Everybody has problems….MINE are just more important than yours.

They hold elections in November because it is the best time to pick a turkey….!

It took a lot ofWILL POWER…..but I finally gave up DIETING !

We both can’t look good at the same time….so it is ME or the HOUSE !

Food has replaced sex in my life….now I can’t even get into my own pants !

At first she missed him….

But then her aim improved !

The say…”if the shoe fits…buy every color !

I’m really easy to please….just do things MY WAY…..!

Please explain to me again why I should be happy working HERE…..

Today I ran into my EX….so I put it in reverse and hit him again !

I can only please one person at a time………

TODAY is not your day !

I child-proofed my house for the grand kids….but they still get in !

Tonight you have two choices for dinner……

Take It or Leave It !!!

It isn’t that he left me thatbothers me….it’s that he took so long !

Of all the things I’ve lost…I miss my mind the most….!!