"So, right... DrSupremeNerd here with a completely non-canonical but entirely hilarious story featuring Gilbert Jacquet, Bluewater Village's favorite Mama's Boy, Spider Jerusalem Vetinari, the Reaper Child son of Cypress, the villain of the Vetinari Dualegacy (available on DrSupremeNerd's Simpage), and GintasticNecat, the writer of The Science of a Legacy.

"This is an old account I'd forgotten the password of, but I remembered it and decided to post this here so as not to create confusion with my Legacy.

"Basically, Gin's raising Spider's youngest half-brother, so I had her invite Spider over so he could bond with Billy. The following ensued, completely autonomously...

"Oh, and... sorry, Gin..."

This is Billy all grown up. He looks like a big-eyed, black-haired, green version of Cypress.

Did I mention they have one of the Uglacy puppies? Morgan was too dumb to take care of himself and I didn't want to lose all of the puppies, so I gave him up and had Gin adopt him. He was too tired to eat and too hungry to sleep. So Gin and Billy now own a Chowdale!

"Do you like hitting things with other things?""I have one nice point--heck yeah!""One nice point? Who has one nice point?""Me, Dad, Uncle Larch... lots of people, really.""Gee whiz!"

Billy got eight nice points from nowhere. He's the nicest one in the whole extended family.

Spider decided to bring a friend along. Why he picked Gilbert Jacquet, I will never know, because they've only talked a few times online.

"Spider is hot!"

Yes. RealGin thinks so too!

But what's this? Gin also thinks Gilbert is quite the hottie!

And possibly Gilbert also thinks Spider Jerusalem is smoking? Maybe Gilbert has been spending too much time at SupremeNerd's House of Stuff with my Crazy Gay Huggy Servo.

Spider: "I have one nice point! Do not try to Admire me!"Gilbert: "But I have lots of nice points! I Admire everyone!"

Spider has become Crazy Bathroom Stalker! I had Gin Call Over Spider so that Gilbert could get out of the bathroom.

Gilbert followed Spider out and poked him.

I would like to point out that all of the following slides are shots of DIFFERENT incidents.

Spider pokes back, because he is mean.

Gin: "It's like they're fighting over me!"

"Oh, Spider, it's so manly when you poke Gilbert."

Totally autonomous. Bet you're wishing I had ACR right about now, huh, Gin?

"Whoo! I like not-crazy girls!"

Gin: "Look at my pink hearts!"

Look at Gilbert poking Spider again!

And the predictable reaction from Spider.

Gin: "I get to kiss Spider Jerusalem! All the other SimSelves are going to be sooo jealous!"

Gilbert: Poke poke poke!Spider: I just got kissed!Gin: Gilbert is hot!

People whose SimSelf is on the Exchange shouldn't make fun of other peoples' SimSelves having inappropriate heart-farts, is all I'm sayin'. I kid, I kid.

Spider: Poke poke poke!

Gilbert: "He is kissing that SimSelf I might potentially want to kiss!"Gin: “ZOMGBBQ KISSING SPIDER JERUSALEM!"

Little pink hearts for Spider.

Don't get too excited, though, Gin, I've seen what's coming.

More poking...

More retaliatory poking...

Gin: Must flirtSpider: "No touchy."Gilbert: Grrrr.

And no more little pink hearts for Spider Jerusalem.

Gilbert goes into the bedroom to play with puppy Morgan. Spider follows.

"I am the only one who kisses SimSelves around here!"

Spider: Mine.Gin:Why is Gilbert crying?

Spider: "Because I haven't done this in the last thirty seconds!"Gin: "Nobody hurt the puppy! He's stupid enough to start with!"

Gilbert: "Waaah!"Spider: Heh. One nice point FTW!Gin: OMG Spider Jerusalem is in my bedroom!

Spider: "You did not learn your lesson the last seven times!"

Spider: "And again!"

HATE.

Yup. Again.

And again.

And again.

But this time, Gilbert grows a pair.

Doesn't do a whole lotta good, though.

But that doesn't stop him from trying.

They're like the Energizer Bunnies of Carrying a Grudge.

"She is mine!"

"You'll have to go through me first!"

They probably would have gone another few rounds, but...

FIREDANCE!

"Bleah, Spider smells bad!""Bleah, Gilbert smells bad!"

But that doesn't stop them one bit...

Geez, how much do you have to brass someone off to get someone with as many nice points as Gilbert has this mad at you?

Spider: Gilbert stinks!Gilbert: HAND PUNCHY THING.

Oooh, but it's Gilbert who takes it to the next level! A palm to the face for Spider Jerusalem!

But like Spider's gonna slink off and cry...

Spider stinks!

Oooh, but the slap was too much for Spider Jerusalem, who's never been slapped before.

Dude, you have ONE NICE POINT! Your Uncle Larch wouldn't have cried!

Gilbert: "I smell bad and I'm leaving."

Spider: "I smell bad and I'm leaving, but I stayed longer than Gilbert. Win!"Gin: "But don't go, I have crunchy black food!"Spider: "I can get that in the dorm, thanks. When Billy wakes up, tell him I said Bye."Gin: "Come back any time! I have enough Aspiration Points for a Love Tub!"

"And that is the story of Gin, Spider Jerusalem, and Gilbert Jacquet.

"Have I mentioned how much I love my mean Sims? Like, seriously, if Gin hadn't lit the kitchen on fire, Spider would have followed in Larch's footsteps and autonomously made an enemy!

"And NO, Gin, you may not WooHoo Spider Jerusalem."