We are a bundle of stories

At external level, we are influenced by cultural myths and

stories

Ourstoriesarevariationoffundamentalarchetypes.

Myths provide role models• Human beings are the

only specie born too soon: situation of dependency

• Myths are like marsupial pouch

• If you destroy the myths, you destroy the culture (cf buffalos for Native Americans)

We are conditioned by media messages

We are educated by stories and fairy tales

Stories run through our families

• Pick 3 tales you remember from your childhood• Pick 3 stories from your family you have heard

many times• What are their core message?• Draw your positive genealogy tree with the

superpowers of your antecedents

At internal level, we are a sum of life stories and events

And we are trying to make sense of them and connect the dots

backwards

And that is very specific to human kind

• We are the only beings to perceive our time on earth as a story.

• We constantly interpret what we see and create stories out of the reality.

• We crave for meaning.• Suicide rates actually plummets in

time of war since conflict is a way of finding meaning.

Your brain is a novelist• It orders, classifies, selects, excludes,

forgets events and stories.

Your identity is a fiction• Who are you? Your job? Your family? Your

name? Your community?

We create stories to include and to exclude

• To federate people towards a goal, around values, against an enemy.

• To build nations and communities.• School manuals from 70 countries have been compared

on the story of the ”discovery” of America. None tells the same story.

And bad narratives are lethal

Novels civilize the world• Listening to the

narrative from the other point of view develops your tolerance, your narrative empathy.

Each narrative is the product of a choice. Conscious or not.

• Which negative narratives have you heard about your community and have hurt you?

• When was the last time you listened to a story which challenged your stereotypes?

• Identity list map

Because we live in a world full of fear

Fear is collective• The original fear of separation from our

home, family, love partner, group.

And fear is a very useful tool to control people

Our entire culture, our states and nations have originated from war

Yet, most of the time, we are driven by fears

• Fear of the other• Fear of rejection• Fear of suffering• Fear of shame• Fear of loss

• What is your deepest fear?

And especially the fear of vulnerability

• “I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable.

• Courage in you sounds like inadequacy in me.

• I am drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.

• Vulnerability is the last thing I want to see in me but the first thing I look for in you.”

And the fear makes us develop armors…

• Imagining the worst• Being perfect and

pleasing at all cost• Numbing with work,

alcohol, sleeping pills,…• Disconnexion, isolation...• Blaming others• Cynicism or agressivity

• I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:“I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing –these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.”

• Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.

• Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.

~ Brené Brown

• Which is your armor?• When you experience shame, what is your

reaction?– Move away (withdraw, hide, silence), – Toward (please), – Against (Aggressive, shame others).

• When was the last time you used your armor?

Fear traps us into negative narratives

• You are flawed. • You are bad.• You are not worthy of

love and belonging

And women are even more targeted by negative narratives

Youarefat

Youcan’tpleaseyourpartner

Youareabadmother

Youarenotenough

Womendon’tknowhowtodrive

Womenlie

Womenchangeopinionallthetime

Womenareemotional

These constant messages have a huge impact in terms of self-esteem

BIG GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL

90%OF ALL WOMENWANT TO CHANGEAT LEAST ONE ASPECTOF THEIR PHYSICAL

APPERANCE

81% of ten year old girls are afraid of being fat.

And only 2% actually thinkthey are beautiful. 02

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Funny Weight Loss

Special Thanks to

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And the imposter syndrome appears

My gremlins.com

We can identify seven types of gremlins

THEGIVEUPPER

THEWORRIER

THEFAULTY

THEWHATEVER

THEJUDGE

THEBLAMER

THELOSER

• Which gremlins are most present in you?• What do they say?• What is your ”sticky path”?

That is why we need to make a very conscious effort to change

our internal narrative

PositivePsychologyisgroundedinthebeliefthatpeoplewanttoleadmeaningfulandfulfillinglives,tocultivatewhatisbestwithinthem,andtoenhancetheirexperiencesoflove,work,andplay(PositivePsychology Center,2016).

Positive psychology is focusing on the scientific study of human

flourishing

DNA50%

Environment10%

Yourchoices40%

Yourpositivitycapital

Switching from scarcity to abundance mindset

• Do you have a scarcity or an abundance mindset?

Embrace your imperfections

In a world where scarcity and shame dominate, vulnerability is subversive.

• How much do you dare?• What was your boldest challenge lately?• Set yourself 3 challenges for the coming year.• What are your superpowers?• Write your epitaph or eulogy• Ask 10 people around you to tell you moments or

circumstances in which they saw you thriving.• Visualize success situation• Imagine your 80th birthday: which 3 positive decisions led

you there?

