What am I teaching”– Am I expressing patience and compassion?– Do I model this behavior in my own life?– Am I being respectful to the child and to

myself?– How can I teach more lovingly and

effectively?

A torn jacket is soon mended…but harsh words wound the heart of the child.Longfellow