8 Habits Marriage(Overview)

The 8 Habits of a Successful Marriage™

© 2005 FranklinCovey 1Welcome!


© 2005 FranklinCovey 2

Introductions

• Cathy Lamar – Director of Counseling Services

Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.

• Terry Payne – CFO Audubon Area Community Services, Inc.



FranklinCovey

7 Habits of Highly Effective People

8 Habits of a Successful Marriage



8 Habits of a Successful Marriage

1. Be Proactive2. Begin With the End in Mind3. Put First Things First4. Think Win-Win5. Listen First, Talk Second6. Synergize7. Sharpen the Saw8. Lift Yourself by Lifting Others



What does a healthy marriage feel like?

• Safe• Accepting• Understanding• Happiness• Mutual Benefit• Cooperation



The Benefits of Marriage

•Lower mortality •Better health •Greater financial well-being •Less suicide •Greater happiness •Less intimate

partner violence



Building a Marriage Is Like Building a Home





The 3 C’s of a Successful Marriage

Foundation

Framework

Roof



The 8 Habits of A Successful Marriage

Unselfish Companions

hipEffective Communicati

onHigh-Trust Character



Build a Foundation of High-Trust Character

Habit 1: Be Proactive

The first habit you need to build a

foundation of high-trust character is:



Proactive

Situation Response

Pause

Think

Choose

• Create a space between your response and what is happening to you.

• Consider the consequences of your actions.



Movie

Carry Your Own Weather

Stephen Covey



Movie Carry Your Own Weather



Activity

Talk about one situation in which you tend to be reactive.

How could you pause to take control?

What do you think about during the pause?

Choose what you will do and why.



Become a Person of High-Trust Character

It is a greater compliment to be trusted than

to be loved.—GEORGE MACDONALD

To build high-trust, practice Habit 1: Be

Proactive.



Materials & Schedule

• Participant Guide

• Marriage Calendar

• Presentation Format




Habit 2: Begin With the

End in Mind

The second habit you need to build a foundation of high-trust character is:



Habit 2: Begin With the End in

Mind

Shape your future…

What do you want your

marriage to stand for?



Marriage Mission Statements

Our Marriage Mission:

To love each other…to help each other…to

believe in each other…to wisely use our time, talents, and resources

to bless others… to worship together

forever.

Our marriage is great—

As equal partners, we want to love, have fun, teach, and learn. We

are a great team.

A Married Couple’s Motto…

It is our belief that the other is never wrong. Rather than blame or accuse, we simply ask the other: “Will you

help me understand?” With love and

understanding, we will grow our lives together.

We circle at the summit.

“No Empty Chairs” John and Jane Covey



Activity

Begin a Marriage Mission Statement

How do you want to live, love, learn and leave a legacy together?




Habit 3: Put First

Things First

The third habit you need to build a

foundation of high-trust character is:



Your BIG ROCKS are your values—the things that are most important to you.

Your LITTLE ROCKS are the things that get in the way of being true to your values—your big-rock “barriers”.

Habit 3: Put First Things First



Activity

• Identify the “Big Rocks”

• Discussion with partner about the importance of “couple time”

• Planning a partner Power Hour



Build a Framework of Effective Communication

Habit 4: Think Win-Win

The first habit you need to build a framework of

effective communication is:



The Four Ways of Thinking

WIN-LOSE (Bully)• I don’t care about

your needs• I only care about

mine

LOSE-WIN (Victim)• I’m not important• Don’t worry about me

LOSE-LOSE (Opponents)

• If I’m going down, you’re going down with me.

WIN-WIN (Teammates)

• You and I can work together

• We are a team!• What would be a win

for us?



Habit 4: Think Win-Win®

In relationships, you both can win.



Activity

• Thinking about what is a win for you

• Recognizing what is a win for your partner




Habit 5: Listen First, Talk Second

The second habit you need to build a

framework of effective

communication is:



How Can You Listen for Understanding?

1. Make eye contact.2. Look for and recognize

body language.3. Avoid “door slammers.”4. Use Talking-Stick

communication(Listen First, Talk Second.)



Activity

• Talking Stick




Habit 6: Synergize

The third habit you need to build a framework of

effective communication is:



Habit 6: Synergize

We can work together.

When you and your spouse

creatively work

together, you synergize.



The Rules of Synergy

RULE 1:Value one another.

RULE 2:Recognize strengths.



Activity

• Think about what you value most in your partner

• Tell your partner



Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship

The first habit you need to build the

protection of unselfish companionship:

Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw



Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Sharpen the Saw means to take care of you and

your marriage.



The Whole Person




Activity

• Decide what we can do as a couple to keep our marriage sharp



Build the Protection of Unselfish Companionship

The first habit you need to build the

protection of unselfish companionship:

Habit 8: Lifting Yourself by Lifting Others



The Elements of Kindness

1. Choose kind words.

2. Speak in a soft tone.

3. Give rather than take.



Kind Words

Kind words can be short and easy to

speak, but their echo is truly endless. — MOTHER TERESA



Gives and Takes

Why do marriages succeed or fail?

Amazingly, we have found that it all comes down to a simple mathematical formula:

no matter what style your marriage follows, you must have at least five times as many positive moments, (GIVES), as negative moments, (TAKES) , if your marriage is to be stable.

— JOHN GOTTMAN, PH.D.



Activity

• Identify each others gives and takes



Questions?

THANK YOU!

Terry PayneCathy Lamar

Health & Medicine

8 Habits Marriage(Overview)