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George Carlin Quotes

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Page 1: George Carlin Quotes

PowerPoint Show by Andrew

Page 2: George Carlin Quotes

"A lot of people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt"

Page 3: George Carlin Quotes

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac"

Page 4: George Carlin Quotes

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death"

Page 5: George Carlin Quotes

""I am" is reportedly is the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"

Page 6: George Carlin Quotes

"Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity"

Page 7: George Carlin Quotes

"The next time they give you all that civic crap about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election"

Page 8: George Carlin Quotes

"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff"

Page 9: George Carlin Quotes

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live"

Page 10: George Carlin Quotes

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam"

Page 11: George Carlin Quotes

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music"

Page 12: George Carlin Quotes

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

Page 13: George Carlin Quotes

"How is it possible to have a civil war?"

Page 14: George Carlin Quotes

"I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was."

Page 15: George Carlin Quotes

"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?"

Page 16: George Carlin Quotes

"Ever wonder about those people who spend four dollars a piece for those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward."

Page 17: George Carlin Quotes

"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."

Page 18: George Carlin Quotes

"I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?"

Page 19: George Carlin Quotes

"If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made of that stuff?"

Page 20: George Carlin Quotes

"I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed."

Page 21: George Carlin Quotes

"If no one knows when a person is going to die, how can we say he died prematurely?"

Page 22: George Carlin Quotes

"I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary."

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"I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening."

Page 24: George Carlin Quotes