Do you think I’m funny?

I have got old news for you... Comedy sketches in a time warp

Andy Murray’s exit from Wimbledon (2010)Radio broadcaster: British tennis fans were left high and dry when Andy Murray

bowed out of Wimbledon in the semi-finals. But what does the general public think? Is tennis still an elitist sport or has it mass appeal?

Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from centre stage?

Working-class man: To be honest, I never found his pub landlord act very funny.

Interviewer: Erm, I’m talking about Murray, the sportsman.

Working-class man: Ah, Murray Walker. Motor racing will never be the same.

Interviewer: What was your reaction to tennis player Andy Murray’s exit from Wimbledon?

Chav girl: You mean, Tim Henman, innit? He is gorgeous, he can come and mix my doubles anytime.

Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from Wimbledon?

Old woman: Eh? Did you say Murrays? Have a mint, love.

Frisky frogs - 2009

PRESENTER: Americans are still bashing bibles after the photo showing

president Obama ogling a Brazilian delegate’s lady lumps at the G8 Summit made headlines worldwide last week. In this photo, Obama stands next to French president Sarkozy, who

was described as a sex dwarf in Prospect magazine. Eager to establish a French connection, Bill Oddie contacted Mr

Sarkozy on a natural phenomenon unearthed this week by scientists.

ODDIE: Monsieur le President, what do you think of the discovery that frogs synchronise their mating by the full

moon? Do you believe it could be a worldwide phenomenon?

SARKOZY: I’m sure French frogs are more, how do you say it, entreprenant. I have approved measures to encourage

their, how do you say it, accouplements.

ODDIE: In these tough times, this shows admirable green credentials, Monsieur le President.

SARKOZY: Mais oui, we must reduce air miles for, how do you say it, l’alimentation. The French prefer to eat

homegrown frogs but, malheureusement we have to ship them from as far as Indonesia to meet demand.

ODDIE MAKES CHOCKING SOUND] PRESENTER: Cut, Cut, do something, call an ambulance, he’s

croaking.

Fantasy football - 2010GARY LINEKER: So Fabioloso, why did you choose Austria as a potential training base for the 2010 World Cup? FABIO CAPELLO: Technically we haven’t qualified yet, Crispy.  LINEKER: But it’s starting to look like it. CAPELLO: And we though you were going to adopt the Euro, so let’s not count the potatoes before they are crisped. LINEKER: Yes, but why Austria? CAPELLO: We were looking for a place to get high. LINEKER: Wouldn’t Amsterdam be more appropriate? CAPELLO: Not high enough. Plus we have the pitches standard and floozies [coughs] hospitality in mind. My good friend Silvio has a chalet in Fucshtein and he’s arranging the apres-ski. 

LINEKER: Sounds good. CAPELLO: And we have a crack team already arranged. LINEKER: Quite. Pundits have suggested that some players are too old. CAPELLO: Like who? LINEKER: Michael Owen? CAPELLO: Experience should never be underestimated. If I can get them high and let them play around, who knows what they can do... LINEKER: Can I come?

When the ‘press gets it wrong’

Broadcaster: Last week we incorrectly reported that Minister Yvette Cooper was considering China’s hardline approach to cutting unemployment in the UK. Well, at least not on the mainland.

We also incorrectly reported that there was a Bubbles link to Chester Zoo chimps’ great escape. The chimps never intended to attend Michael Jackson’s funeral but had tickets for an Artic Monkey’s gig in Greenland.

Last but not least, it seems that Michael Jackson has not left the building. Jackson, a shadow of his former self, made a live TV appearance in his own home during CNN's Inside Neverland. Local fans are fine-tuning their radios in the hope of an impromptu white noise performance.

So... what do you think?

Copyright: Simone Castello. You can embed this file on your website or blog but not change it.Photos: Wikimedia, OM Times, Ben Terrett, Brian Gratwicke, SilentMode

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