Power posing

Do you smile enough?

• How is your body language?• Do you open up or do you close ?• Practice the power pose.• How often do you smile?• Have you practiced laughing yoga?• Let’s sing and dance! #fitnessmarshall• Clown: receive applause. Look into the eyes.

In politics…

Source:UNWomen

It helps to rewire your brain

Mindfulness helps you to not identify with the gremlins

• You separate yourself from your thoughts and emotions.

• You avoid the sticky path.• Anything towards which you direct your

attention gets stronger.

• Let’s meditate for 10 minutes!• Raisin exercise• Breathe in. Breathe out. Bell.

Gratitude is powerful

Gratitude creates a spiritual alchemy

• It dissolves fears and ego, our need to possess and control.

• It makes us more generous and tolerant.• It develops our souls.

• You did XXX.• That made me feel XXX• That satisfied my need of XXX

• Write a gratitude journal• Letter to 5 people you want to thank• Gratefulness visit• Gratefulness meditation• Gratefulness before meals

Rule number 1 of improvisation? Never say no.

• Deepen your relationships: 36 questions app• Improvise: What happens with Jaume?• Free hugs• Feedback speed dating• Draw your relationships map• Give a gift with no reason• Guardian angel• Benevolent look• Qualities game: 10 you like. 10 you hate. 3 defaults so you love. 3

qualities so you hate. Out of 26 select 3 you are and 3 you are not. You attract people with these 6 qualities.

The deepest system change

Trustasahigh-yieldingbetatTEDxCarthage

Trust is the cure for fear

The 5 love languages

• What is your love language?• What is your partner’s? children’s?

parents’? Friends’?

Life as a spiritual path• From fear• Ego• Judgment• Negative internal

dialogue • Loneliness• I am different

• To love• Trust• Vulnerability• Positive internal

dialogue• Communion• We are one

System change takes place from the inside out

Declutter your space. Declutter your mind.

• Plan a spiritual retreat• Clean your space. Feng shui: Throw

things you don’t need. • Set up morning / evening routines

Language is powerful

• How often do you insult yourself?• What is your first thought when...– A person is late to a meeting– Somebody spills sth over you– A date does not get back to you– Your boss does not say hi

Accept compliments

Stop apologizing

Stop using shrinking language

• How do you accept compliments?• Give compliments (box)• Send a positive SMS every morning

Our language tends to be very judgmental

We attribute the cause of the conflict to the other

• But in reality you are responsible of your feelings

• The others may trigger them but they are not the cause.

• Anger comes from our judgmental thoughts.

• Conflict comes from unmet needs.• Judgment triggers auto-defense and

counter-attack.

Spark your emotional agility• SITUATION: what happens• PERCEPTION• AUTOPILOT: Feeling• REACTION: Behaviour• KNOWLEDGE: evidence to prove what

you think

Four steps of non violent communication

• When OBSERVATION (no judgment), • I feel FEELING (no covered reproach), • Because I need NEED (no strategy). • So I would like PRECISE AND POSITIVE

REQUEST (no demand).

What do you feel?

Beginning anew steps

• First sharing your appreciation for the other person.

• Then voicing regrets or apologies for the hurt we might have caused in the other.

• Expressing what has hurt us in the other person’s actions, speech or thoughts.

• And finally, asking for support regarding a difficulty we are currently experiencing.

• List your most common judgments ( I hate people who…). Then list your unmet needs in front of them.

• Identify the SPARK of a recent conflict• Apply CNV to a recent conflict you had• Apply Beginning anew to a conflict• Write a forgiveness letter

How do you reframe the narrative?

• The power of narrative psychology

Which story do you choose?

“You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path.Where there’s a way or path, it is someone else’s path.Each human being is a unique phenomenon.The idea is to find your own pathway to bliss.”

Flow is a state of being completely involved in an activity for its own sake.

• The ego falls away. • Time flies. • Every action, movement,

and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz.

• Your whole being is involved, and you're using your skills to the utmost.

What’s your manifesto?

What’s your bucket list?

• What’s your bucket list?• Write down your manifesto• Dream mapping: your life in 5 years• Live a new experience: change habits• Learn a new skill• Do something altruistic• Dare to do something scary• Commitment letter towards oneself• Create a habit or quit one: commitment for 21 days

We need new stories. Positive ones.

• Draw your life ups and downs– 3 ups– 3 downs– 3 inspiring people

• Find 5 trends in your life and events which justify it• Tell a same story with 5 different perspectives / tones• Which animal are you?• Find a word which qualifies you best.• Imagine you build a social business.